How to train myself to be more patient?

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by ApplePersonFreak, Feb 13, 2018.

  1. ApplePersonFreak macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2016
    #1
    It’s a bad habit that I’m working on breaking, but for some reason it’s a lot harder than it seems. I’m starting a new job on Monday, and I should be getting a schedule sometime this week from my new boss on where to report, etc. now I know it’s only Tuesday, and the recruiter told me to reach out to him if I haven’t heard from my boss by the 15th, but my brain is starting to become impatient and starting to overthink and come up with scenarios and my brain is paranoid that I’m forgotten, etc.

    How do I tell myself to just wait and to follow what is said, instead of wanting to reach out a day early just because I’m impatient?
     
  2. mobilehaathi macrumors G3

    mobilehaathi

    Joined:
    Aug 19, 2008
    Location:
    The Anthropocene
    #2
    Go for a walk. Leave your phone at home. Repeat until the 15th.
     
  3. ApplePersonFreak thread starter macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2016
    #3
    Haha, thanks for the advice. I’ve planned things to do this week so that way I get them all done before I start, but on my down time my brain of course likes to think and wander its own course. Hate it.
     
  4. CPTmom2wp macrumors 6502

    CPTmom2wp

    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2014
    Location:
    Ohio
    #4
    What you're describing is anxiety, e.g., "paranoid, overthink" rather than impatience. That isn't a problem in this context since it is very normal for people to be experiencing the same thing prior to starting a new job. Even nightmares about the new job e.g., screaming boss/ horrible assignments/clothing or lack thereof/inability to do the job/poor office accommodations etc., etc are par for the course. Just know that once you are there and actually doing what they hired you to do, that all will be well and that this new challenge in your life was a good decision. Meanwhile, use that annoying "breathe" app on your Apple watch................
     
  5. ApplePersonFreak thread starter macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2016
    #5
    Haha, I think you are right. The thing is, I’m actually really excited to start. It’s a company i’ve Always wanted to work for. I guess the anxiety just comes in where I just want things to go smoothly for the next 6 days, you know?
     
  6. artfossil macrumors 65816

    artfossil

    Joined:
    Oct 5, 2015
    Location:
    Florida
    #6
    1. I like to schedule my worrying. So, put “hear from boss?” on your calendar for the 15th and “contact boss about schedule” on the 16th. Let it go until it appears on your calendar.

    2. Develop your empathy. Your new boss has a lot on his/her mind. It’s not all about you. Don’t add to his/her load by bugging him/her before the 16th.

    3. Do your part (reach out if you don’t hear by the 15th) but don’t try to do more. “All is as it should be.”
     
  7. ApplePersonFreak thread starter macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2016
    #7
    Thanks for the advice. Sometimes I forgot about #2 also. I think since he did mention that he’s going to be away next week when i start, things must be stressful for him too to try to get everything done.
     
  8. Joe h macrumors regular

    Joined:
    Sep 22, 2017
    #8
    Remember most people only care about themselves, and since they’re not the ones waiting by the phone for a call or email, getting in touch with you is way on the back burner of whatever they have to get done this week. They could also still be testing you, so continue putting on the act that you’re not inconvenienced and just assume you’ll have to get in touch with someone on Thursday.
     
  9. ApplePersonFreak thread starter macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2016
    #9
    Yeah, there are steps in the process, and pretty much my first day is Monday and then I’m supposed to actually go there on Tuesday for work, so that’s just what the schedule is for since it’s my first week. He did tell me last week that he was going to be out that week, but his assistants will be there to help me out if need be. Just need to know the details of it which should be coming sometime this week. My brain is just anxious I guess. Lol but in reality it’s not too big of a deal I guess.
     
  10. keysofanxiety macrumors G3

    keysofanxiety

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2011
    #10
    There’s seldom more nerve-wracking than a new job, especially if you’re unsure or feel unprepared because you don’t know what you’re in for. I quit my old job without finding a new one beforehand as I hated it so much. I applied for everything, even things I thought I couldn’t get.

