Girlfriend (ex now I guess) has been spying on me...

[lowfreq]

Been dating someone for roughly the past six months, and up until a few weeks ago things were going ok. I didn't think she was "the one" but things were overall fairly positive and we enjoyed each others company.

Than roughly 2-3 weeks ago things got a little weird.

I gave her a key to my house so she could let my dog out when Im not at home, and also gave her access to the doggy cam which is in my bedroom (dog crate is in there also) so she could check if there are any issues while I am at work.

It was all pretty much on the honor system, however I've since realized the following:

1) She's logging into the camera when she knows that I am at home, presumably to check up on me. This is despite her initially saying she wouldn't do so and would consider it an invasion of my privacy if she did that, but here she is logging in when I am home and checking up. I don't really have anything to hide, but it's the principal of the thing. Usually I'd have the camera off when home since, but I've forgotten a few times apparently. Who knows how often she's tried to access it when it's off.

2). I've apparently failed to screen lock my computer when I left home a couple of times, and she's gone through emails, texts..etc..apparently looking for evidence of me cheating. I have not. She did see old texts from previous girlfriends that pre-date our dating and flipped her **** to some extant, but calmed down once I showed her the date stamps of some of the messages. Again, nothing to hide..it's the principal of the thing.

Now the real red flag (if the above two aren't enough) is the fact that she gets insanely jealous/suspicious of other women that I've been friends with for years, all of whom are co-workers, married and whom I've known for 15 years at this point. Any conversation, even work related I have with these women is a point of contention...It's actually rather weird and disturbing.

Thoughts?

 

[Apple_Robert]

I would get the house lock changed, as well as changing the password for your doggie cam, and any email accounts / phone account she may have had access to.

I wouldn’t have given a girlfriend the key to my home etc. if I didn’t think she was the “one.” And even if one believes that, there is still no guarantee something won’t go sour.

 

[pshufd]

Been dating someone for roughly the past six months, and up until a few weeks ago things were going ok. I didn't think she was "the one" but things were overall fairly positive and we enjoyed each others company.

Than roughly 2-3 weeks ago things got a little weird.

I gave her a key to my house so she could let my dog out when Im not at home, and also gave her access to the doggy cam which is in my bedroom (dog crate is in there also) so she could check if there are any issues while I am at work.

It was all pretty much on the honor system, however I've since realized the following:

1) She's logging into the camera when she knows that I am at home, presumably to check up on me. This is despite her initially saying she wouldn't do so and would consider it an invasion of my privacy if she did that, but here she is logging in when I am home and checking up. I don't really have anything to hide, but it's the principal of the thing. Usually I'd have the camera off when home since, but I've forgotten a few times apparently. Who knows how often she's tried to access it when it's off.

2). I've apparently failed to screen lock my computer when I left home a couple of times, and she's gone through emails, texts..etc..apparently looking for evidence of me cheating. I have not. She did see old texts from previous girlfriends that pre-date our dating and flipped her **** to some extant, but calmed down once I showed her the date stamps of some of the messages. Again, nothing to hide..it's the principal of the thing.

Now the real red flag (if the above two aren't enough) is the fact that she gets insanely jealous/suspicious of other women that I've been friends with for years, all of whom are co-workers, married and whom I've known for 15 years at this point. Any conversation, even work related I have with these women is a point of contention...It's actually rather weird and disturbing.

Thoughts?

My dating was in the 1970s and 1980s, before the age of the internet and before most people had access to the internet or knew how to use surveillance technology. So I don't have any experience with this; at least not to my knowledge. Dating seems to be a lot harder in this century compared to the last century.

 

[Expos of 1969]

You should run, not walk away from her. Things will never be good with someone with those jealousy issues. You have only invested 6 months of a lifetime with her. Don't look back, safeguard your home and data and dog and be thankful you are moving on. Lots of good and sane women out there so all the best.

 

[0128672]

She has problems you don't need in your life. Change your locks and passwords, add two-factor authentication, and have no contact with her. There's plenty of people out there worthy of your trust, so stay hopeful.

 

[Lee_Bo]

Two words:

There has to be trust in the relationship. Sounds like there isn’t any.

 

[pshufd]

For some reason, Fatal Attraction comes to mind.

 

[VulchR]

There are two possibilities: One, she has detected in you something (e.g., wandering eyes) that genuinely indicates you are interested in other women or, two, she is paranoid at some level. Neither bode well. Just my two cents.

