Wow.....I can't even imagine what you must be going through. I don't even know you but if you lived closer to me I'd invite you over for a beer.
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I just lost my best friend
- Thread starter leekohler
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Many years ago, I phoned the bass player of my former band, just to say "Hi", for no reason. He was stoned, and couldn't stop repeating "Wow! How did you know to call me just now?" and raving on. I just went "Whatever", made chitchat and signed off after a while. The next week he OD'd on heroin and was found dead in a local park.
Lee, I know you know this; I'm restating the obvious mainly for others...
Neither you or I or anyone close to the person could have stopped this. You or I are in no way responsible for his decision and action on it. Nor could you or I have changed the arc of their history "if only" we had known or "done something different".
Suicide is a solitary act. The individual is absorbed in their own pain or desperation. Some say it is an act of selfishness, or a deliberate, final hitting out at those around them, but really we don't know. Ultimately, though, it is the final decision of the individual, and not an act (or inaction) of those close to them.
Lee, I know you know this; I'm restating the obvious mainly for others...
Neither you or I or anyone close to the person could have stopped this. You or I are in no way responsible for his decision and action on it. Nor could you or I have changed the arc of their history "if only" we had known or "done something different".
Suicide is a solitary act. The individual is absorbed in their own pain or desperation. Some say it is an act of selfishness, or a deliberate, final hitting out at those around them, but really we don't know. Ultimately, though, it is the final decision of the individual, and not an act (or inaction) of those close to them.
wise words from a wise man. very true. and i had similar thoughts, but could never frame them as well as you have.
lee, you know how to reach me if you need anything. i'm usually around. even if you just need someone to talk to.
I am not sure if this makes sense, but what has pulled me through a somewhat similar situation is a personal vow to always keep the memory alive.
When I was 5, I met Jimmy Briggs. We became fast friends. Then we became soul mates. All of the discoveries of youth, we went through together. We graduated in 1968, at the height of the Vietnam War. We both were drafted. Jimmy went into the Marines. I chose Naval Air. As I completed training, I received orders to report to the Naval Amphibious Base at Coronado, to begin further training as a helicopter air crewman, with my final assignment to an attack helicopter squadron in the Mekong Delta. I went back to my barracks to call home and give them the bad news. There was a note on the bulletin board form me to call home. When I reached my mom, she told me that Jimmy had been killed in Vietnam. Even as I type this, I feel exactly as I did at that moment. I then had to tell her I was now on my way there too.
I took a vow to never let his memory fade. It never has. Seldom does a day go by when I do not think of him. All of my friends know of him and the hundreds of stories I like to tell. Keep your friends memory fresh and alive, and he will be with you forever.
When I was 5, I met Jimmy Briggs. We became fast friends. Then we became soul mates. All of the discoveries of youth, we went through together. We graduated in 1968, at the height of the Vietnam War. We both were drafted. Jimmy went into the Marines. I chose Naval Air. As I completed training, I received orders to report to the Naval Amphibious Base at Coronado, to begin further training as a helicopter air crewman, with my final assignment to an attack helicopter squadron in the Mekong Delta. I went back to my barracks to call home and give them the bad news. There was a note on the bulletin board form me to call home. When I reached my mom, she told me that Jimmy had been killed in Vietnam. Even as I type this, I feel exactly as I did at that moment. I then had to tell her I was now on my way there too.
I took a vow to never let his memory fade. It never has. Seldom does a day go by when I do not think of him. All of my friends know of him and the hundreds of stories I like to tell. Keep your friends memory fresh and alive, and he will be with you forever.
Wow, that's horrible. I feel for you man. I really wish I had something comforting to say. Never forget your friend, always remember the time you had together.
Best wishes.
Best wishes.
Glad to hear you're going over to friends' tonight. I had a friend kill himself nearly three years ago. He had a different group of friends from college that I really never connected with. They were leading a wild life on the side, even as adults. But, he couldn't control his problems. No one saw it coming, but they understood (as much as anyone can) when more information came out.
Sorry to go on. I'm also sorry you have to deal with this twice in your lifetime. Peace be with you, friend.
