Get addicted to online games or heroin or something and forget about her and everything else. She'll come crawling back the second you stop caring, but you won't care. At least you'll have gotten the upper hand with her! Deep thoughts.
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Girls are so confusing
- Thread starter DMBman
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Some girls may be confusing, but in this case, it's pretty clear.
She has done everything *just* short of telling you that there's no future. That's a hard conversation to have, and it's been easier for her until now, (and including now) to put it off or slightly placate you enough to avoid the conversation any further. Maybe she wants a friend, it's likely that she in some ways just likes the confidence of having someone else on a string. I'd give her the same advice I'd give you: Enthusiastically pursue the things in life that make you the happiest, and realize that the people you choose to associate yourself with should make you feel good, and make you feel good about yourself. All three of these seem to not include her.
She has done everything *just* short of telling you that there's no future. That's a hard conversation to have, and it's been easier for her until now, (and including now) to put it off or slightly placate you enough to avoid the conversation any further. Maybe she wants a friend, it's likely that she in some ways just likes the confidence of having someone else on a string. I'd give her the same advice I'd give you: Enthusiastically pursue the things in life that make you the happiest, and realize that the people you choose to associate yourself with should make you feel good, and make you feel good about yourself. All three of these seem to not include her.
Listen: There are two kinds of girls, those that you love to love and those that you hate to love.
This sounds like the kind of girl that you hate to love. You love her, but it's painful. The highs are super high and the lows are really low. When it's good, there's nothing better, but when it's bad, there's nothing worse. One night she'll let you screw her in the restaurant bathroom while her parents are sitting at the table, the next night, she won't even let you hold her hand. You get the picture. These are the kind of girls that artists and musicians love. They're mysterious and inspiring. One minute you're writing them a song and the next minute your cutting off your ear. You put them on a pedestal. They have all of the power in the relationship.
Forget about this chick, and find yourself a girl that you love to love. A girl who makes it easy, tells you what she wants. Who knows what she wants in life and knows how to get it. Sure, the highs may not be so high, but let me tell you, the lows won't be that low if there even are any lows, and so overall, the relationship will be much more rewarding. She won't be in control and neither will you. The relationship will be one of equals. There may not be any mystery, but who needs that. She'll let you be yourself, and you won't have to try to live up to an impossible paradigm. It will be more fun and, after all, fun is what's most important in life.
I've been with both kinds, and there's really no comparison. Drop this crazy chick and find somebody better.
This sounds like the kind of girl that you hate to love. You love her, but it's painful. The highs are super high and the lows are really low. When it's good, there's nothing better, but when it's bad, there's nothing worse. One night she'll let you screw her in the restaurant bathroom while her parents are sitting at the table, the next night, she won't even let you hold her hand. You get the picture. These are the kind of girls that artists and musicians love. They're mysterious and inspiring. One minute you're writing them a song and the next minute your cutting off your ear. You put them on a pedestal. They have all of the power in the relationship.
Forget about this chick, and find yourself a girl that you love to love. A girl who makes it easy, tells you what she wants. Who knows what she wants in life and knows how to get it. Sure, the highs may not be so high, but let me tell you, the lows won't be that low if there even are any lows, and so overall, the relationship will be much more rewarding. She won't be in control and neither will you. The relationship will be one of equals. There may not be any mystery, but who needs that. She'll let you be yourself, and you won't have to try to live up to an impossible paradigm. It will be more fun and, after all, fun is what's most important in life.
I've been with both kinds, and there's really no comparison. Drop this crazy chick and find somebody better.
Would you believe it? When I read the post to which you replied, THIS VERY SONG was exactly what came to mind. Then I saw your post...
I feel like I've been rick-rolled in my brain.
Sometimes people have a hard time confronting other people about drunken behavior, later on when everyone is sober. And yet it can be an obstacle to continuing a relationship, even after apologies are offered.
You don't say how bad was the message you left her when you were drunk.
We DEFINITELY don't need to know the details
Just please ask yourself how happy you'd be if she had got drunk instead of you, and left you an inappropriate message on your answering machine.
If you are honest, and if your answer is "Extremely flippin' unhappy" then you may have a handle on why she's having trouble making up her mind about you.