 

[Absrnd]

Been dating someone for roughly the past six months, and up until a few weeks ago things were going ok. I didn't think she was "the one" but things were overall fairly positive and we enjoyed each others company.

Than roughly 2-3 weeks ago things got a little weird.

I gave her a key to my house so she could let my dog out when Im not at home, and also gave her access to the doggy cam which is in my bedroom (dog crate is in there also) so she could check if there are any issues while I am at work.

It was all pretty much on the honor system, however I've since realized the following:

1) She's logging into the camera when she knows that I am at home, presumably to check up on me. This is despite her initially saying she wouldn't do so and would consider it an invasion of my privacy if she did that, but here she is logging in when I am home and checking up. I don't really have anything to hide, but it's the principal of the thing. Usually I'd have the camera off when home since, but I've forgotten a few times apparently. Who knows how often she's tried to access it when it's off.

2). I've apparently failed to screen lock my computer when I left home a couple of times, and she's gone through emails, texts..etc..apparently looking for evidence of me cheating. I have not. She did see old texts from previous girlfriends that pre-date our dating and flipped her **** to some extant, but calmed down once I showed her the date stamps of some of the messages. Again, nothing to hide..it's the principal of the thing.

Now the real red flag (if the above two aren't enough) is the fact that she gets insanely jealous/suspicious of other women that I've been friends with for years, all of whom are co-workers, married and whom I've known for 15 years at this point. Any conversation, even work related I have with these women is a point of contention...It's actually rather weird and disturbing.

Thoughts?

You should sit her down and have a serious conversation about her behaviour.
Tell her you (like/love/like having her around- pick one), and it is not cool her logging into the camera's and going through your personal computer.
Let her explain why she is doing it, you might be surprised by the answer.
if she reacts very angry and act jealous, and not trusting you even talking about female colleges at work, you will have to tell her she must change her behaviour, and that a relationship is based on trust, and you can't continue her doing that.
This is also a very importand learning experience, especially when you are young (I don't know your age)
It could really just be her own insecurity, en you can also help with that, and tell her, her jealous behaviour is damaging your relationship.

If after that, she still will act the same and not cool down, you got 2 options:
- Tell her again you (like/love/like having her around- pick one) but it has got to stop right now.
- End it now, before it gets really messy, and she's has control of all your devices and ****, that can cause revenge on all your stuff, when it goes sour later on.

Even if the relationship goes on, remember her yealous tendency, and protect your computers / phones and other stuff that has important accounts, that it can still blow up, and jealous partners can be very vengeful.

 

[drdudj]

there's too much bs in the outside world, you don't need it in your's. ask her to come over, have her hand over the keys and anything else she has that is your's and kick her to the curb. she doesn't trust you, she's proven that, and you will never trust her from this point on.

 

[Airforcekid]

Leave her now this isn't healthy behavior and wont get better. I have had to deal with this the other way around with guys first they don't respect your privacy then they want control of your entire life and blame you for being too flirty etc. for doing normal things like saying "good morning" on a work email to male colleagues and eventually it can escalate to physical abuse.

 

[ucfgrad93]

Like others, I believe it is time to say adios to her. Her behavior is unacceptable.

 

[AngerDanger]

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, OP. You need to stage increasingly grand acts of betrayal until she finally has to confess to spying.

 

[decafjava]

I'm not gonna sugarcoat it, OP. You need to stage increasingly grand acts of betrayal until she finally has to confess to spying.

Best answer. Or you know, just change locks, two-factor etc. and adios to Ms. Cray Cray.

 

[circatee]

Sorry for your experience. Like others have said, change all passwords, use a password manager (1Password, LastPass, Bitwarden, etcetera), and merely move on.

If anything, you will learn from this experience, and consider handing over a key differently, the next time.

 

[Khalanad75]

If you honestly don't feel she is the one, then yes, this should be the end.

But, be a grown up, and explain to her exactly why. It might be crappy at the time, but it might allow her to do some introspection and right herself for the future.

 

[iterva]

Already said but can't be said enough...Change your door lock and passwords and run fast and far away from her. Life is too short.

Best of luck to you!

 

[pshufd]

I have a friend who was trying online dating about 15 years ago. He was very well-off, athletic, and ... short. He said that all of the women want someone 6'2" or taller. They all post pictures that are 20 years old. And most of the women are either psycho or they have kids and are looking for a rich guy to take care of them. I didn't really understand what he meant about the psycho part and he didn't care to explain.

