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Hard to Get...(girl problem/advice needed)

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Sean7512

macrumors 6502a
Original poster
Jun 8, 2005
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Heres the story...

This girl, Beth, I met when I was a freshman in highschool. She is a year younger than me, so she was then in 8th grade. We started to date around a little bit in the summer, and then she asked to take me to her homecoming when she was a freshman (she went to another school from me). After homecoming, we slowly stopped talking, but I liked her a lot. It was too hard, because she lives about 20 min away from my house and neither of us could drive then and so on. I eventually got a girlfriend, and we dated for 2 and a half years (we just broke up this past december).

Now, I am ending my sophomore year in College and Beth is ending her freshman year in college (again, different schools). Right after my g/f and I broke up, I ran into Beth at the mall and we started to talk again, and let me say, she is gorgeous now! She has told me that she liked me and wanted to be my girlfriend, but she is still playing hard to get. For example, I'll call her and she'll immediately say "Can I call you back?" and then she'll end up texting me later on. She does call me a lot. We are going to see Spider-man 3 on saturday night and we are both very excited about it. Now, I really, really like this girl and I don't know how I should handle the movie. I want to kiss her, but I am not sure......Like I said, she has told me that she likes me a lot, but she is definitely playing hard to get right now and it is driving me NUTS, what should/can I do?

Thanks
 
Sean7512 said:
...what should/can I do?
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Nothing.

Or the more short-term painful option of just forgetting about her.

Sounds like trouble. Trust me on this. :)

:edit: Okay, I feel guilty for not saying more so I'll say a tiny bit more. She sounds like trouble for you. Yes there is history. But yes, there is also a hint that she doesn't necessarily care for you specifically. She cares that you care for her. She cares that you are interested in her. But if she really cared about and for you? I feel that she would place you higher (priority-wise) than just "texting" you later and calling when convenient.

But hell, it's ultimately your choice... but this is advice coming from a woman. Shrug. Do as you will. As I'm sure you will. :p
 
Sounds like a ho...

Besides that, I think you shouldn't put such emphasis on her just because she looks beautiful, although that's probably like the hardest thing to do. Although she says she wants to be with you, her action aren't showing it (from what you've told us).

Like Devi said, there's not much you can do.
 
hmmm....maybe I should be a lil clearer...

We got out all the time, we are together a lot, just about every day. When I had my ankle surgery in January, she came over and stayed with me for 2 days straight...even though I was in and out from the anesthetics. It just still feels like she is afraid of just being "boyfriend and girlfriend"...I mean, we practically are now, but its just not official... The tickets for saturday are already bought, so I definitely can't bail on it...
 
What has this place turned into a dating site. Don't touch her until you are both out of college.
 
MacNut said:
Don't touch her until you are both out of college.
Click to expand...

Or just don't touch her at all. I know I won't make that mistake again.
I had a similar situation plus some heavy petting, it got way outta hand for some reason. I don't care what other people say, we can't be friends after you touched my penis. Damn, now I wish I had actually said that to her instead of just ignoring her...:p
 
There's hard to get and there's plain old neurotic behaviour. I'd stay well clear.
 
I tried this hard to get BS on a girl once.

I did it wrong. All it did was annoy the crap out of her. I did just like she did, with the constantly 'call ya later' stuff. Then I started dating her conversation partner... but that's another story altogether.

Anyway, This girl kinda blew up on me the other night (which was kinda hot) telling me that she thinks I make a point of making girls jealous... why whatever do you mean dear?

My point is... hard to get works, if executed properly. It sounds like this girl might be going about it the wrong way. When it starts getting annoying/offensive, it's not fun anymore.

I wouldn't say start asking her questions like a whiny little girl, but don't fall into her trap of having all the control. Remember you're a man, and as such, you should take control of the situation. I'm not a misogynist, but that's what has worked for me so far.

Also, check this out.
 
i dunno id go to the movie and see how it goes. you say shes calls you alot and sometimes says can i call you back later. well i know sometimes i cant talk at the moment and it is nice getting a call or text later knowing they didnt blow you off in a sense.

part of me thinks you are over thinking everything. heck i know i do when i like a girl. just don't worry about it and see how it plays out

and dont be bummed if it doesnt either. easy to say of course lol
 
Gosh, you young people -- all this sounds a little immature, sorry.
How about some honest communication?

Fact is that neither you (nor anyone here on this forum) has any way of knowing how Beth really feels about you. She might secretly really like you and just be too shy to show it and cover it up with coolness, or she might be annoyed by your constant attention at this point.

The ONLY way to find out is to take your guts together, and ASK.
I know it's super hartd and a little embarrassing, but it's pretty much the only way if you really care about her and want to know how she feels. Don't ask *us*, ask *her*!

