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Have you ever moved without spouse or partner for job?

JediZenMaster

JediZenMaster

Suspended
Original poster
Mar 28, 2010
2,180
654
Seattle
So i've got a little dilemma here i'm going to be laid off next week and i've been looking like crazy for a job here in charlotte. I'm in the telecommunications sales industry and i've done help desk work. So i applied for a job in oklahoma city working for COX Cable it's great career move working as an assistant manager making alot of money in their store.

Now they have given me a phone interview and they are going to bend the rules and instead of me having 2 "Face to Face" interviews they will make one of them over the phone. The job has a pension. So my partner is freaking out because he can't move because were in a lease. I told him i would fly back every weekend, We could video chat on skye, Facetime ,Etc. Heck i will even pay my portion of the bills untill the lease is up.


The market here is terrible in charlotte and he doesn't get this. I'm the type of person who can't stand the thought of not working even if it's for a month. So has anyone ever went thru this? And am i being selfish? Wanting a pension and a bright future for both of us.
 
Would it not be cheaper to break the lease because of career change? Should be a clause in there on this. Flying every weekend and bills will add up not to mention cost of another place. If y'all are in love or whatever then see if they are willing to move for you.
 
If you can make it work awesome! I found it stressed our relationship too much. Every weekend turned into every other week which turned into once a month which turned into her cheating on me and me telling her to **** off.

Good luck though! :p
 
Also, like what renewed said, is there anyway to sublet your place via craigslist? I don't know about your area but here in Boston subletting is a very popular thing usually for students who want to go home for the summer or something. Worth looking into anyway.
 
advres said:
Also, like what renewed said, is there anyway to sublet your place via craigslist? I don't know about your area but here in Boston subletting is a very popular thing usually for students who want to go home for the summer or something. Worth looking into anyway.
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Yeah we could do that but i think he's a little jealous because i've always made more him and i've told him that it's "Our Money" not just mine :) And he told me i could apply at mc donalds and he would take care of me.

I think the issue runs deeper than distance or the lease now :(
 
JediZenMaster said:
It would be but he's worryed that if the lease is broken it will ruin our credit. I told him it won't but it's not registering mentally or something. :p
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Talk with the people you have the lease with, explain your situation and see what they can do for you. They may ask you for a early termination fee, or that you pay for the apartment until it is re-rented, but it never hurts to ask.

The only way it would hurt your credit is if you left and just stopped paying.
 
renewed said:
Would it not be cheaper to break the lease because of career change? Should be a clause in there on this. Flying every weekend and bills will add up not to mention cost of another place. If y'all are in love or whatever then see if they are willing to move for you.
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There is no clas for it. You just pay to break the lease.
JediZenMaster said:
It would be but he's worryed that if the lease is broken it will ruin our credit. I told him it won't but it's not registering mentally or something. :p
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Does not hurt your credit at all. The worse it does is when you go for a least in the future they tend to check where you lived before. All this will do is make them ask you why you broke you lease. If you can give them an acceptable answer they are happy.

Acceptable answers are things like bought a house, lost a job (cutting cost), got a new job and had to move things like that general they accept. You moved cross country so they are not going to care at all. You will be proving a very good reason.

As for the long distance it wears on your and hurts the relationship. It makes things harder. You are not there when he needs you emotionally and you are not physically there when you need him.
 
JediZenMaster said:
Yeah we could do that but i think he's a little jealous because i've always made more him and i've told him that it's "Our Money" not just mine :) And he told me i could apply at mc donalds and he would take care of me.

I think the issue runs deeper than distance or the lease now :(
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Does he have a job that he doesn't want to leave? I don't think you mentioned that in your post or at least I missed it.

Is he afraid of moving away from family/friends? How long have you been going out?
 
barkomatic said:
Does he have a job that he doesn't want to leave? I don't think you mentioned that in your post or at least I missed it.

Is he afraid of moving away from family/friends? How long have you been going out?
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He has a job that he hates but he has ADD so i guess it's hard for him to focus on finding a way out of his current job. He doesn't have any friends pretty much because he clings to me all of the time. His friends call and he just ignores them. And his family doesn't approve of him being gay :-(

We've been together for about 3 years.
 
JediZenMaster said:
It would be but he's worryed that if the lease is broken it will ruin our credit. I told him it won't but it's not registering mentally or something. :p
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The lease is a contract and in that contract are details about early termination. The lease contract will state what you have to do in order to break your lease. My lease says I must give 30 days notice and pay 60 days of rent, in other words, I will be on the hook for an extra month of rent after I move out.

Read your lease, then let your partner read it and tell him to get his head out of his ass. If he has nothing but the lease in Charlotte holding him back then not moving with you is silly. If he has other things like an equally awesome job and a bright future in Charlotte then I can see where this may not work. It does not sound like he has much to hold onto in Charlotte so we're back to this lease thing.

In that case I'd do the LD thing for however long you two can stand it and make your decision after you've experienced the distance. People in LD relationships who cheat are clearly sending a message and that message is "you're not worth it so I'm out". It's a passive way of dealing with issues but if I were in your situation and I cheated on him then it was because I found something I thought was far more superior. It happens.
 
Rodimus Prime said:
As for the long distance it wears on your and hurts the relationship. It makes things harder. You are not there when he needs you emotionally and you are not physically there when you need him.
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That's true but it's hard to pick between having a successful career or having a successful relationship :)
 
JediZenMaster said:
That's true but it's hard to pick between having a successful career or having a successful relationship :)
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With all due respect, your relationship doesn't seem "successful" to me. He clings to you, separates himself from others and generally can't stand on his own. Not much of a success to me. A successful relationship to me is one where both people are contributing to one another, supporting them, growing both together and independently of one another. Strong as one and strong together. I bet if you move he comes with you if he is, in fact, that clingy.
 
JediZenMaster said:
He has a job that he hates but he has ADD so i guess it's hard for him to focus on finding a way out of his current job. He doesn't have any friends pretty much because he clings to me all of the time. His friends call and he just ignores them. And his family doesn't approve of him being gay :-(

We've been together for about 3 years.
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Sorry to keep asking more questions, but do you want to stay in this relationship?
 
jessica. said:
With all due respect, your relationship doesn't seem "successful" to me. He clings to you, separates himself from others and generally can't stand on his own. Not much of a success to me. A successful relationship to me is one where both people are contributing to one another, supporting them, growing both together and independently of one another. Strong as one and strong together. I bet if you move he comes with you if he is, in fact, that clingy.
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Yeah that's true and now he claims he's okay with it. Time will tell if this works out. I hope it does but i didn't realize a relationship was soo much work :)
 
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