Girlfriend (ex now I guess) has been spying on me...

[44267547]

Part of me feels is not respectable to tell the OP that he should leave his significant other, because we don’t know all the details regarding this matter and how involved he really is with her. I do think though, there’s some really good points raised that there is a 1.)trust issue and sounds like 2.) She is fairly possessive. But I think the OP is the only one that needs to make a sound decision without Community influence, that if he doesn’t want to be with his partner, the onus is on him, without others giving directives.

I realize the OP is asking for feedback, which there is plenty of that, but only he knows if this relationship should be continued or not.

 

[Expos of 1969]

Part of me feels is not respectable to tell the OP that he should leave his significant other, because we don’t know all the details regarding this matter and how involved he really is with her. I do think though, there’s some really good points raised that there is a 1.)trust issue and sounds like 2.) She is fairly possessive. But I think the OP is the only one that needs to make a sound decision without Community influence, that if he doesn’t want to be with his partner, the onus is on him, without others giving directives.

I realize the OP is asking for feedback, which there is plenty of that, but only he knows if this relationship should be continued or not.

Of course it is his decision. But his last comment was "Thoughts?". So we presented our thoughts. If he is easily influenced by random internet posters and dumps his girlfriend because we told him to but he doesn't really want to, he then has bigger issues than this woman and needs to address them. So I disagree that we have not been respectable. But hey, that is just my personal opinion.

 

[44267547]

Of course it is his decision. But his last comment was "Thoughts?". So we presented our thoughts. If he is easily influenced by random internet posters and dumps his girlfriend because we told him to but he doesn't really want to, he then has bigger issues than this woman and needs to address them. So I disagree that we have not been respectable. But hey, that is just my personal opinion.

You missed the point. It’s not that you’re not being directly respectable in terms of your delivery, it’s some of the comments made are not necessarily respectable on the direction to take indirectly. Two different points.

I read the OP‘s opening post and the other posts in this thread, and I already knowledged there’s some valid points made about trust and being possessive. But my point was [And still is], I don’t think it’s in anyone’s right to tell someone to ‘leave her’, when that’s no one’s place to do that on an Internet forum when we all don’t know the entirety of the situation. Some have offered opinions how to rectify the issue, others provided constructive feedback in terms of alternative options. I’m not saying the OP can’t make a decision based on their own standing, but I just don’t think it’s appropriate to say ‘leave her.’ Just sayin.

 

[Expos of 1969]

You missed the point. It’s not that you’re not being directly respectable in terms of your delivery, it’s some of the comments made are not necessarily respectable on the direction to take indirectly. Two different points.

I read the OP‘s opening post and the other posts in this thread, and I already knowledged there’s some valid points made about trust and being possessive. But my point was [And still is], I don’t think it’s in anyone’s right to tell someone to ‘leave her’, when that’s no one’s place to do that on an Internet forum when we all don’t know the entirety of the situation. Some have offered opinions how to rectify the issue, others provided constructive feedback in terms of alternative options. I’m not saying the OP can’t make a decision based on their own standing, but I just don’t think it’s appropriate to say ‘leave her.’ Just sayin.

I did not miss the point. I was one of those who told him to leave her and to do it quickly. I certainly feel I had a right to do so as the OP was looking for advice. You and I disagree and that is fine.

 

[44267547]

I was one of those who told him to leave her and to do it quickly.

Right, I read your post(s), I already acknowledgd that twice now. I think it’s disrespectful for telling somebody ‘to leave’ from a digital stranger on the Internet, regardless of ‘Thoughts’. But we can agree to disagree. There’s no dispute that trust and privacy are problems here, but in the end, there’s probably way more that we don’t know, because there is two sides to every story.

Some of the other posts were more constructive in terms of how to handle this. But that’s just my take.

 

[Ifti]

This sounds like it could be made into a movie.....

 

[Expos of 1969]

Right, I read your post(s), I already acknowledgd that twice now. I think it’s disrespectful for telling somebody ‘to leave’ from a digital stranger on the Internet, regardless of ‘Thoughts’. But we can agree to disagree. There’s no dispute that trust and privacy are problems here, but in the end, there’s probably way more that we don’t know, because there is two sides to every story.

Some of the other posts were more constructive in terms of how to handle this. But that’s just my take.

This is a tech site on the internet, not a Harley Street relationship counselling site...

 

[Apple fanboy]

Personally I’d never ask anyone for relationship advice. I’d do what I felt I needed to or wanted to.
If I was to ask for advice, it would be from trusted friends who have witnessed what both parties are like together.
But what do I know? I met Mrs AFB 26 years ago. We’ve been married 24.