Maybe this lady is a bit on the psycho side.

 

[44267547]

She’s proven she is insecure and can’t be trusted. When you say ‘insanely jealous’, I don’t know what that means or how that act is carried out, but the jealous part is probably something that will never go away, maybe because she’s been cheated on the past or has dealt with infidelity, etc. The aftermath of someone who can’t control their emotions when it comes to jealousy because you have ‘lady friends’ for over 15 years, is something you’re probably going to always have to deal with.

If you think you can sit down and work the details out on how to be constructive from this point forward with her, then great. If not, then you need to sever ties, so it doesn’t affect any other stages of your life.

 

[Mousse]

Dating seems to be a lot harder in this century compared to the last century.

Indeed. Used to be we (I mean dudes) would look for dates at department stores/malls. And why not? Most women going to those places are already looking for something useless. What's one more?🙃 Amirite?

Anyhow, back on topic. No relationship can function without trust. She has shown signs of not trusting you and now you have concerns about trusting her. As others have suggested: EOL this relationship.

 

[Apple_Robert]

I have a friend who was trying online dating about 15 years ago. He was very well-off, athletic, and ... short. He said that all of the women want someone 6'2" or taller. They all post pictures that are 20 years old. And most of the women are either psycho or they have kids and are looking for a rich guy to take care of them. I didn't really understand what he meant about the psycho part and he didn't care to explain.

Maybe this lady is a bit on the psycho side.

What your friend experienced is still happening a lot (unfortunately) especially with many ladies using old pictures and looking for financial salvation.

 

[Apple_Robert]

Indeed. Used to be we (I mean dudes) would look for dates at department stores/malls. And why not? Most women going to those places are already looking for something useless. What's one more?🙃 Amirite?

Anyhow, back on topic. No relationship can function without trust. She has shown signs of not trusting you and now you have concerns about trusting her. As others have suggested: EOL this relationship.

Ah, the good ole mall days (Fast Times at Ridgemont High). I may have been useless in my teen years but, at least I wasn't sad and pathetic. I had teen hope.

 

[The-Real-Deal82]

Been dating someone for roughly the past six months, and up until a few weeks ago things were going ok. I didn't think she was "the one" but things were overall fairly positive and we enjoyed each others company.

Than roughly 2-3 weeks ago things got a little weird.

I gave her a key to my house so she could let my dog out when Im not at home, and also gave her access to the doggy cam which is in my bedroom (dog crate is in there also) so she could check if there are any issues while I am at work.

It was all pretty much on the honor system, however I've since realized the following:

1) She's logging into the camera when she knows that I am at home, presumably to check up on me. This is despite her initially saying she wouldn't do so and would consider it an invasion of my privacy if she did that, but here she is logging in when I am home and checking up. I don't really have anything to hide, but it's the principal of the thing. Usually I'd have the camera off when home since, but I've forgotten a few times apparently. Who knows how often she's tried to access it when it's off.

2). I've apparently failed to screen lock my computer when I left home a couple of times, and she's gone through emails, texts..etc..apparently looking for evidence of me cheating. I have not. She did see old texts from previous girlfriends that pre-date our dating and flipped her **** to some extant, but calmed down once I showed her the date stamps of some of the messages. Again, nothing to hide..it's the principal of the thing.

Now the real red flag (if the above two aren't enough) is the fact that she gets insanely jealous/suspicious of other women that I've been friends with for years, all of whom are co-workers, married and whom I've known for 15 years at this point. Any conversation, even work related I have with these women is a point of contention...It's actually rather weird and disturbing.

Thoughts?

I’d be calling it a day on that relationship mate before you get any deeper. She sounds very insecure and you could end up getting physically hurt. She’s obviously got serious trust issues from her past but personally I wouldn’t want to get involved in that. I’d get the locks changed and also change the password for that camera with immediate effect

 

[firedept]

Run. Run fast. Run very fast!!! You have seen the signs and it won’t get better.

 

[Apple fanboy]

Several people have suggested you change your locks. I wouldn’t. I’d change my address! Sounds like a nightmare.
Move. Block her on the socials and change your number.
I’d consider a different city or state. Otherwise you’ll be on a date with your next girlfriend and you’ll find her sat at the next table in the restaurant.
I fear for your dog’s safety.