How to find a good Councellor

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Ryan1524, Apr 18, 2009.

  1. Ryan1524 macrumors 68000

    Ryan1524

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    Apr 9, 2003
    Location:
    Canada GTA
    #1
    I've been told by a few people to talk to a counselor. I've always refused. My justification is that whatever I do, I'm functional and am performing in 'life' better than some other people. Obviously, this is all relative. My main objection towards a counselor is that there is no way any other person than myself can have the exact experiences I've gone though. Therefore, this makes everybody unqualified to give me advice on my problems.

    Having said that, it'd be nice to have someone shoot holes in my theories or prove me wrong. So how do you find someone objective, unbiased and open-minded enough to bounce thoughts with? Someone like Greg House or Sherlock Holmes would be fantastic....too bad they're fiction.
     
  2. fireshot91 macrumors 601

    fireshot91

    Joined:
    Jul 31, 2008
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    Northern VA
    #2
    Pay me close to 100$ an hour, and I'll listen to you!:p



    No seriously...
    Use Google?
     
  3. Ryan1524 thread starter macrumors 68000

    Ryan1524

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2003
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    #3
    LOL. Using Google would only tell me what is socially acceptable. But what I'm trying to examine are circumstances or ideas that might not be considered common, normal, or acceptable.

    And yeah, I'm sure this sort of 'listening' will involve money. That's the other thing I have against Councellors. Why should I pay someone money to listen to me - when I don't even know if their opinions can be considered valuable or not. So what I'm looking for is more something along the lines of active philosophical discussions and debate.
     
  4. AlexStenberg macrumors newbie

    AlexStenberg

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    Brooklyn
    #4
    well unless you learn how to spell correctly I think you have better things to worry about other than seeing a counselor.
     
  5. .Andy macrumors 68030

    .Andy

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    #5
    You shouldn't be happy with your life by comparing it to others. Even if you're extremely successful a counsellor could still be of benefit. It should be about you.

    One can be qualified to give advice or to ask questions to clarify things in your mind without going through the same experiences. Counsellors can also be good just to talk things though with an impartial third party. They can challenge perceptions or offer advice on how to deal with situations.

    I had similar ideas about counsellors to you originally. No try and go at least once a year to keep perspective or to address problems before they get out of hand.

    That's not really the idea of a counsellor - it sounds like you're looking for a spouse :D! A counsellor is more to offer alternate views on situations and clarify things in an impartial manner.

    I think it's like all things of a medical nature. You have to go by word of mouth (which can be hard as not many people talk about going to counselling) or just trial and error.
     
  6. Ryan1524 thread starter macrumors 68000

    Ryan1524

    Joined:
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    #6
    I thought their use was interchangable...nevermind. :p I have force dynamics, jacobians and control laws in my brain. Give me a break. hah.

    I agree, I've learned a long time ago that we can't model after other people. My concern is wiuth finding someone who is truly impartial. Every counselor will be biased by their own experiences and/or encounters and also by their previous clients.

    Now, another problem is this. I suspect I might fall into the trap of trying to screw with the counselor myself. Just by knowing that I'm talking to a counselor will make me want to convince him/her to my points of view. Or if I'm trying to evaluate a situation that I suspect may be wrong, I may phrase it in such a way that sounds acceptable. I've done this before. I've sat down to a counselor and instead of actually talking about my issues, I ended up feeding him whatever he wants to hear to let me out as quickly as possible - or to see how far I can push it before he really gets uncomfortable and make him react. ;)
     
  7. iNash macrumors 6502

    iNash

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    Jan 18, 2009
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    Hanslope, UK
    #7
    Not strictly true.

    Having someone who has similar/same experiences generates buy-in for you however it's not essential to counsel someone, although you may want to find someone that works as more of a professional coach. Preferably someone who conducts "Blind Coaching" under the GROW model.

    Link to a download for a session that talks about "Blind Coaching"

    http://www.quaestus.co.uk/uploadedfiles/Coaching Masterclass A5 Booklet - Overview.doc
     
  8. Ryan1524 thread starter macrumors 68000

    Ryan1524

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    #8
    Maybe I should also expand this a little bit. When I mentioned ideas or theories, etc, what I'm really talking about is the philosophical or metaphysical concepts that we can use to govern our daily lives. Everybody has a model they adhere to. They may not be aware of it, or they may only have a rough sketch of what theirs are. Or more typically (I think), they may have a mish-mash of many different ones without knowing, which have been built over the years through their life-experiences.

    What I want to discuss are notions of acceptable social, political and moral behaviour based on different philosophical ideas. This is why I'm thinking a counselor, who focuses on psychology, may not be the best person to talk to. Or if they are, their guidance would be limited to making sure any conclusions or logical exercise are correct and not biased by the client's own ego and desires.
     
  9. .Andy macrumors 68030

    .Andy

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    #9
    Sounds like you'd be better off taking some philosophy courses and/or joining some philosophy clubs and/or philosophy forums and/or or doing some philosophy reading. You could also post up some threads in PRSI, they could make for some interesting discussion. There are some people here (no me!) that are quite good at philosophy.
     
  10. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

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    Republic of Ukistan
    #10
    It doesn't sound as if you want a counsellor at all, if all you want is debate. A counsellor is for advice - or counsel - if you have a problem, but you apparently do not. As .Andy says, start a thread in the PRSI Forum or take an online course. Bring it on, as someone once said.
     
  11. Macky-Mac macrumors 68030

    Macky-Mac

    Joined:
    May 18, 2004
    #11
    i'm not so sure that when a "few people" tell you that you need to talk to a counselor, that it's really a matter of them suggesting you need to discuss philosophy......they may or may not be right, but usually when things get to the point of multiple people suggesting the need for counseling, it's because they've come to the conclusion that you're actually not really performing "in life" so well.....even if you think you are.
     
  12. skunk macrumors G4

    skunk

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    #12
    Macky-Mac has a point: you do mention that you have "problems", but in the next sentence these have been replaced by "theories", so perhaps you need to decide first of all whether you really want advice or a philosophical discussion.
     
  13. ravenvii macrumors 604

    ravenvii

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    #13
    There's this Politics, Religion, Social Issues forum somewhere around here you should check out.
     
  14. Ryan1524 thread starter macrumors 68000

    Ryan1524

    Joined:
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    #14
    I think it's both. What I suspect may be psych problems in me might have come from my weird perspective on the world. This is why I'm somewhat blurring the line between counselling and philosophical debates.

    As for the people who told me to get a counselor, these are the select few who I've actually talked to in a closer, more intimate level. These are the ones people typically call their partners, best friends, etc.

    To the rest of my acquaintances, (lesser) friends, etc, I can be the typical normal guy going about my life. Or sometimes, be the one giving them advice - which they sometimes take, and be thankful for. So I figured I can't be getting it all wrong. I've had people twice my age tell me they think I may be wiser than them, or be very impressed with how I deal with things. But like I said before, when I start to really open up to someone about what I really think, they think I need help. LOL. :p

    I know there's a special forum for this, but I figured the general may receive a wider spectrum of opinions. Feel free to move this to the PRSI forum.
     

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