Decide for yourself if you'd like her to be your girlfriend. If yes, then after Spiderman 3 say something like "Beth, I had such a great time tonight, and I just like you a whole lot. We've done so much together -- do you think we should move towards romance, or keep it in the friendship territory? I think you're gorgeous and I'd love to kiss you, but I don't want to do anything you're not ready for. If you think friendship is more up your alley right now, that's ok, too. What do you think?".

And if you're not good at talking the love talk, but have decided for yourself that you're in love with Beth, well, then leaning over and trying to kiss her would also give you a pretty good idea of how receptive she is to your advances.

At least then you have a clear yes or no. If yes... go for it! If no, at least you're not wasting more time on her. Good luck!
 
Completely ignore her for 2 weeks and see what happens.Conveniently "cancel" the movie for some reason.
If she "likes you" she will cave and start to go after you.If she doesn't well there's other girls out there.
What would be an addition to the "met her later after high school" syndrome would be if she happens to be a Mac fan and is reading this topic.
 
Dude... just 'text' her a link to this post :cool:... she'll luuuuurve you for making her famous and Saturday will be bound to "go with a bang!"
 
true777 said:
How about some honest communication?
Click to expand...

You win the prize. Great post and suggestions.

Sean7512 - Relationships aren't built by being the one to "win" everything by being the last to play hard to get, they're built on trust and communication. Sure, you're likely not looking at the girl you're going to marry, but having been through a long-term relationship, surely you understand the importance of equality in a relationship.
 
Play "hard to get" back.

Stand her up this weekend. Call her the day of, and confirm that everything is still a go, then simply don't show up. Don't pick up your phone when she calls, but then call her the next morning asking why she never showed up. When she claims she was there, ask where she was sitting, then tell her you were sitting just a few rows back and didn't even notice her. Laugh about it, then ask her out on another date.

If she says yes, show up like normal and have fun.

If she says no, to hell with her. You don't want a girl who only gives you one chance with her.



Or, you know, just go and have fun, and try not to become p*ssy-whipped. I'm serious.
 
The only way to prove if someone IS playing hard to get is, as some have mentioned, to play hard to get right back.

Just make an excuse to not do something youve planned, just try not to make it something thats been planned for a long time otherwise, you breaking it off is proof you suck at keeping your word.


If you blow her off, and she makes the contact next, she DOES like you.

If you blow her off, and nothing happens until you contact her, she is just a BITCH.


There are all sorts of variables that can throw off this very scientific approach, but seriously, college is your LAST chance to meet n greet.

When you graduate the only people you will meet are those at your job, and if you go out regularly, those people.
 
Thanks everyone for their advice. I do have an update though..

Since I posted this, I have stopped responding to her via texts. Since then, she has called me 6 different times and she keeps leaving voicemails asking if I'm ok and why am i not answering her phone calls. Anyways, I will go to the movies tomorrow with her as planned and see what happens. If nothing, thats fine too, because no girlfriend = more time for school, hockey, and more money towards my iphone + macbook fund :D

Oh yeah....it would be nuts if she was a crazy mac fan and has been reading all along :p
 
Well, I'd say just to go along with it and act as if it's not affecting you in any way. Don't completely blank her... since you haven't been in touch for a while, send her a text or call or something and tell her you've been busy. Otherwise, you kind of seem like a jerk not getting back to her. I mean, you sound like you're interested...

Also, you know, it could be that you were always calling her at a bad time. I have family members who seem to have a sense of the worst time to call. They all think I'm avoiding them, but the fact is I really am busy... anyway, just a thought.
 
I can honestly tell you most of the advice in this thread is wrong.

Women ( honestly you're in college, they're not girls, they're women ) who play hard to get will always play hard to get. Here's what she's saying, "I like you, but I'm holding out for better."

It's best to forget about her in a romantic sense and find someone who at least has manners to return phone calls.

Truth is women are ****ed up and it's hard to know exactly what they're thinking. However, if she really wanted you would she be keeping you at a distance?

Either way she sounds like she needs to grow up just a bit. You two sound like you're at a different age mentally.
 
Need some advice on something. I met this girl on my universoty group on facebook a couple months ago and we had a real connection and liked each other quite a lot a couple days back she was ignoring me and I really hate it when people ignore me and so I said 'dunno what I've done but reply when you want whatever' and I get a message in the morning saying you freaked me out last night I don't want anytbing anymore which surprised me a lot because she was saying things to me like ' you're perfect and you actually have no flaws' today I talked to her and told her to stop acting immature and grow up as we were going to bed and then her final message was no don't speak to me no more. I sant advice on what I did wrong and what I should do now haha I'm so confused
 
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