She might really be wanting to bail out but doesn't feel comfortable saying that it's about alcohol-related behavior, if that is the main issue. In that case, you might as well break it off and save her the trouble. She's not the only girl on the planet, as others have noted, and so it could be time to move on.
Just learn from the mistake and next time skip the phoning-while-drunk routine. Any phone call to a girlfriend whom you were not with on some occasion while you were drinking will probably go better in the morning, after some sleep and some breakfast have shored up your common sense. Better luck the next time
You don't say how bad was the message you left her when you were drunk.
We DEFINITELY don't need to know the details
Just please ask yourself how happy you'd be if she had got drunk instead of you, and left you an inappropriate message on your answering machine.
If you are honest, and if your answer is "Extremely flippin' unhappy" then you may have a handle on why she's having trouble making up her mind about you.
She might really be wanting to bail out but doesn't feel comfortable saying that it's about alcohol-related behavior, if that is the main issue. In that case, you might as well break it off and save her the trouble. She's not the only girl on the planet, as others have noted, and so it could be time to move on.
Just learn from the mistake and next time skip the phoning-while-drunk routine. Any phone call to a girlfriend whom you were not with on some occasion while you were drinking will probably go better in the morning, after some sleep and some breakfast have shored up your common sense. Better luck the next time
I agree with the poster who said you are coming off way too needy. I mean, just from reading your post you sound like a BIG time wuss. How do you expect a girl to be attracted to a guy who has as little confidence as you? It's really unattractive.
You put this girl on a pedestal and worship her. It's creepy. The first thing you need to do is realize that this girl is NOT that important to you. If you don't end up together, that's great -- you'll find another girl who's better than her.
But if you sit around all the time crying like a wimp, you won't get her or any other girl for that matter.
You put this girl on a pedestal and worship her. It's creepy. The first thing you need to do is realize that this girl is NOT that important to you. If you don't end up together, that's great -- you'll find another girl who's better than her.
But if you sit around all the time crying like a wimp, you won't get her or any other girl for that matter.
If you called my daughter (ok, ok, grand-daughter), drunk, and verbally abused her, I would tell her to get the hell away from you, PDQ.
I reading possessive all over this OP's first post.
I reading possessive all over this OP's first post.
Girls are not now nor have they ever been confusing.
It's actually ridiculously simple. Think of what you want. Would you want someone to call you, drunk, and leave stupid messages? No. So don't do that. Would you be offput by someone being extremely clingy and keeping tabs on you, as it were? Yes. So, again, don't do that.
Think "if someone were acting like this around me, would I find it attractive?" Whatever the answer, nine times out of ten, it's going to be her answer too. If it isn't, then it's not because she's a girl and therefor confusing, it's either because a) your personalities don't mesh or b) you don't have any idea what you're doing.
A little objective reasoning will solve just about anything.
It's actually ridiculously simple. Think of what you want. Would you want someone to call you, drunk, and leave stupid messages? No. So don't do that. Would you be offput by someone being extremely clingy and keeping tabs on you, as it were? Yes. So, again, don't do that.
Think "if someone were acting like this around me, would I find it attractive?" Whatever the answer, nine times out of ten, it's going to be her answer too. If it isn't, then it's not because she's a girl and therefor confusing, it's either because a) your personalities don't mesh or b) you don't have any idea what you're doing.
A little objective reasoning will solve just about anything.
Clearly neither of you are mature enough for this type of relationship let alone be in love. She is clearly messing with you and you appear to be slightly overbearing as someone had previously mentioned.
Yes, girls are confusing just like boys but that is just life. Neither of you seem to know how to handle yourselves.
Just an observation.
Yes, girls are confusing just like boys but that is just life. Neither of you seem to know how to handle yourselves.
Just an observation.
Love, shmove.
Sounds like you're infatuated and you should probably regroup and try being happy with and by yourself. If it's meant to work out, it will. If not, you'll need to learn from this and not be so needy & overbearing with your next "love."
You can't make someone love you simply because you think you love them.
Sounds like you're infatuated and you should probably regroup and try being happy with and by yourself. If it's meant to work out, it will. If not, you'll need to learn from this and not be so needy & overbearing with your next "love."
You can't make someone love you simply because you think you love them.
