How MacBook Broke My Heart

Discussion in 'MacBook Pro' started by AGPollack, Jul 11, 2007.

  1. AGPollack macrumors newbie

    Jul 11, 2007
    Dear Macbook,

    On my 22nd birthday you gleamed white and sexy. I was drawn to your sheen, your sparkle. You wanted me to touch your hotkeys. (God, yes.)

    Other men took passes at you, flirted with your screen. But what they really wanted was the iPod. Me? I wanted you. (Lord, have mercy.)

    I took you home that day. My HPs and Gateways had fallen apart, but I knew you were a cut above: quick-witted, gorgeous, perfect. You'd be there for me when I'd graduate college, when I'd enter the first stage of my adult life. I knew I could depend on you.

    The first time you got sick, I thought it was a fluke. "You need to restart your computer," you told me, "Hold the Power button for several seconds or press the Restart button." That's weird, I thought, but I followed your directions and didn't think much of it.

    Why would I? You were strong and healthy. I loved how you so smoothly sorted my videos in iDVD; I loved how your widescreen made my pictures pop with life, with energy. When I showed my friends the wonder that was your remote control, they turned green with envy. So what if you crashed one time. That's not enough for me to worry.

    But then it happened again.

    And again.

    Suddenly I wasn't quite so comfortable with your hotkeys. I started to use you more carefully. Had I done something wrong? Why was this happening to us?

    I didn't want another man to touch you, but what choice did I have? I took you to the Mac Store, where you were groped and prodded by a goateed guy in black-rimmed glasses and a red t-shirt. He was known as a "Genius." "It's a software problem," he said. "Re-install Mac OS, that'll fix it." I wasn't quite sure if I believed him, but he seemed far too bored and matter-of-fact in his diagnosis to be lying. And who was I to question a "Genius?"

    The remedy didn't work; you were still sick. The "Genius" was an idiot. I turned to the Mac phone hotline for help, and there they gave me a series of try-this try-that solutions in which to heal you.

    But nothing worked. The sickness began to define you. You lost your sleekness, your sparkle, your sexy. Who had you become? Were you really the one I took home, back when I was bright-eyed and hopeful, on my 22nd birthday?

    I went to a different Mac Store. "Sometimes the RAM gets dirty, so we cleaned the fluff off it," Genius #2 said. "It should work now."

    When Genius #2 was wrong, that's when I turned against you. Before I had blamed the Mac Store and the phone hotline, and I still blamed them, but weren't you the real problem? You weren’t hot. You weren’t perfect. You were just a microchipped lemon, and you took me for a sucker. (Girl, you breakin’ my heart.)

    The next time I went to the Mac Store, Genius #3 told me he'd re-install your motherboard, your "brains." Intensive surgery. I signed some papers and said goodbye. Genius #2 watched the scene from afar and gave me a thumbs-up.

    A few days later I got the call. Surgery had gone well. You had performed admirably in a four-hour series of tests. No crashes. You were ready to come back to me.

    I signed more papers. You did look better, your screen shinier, your keyboard brighter. Days passed and you kept humming. I loved your new brains. (Baby, yes.) I was almost ready to forgive you. Almost. But then -

    You did it again.

    You're dead to me,

  2. DoFoT9 macrumors P6


    Jun 11, 2007
    aawwww poor baby. how your heart must have broken. if any of my computers do this......part of my heart would be gone forever!

    RIP mb:(
  3. masse macrumors 6502a


    May 4, 2007
    I hear it's exhilarating to push its hotkeys after it dies.
  4. DoFoT9 macrumors P6


    Jun 11, 2007
  5. aussiejames macrumors member

    Jul 2, 2007
    Sydney, Australia
  6. WillJS macrumors 65816


    Jan 6, 2007
    Erm... sorry about your Macbook, but the way you wrote that made me [​IMG]
  7. DoFoT9 macrumors P6


    Jun 11, 2007
    i thout it was very well written!!! u haev an interesting writing style

    personification haha
  8. deadpixels macrumors 6502a


    Oct 30, 2006
    really nice writing, quite funny :D i hope you get your Girlfriend fixed ;)
  9. RichL macrumors 6502

    Jun 15, 2007
  10. kolax macrumors G3

    Mar 20, 2007
    Haha. Quite an entertaining read.

    You'd be good to work for a proper newspaper with a creative style like that.
  11. odinsride macrumors 65816


    Apr 11, 2007
  12. Sdao macrumors 6502

    Jul 12, 2007
    Very well written. I feel for you. I really do.
  13. quigleybc macrumors 68030


    Jun 17, 2005
    Beautiful Vancouver British Columbia, Canada
    if all the posts on the MB / MBP forum were as good as this one, then I would be more inclined to read them all.

    Great post it...

    You need a new MB, get applecare so you can get it totally replaced
  14. Vuzie macrumors regular


    Jun 20, 2007
    hrm... u sure your mac wasn't cheating on you... say... with *gasp* a pc? No? Sounds like you got a French imposter....
  15. BlueArctos macrumors member

    Jun 17, 2007
    Good show!

    I agree with the rest - Applecare all the way. For all you know, this thing is cheating on you with some strung out crack banshee.
  16. Stratification macrumors regular

    Jan 17, 2005
    Spokane, WA
    Interesting read, but did they say that they fixed the problem by blowing fluff off the RAM? That's just bizarre.
  17. MacAngel macrumors newbie

    Jan 30, 2007
  18. AGPollack thread starter macrumors newbie

    Jul 11, 2007

    Thanks for the kind words on my piece, you guys. Yeah, one of the Geniuses did say there's a layer of "white, flaky stuff" type-gunk on the RAM and that theyve had this issue before and cleaning it should get my machine up and running. That didn't work.

    Since writing the piece, I've been dreading going back to the mac store, because as I wrote, I've lost faith.

    I know it goes against their policy, but has anybody hear of Mac folks making an exception and offering a refund months after the purchase? I bought the macbook on Dec 26 2006. Can any verbal gymnastics get me a refund? Or is the best I can get a replacement?

    Thanks again for the support. I'm an aspiring writer so I sincerely do appreciate the positive feedback on that front.


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