Hey guys take a minute and leave some constructive criticism!

[Sdougherty]

http://vimeo.com/17301453

check out the video here at the source link, leave some constructive criticism or a comment! anything is welcome! thanks guys!

 

[EliteF50]

Nicely done, I liked the twist at the end. However, the gun shots were pretty weak. It really took away from the rest of the film, in my opinion.

 

[Sdougherty]

Nicely done, I liked the twist at the end. However, the gun shots were pretty weak. It really took away from the rest of the film, in my opinion.

As in you think I need better gun shot sounds? or I should just drop them completely? they are simple sounddogs silenced gunshot sounds =P

 

[EliteF50]

As in you think I need better gun shot sounds? or I should just drop them completely? they are simple sounddogs silenced gunshot sounds =P

It's kinda hard to explain. The scene lacked intensity and the SFX were a bit cheesy sounding. Maybe they weren't loud enough? Either way, that's something you could try improving on for next time.

But like I said, besides that, it was very well done.

 

[evil_santa]

the plant moving on the kitchen table needs to go!! it moving about and stealing the scene , also the lighting in that room is to dark. I agree with the gun sound that has already been mentioned, and would an assassin hide up a tree in a white shirt at night?

 

[acearchie]

I agree that the plant is crazy annoying! It's huge and its wobbling is annoying.

Did you get the idea for the film from this forum as that plot was written up here and has already been made into a short (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDYx1OvioWY)

I thought the colouring was good for the first scene but as soon as it hit the shower I didn't think it fitted from then on in.

 

[Sdougherty]

I agree that the plant is crazy annoying! It's huge and its wobbling is annoying.

Did you get the idea for the film from this forum as that plot was written up here and has already been made into a short (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DDYx1OvioWY)

I thought the colouring was good for the first scene but as soon as it hit the shower I didn't think it fitted from then on in.

Actually I did not, we came up with the idea (generic I know) during a little scriptwriting seminar in my class.
And thank you for the input, I will look to fix the Sounds, and the coloring was down to try to express the gloom. I lowered the saturation but I can also go and work with that a little bit. As for the plant it was pretty dead and more of a little experiment I wanted to do, my new camera is said to be a bad lowlight camera (JVC GY-HM700u) so I wanted to shoot a darker scene to test out the lowlight capabilities, the detail in the plant was perfect for that.

 

[Sdougherty]

the plant moving on the kitchen table needs to go!! it moving about and stealing the scene , also the lighting in that room is to dark. I agree with the gun sound that has already been mentioned, and would an assassin hide up a tree in a white shirt at night?

The white shirt is actually an error, if you watch carefully earlier on he is in a suit!

 

[alamein]

Good concept and camera angles. But definetly get rid of the plant and I would practice on the voice acting just a bit. Definetly don't sound like a gun for hire. But I guess it all comes with practice. Good job!

 

[EliteF50]

Good concept and camera angles. But definetly get rid of the plant and I would practice on the voice acting just a bit. Definetly don't sound like a gun for hire. But I guess it all comes with practice. Good job!

He wasn't the assassin. The guy in the tree was. Unless it was the tree man who was talking all along...? Lol, dammit. Now I'm confused.

 

[Babybandit]

It's not a bad rendition of a cliched idea. But, there are several areas for improvement.

- At around 1:28 when the door closes, it would be much better if it actually closed with a good ambience sound

- As mentioned previously, the plant was horrible distracting. It would be much better if it was behind the subject and possibly out of focus. As it is, I was looking at it more than the subject.

- There was a lack of suspense at the ending. Partially, this is because we know there'll be an assassination due to the convention of these stories. Secondly, the gun look more like the camera. Finally, the sound just didn't work.

I think, It would have been better if you had a low angle shot where you can see both subjects and the gun, and have the camera zoom up to the barrel. A Sudden 'Bang' sound (The Sound would have to be more realistic and less futuristic would be better. The current sound took me out of the story) and instantly black out.

Not only would it ending be a little more sudden and climatic, it would show his expertise as an assassin as it would only require one shot rather than the many shots he currently took.

But none the less, it was a good film. The grading is a good start, but I wasn't sure what you wanted to show with the grading. As for the narrative, it was like I said - cliche and conventional. What would have benefitted might be an extra 30 seconds or so to flesh out a character so we could have connected with him better. 🙂.

 

[Sdougherty]

It's not a bad rendition of a cliched idea. But, there are several areas for improvement.

- At around 1:28 when the door closes, it would be much better if it actually closed with a good ambience sound

- As mentioned previously, the plant was horrible distracting. It would be much better if it was behind the subject and possibly out of focus. As it is, I was looking at it more than the subject.

- There was a lack of suspense at the ending. Partially, this is because we know there'll be an assassination due to the convention of these stories. Secondly, the gun look more like the camera. Finally, the sound just didn't work.

I think, It would have been better if you had a low angle shot where you can see both subjects and the gun, and have the camera zoom up to the barrel. A Sudden 'Bang' sound (The Sound would have to be more realistic and less futuristic would be better. The current sound took me out of the story) and instantly black out.

Not only would it ending be a little more sudden and climatic, it would show his expertise as an assassin as it would only require one shot rather than the many shots he currently took.

But none the less, it was a good film. The grading is a good start, but I wasn't sure what you wanted to show with the grading. As for the narrative, it was like I said - cliche and conventional. What would have benefitted might be an extra 30 seconds or so to flesh out a character so we could have connected with him better. 🙂.

Thank you for really watching and leaving some really nice feedback, and all of this is being put in the revised version. Its always nice to be a part of a community that will offer nice insight to work!

He wasn't the assassin. The guy in the tree was. Unless it was the tree man who was talking all along...? Lol, dammit. Now I'm confused.

