Guys Expressing Feelings?

[Carlanga]

I have noticed that the last few years I have not made almost any new guy friends and I have expanded my pool of girl friends to a bigger size. In HS, all my real friends were guys; in College it was a mixed group of people that we all hanged out & still do sometimes, from Med school fwd, 90% of new friends have tended to be females.

I love going out with female friends to do things, but sometimes is hard for me to express feelings, for example on Memorial Day I was invited to the beach with 2 smart & good looking female friends and we just talked, drinked and hanged out the whole day at the beach. At the end of the day, they told me they loved me and such and that I was the best (this is something most of my female friends say when they talk to me) and whatever else (I think the drinks helped); but the issue comes that, when woman tend to say nice things like that to me I don't say it back the way they want it, I just say things like on Monday at the beach: "I do too" and they basically told me why I was so uptight w/ my feelings... I know woman hate that, because I lived all my life up to med school in a house w/ 3 gen of females that to this day shows me lots of love. For me, is really hard to say nice things like that, is not that I don't want to say them, they just don't come out verbally? I do things instead, but women always prefer to hear it.

Now, I'm a single guy and I'm told I'm pretty good at flirting and talking to the opposite sex, but when it comes to expressing real emotions I'm not really good at it; I don't tend to open up. For me, this is a new thing, eating lunch or going out with just females and they are just so emotional outings compared to a guys or mixed night out...

I do kiss and hug my female friends, but should I say nice things like "I love you girls" and stuff like that? Is that what female friends expect to hear? Should I express verbal emotions the same way as if they are my girlfriend? What is your opinion on how a guy should express his feelings in this day & age?

 

[Abstract]

For me, is really hard to say nice things like that, is not that I don't want to say them, they just don't come out verbally? I do things instead, but women always prefer to hear it.

Who cares.

Girls generally express their feelings more, and guys generally don't. A man's brain is wired differently than a woman's (which has its upsides and downsides), so I don't understand the need to be more like one of their other girlfriends. You're not. You're a male friend, and they're your friend because they like how you are, so just continue being yourself --- a man --- and let it be.

If you believe that what they really want is a more effeminate friend, then perhaps they should make friends with another woman, or a more effeminate guy.

Now, I'm a single guy and I'm told I'm pretty good at flirting and talking to the opposite sex, but when it comes to expressing real emotions I'm not really good at it; I don't tend to open up.

See above.


And for what it's worth, I have lots of female friends, and I'm a fairly stereotypical guy. A day with me isn't The Notebook.

 

[Carlanga]

Who cares...And for what it's worth, I have lots of female friends, and I'm a fairly stereotypical guy. A day with me isn't The Notebook.

Well, since I have not seen "The Notebook" maybe you are more metro than me (hell, you even have pink font in your sig) It's been years since I have seen a chick flick... When I talk about friends on my post, I refer real friends not fb level friends. I'm a guys guy and not metro and my closeness has sometimes affected relationships and caused people being pissed off or crying; there must be a proper level no? One thing is being effeminate and another is being open w/ emotions?

 

[Abstract]

To me, describing a guy as "effeminate" doesn't only refer to his outward, superficial behaviour. It would also imply that this man likes to share his feelings more frequently.

And I don't know why you mentioned "real" friends, not FB friends. I had presumed you were referring to "real" friends.

I also don't understand what you meant by your closeness affecting relationships and made people angry, or cry. It's not clear at all.


And I've seen the last 30 minutes of "The Notebook". Really sad film, to be honest. Not sure if I'd sit through the entire thing, but I suppose I've suffered through worse (e.g. I went to the cinema and watched "She's Just Not That Into You" with my girlfriend).

 

[swingerofbirch]

Please don't tell me you're a psychiatrist . . .

 

[shinobi-81]

How a guy should express his feelings? Of this day and age? Depends on what kind of person you are and how you usually describe other things that happen around you.

If the way you express your feelings is not how the ladies want it, it's just as much their problem as it is yours. I assume you didn't do it caveman-style But if you learn to be aware of your own feelings and learn how to describe them to yourself, you may easier express them to others too.

 

[ComputersaysNo]

There's nothing wrong with how men express their feelings. Women just like to talk about how bad men are at expressing them. Like they like to talk about shoes or brownies, or cry when the titanic sinks.

 

[Carlanga]

Please don't tell me you're a psychiatrist . . .

Nope I do have one paper as 1st author on child psych though.

How a guy should express his feelings? Of this day and age?... I assume you didn't do it caveman-style But if you learn to be aware of your own feelings and learn how to describe them to yourself, you may easier express them to others too.

You assume right, not caveman, but not metro in my ways. I might try your strategy of learning to describe to myself my feelings.

There's nothing wrong with how men express their feelings. Women just like to talk about how bad men are at expressing them. Like they like to talk about shoes or brownies, or cry when the titanic sinks.

hahaha, perfect response!

 

[balamw]

MOD NOTE: Closed per OP's request.

B