Girls who use you...

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by dontwalkhand, Mar 11, 2012.

  1. dontwalkhand, Mar 11, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2012

    dontwalkhand macrumors 601

    dontwalkhand

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2007
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    #1
    I am 22 years old, have a job, a car, and a place of my own. I have Asperger's Syndrome, I also walk weird, and I know I don't have a normal voice (if one were to listen to me, I sound like a bumbling monkey...because of this I prefer text messages over voice calls). I was picked on for this all throughout high school, but I didn't want to go to an alternative school for disabled children, instead, I just roughed it through normal school. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?

    I thought I found true love, someone to love me for who I am, and what exactly I am like. She didn't care about what I sounded like, she didn't care how I walk, how I talk, and what I do in certain social situations. She also would stand in the Apple line with me to purchase the (then new) iPhone 4 & iPad.

    My girlfriend has decided to become very shady, and her text messages went from love filled to one word answers. Recently I spent the night at her place, and she was great. However, in the morning, she seems very out of it. I had work at 8:30AM, so I woke up, and told her I had to leave, but i'll be back for her later that day. I had tickets to an event at 4PM, which I had her hold.

    I found out my vacant house had been broken into (I am not currently living there, as it is still in the process of being remodeled...nothing was taken, just a hole in the window), and I had to wait for the cops to come out. 3 hours later, an officer showed up and took down some information. Yaddy Yaddy yadda. It was only 3:30 after the whole debacle, and I managed to get the broken window boarded up. "Sweet" I thought to myself, I still had time to go with my wonderful girl, and spend time with her.

    I told her about the situation with the house, and she didn't even show a lick of compassion.

    She decided then to not respond to any of my messages and 5:30 rolled in. Worried as to something might have happened to her, I drove up to her apartment, and knocked. She answered, but then she was VERY shady. She claimed she was sick, but her hair was wet, and it seems like she was getting ready to go someplace. Her kisses were very off, and non-responsive (as before). She offered me the tickets back, but I declined them (would rather eat the cost then ever take something back from a girl). I just left her place and let her be.

    First message I got from her in the morning was "Did you come to my apt at 9AM?" and I said No, as I didn't..on Sundays I generally sleep until 11AM, and sometimes later.

    What do you guys think is happening here? I know I am different from other people, both in appearance, and personality...and to most it would be a turn off, I am sure. But to her, it was supposed to be wonderful (her words), but I just don't know. I just have a strong feeling she only wanted me for my money.

    I don't fit well in public, and I KNOW IT, but you know what? It is what makes me, ME, but unfortunately, the majority of the population doesn't see things in the same light, and that causes me a lot of frustration in a lot of social situations.

    Bottom line is...does my girlfriend really care about me? Or did she only want my money, and a free iPhone?
     
  2. mobilehaathi macrumors G3

    mobilehaathi

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2008
    Location:
    The Anthropocene
    #2
    The relationship may have run its course for her, and she may be having a hard time figuring out how to tell you. That wouldn't excuse stringing you along, but I don't see any evidence from this limited description that she is merely using you.
     
  3. daneoni macrumors G4

    daneoni

    Joined:
    Mar 24, 2006
    #3
    I dunno her but from your story (which may not be the real story)...the writing's on the wall.
     
  4. adnbek macrumors 65816

    adnbek

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2011
    Location:
    Montreal, Quebec
    #4
    Agreed. Sounds like her feelings simply changed. It sucks but it happens. I don't agree with the stringing along thing though. It may just be an uncomfortable discussion for her to have, so she's giving you less subtle hints instead. Perhaps you should start that conversation instead? Without being confrontational of course.

    Nothing points to her using you for money here. If money were her sole motivator here and your financial situation hasn't changed, she'd have no reason to become distant no?
     
  5. citizenzen macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2010
    #5
    I feel for you, but you don't need Asperbergers to have a woman **** on you.

    Men and women have been ******** on each other since time began.

    All I can say is that you'll know when the right one comes along. She won't treat you like this current one did.

    Keep your head up. You are so young. Love can and will find it's way if you're patient and open to it.
     
