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HS Girl Trouble

Phat_Pat

Phat_Pat

macrumors 68000
Original poster
May 8, 2004
1,955
0
I Live Where I Live
ok so here it goes... make my self sound lame online haha

alright so ive been best friends with this girl now for like 2 years and we know pretty much everything about each other, like everything. ok some history.. me and her became friends because i had a crush on her and i was trying to possibly form a relationship but she ended up liking some other dude and we just ended up becoming really close friends.

and like i kinda gave up on her but of course i still had feelings... so her and the dude broke up.. and a few months passed by and i didn't make any moves and of course another guy came along and she went after him.

ok current situation. for some reason i still like her... she is literally one of my two best friends. she tells me everything... like everything her and her bf do. the problem is everytime i talk to her it hurts. like it hurts hearing these things and seeing them together

anyone have any advice to help make this easier... or to possible get rid of these feelings? and finding new friends is out of the question.... the group is the three of us... i throw her out i lose my other best friend

its a really crappy situation:(
 
Wow. Tough situation.

Have you told her how you feel? (yeah yeah, obvious, but believe me, I'm a girl; this works, A LOT) Unless you're extremely fat/stupid/ugly (Not trying to insult you, but girl's are picky about that kind of thing) She should talk to you. Not to mention she's your best friend, and you should tell her everything.

Work out these feelings with her, and she should understand you are a little sensitive about this.

Although if she already knows about your feelings, she's probably messing with you, and probably not a real good friend.

Just my advice
 
Hmm, this is not a particularly good situation relationship-wise. It is nearly impossible (at least in my and my friends' experiences) to go from friends to a relationship. Your best option is probably to seek other prospects but still remain friends with her (if you feel you can).
 
You're in the "Friend Box" and there's no way out.

Remain friends and graduate high school. Chances are, your triad friendship will die and you won't see them again after you go to college.

High school is dumb, and you won't understand until you graduate.
 
Well, the good news is that once you're out of highschool a couple years you won't care anymore and will have found one more more others to take your mind off her.
 
To build off what the others have said. I rarely talk to any of my HS friends, I'd say that I keep in touch with maybe 2-3 at most. Everyone goes their separate ways and you will find tons of friends/new people in college.
 
Ok I'm in practically the same situation as you. I'm really good friends with a girl that tells me everything and of course all these other guys are all over her too. My advice is just wait it out? And BE THERE for her. You know, a shoulder to cry on sorta thing. She'll probably tell you what the guy did wrong so you'll get a lot of info what she does and doesn't like right? And when she's in one of these off periods where there isn't some other guy, make your move. Tell her how you feel. What's the worst that can happen right?
 
here's the deal, you're in hs, you're young... dont worry so much about it

worrying is a waste of time and youve got a lot of living to do, lot of girls to meet. thats really all i can say about that. sounds vague and boring, but its true
 
Stinkythe1 said:
High school is dumb, and you won't understand until you graduate.
Click to expand...

AMEN brother. This girl I thought I was going to marry in highschool, I don't talk to her much anymore, and recently she called me for a booty call, and I turned her down. What a feeling that was.
 
the fact that she tells you EVERYTHING is not a good thing. you're basically like a girlfriend to her, and she probably doesn't see you in the boyfriend sort of way. still, if you like her that much, you should tell her.
 
Not to highjack your thread, but I am going through the same and I just wanted to give my input. I have the exact situation as you but I acctually asked her out once and she said no because she doesnt want to ruin our friendship. But we have made out a couple of times(she always made the move never me) even after I was rejected. Now we are best friends and it hurts me. It really hurts to see her with other guys, Im in love with this girl aned I cant be her friend aned I have told her this in two different occaisons. She would cry and I would start to get over her, a little time after she would talk to me I would apologies and it would be "ok" between us again. I wanted to make her happy. But this way I am never getting over her. I think I am gogin to do it again and go through with it this time, I just thing it will make things really wierd cuz Ive done it twice before. My advice to you is, whatever you do, STAY STRONG!
 
Xander562 said:
My advice is just wait it out? And BE THERE for her. You know, a shoulder to cry on sorta thing.
Click to expand...

If there's any advice to ignore in this thread ... this sentence epitomizes it.

This girl will never date you. If you put her on the spot she will either avoid the question and cite the value of the friendship OR she will just say no. She doesn't think of you like that. She never will.

It doesn't get easier, this is apart of life. Everyone who's talking about the friend category is 100% right, you're doing your research in the wrong library.

If you want perspective read Tucker Maxx's book ... its not a dating guide but it definitely shows you that being a girls bestfriend is far from a great strategy. In fact its the opposite of a great strategy.
 
Little piece of information about almost every girl/woman on this planet. We know if we are attracted to you almost immediately. If that spark is not there, it never will be. You either have it or you don't. If you don't have that little bit of chemistry then move on, it's elsewhere.
 
Find some other girl to be your "friend". You guys are "best friends" because you have feelings for her and you will always be there for her.

My advice, don't hang around her so much and find someone/ something else to do. Hang out with your guy friends, go on a date with someone in school/work/church etc. If you keep this up, it'll only make you miserable.