Sorry to go on. I'm also sorry you have to deal with this twice in your lifetime. Peace be with you, friend.
I'm so sorry to hear it, Lee. I'm sure that's a bit of a broken record now, but I wanted to add my concern. Will be thinking of you
Lisa
Lisa
sorry to hear about your lose. when i was a junior in high school i had just moved to a different state and had lived there for a few months killed himself. i took it very hard. he was like a brother to me. hang in their we never know why people do such things, just that we do our best to live out the good memories of them to not let them die in vain.
Absolute deepest sympathies during your tough time. I've had it rough over the past 6 months as well and wish you the best of strength in this most difficult of times.
Yeah, I had the same feeling a few weeks ago- like I should call him. I didn't do it. I kicked myself more than a few times the last few days, but you're right- it wouldn't have mattered. I didn't mention this earlier, but he's been battling depression for a long time. A lot of us had been keeping our eye on him. He seemed to be getting better. It was really only the last few days of his life that he got bad again, according to his wife. It's weird too, if you guys had known him or seen him- he always seemed together and was extremely good looking til the day he died. It's creepy- the things we think matter really don't. He and I were always athletic and always prided ourselves on staying in shape. I'm going to post this pic because I think it matters. This guy was 41 and you'd never know it, and still he killed himself. You never can tell what someone is going through just by looking at them. The things that matter are on the inside, guys. Remember that. I'll miss him forever. He was my best friend.
Most of you I've known a while. Lamina I just met. Thanks for the post, man. And thanks to all of you. You are all the best.
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Just got back from Colorado for the memorial service. I had to take Amtrak to Albuquerque and drive from there to Durango, CO. It was just so sad. I thought I would be the one who was inconsolable, but my friend Jim was worse off. I never thought I'd see him, who served as a doctor in Iraq (and as a soldier in Desert Storm), melt down like that. I hope none of you ever have to go through the suicide of a loved one. Speaking at that service was so damn hard. I made it OK til my last few sentences, then I just lost it.
I stayed with his wife and kids at their house and helped with the twins, who are both only one year old. So needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. They woke up every hour it seemed. His wife is just devastated. This has been tough for me. I can't even imagine what she's going through.
On the other hand, it was good to see his parents again. They were my second mom and dad.
I stayed with his wife and kids at their house and helped with the twins, who are both only one year old. So needless to say, I didn't get much sleep. They woke up every hour it seemed. His wife is just devastated. This has been tough for me. I can't even imagine what she's going through.
On the other hand, it was good to see his parents again. They were my second mom and dad.
Is it bad for me to ask what happened? If so then sorry for the offense. Luckily I haven't lost anyone close yet, I have no idea what I'de do?
He had severe bipolar disorder. He had been doing really well and suddenly took a very bad turn. This was his second attempt.
I'm sorry about what happened. It is a real hard thing to go through, I would know. Just take it slow, don't think about it too much, and be glad that he is in a better place now.
I lost a lifelong friend the in the same manner right before Thanksgiving 2005. I had anger as well as sorrow to deal with, but now that time has passed I only remember how good his heart was. Most people were hurt, but I kind of understood - having been in the same frame of mind before due to drug addiction... anyways I'll always cherish the time we had.
It's good to remember. Don't ever blame yourself Lee.
It's good to remember. Don't ever blame yourself Lee.
I'm not actually. I do understand what he did, even though it sucks. He made his own choice.
I'm really sorry to hear this, no one should ever be put in this kind of situation. My prayers go out to you and your friends family. Take care and God bless!
Hi Lee,
I have friends who are bipolar and it's like a time bomb waiting to go off. It must be hard for you not only having to be there for you friend's family, but also grieving for your lost friendship. As they say, may you be spared further sorrows, and know that you have as much support as virtual communities can offer.
I have friends who are bipolar and it's like a time bomb waiting to go off. It must be hard for you not only having to be there for you friend's family, but also grieving for your lost friendship. As they say, may you be spared further sorrows, and know that you have as much support as virtual communities can offer.
Really sorry that you have to go through that. Losing someone is never easy, neither the first nor the second time. But as SMM said, just think of them as much as you can, and by that I mean of the things you did together not about that he is gone. It helps.