  6. mobilehaathi macrumors G3

    mobilehaathi

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2008
    Location:
    The Anthropocene
    #6
    Yeah, I didn't mean for it to sound like she is being malicious. It can be very hard to have that conversation.

    OP you need to have a talk with you GF. I hate to say I think the relationship is over, but you will surely love again. We've all been there.
     
  7. dontwalkhand thread starter macrumors 601

    dontwalkhand

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2007
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    #7
    I know it is over at this point, I just don't know how to break it to her. I know if it wasn't money, then it was just her having pity on me so she wants to spare me the bad news. I have been in relationships because the girl just didn't want me to feel bad or left out before...these don't ever last as long.
     
  8. mobilehaathi macrumors G3

    mobilehaathi

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2008
    Location:
    The Anthropocene
    #8
    Ahh dude you are being too hard on yourself. She surely was with you for reasons other than pity. It is hard to breakup with someone; she could be stalling to spare herself the pain as much as anything else.
     
  9. mrkramer macrumors 603

    mrkramer

    Joined:
    Jul 11, 2006
    Location:
    Somewhere
    #9
    I don't think it was just that she felt sorry for you. Maybe now she thinks not telling you that it is over is the nice thing to do. From what you've said it's clearly over, but I don't think it was her using you for your money or having pity on you. Don't be hard on yourself, her feelings just changed it sucks but it happens...
     
  10. adnbek macrumors 65816

    adnbek

    Joined:
    Oct 22, 2011
    Location:
    Montreal, Quebec
    #10
    Not necessarily out of pity. Like I said earlier, it may just be an uncomfortable thing for her to do. Unless one actually enjoys inflicting pain on others, breaking up with someone is never an easy thing to do.

    Sounds to me she's just avoiding it because she doesn't want to hurt you. She probably doesn't realize it's hurting you in a more protracted way by behaving the way she is. A unfortunately common mistake though. Most people don't realize that when it comes to relationships, the direct approach is a lot less aggravating and painful than being vague and/or dishonest.
     
  11. Rodimus Prime macrumors G4

    Rodimus Prime

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    #11
    From the sound of it I do not think it is about the money. Like others have said things may of just run their course. She not complete sure if she want to break up with you but close to it. Then its just breaking the bad news and having that convocation. No matter who it is with that is one convocation that sucks. I have been on both sides of it and no matter what it sucks. First you have to bring up the bad news and talk about it and what not.

    You may want to see her and bring up the topic and get the ball rolling. Do not be confrontational about it but bring it up. From their you all can go your seperate ways.

    She still really cares about you and chances are she still loves you in some ways so does not want to see you get hurt but at the same time feels it is over. Some times you can end things were you both of you can stay friends and trust one another other times no so much.
     
  12. pvmacguy macrumors 65816

    pvmacguy

    Joined:
    Sep 2, 2009
    Location:
    Jax
    #12
    Could she be on drugs? Sounds like her behavior she may be mixed up on some stuff. Also when you went over to her apartment after it looked like she was in the shower did you go in and see if maybe another guy was there? I would have.
     
  13. mobilehaathi macrumors G3

    mobilehaathi

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2008
    Location:
    The Anthropocene
    #13
    Talk about overly aggressive with no respect for her autonomy and privacy...
     
  14. dontwalkhand thread starter macrumors 601

    dontwalkhand

    Joined:
    Jul 5, 2007
    Location:
    Phoenix, AZ
    #14
    I just spoke with her, and I have seen sides of her that I haven't ever seen before. Nevertheless, the good side of things is that we both still want this relationship to work, and she needed to get things off of her chest that she didn't let out at the beginning. Time will tell down this road I guess. Thanks for all of your input guys, I appreciate all of it. I am glad I got an answer though. She is a very wonderful person, but she wasn't treated the greatest by others in other relationships.

    I try not to make a big deal out of my disabilities, as I haven't found it very disabling when living my life , and she has been very wonderful at making me live a life worth living, and that is something I didn't want to lose.
     
  15. acidfast7, Mar 11, 2012
    Last edited: Mar 11, 2012

    acidfast7 macrumors 65816

    acidfast7

    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2008
    Location:
    EU
    #15
    onward and upward.

    edit: also, I don't see how you're being "used" in this situation.
     

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