    Interviews and ultimately the new start was very worrying, but within a week you’re relaxed and settled in. I didn’t even read my contract properly about the start date when I got the job, so I turned up a week early like a toilet brush and they told me to go home and come back next Tuesday. You could’ve fried an egg on my face. :oops:

    There’s very little I can offer in terms of advice I’m afraid. However the main thing is you got the job and you shouldn’t forget that. The best bit of advice I can suggest is distract yourself from worrying. It’s only a job after all. A job pays the bills and buys booze.

    Invite over friends, play some games, and drown any uncertainty and paranoia with some strong liquor. If you keep chasing, it won’t do any good — you’ll eventually look back with embarrassment about how petty and silly you were and wish you just waited. It’s fine. You got the job. Enjoy some well-earned pleasures and be proud of yourself. :)
     
  11. A.Goldberg macrumors 68020

    A.Goldberg

    Joined:
    Jan 31, 2015
    Location:
    Boston
    #11
    Lots of good advice here.

    By your first post are you implying you are impatient in all areas of your life- not just regarding this job thing?

    I agree a lot of impatience can be boiled down to either anxiety or being a little self centered. Try to be mindful of your thoughts- why are you impatient, what is it that you’re fearing, what if your situation was reversed. Realize what makes you impatient and process that rather than just feeling or identifying the emotion. Find other ways to relax yourself such as exercising or changing up your activities. Notice if you’re moving too quickly on tasks or thoughts unnecessarily and slow yourself down.

    Also, focus on your physical self- the mind and body are very much connected both ways, but we tend to only focus on the mind and it’s control over the body. Take some deep breaths if you notice your breathing is shallow, notice if your muscles are tense and try to relax them. While stress can affect your breathing and muscle tension, conversely physically relaxing muscles and taking long, deep breaths can reduce your stress.

    Changing jobs is definitely a big life change and is understandably stressful, but it can also be exciting. Remember that one way or another, things tend to work themselves out.
     
  12. ApplePersonFreak thread starter macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Sep 23, 2016
    #12
    In all areas - but I’ve gotten better at it. I think it’s because for me I always prioritize and get things done as early as I can - but I forget that not everyone works the same way.
     
  13. mscriv macrumors 601

    mscriv

    Joined:
    Aug 14, 2008
    Location:
    Dallas, Texas
    #13
    The key to conquering anxiety and worry is to learn the limits of your control. You can only truly control one thing in life and that is yourself. Any thoughts of controlling anything beyond that is a fantasy/illusion. Worry and anxiety over things beyond your control is self-defeating and a waste of energy.

    Many believe we can't control our thoughts or emotions. Some people live their whole lives at the mercy of their mind and heart, but the truth is we can learn to manage these aspects of our life. Develop healthy coping strategies to calm your nerves, defeat negativity in your life, and promote an overall positive attitude. Practice self-discipline, encouragement, self-sacrifice, and service. If you can learn to consider others before yourself it will change your world. As @A.Goldberg, said, many times worry and anxiety are signs of an overly self focused or self centered worldview.

    The last, and quite possibly most important, step in this process is don't go it alone or live in isolation. We all need and thrive when we are connected to others in community. Having a support network is vital. There will be times when you need others and there are times when others will need you. These must be genuine and honest relationships. We each need friends who love us enough to have hard conversations with us when we need that accountability or objective honesty in our life, someone who truly has our best interest in mind and cares enough to speak up when needed.
     
  14. BasicGreatGuy Contributor

    BasicGreatGuy

    Joined:
    Sep 21, 2012
    Location:
    In the middle of several books.
    #14
    OP,

    From what you have posted, it sounds like you have a need to be in control. Being proactive by getting tasks done as quickly as possible, even if there isn't a close deadline, is a product of you conquering the moment in time (re: undone task(s) when you feel vulnerable, insecure, and out of your so-called element. In my opinion, finding ways to distract yourself from the inner angst and insecurity you find yourself in on a regular basis is not the answer. Distraction does not force you to honestly deal with the origins of your trigger(s), and work through them in a forthright manner. What it does do, is keep you on the same emotional merry-go-round.

