I wish Facebook would show rejected friend requests

[usagora]

MY ISSUE IS SOLVED:
@velocityg4 has informed me of something I was unaware of that solves my issue! See his post #24 here:

I wish Facebook would show rejected friend requests

I've done some digging. While this won't help for all time. If someone deletes or declines a friend request. You can't send another request for a year. If they really don't want to hear from you. They can block requests permanently. So, while you can't see a list of closed requests. If you...

forums.macrumors.com

Original Post:
I sent quite a few friend requests over the last couple weeks going through the "People you may know" section that's based on mutual friends. I know how to see the requests I sent, but unfortunately Facebook doesn't show you rejected requests (they just disappear from the sent list). So now I've seen a few people that I think I sent friend requests, but I can't remember for sure - they are not listed as my friend nor do they appear under sent requests. So since I can't remember, I'd like to send a request, but I'm going to look like a stalker if this is actually the 2nd request that I've sent. LOL! And it would be awkward to ask them in person about it if they indeed rejected a request from me (that I forgot I sent). So because Facebook doesn't reveal this information, I'm now forced to either take a gamble or miss out connecting with them on Facebook. sigh...

Guess I'll have to start manually making a list every time I send a friend request now

EDIT: Seems like many people have a hang-up about others knowing they "rejected" your friend request. Well, then all FB has to do is instead of showing a separate list of "rejected" requests, they can simply keep them showing as "pending" and then archive them after 30 days or so. That way, you have a thorough record of requests you've sent but don't know for sure whether any pending request has been rejected, ignored, or simply unseen. So now everyone's happy!

 

[maflynn]

but unfortunately Facebook doesn't show you rejected requests

While I'm not on FB any longer, I will say that I agree with this functionality. I don't want strangers, acquaintances and even friends see why I rejected them. They certainly can come and ask me why but I feel that's a bit too much information that is being exposed.

As I said, I'm not active in FB, as I feel its a negative/caustic environment, but that's just me and I'm not knocking your involvement.

 

[usagora]

I don't want strangers, acquaintances and even friends see why I rejected them.

But that's not what I'm asking for. I'm simply suggesting that they show that your request was rejected, not the reason why it was rejected. Otherwise, you have no record that you ever sent them a request and could easily send another (not remembering you sent the first) and come across as some sort of creep when it's simply not the case.

As an aside, I don't see FB as any more or less caustic than this forum or any other social media platform can be at times. It's easy enough for users to control that on most of those sites, though, by blocking/ignoring users.

 

[yaxomoxay]

I'm simply suggesting that they show that your request was rejected, not the reason why it was rejected.

If you know they rejected you, you know that they took an action specifically intended to reject your friend request. If you don't know they rejected you, you don't know if you not being "friended" is because they don't want to add you, or if they simply forgot, or if they hit too many friends, if it's because they didn't log on the system for a while etc.

 

[velocityg4]

I don't use Facebook either. I'd see too many people viewing this as too uncomfortable. Although for your purposes. I'd say they could add a log of sent requests. That would suffice. Not whether someone viewed or rejected the request. As that could lead to uncomfortable real life confrontations.

I expect most people simply ignored the request or aren't very active and missed them. I do know that these requests show up in e-mail. I'd expect most people just delete Facebook e-mails without ever reading them.

 

[usagora]

If you know they rejected you, you know that they took an action specifically intended to reject your friend request. If you don't know they rejected you, you don't know if you not being "friended" is because they don't want to add you, or if they simply forgot, or if they hit too many friends, if it's because they didn't log on the system for a while etc.

But that's precisely what I WANT to know! If they have taken no action on your request, it will still show as pending forever until they do, so that's not an issue. If it's because they've hit too many friends, then FB could easily show those as well to differentiate from rejected requests.

Again, the problem here is people like me without a photographic memory who can't remember for sure if they sent a particular person a request. If FB would simply track your requests that were rejected, that would solve the problem. Since they don't, now I'm left with a quandary - send a request and possibly look like a stalker (if I HAD already sent one before) or not send a request and forever wonder if the person actually had rejected a request from me . . . or ask them in person and risk an awkward conversation (if they HAD rejected a request from me that I forgot I sent).

 

[usagora]

I don't use Facebook either. I'd see too many people viewing this as too uncomfortable. Although for your purposes. I'd say they could add a log of sent requests. That would suffice. Not whether someone viewed or rejected the request. As that could lead to uncomfortable real life confrontations.

I expect most people simply ignored the request or aren't very active and missed them. I do know that these requests show up in e-mail. I'd expect most people just delete Facebook e-mails without ever reading them.