It really, really is. That said, I would not offer it as advice to this young man.
Hah, I thought the same thing. I mean, of all the sites on the internet? "God damn it, I need to register at the Mac Rumors forums so they can help me sort this out."
from personal past experiences that i've had with guys, she is just beating around the bush. it sounds like you guys have no future. that sounds really harsh and everything, but I've been in similar situations, and usually i've acted that way because i didn't want to hurt their feelings and be blunt about things. BUT, even though right now it's likely you have no future together, its more likely to work if you act like you don't care and give her some space...she will come crawling back!
good luck!
ps, I am a girl and even I think we're confusing, so don't feel bad...I guess?
good luck!
ps, I am a girl and even I think we're confusing, so don't feel bad...I guess?
You are right, girls are so confusing. But she probably thinks you are confusing as well. First off you can't be paranoid when she doesn't return your call. I used to be rather paranoid the first go around I had with the girl I am currently with before we broke up and got back together. If I called and she didn't call back or if she told me she was going to call and didn't call I would assume something was up. This obviously caused problem. You have to give her some space and let her be her own person when she wants you or needs you she will let you know.
As for the things you said on the phone while drunk, if she understood you she would know that maybe it wasn't really you and she would have fully forgiven you. Or maybe all in all her reasoning for putting you off and telling you she would talk with you later is that she has doubts about the relationship. I wish that women were 100% honest and would come right out and say whatever (even if it might be hurtful) but generally they just pussyfoot around the issue (though guys are guilty of that too).
Looks to me though that is time to move on. You might feel hurt in the end if you do, if you really love this girl as much as you say you do; however, the hurt will go away when you find someone that wants to talk to you and be with you as much as you want to talk to them and be with them.
Good luck...
If you really want this girl to come crawling to you, go out and pick up a girl who is better looking than her. After that, she'll be yours (if you still want her, which I doubt -- you aren't "in love").
Best bit of advice I have read on the intertubes. There is a whole book in those two lines.
My postizzle will have better grammizzle then your postshizzle!
I (usually) hold women in the highest regard, for if every one of them decided to deny men sex, there would be no mankind.
However, I've also been the girls that you "Love to Love" and "Hate to Love", and just about everything in between, and I can say for 42.24% certainty that this girl is just messing with you. It's probably a lost cause.
As my good friend Eric Piercey best put it;
Ok, so I never met Eric before, but the advice is sound. Only, do World of Warcrack instead of Heroin, it's cheeper
Oh, and don't do what I once did, and tell yourself that there's hope where there isn't. I did that once, and about a year later (that's 8760 hours of Diablo II) I was no better off then I was when I first lied to myself... but I was damn good at Diablo
Get out of this relationship. You're not very good at this, and it's probably in your best interest to not be in any sort of relationship.
DMBman is Digging a Ditch, and Lying in his Grave.
and no DMB, just no...
DMBman is Digging a Ditch, and Lying in his Grave.
Rookies... Long distance is not easy. Also it is not like 3 hours is that bad. Easy distance for day trip. Start upping that to 5-6 hours than it starts getting into the weekend trip zone.
You can keep upping it to the point where with the girl I am dating she is currently 2 times zones away from me (not even with in range of a weekend trip by air and lets not forget the 700 buck plane ticket)
People forget to call back. I know I have a tendancy to have things slip my mind. Phone calls being quite common for me. You need to understand things come up to make it difficult.
Is it easy no. Like I said I am in a long distance one right now and I can feel the strain on the relationship. It may end because of it at some point. I dont know. It under a huge stress but it is not like 3 hours is that bad. Go drive and see her on a Saturday or better yet drive up on a Friday night and head back Sunday.
You can keep upping it to the point where with the girl I am dating she is currently 2 times zones away from me (not even with in range of a weekend trip by air and lets not forget the 700 buck plane ticket)
People forget to call back. I know I have a tendancy to have things slip my mind. Phone calls being quite common for me. You need to understand things come up to make it difficult.
Is it easy no. Like I said I am in a long distance one right now and I can feel the strain on the relationship. It may end because of it at some point. I dont know. It under a huge stress but it is not like 3 hours is that bad. Go drive and see her on a Saturday or better yet drive up on a Friday night and head back Sunday.
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