How MacBook Broke My Heart

AGPollack

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Jul 11, 2007
2
0
Dear Macbook,

On my 22nd birthday you gleamed white and sexy. I was drawn to your sheen, your sparkle. You wanted me to touch your hotkeys. (God, yes.)


Other men took passes at you, flirted with your screen. But what they really wanted was the iPod. Me? I wanted you. (Lord, have mercy.)

I took you home that day. My HPs and Gateways had fallen apart, but I knew you were a cut above: quick-witted, gorgeous, perfect. You'd be there for me when I'd graduate college, when I'd enter the first stage of my adult life. I knew I could depend on you.


The first time you got sick, I thought it was a fluke. "You need to restart your computer," you told me, "Hold the Power button for several seconds or press the Restart button." That's weird, I thought, but I followed your directions and didn't think much of it.

Why would I? You were strong and healthy. I loved how you so smoothly sorted my videos in iDVD; I loved how your widescreen made my pictures pop with life, with energy. When I showed my friends the wonder that was your remote control, they turned green with envy. So what if you crashed one time. That's not enough for me to worry.

But then it happened again.


And again.


Suddenly I wasn't quite so comfortable with your hotkeys. I started to use you more carefully. Had I done something wrong? Why was this happening to us?

I didn't want another man to touch you, but what choice did I have? I took you to the Mac Store, where you were groped and prodded by a goateed guy in black-rimmed glasses and a red t-shirt. He was known as a "Genius." "It's a software problem," he said. "Re-install Mac OS, that'll fix it." I wasn't quite sure if I believed him, but he seemed far too bored and matter-of-fact in his diagnosis to be lying. And who was I to question a "Genius?"

The remedy didn't work; you were still sick. The "Genius" was an idiot. I turned to the Mac phone hotline for help, and there they gave me a series of try-this try-that solutions in which to heal you.

But nothing worked. The sickness began to define you. You lost your sleekness, your sparkle, your sexy. Who had you become? Were you really the one I took home, back when I was bright-eyed and hopeful, on my 22nd birthday?

I went to a different Mac Store. "Sometimes the RAM gets dirty, so we cleaned the fluff off it," Genius #2 said. "It should work now."

When Genius #2 was wrong, that's when I turned against you. Before I had blamed the Mac Store and the phone hotline, and I still blamed them, but weren't you the real problem? You weren’t hot. You weren’t perfect. You were just a microchipped lemon, and you took me for a sucker. (Girl, you breakin’ my heart.)

The next time I went to the Mac Store, Genius #3 told me he'd re-install your motherboard, your "brains." Intensive surgery. I signed some papers and said goodbye. Genius #2 watched the scene from afar and gave me a thumbs-up.

A few days later I got the call. Surgery had gone well. You had performed admirably in a four-hour series of tests. No crashes. You were ready to come back to me.

I signed more papers. You did look better, your screen shinier, your keyboard brighter. Days passed and you kept humming. I loved your new brains. (Baby, yes.) I was almost ready to forgive you. Almost. But then -


You did it again.






You're dead to me,

Alex
http://alexpollack.blogspot.com/2007/07/how-macbook-broke-my-heart.html
 

DoFoT9

macrumors P6
Jun 11, 2007
17,530
32
Singapore
aawwww poor baby. how your heart must have broken. if any of my computers do this......part of my heart would be gone forever!

RIP mb:(
 

WillJS

macrumors 65816
Jan 6, 2007
1,069
0
Erm... sorry about your Macbook, but the way you wrote that made me
 

kolax

macrumors G3
Mar 20, 2007
9,186
115
Haha. Quite an entertaining read.

You'd be good to work for a proper newspaper with a creative style like that.
 

Vuzie

macrumors regular
Jun 20, 2007
116
0
Maryland
hrm... u sure your mac wasn't cheating on you... say... with *gasp* a pc? No? Sounds like you got a French imposter....
 

BlueArctos

macrumors member
Jun 17, 2007
89
0
Good show!

I agree with the rest - Applecare all the way. For all you know, this thing is cheating on you with some strung out crack banshee.
 

AGPollack

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Jul 11, 2007
2
0
Re:

Thanks for the kind words on my piece, you guys. Yeah, one of the Geniuses did say there's a layer of "white, flaky stuff" type-gunk on the RAM and that theyve had this issue before and cleaning it should get my machine up and running. That didn't work.

Since writing the piece, I've been dreading going back to the mac store, because as I wrote, I've lost faith.

I know it goes against their policy, but has anybody hear of Mac folks making an exception and offering a refund months after the purchase? I bought the macbook on Dec 26 2006. Can any verbal gymnastics get me a refund? Or is the best I can get a replacement?

Thanks again for the support. I'm an aspiring writer so I sincerely do appreciate the positive feedback on that front.

Alex