The person talking is the Assassin in the tree, following the twist! I know its tough, it makes you think is all!

 

[ibennetch]

Not bad. I won't rehash the negative or positive comments, things like the laser-cannon sound or the door closing (the problem there is that you used the natural sound which didn't quite fit as it didn't really close fully).

- The ping-pong panning of the alarm clock sound actually bothered me a bit; I see what you're going for but did not care for it.

- I thought the bedroom scene needed a bit more lighting (or grading) to bring out just a little bit of the shadows. Not that the bedroom had to be completely lit; I like the practical lighting here but it's not quite enough.

- Around 0:30 I very much liked the low shot of him grabbing the towel. Good framing and the lighting worked pretty well.

- Again with the shadows, at 2:29 with the car death scene I lost what was going on because there wasn't enough lighting going on. The wider shot started to lose me and the tighter shot finished me off; I believe he was slumped over the car door but think you really could have brought that out more with a touch of lighting.

- Along with the grading, the whole thing looked a bit too yellow for me. I don't think the partial desaturation inside would have bothered me as much if it didn't just make the guy look too yellow.

- I use a lot of plants, flowers, and other leafy tree things in my shots and staging, so I like the idea. Actually for this project, I also liked the fact that it wasn't a bright flowery thing. The problem is obviously that it was too thin to be stable and ended up distracting, but I liked the shot composition with him framed up behind/next to it.

It was a good effort and other than the pacing of the climax I thought the editing was pretty solid and the camera shots weren't bad either. To summarize what I've written in just one thought, I'd suggest that even though your camera is advertised as being great in low light, and does actually seem to be, low light isn't the same as no light. When you're working with shadows and low levels of practical lighting you need to put extra effort in to making sure you don't lose important parts of the scene, like the dead body draped over the car door. Great grading can help to a degree but not make up for the fact that there's nothing there in the first place.

So yeah, hopefully you can take a few things away from the discussion but also be pleased with what you've done. I hope you'll share more with us.

 

[Sdougherty]

Not bad. I won't rehash the negative or positive comments, things like the laser-cannon sound or the door closing (the problem there is that you used the natural sound which didn't quite fit as it didn't really close fully).

- The ping-pong panning of the alarm clock sound actually bothered me a bit; I see what you're going for but did not care for it.

- I thought the bedroom scene needed a bit more lighting (or grading) to bring out just a little bit of the shadows. Not that the bedroom had to be completely lit; I like the practical lighting here but it's not quite enough.

- Around 0:30 I very much liked the low shot of him grabbing the towel. Good framing and the lighting worked pretty well.

- Again with the shadows, at 2:29 with the car death scene I lost what was going on because there wasn't enough lighting going on. The wider shot started to lose me and the tighter shot finished me off; I believe he was slumped over the car door but think you really could have brought that out more with a touch of lighting.

- Along with the grading, the whole thing looked a bit too yellow for me. I don't think the partial desaturation inside would have bothered me as much if it didn't just make the guy look too yellow.

- I use a lot of plants, flowers, and other leafy tree things in my shots and staging, so I like the idea. Actually for this project, I also liked the fact that it wasn't a bright flowery thing. The problem is obviously that it was too thin to be stable and ended up distracting, but I liked the shot composition with him framed up behind/next to it.

It was a good effort and other than the pacing of the climax I thought the editing was pretty solid and the camera shots weren't bad either. To summarize what I've written in just one thought, I'd suggest that even though your camera is advertised as being great in low light, and does actually seem to be, low light isn't the same as no light. When you're working with shadows and low levels of practical lighting you need to put extra effort in to making sure you don't lose important parts of the scene, like the dead body draped over the car door. Great grading can help to a degree but not make up for the fact that there's nothing there in the first place.

So yeah, hopefully you can take a few things away from the discussion but also be pleased with what you've done. I hope you'll share more with us.

thank you, and absolutely I will. I love the great comments, most forums are really negative, and I like everyones critique courtesy here. I have taken every single thing you guys have said and written it down, not only am I going to do a once over of the project file, and then in my future shorts Im going to remember the things you have shared with me! Thanks again everyone for all of your help!

 

[Leddy]

The sound design was very light on. Noises like the alarm clock are a single point source and should be treated as such - ie. having a wide stereo mix for something like an alarm clock makes absolutely no sense - play that on a large screen with speakers either side and you'll realise how out of place it sounds. In the wideshot it needs to sit in the mix with the ambience of the room around it.

Try to match sound perspective with camera perspective - ie. the sound you have of the assassin's silenced pistol is not present enough ... we are close to the assassin when he shoots so the sound needs to reflect that. Aim to create consistent sound beds/ soundscapes under your action as they will make your story more believable.

I agree that the movement of the flower arrangement is just too distracting ... the shot is a nice idea but where is the focus meant to be? The guy at the table or the flower arrangement? If it is the latter then you've framed accordingly, but for the former the shot could be more tightly framed.

You've mentioned the assassin's shirt/ jacket conundrum ... - it's details like this that you need to be aware of when you are shooting.

Your film moves along at a reasonable pace and it has a consistent look to it, so you've done pretty well from a technical camera point of view.

Cheers.

P.S.

One last thought ... I think your story could have been made stronger by not spoon feeding us with "Target Information" in the folder. ie. a photo of a guy with a couple of pages of text is all you really needed as we the audience naturally make the jump.

 

[Sdougherty]

Hey guys,sorry to dig this thread up from the dead, but Im currently in pre-production of another short. Ive used all the critique in the thread to help put it together, and will post it here to be viewed. Hopefully you see the new implementations, as well as the construtive critisism in the new short.