 

[nicho]

Right, I read your post(s), I already acknowledgd that twice now. I think it’s disrespectful for telling somebody ‘to leave’ from a digital stranger on the Internet, regardless of ‘Thoughts’. But we can agree to disagree.

Ordinarily, I'd agree... but I wonder if you read words 2-5 of the title?

 

[fischersd]

I've had a stalker once (we dated for a few weeks, then she stalked me for six months). Sometime crazy can be fun (why is it all of them tend to be REALLY fun in bed?!) - but you never want them moving in with you - and never give them a key. (hell, if you can avoid them getting your home address, even better).

Remove her access to the cam.

If you rent, I'd start apartment hunting and make sure that she's busy elsewhere on your moving weekend (and leave strict instructions with your landlord not to share your forwarding address). If you own, definitely change the locks and end it (and contemplate moving - but you can wait and see how much cray cray comes out once you pull the plug on the relationship).

Good luck...hmm...and tell friends what you're doing. You know - so the police have a short suspect list.

 

[McScooby]

Stick with her & enjoy the ride, never a dull moment!👍

 

[bunnspecial]

I'd say that the advice "Leave her" isn't exactly out of line given that from the title the OP definitely is considering that as a strong option("ex now I guess").

BTW, if it were me and I thought it were worth trying to save the relationship I'd

1. Talk to her. Tell her that you know she's been doing it and that it needs to stop. At the same time, communication is a two way street. If she will tell you, find out if there's a specific reason why she felt the need to do it. Be ready to not like the answer, but I'd still say this is something you need to find out.

2. Remove the temptation. Change the password, change the locks, and do anything else to keep her from it.

3. There again, communicate and stress that if she has any reason to doubt you in the future, talk to you rather than getting sneaky.

That's just my two cents...

 

[Ifti]

If you are going to leave her over this, at least get another 'good night' out of her first.

 

[lowfreq]

thanks for all the replies.

It's going to be ending and I will be getting the keys back/changing the locks...

I don't have much else to say on this at the moment as it makes me rather sad.

 

[0128672]

thanks for all the replies.

It's going to be ending and I will be getting the keys back/changing the locks...

I don't have much else to say on this at the moment as it makes me rather sad.

I can understand feeling sad that something you put your time, energy and emotions into is ending. Maybe the saying that "when one door closes, another one opens" might be helpful here. There's no way around the pain of learning though except to try to do better next time. Here's to your next time.

 

[44267547]

thanks for all the replies.

It's going to be ending and I will be getting the keys back/changing the locks...

I don't have much else to say on this at the moment as it makes me rather sad.

Best of luck. There’s nothing more valuable then trust. From my standpoint, that’s the one term that can’t be violated in a relationship (Which could be with friends, family, co-workers or S.O’s). And when it is violated, It just can’t be rebuilt in the same structure from how it was in the beginning.

 

[Apple fanboy]

Trust in a relationship is very important. Mrs AFB and I both know each other’s passwords etc. But I never go checking her messages and emails. Why would I? I trust her 100% and the same goes for her. We have a joint bank account and we don’t have my money and her money. Everything is ours. Everything is shared.

To the OP hope you find the one next time. There are plenty of girls out there who won’t invade your privacy. Chalk it up to expensive, and put yourself out there when you feel ready.

 

[decafjava]

Trust in a relationship is very important. Mrs AFB and I both know each other’s passwords etc. But I never go checking her messages and emails. Why would I? I trust her 100% and the same goes for her. We have a joint bank account and we don’t have my money and her money. Everything is ours. Everything is shared.

To the OP hope you find the one next time. There are plenty of girls out there who won’t invade your privacy. Chalk it up to expensive, and put yourself out there when you feel ready.

This is the real best advice summarizing what others have said. I hope things go better for you OP.

 

[VulchR]

My dating was in the 1970s and 1980s, before the age of the internet and before most people had access to the internet or knew how to use surveillance technology. So I don't have any experience with this; at least not to my knowledge. Dating seems to be a lot harder in this century compared to the last century.

Clearly you never tried to date in New Jersey in the late 1980's...

 

[icanhazmac]

1) She's logging into the camera when she knows that I am at home, presumably to check up on me. This is despite her initially saying she wouldn't do so and would consider it an invasion of my privacy if she did that, but here she is logging in when I am home and checking up.

Sorry to hear that, its an unfortunate situation.

With that said I would have a little parting fun with this, write on a piece of paper "I know you have been watching and that is why you are now single!" and leave the paper in front of the camera.