Good luck. :)
 
poopyhead said:
Definitely read this site
ladder theory explains all!

and yes you can jump the ladder from say a "cuddle b***h" to boyfriend (I have done it) but this is not a good idea given the ladder paridigm
you will mearly find yourself as a temporary and relatively low rung on a different ladder
Click to expand...
that drivel has brainwashed you! listen to yourself (note bolded point) :p

I read part of it but it was way too much for my short attention span to handle. It kinda made sense but in a ridiculously nit-picking kind of generalization of the obvious kind of way.

In all seriousness it's just not that complicated. Either you've got chemistry with another person or you don't. <shrugs>
 
what you need is another best friend thats a girl and drift apart on purpose. she'll either be jealous and angry, or you'll get what you want. at least you'll know where she stands
 
iBlue said:
Little piece of information about almost every girl/woman on this planet. We know if we are attracted to you almost immediately. If that spark is not there, it never will be. You either have it or you don't. If you don't have that little bit of chemistry then move on, it's elsewhere.
Click to expand...

I am a girl. I do not completely agree with this above. I have been in this situation a number of times. I am one of those girls who has tended to always have a lot of guy friends, and ... a few have fallen for me. Sure... sometimes, I am just not attracted to them in that way, and it's a "sorry, hopefully you still will take time to be my friend" sorta thing, and I always remained respectly, distanced myself for little on more personal matters (dont' wanna hurt my friends!) but over a few months time, and a new love interest later, they were always around to come back, and things remained ok, assuming she really is a good friend and cares about you (and you put things in the most matter of fact, open, kind manner as possible) you guys will be able to work through whatever comes of it.


HOWEVER... my two cents on the friends ---> relationship thing.

It works. Period. I'm sure it depends on your background, your parents, how you relate with them, how you were brought up, your definition of love... psychology stuff etc etc, but I have ALWAYS had more guy friends then girls, it's always how I have been.

I have had a few boyfriends, but my two most serious ones were friends before anything. In highschool I became best friends with a guy for over a year, and actually liked one of his friends, and was dating someone else for part of the time as well and NEVER thought about him like that. It wasn't until 1.5 years after we became friends that I ended up being single for a while and started to notice I had become attracted to him even though there wasn't ever any "spark" to begin with.

It was one of the best relationships I ever had... but... senior year in HS came and we were on different schedules, he was a year behind, and we mutually ended up "breaking up" although it was more a strange reversal back to just being friends, and I am proud to say, while we aren't the BEST friends (he goes to school across the country) we are still pretty good friends and talk every week.

The guy I am with now, and have been for the last 2.5 years I met in highschool. We were friends for all 4 years of highschool, best friends for the last 2 and the first year of college (even though he is 1.5 hours away at a different school) I helped him get with one of his gfs in highschool and get through and back into many relationships, and through this whole time had sworn and told the truth when I said i DIDN"T like him like that, and I wouldn't. We both thought the same way. Sure... he was nice, semi attractive and i guess he thought the same, but it was definitely NOT a consideration. I had NO desire to date the guy. Friends only.

2.5 years ago over christmas break though, just randomly something clicked I guess, and we were both single and hung out as usually, but something clicked and we started a relationship. It's been up and down, but as our friendship always has been, it's been solid and based on being best friends first -romantically involved second.

I am the happiest I have been. I have tried relationships both ways... dating first, friends first, blind dates, etc... and the only way for me that's every meant anything real has come out of developing a friendship first. And... while for a lot of people that may develop as you date (married couples etc) in the end the friendship and the way you can interact on those levels are what matters.

So, perhaps once she's single, (or now.. if it really does hurt you) you can tell her, who knows what will happen, anything now, in the future, or not at all, but it's always good to not be holding aburden around. However you are in HS, a lot will change, but dont' let everyone here tell you that friendships can't be more. In my opinion, that's the only way to start.

Sorry. A LONG 2 cents here. Good luck.
 
Xander562 said:
Ok I'm in practically the same situation as you. I'm really good friends with a girl that tells me everything and of course all these other guys are all over her too. My advice is just wait it out? And BE THERE for her. You know, a shoulder to cry on sorta thing. She'll probably tell you what the guy did wrong so you'll get a lot of info what she does and doesn't like right? And when she's in one of these off periods where there isn't some other guy, make your move. Tell her how you feel. What's the worst that can happen right?
Click to expand...

Worst. Advice. Ever.

Phat_Pat said:
alright so ive been best friends with this girl now for like 2 years and we know pretty much everything about each other, like everything.
Click to expand...

Xander562 said:
I'm really good friends with a girl that tells me everything and of course all these other guys are all over her too.
Click to expand...

You know, if you two didn't keep working this "friend" for so long, and you found another girl, or at least went after other girls, you wouldn't be in this situation. If you wait around for a girl for 2 years, you just wasted 2 years. Guys always seem to do this -- get infatuated and wait it out, hoping that your "friend" will smarten up and want to be with you, since you're the one who really cares about her, not those other guys. (COUGH)

Somtimes it will work if you wait for her, but I think that in the large large large majority of the cases, you will never be anything other than a friend. Yes you can wait, but in the next few years, you can meet someone else and try it out. If every girl knows you love this one particular friend, these other girls won't be interested in you even if they were initially.


PS: You can't be friends with someone you were attracted to. It makes you an easy target for being used and abused. Your "friend" will always be a bit more than a friend to you. Move on. You're probably too late and messed up, Fall-back Guy™.


SC68Cal said:
http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
Click to expand...

That's like a high school essay for it because it's so ridiculous (sometimes), while THIS is like the better, university essay version.
 
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