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How do you prevent her from...

daneoni

daneoni

macrumors G5
Original poster
Mar 24, 2006
12,034
1,951
...turning you into a girlfriend. I seem to have this vibe where people like telling me their life stories without me asking and its worse with girls (We all know guys rarely talk of their problems). I get introduced to someone...usually a girl and all of a sudden within a few minutes/hrs/days she's telling me her life story. How she has this adorable cat/nephew or how she found this big discount on shoes or how this guy is giving her problems...etc. One even told me to come with her to a hair salon...i mean seriously?

It gets annoying and i start switching off immediately...and i often lose respect for the individual. I get that people need someone to talk to and thats fine if i've know you for months/years not freaking 40 mins!!

I'd guess most guys have been there at some point so how do you deal with it. I've been told to be rude and just walk off/blatantly ignore but i think thats a bit...uncivilized?
 
They're telling you what's important to them... I'd consider it a rare gift. Don't close off trying to communicate, just find a way to make it work for you and then accept it.

My problem is the ladies don't talk to me enough - I don't have a problem with nerves or anything, but they just don't open up a whole lot. Makes things difficult.
 
Melrose said:
They're telling you what's important to them... I'd consider it a rare gift. Don't close off trying to communicate, just find a way to make it work for you and then accept it.
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+1 on that, it's a good thing they open up to you, use it, listen to them, and give them advice, it's a good thing to do :)
 
It takes two to tango. Half of any conversation is your responsibility. Take the reins and turn it to what you'd like to talk about, use humour or be subtle about it.
 
Schtumple said:
+1 on that, it's a good thing they open up to you, use it, listen to them, and give them advice, it's a good thing to do :)
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I seem to be having the same "problem" as the OP. . . I guess it could be considered as a good thing, but I dont like ending up in the "friend zone" just because Im sensitive, care, I can listen and am competent at holding up a conversation.
 
robanga said:
Balance out the "sensitive listener" with the "take charge" quality. It works
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So, basically, you need to listen to her but grab her ass or something after she's done talking, that way she knows what you're in it for.

But seriously, getting girls to open up to you is a gift. You just need to show her that you are into her, ask her out for coffee or something, that way its a "date." She can open up to you there, but she also know you're into her as well. I don't reccomend doing the above, at least not on the first date, or probably the first few months you're dating, or maybe ever.

Edit: Wow, I expected ass to be censored.
 
iBlue said:
Please. :rolleyes:
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Haha, I'm not saying its a bad word; sometimes this forum censors/*s odder things. I mean, what if some poor innocent child finds his or her way on this board and learns that ass doesn't just refer to a donkey? :p
 
...in other words...escalate the situation to make sure there's no confusion. What if you're not even attracted to the person?
 
daneoni said:
...in other words...escalate the situation to make sure there's no confusion. What if you're not even attracted to the person?
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Well, to be blunt, if you have no interest in the person be it sexually or in terms of friendship, I would cut that conversation early. You do have some control over it. Be less receptive. Sometimes we can all get the occasional unobservant chatter who doesn't notice the "please ****" signs (not looking at them, or when you do looking rather uninterested about it, merely nodding, reading something, checking your phone, your watch, walking away :p etc) but most will stop their chattering once you give them the signs™. Try it. Or you could just say "look, do I have a sign on my forehead that says "free therapist"? please, take that blabbering elsewhere!" or you know, something to that effect.
 
iBlue said:
Well, to be blunt, if you have no interest in the person be it sexually or in terms of friendship, I would cut that conversation early. You do have some control over it. Be less receptive. Sometimes we can all get the occasional unobservant chatter who doesn't notice the "please ****" signs (not looking at them, or when you do looking rather uninterested about it, merely nodding, reading something, checking your phone, your watch, walking away :p etc) but most will stop their chattering once you give them the signs™. Try it. Or you could just say "look, do I have a sign on my forehead that says "free therapist"? please, take that blabbering elsewhere!" or you know, something to that effect.
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Lol...fair points
 
iBlue said:
Sometimes we can all get the occasional unobservant chatter who doesn't notice the "please ****" signs (not looking at them, or when you do looking rather uninterested about it, merely nodding, reading something, checking your phone, your watch, walking away :p etc) but most will stop their chattering once you give them the signs™.
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I prefer the drooping eyelids, followed by the nodding and topped of with a bit of snoring. Works 99% of the time.:D When that doesn't work, I direct them to an on-line forum.:p:rolleyes:
 
i think it goes w/o question that they feel comfortable enough w/ you to communicate what's going on w/ them. that's a plus in your department.

yes, some people can be a little too free w/ the chatter, but walking away and being rude just makes you a putz.

i agree w/ what the others say and steer the conversation elsewhere - or else keep it short.
 
amersault said:
i dunno - endless drivel on first meeting doesn't signify 'void of silence' to me
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It's all subjective. The OP might feel like they're being a good listener, but in reality aren't contributing their half the the conversation. I have no idea, just raising the possibility, for them to evaluate themself.
 
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