Guide to dating posh girls

niuniu

macrumors 68020
Original poster
The Oxford Student said:
A Guide to dating posh girls

Oxford is a melting pot of tastes, quirks and interests. A talent we all develop is to slice and dice people into certain categories in order to make sense of them, in order to pitch ourselves appropriately. Class, depressingly, remains the chief distinction. When it comes to finding a mate however, class differences throw up hilarious befuddlements for both sides. In the interests of averting mutual bafflement Cherwell brings you the Guide to Dating Posh Girls.



Meeting her parents

Contrary to expectation, her parents will be smashing. They’ll wine and dine you, take you to the theatre and maybe even abroad. Go on admit it, swallow your pride, her parents are lovely people. Sure, they’re viciously judging you but hold back the resentment – you’re doing exactly the same to them. Touché.



Meeting her friends

Posh Girls share everything with one another.

This makes meeting her friends difficult. Whilst the Spice Girls’ famous adage ‘if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends’ will bear you in great stead, it is devilishly difficult.

Posh Girls, ‘practically sisters’ since their years together in the boarding house, tell each other everything. Consequently they know more about your sex life than you do (and yes, this includes all the embarrassing cock-ups and habits she promised not to tell anyone). Relations between you and them will therefore embody all the warmth and intimacy of a court room.



Politics

Officially, it is very bad form to bring up politics. You’ll rarely hear the young lady mention something newsworthy and she will profess ignorance when you reference a current political controversy. Don’t be fooled however. Posh Girls can feign an apolitical apathy because their allegiances are a given, duh!

About 3 months in, the inner Tory will flash. Her godfather, it casually emerges, is a Cabinet minister. Or she’s leaving town for the evening to ‘have supper in the Lords’. From this point on, your ears become antennae, acutely aware to her every utterance, lacing it with meaning and innuendo.

Even if your sensibilities are centre-ground, be prepared to discover a socialist conscience. A passing mention of her grandfather, who leads to county hunt, will inexplicably lead to you embracing the Animal Rights lobby, disavowing meat and sponsoring a stray fox called Arthur. Beware, dating a Posh Girl has the same political effect as going to Port and Policy: it turns you into a raging lefty.



Travel

She will be exceedingly well travelled, having had the obligatory gap year in Thailand. In between the annual pilgrimages to Cloisters at Christmas and Cannes in summer, she will be frequenting the European capitals, visiting prep school pen pals and Pablo, her Barcelona tennis-camp coach.

Within her own country she remains firmly settled in the South. The furthest north she will have been is LMH and even that she found ‘a bit grim’.

If she does brave it and travels north to see you, be sensitive. As she disembarks the train, refrain from mocking her attire (wellingtons and a ski jacket – ‘but I thought it’d be freezing’) and instead congratulate her on having made it thus far. When driving her back to your place, it’s a good idea to make a detour past the local Waitrose. This will settle her down considerably.



Sex

She’ll have had a lot of it, way more than you. Do not believe any assertions to the contrary, she is massaging your fragile ego. Posh Girls lose their virginity at 15, often to the same floppy-haired bloke (remember, they share everything). She duly worked her way through the Eton rugby team before re-eloping with the same floppy-haired wanker on her gap year in Phuket.

Mercilessly, most of her past conquests will be at Oxford and you won’t be able to bust a move in Park End without bumping into one of them. Aesthetically he is a beautiful man: taller, broader, and handsomer than you will ever be. But Posh Girls can see past that right? (Ha!)



Getting dumped

This will happen. Prepare for the inevitable eventuality.

Suspicions, aroused by her indefatigable flirting, that she is cheating on you are wholly accurate. Take it on the chin. This was always her plan. You weren’t dumped, just duped.
Was originally on the Cherwell (Oxford Uni's weekly mag), but it was pulled after complaints. The younger publication 'The Oxford Student' then put it back up again.

I thought it was funny, and if Americans are wondering if this is satire - it's supposed to be, but it's going to be considered hilariously accurate (and why it got censored really).
 
A

AhmedFaisal

Guest
Was originally on the Cherwell (Oxford Uni's weekly mag), but it was pulled after complaints. The younger publication 'The Oxford Student' then put it back up again.

I thought it was funny, and if Americans are wondering if this is satire - it's supposed to be, but it's going to be considered hilariously accurate (and why it got censored really).
Don't know about Oxford but for Germany it certainly applies. Thankfully I have had to hear the woeful tales only from friends while i stayed wisely out of it. The law of the land is, only women marry up.
 

Happybunny

macrumors 68000
Sep 9, 2010
1,792
1,351
Was originally on the Cherwell (Oxford Uni's weekly mag), but it was pulled after complaints. The younger publication 'The Oxford Student' then put it back up again.

I thought it was funny, and if Americans are wondering if this is satire - it's supposed to be, but it's going to be considered hilariously accurate (and why it got censored really).

Looks like something Dodi Fayed should have read.:D
 

twietee

macrumors 603
Jan 24, 2012
5,296
1,545
I see water behind them but no ubiquitous Humber Bridge shot? They're not from these parts. :D
Hmmm, ok. I thought you were that light-skinned guy with the black shirt. Isn't your fantasy kit all-black, too? ;)
By the way, you do coach the dual-cores, don't you? Oh, it's cup-time isn't it? Have to check that out. Posh girls like the winner-type! (another great guide to date posh girl: always put on a winner-grinning, yeah like that one :D)
 

Carlanga

macrumors 604
Nov 5, 2009
7,012
1,291
umm interesting, behind every joke there is some truth...

Since I'm from the other side of the 'pond', I'm wondering why the posh girl dad would be a lefty and not a righty though? Is it because is in Oxford?