Has anyone else come to the conclusion they are better off single?

[Gutwrench]

I am a better person when I am with someone that I support when they need me, and are there for me when I need them. I don't see how someone can be "better off" without that, unless they are either a) totally co-dependent in which case therapy or some other step needs to occur or b) easily manipulated and used, in which case their partner is a user and should be left. And people are not static, as in they change, grow, and fall with time and change. But there are good people out there, and compatible people as well. Just keep looking and have fun in the journey.

c) Hates everyone and every hates them.

 

[Ambrosia7177]

@lowfreq,

There is a reason why dogs are caleld "Man's best friend"...

I'd recommend a springer spaniel

or maybe a golden retriever.

(Ironically, you want a female dog...)


Good luck!!

 

[TSE]

c) Hates everyone and every hates them.

No such thing

 

[jbachandouris]

I've been married 20 years. It hasn't been easy and it hasn't always been great. I couldn't imagine being alone. It's strange enough when the house is empty....

 

[Gutwrench]

No such thing

Let me introduce myself. 😏

 

[TSE]

Let me introduce myself. 😏

I love you

 

[Gutwrench]

I love you

Just a cotton picking minute!

🙅🏼‍♂️

 

[avz]

I love you

"Capitalism."

 

[lowfreq]

Has it occurred to you that the problem might be you?

Now I realise this is an incendiary statement, but you having had numerous relationships, how come it's the same result every time? Maybe you get bored easily, set you standards too high or just don't want to put much work into things?

It took me a number of years before I realised that some crazy behaviour I saw from my partner at the time was actually a reflection back of my own unreasonable behaviour. Sure, they were unreasonable, but that was because I'd been an ar**hole in the first place. I changed my behaviour and now am in my longest ever relationship (by some margin).

Don't get me wrong, some folk are just plain crazy....but not all of them. The examples you gave of your current girlfriend do sound odd, but is there some signal from you that has made her feel so insecure? Do you play it too chill, not putting enough effort in and then acting surprised when she's becomes worried?

You speak about having a dog, but dogs are pack animals and rely on mutual reassurances. Ignore a dog and it will start acting up, crying, following you around everywhere etc. Maybe a 'oh so chill' cat would be better? 🙂

Anyway, good luck and hope you work things out

Fair enough question.

Admittedly I've got some issues with regards to relationships I've had to overcome. Without getting into details, my childhood had some pleasant moments, but overall was highly unpleasant for many, many reasons.

I think overall I've put effort into a lot of these relationships, and there was one in particular that I put a tremendous amount of effort into that was doomed to failure due to alcoholism from the other person. The others? Some failed due to different life goals or incompatibilities that became apparent later on.

The current one? I do my best to be accommodating and make myself available but it's not enough for this person and she has her own restrictions on her time but will blame me when we can't meet because I have work responsibilities to attend to or some other commitment that I am required to fulfill. The end result is a huge amount of drama that I don't think I am equipped to deal with. At the same time she does not fully acknowledge the fact that she has huge chunks of time where she is unable to see me.

It sucks...I don't relish the idea of being alone, but at the same time I can't see myself being in a situation that is a repeat of what I went through as a kid, or is like other relationships i see where there is a lot of bickering that goes on.

I'm probably broken and should just get a dog... 🙁

 

[Scepticalscribe]

You may also need to ask questions of yourself in terms not just of what you want from a relationship, but what sort of relationships and people you seem to be attracted to and whether certain patterns simply seem to repeat.

You are an active agent in your own life choices, - getting together with such a person doesn't "just happen", rather, you choose for it to happen - and something (or somethings) in this sort of person clearly attracts you.

Some males seem to be attracted to the sort of people who trail drama in their wake, and seem surprised when the drama continues during the course of the relationship, and oblivious to how their own actions may also be a contributory factor to the drama.

 

[avz]

Fair enough question.

Admittedly I've got some issues with regards to relationships I've had to overcome. Without getting into details, my childhood had some pleasant moments, but overall was highly unpleasant for many, many reasons.

I think overall I've put effort into a lot of these relationships, and there was one in particular that I put a tremendous amount of effort into that was doomed to failure due to alcoholism from the other person. The others? Some failed due to different life goals or incompatibilities that became apparent later on.

The current one? I do my best to be accommodating and make myself available but it's not enough for this person and she has her own restrictions on her time but will blame me when we can't meet because I have work responsibilities to attend to or some other commitment that I am required to fulfill. The end result is a huge amount of drama that I don't think I am equipped to deal with. At the same time she does not fully acknowledge the fact that she has huge chunks of time where she is unable to see me.

It sucks...I don't relish the idea of being alone, but at the same time I can't see myself being in a situation that is a repeat of what I went through as a kid, or is like other relationships i see where there is a lot of bickering that goes on.

I'm probably broken and should just get a dog... 🙁

Admit nothing, lie through your teeth and stick to your story.

Most of us carry negative core beliefs about ourselves since early childhood. The problem is when we are very young we accept as an absolute truth a subtle messages(usually from parents) that "we are not good enough".

 

[Mousse]

Most of us carry negative core beliefs about ourselves since early childhood. The problem is when we are very young we accept as an absolute truth a subtle messages(usually from parents) that "we are not good enough".

Sometimes our parents aren't so subtle. I remember when I took my wife (girlfriend at the time) to meet my parents. She looked us over and scoffed, "Couldn't you do better?" I started to protest. That's when she said, "I was talking to her."😱😱😱

 

[Ambrosia7177]

I'm probably broken and should just get a dog... 🙁

Having had a father who was a psycholgist, my best advice is to go find a licensed psychologist in your area - and ideally one that comes highly recommended - and start working with this professional to start delving into these issues.

(*Note: This is serious advice, and not some dig to you - an Internet stranger to me.)

To be clear, I am NOT saying there is anything wrong with you, and I am NOT claiming that you are mentally ill.

I AM saying that when you are having troubles that impact your life to the degree you've mentioned, then it's time to hire an expert.

There is NOTHNG to be ashamed about going to see a psychologist about life issues. (Would someone shame you for going to an M.D. for a heart condition? Or a lawyer to research bankruptcy? Or a financial planner to set up a trust fund?)

Mental health is probably the single most OVERLOOKED thing in people's lives in today's world.

Don't fall victim to pride.

A *good* psychologist can give you tips and tricks to deal with whatver is impacting your life, and help you to figure out how to deal with that situation.

So who doesn't need good advice?!

Lastly, psychologist are licensed counselors and do NOT presribe medicine. Most issue people face in life deals with how you perceive yoruself and the world and deal with others, and those require techniques in how you think, act and do. Rarely are drugs the answer, and the "have a problem, take a pill" approach to mental health is great for big pharmaceutical, but rarely for humans.

P.M. me if you wanna talk more offline.

And go Google "springer spaniels" and consider my earlier advice...

🙂

 

[avz]

Sometimes our parents aren't so subtle. I remember when I took my wife (girlfriend at the time) to meet my parents. She looked us over and scoffed, "Couldn't you do better?" I started to protest. That's when she said, "I was talking to her."😱😱😱

Yes, I wanted to say subtle messages/outright abuse.

Your mom is awesome though. She managed to compliment your girlfriend for being hot and you for punching above your weight all in one sentence.