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Girlfriend takes me over school!

tkepongo

tkepongo

macrumors regular
Original poster
Jul 31, 2007
102
0
Oregon State University
long story, short: my gf is putting me first over school. she always wants me to be there with her but i dont want to see her fail so i tell her to study for her tests when they come then she gets all moapy and starts saying "you always push me away"

what can i say that will make her get her act together?
 
tkepongo said:
long story, short: my gf is putting me first over school. she always wants me to be there with her but i dont want to see her fail so i tell her to study for her tests when they come then she gets all moapy and starts saying "you always push me away"

what can i say that will make her get her act together?
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Threaten to break up with her if she's not in the top 6 of her class at the end of the year.
It's for her own good.

(PS I'm a girl and she'll thank you when she's older and trying to get a job)
 
tkepongo said:
threaten to leave? i'll put that as plan B. Does anyone have any other solution?
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I'd put that as plan never to be used. If you start making threats like that it is a slippery slope and undermines the relationship if you ask me.

I would talk to her about how you view the current situation and try and convey why you "are pushing here away" but obviously don't phrase it like that. If possible try out tiredhorses idea.
 
Say... "I don't want to see you fail so I want you to concentrate on your school work and not so much me. I am not 'pushing you away', I love you soo much.

Something like that.;)

They don't call me "Prof" for no reason ;)
 
RHD said:
Threaten to break up with her if she's not in the top 6 of her class at the end of the year.
It's for her own good.

(PS I'm a girl and she'll thank you when she's older and trying to get a job)
Click to expand...

Hahahaha, eeeexcellent. Oh, how we love the meritocracy.
 
Prof. said:
Say... "I don't want to see you fail so I want you to concentrate on your school work and not so much me. I am not 'pushing you away', I love you soo much.

Something like that.;)

They don't call me "Prof" for no reason ;)
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yeah something like this.

or study with her. or really explain how this is somewhat upsetting you. or both.
 
tkepongo said:
i get all my studying finished at work during the day so... i cant really study with her at night since i got nothing to study
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Yeah I think the point is you can help her study her stuff. Not that I think that's a great deal for you.
 
tkepongo said:
long story, short: my gf is putting me first over school. she always wants me to be there with her but i dont want to see her fail so i tell her to study for her tests when they come then she gets all moapy and starts saying "you always push me away"

what can i say that will make her get her act together?
Click to expand...

Ummmmm... Just break up with her for being too needy. This is only going to get worse...
 
decksnap said:
Yeah I think the point is you can help her study her stuff. Not that I think that's a great deal for you.
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Yeah, it sucks for the OP. Especially if the OP does better than his gf in school, and there's always a presumption that he'll manage to pull through. That said, tutoring someone else can be fun--to an extent.
 
You should tell her that if she fails then she would never make it in life. BTW I'm not the greatest person to ask because my girlfriend is in the top ten at my high school. :)
 
Haha, when I saw this thread title in Forum Spy i thought it was going to be something about your GF flying you over your school in a helicopter or an airplane. Silly me.:eek:
 
tkepongo said:
threaten to leave? i'll put that as plan B. Does anyone have any other solution?
Click to expand...

Make that Plan C. RHD may be a girl, but that doesn't mean she's right.

I'm sorry, but making her feel as though you can leave her at any time -- at the snap of the finger -- is not the answer. If she thinks it's that easy for you to leave, then what you'll end up with are trust issues, a fear of losing you, a fear of you walking away, of you "pushing her away" ......all bad news.

She seems a bit (too) dependent on you, but is threatening to walk away the right way to treat a person who doesn't want to leave you? DUHHHHHHH..........

Just tell her, "Hey, you know what? I think we should either study together at the library, or study separately, but give ourselves 3 hours at night to spend time together."

That way, you'll still get your message across, but by suggesting that you still make time for each other, you're also not pushing her away.
 
Prof. said:
That is the worst advice I have ever heard.:eek:
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Why?

While I was joking when I chimed in about breaking up with her, I think herr_neumann has a point. No, don't go and break things off with her right this instant, but there appear to be some larger issues at work here. If she wants to be around you so much that her school work is taking a hit, there's a problem. Maybe she feels like you don't give her enough attention or something. Whatever it is, it doesn't look like it's about school. I'd just sit her down and talk to her and find out what the real issue is. Give her affirmation that you love her and want to be around her as much as possible, but make it clear that her school work should always come first. Or if she's not easily distracted, offer to come over with your laptop (if you have one) and just sit around on your computer or watch tv while she works. That way she gets her work done and you are still there with her.
 
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