    If you want to work towards freeing yourself from the merry-go-round, you need to put yourself in new situations, that force you to act outside of your normal (emotional and physical) routine. What I am speaking of is something as simple as making a point to make eye contact and speak to a stranger before he or she speaks to you, whether you are ordering the same food and beverage at your favorite places, (as I think you are prone to do) or while you are walking along the street etc. Every day, say hello to 5 strangers. It doesn't matter whether they say anything in return or not. Get some playing cards, coffee stirs or the like, and empty the contents on the floor in several areas you frequent at home, so that the cards, stirs, or whatever object(s) you have chosen are disorganized. Leave the object(s) on the floor for 24hrs before removing them. Each time you see the mess on the floor, you will have some anxiety, because you feel strong urges to clean the floor.

    Having a type A personality is not a bad thing, unless it is allowed to take control of a person's life. Often times, people with type A personality tendencies see their day to day life as various tasks that need to be conquered. They maneuver from one completed task and person to the next. While having this mindset can allow one to accomplish many things at once, it can also hinder one from experiencing and living in the moment(s) of each day. Many times, a person with type A personality tendencies will often feel that he or she could have achieved more during the day, or conquered the task(s) better if it weren't for x,y, or z.

    Life is not about conquering the moments. Life is about immersing ourselves in each moment we have. Instead of fearing or shying away from that which can make us feel angst, anger, sadness, joy, or love etc. we turn towards it, thus making ourselves vulnerable in some way. And it is this vulnerability, that can lead to growth, if we allow it.

    Congratulations on your new job. I wish you the very best. I hope you will try some of the things I mentioned as I believe it will be a help to you.
     
  15. Tech198 macrumors G5

    Joined:
    Mar 21, 2011
    Location:
    Australia, Perth
    #15
    Happens to the bets of us..
     
  16. Tassie234 macrumors newbie

    Tassie234

    Joined:
    Feb 15, 2018
    #16
    Tassie234

    It is hard I know, take your mind off things by doing what you like in life; there are many things that we do not have control over in life. Just clear your mind by visualizing a place you want to be and you will have peace there, then go for a walk look around you and live for now. He will call you he needs you, because you are you; patients teaches us self control and that's what your new boss wants to see, i believe so!.
     
  17. tobefirst macrumors 68040

    tobefirst

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    St. Louis, MO
  18. jeyf macrumors 65816

    Joined:
    Jan 20, 2009
    #18
    i was thinking the same thing
    what ever happens best of luck!
     
  19. jkcerda macrumors 6502a

    jkcerda

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2013
    Location:
    Criminal Mexi Midget
    #19
    archery
    motorcycle ride
    shooting guns
    motorcycle ride

    all of those help me relax , by far the easiest if the motorcycle ride out into nowhere alone or with a group, rode 1 hr one time just to the place where we were going to meet to go out from there another 2 hrs :p
     
  20. Volusia macrumors 6502

    Volusia

    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2016
    Location:
    Central Florida
    #20
    Read about the "circle of influence" as discussed by Stephen Covey. https://uthscsa.edu/gme/documents/Circles.pdf. You should use this in your everyday life to help you focus on what you can control. If you have the opportunity, read Covey's book, Seven Daily Habits of Highly Effective People.
     
  21. yaxomoxay macrumors 68040

    yaxomoxay

    Joined:
    Mar 3, 2010
    Location:
    Texas
    #21
    Congrats on the new job.
    Do yourself a HUGE, enormous favor and read “Deep Work” by Cal Newport. His “So good they can’t ignore you” is another important book.
    Also, listen to his two TED speeches (on the same topics).
     

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