No, I DO want them to show whether a request was rejected. I mean, it's possible to know this anyway if someone makes a manual list of sent requests (which I didn't, but people looking to be offended by a rejected request easily could), so I don't see the issue. And again, ignored/unseen requests still show up as sent requests, so those aren't an issue. The problem is once someone rejects your request, there is no record of the request anymore, period, so you can't know for sure if you had ever sent them one.

And I'm not asking that FB send you an email or push notification that the request was rejected. In fact, they can bury it deep within the settings if they'd like to keep the average Joe from even being able to find without intentionally looking for it. I just want a log of that to EXIST (and be user-accessible).

 

[maflynn]

But that's not what I'm asking for. I'm simply suggesting that they show that your request was rejected, not the reason why it was rejected. Otherwise, you have no record that you ever sent them a request and could easily send another (not remembering you sent the first) and come across as some sort of creep when it's simply not the case.

I know what you're asking for and what I'm saying is I'd rather keep my decisions personal. You sent a request to me, but I decide its not something I want. i'd rather slip off under the radar and not be confronted as to why. I can see this potentially being abused by stalkers and people who just want to grief others.

 

[maflynn]

by blocking/ignoring users.

And that's why its a good idea to have my decision kept personal

 

[velocityg4]

I know what you're asking for and what I'm saying is I'd rather keep my decisions personal. You sent a request to me, but I decide its not something I want. i'd rather slip off under the radar and not be confronted as to why. I can see this potentially being abused by stalkers and people who just want to grief others.

Or more simply. Not wanting to be confronted by an Aunt you love who sends posts too many cat photos you don't want showing up on your timeline. 😃

 

[yaxomoxay]

But that's precisely what I WANT to know!

I understand that it's what you want to know. And that's precisely what I - the person rejecting the request - DO NOT WANT you to know. You "invade" my space with your request, I don't owe you any acknowledgment.

 

[yaxomoxay]

I just want a log of that to EXIST (and be user-accessible).

Here you go. Unless you have 1,000,000 friends you want to tag, this should be pretty easy to maintain in Excel/Spreadsheets/Google Docs.

NAME	REQUEST SENT ON	STATUS	RELATIONSHIP	NOTES
John Doe	1/1/11	Pending	Schoolmate	Loves soccer

 

[usagora]

I know what you're asking for and what I'm saying is I'd rather keep my decisions personal. You sent a request to me, but I decide its not something I want. i'd rather slip off under the radar and not be confronted as to why. I can see this potentially being abused by stalkers and people who just want to grief others.

If someone is a stalker or trouble-maker, they're likely going to have their own record that they make of sent requests (as @yaxomoxay demonstrated anyone can do) and use simple deduction to determine which requests have been rejected by comparing FB's "sent requests" list to their own, so I don't see this objection as making any sense. As I said in a later post, I'm not asking that FB "announce" when your request has been rejected by email or notification - just that a log that's SOMEWHERE on the site that you can access.

Or if the word "rejected" is what's bothering you here, then at least they could keep rejected requests showing as "pending" on the requestor's end and then once the request has been pending for 30 days or more, it can be filed under a separate section, so you're never sure if it was just unseen, ignored, or rejected, but at least you KNOW that you sent the request.

 

[usagora]

I understand that it's what you want to know. And that's precisely what I - the person rejecting the request - DO NOT WANT you to know. You "invade" my space with your request, I don't owe you any acknowledgment.

I'm not asking for a personal message from people who rejected my requests. I think my posts have been quite clear that I'm simply asking for FB to make basic records like this accessible to users. And, yes, as I've already stated multiple times, I KNOW I could make a spreadsheet on my own, but that's ridiculous to make users do that when they could easily just maintain a consistent log instead of removing data from the user's view and causing confusion. Poor design. As I said to maflynn above, there are multiple ways of doing this even without specifying a request was rejected, so I see no logical reason for objection.

I've already submitted feedback to FB, but I was simply wondering if other FB users had similar awkward situations due to this lack functionality.

 

[usagora]

Or more simply. Not wanting to be confronted by an Aunt you love who sends posts too many cat photos you don't want showing up on your timeline. 😃

Not sure how this is relevant to the discussion. You're talking about someone who's already your "Friend" on FB if their posts are showing up in your timeline. In that case, you can easily "unfollow" them (without unfriending them) to not see their posts in your timeline.

 

[yaxomoxay]

I'm not asking for a personal message from people who rejected my requests. I think my posts have been quite clear that I'm simply asking for FB to make basic records like this accessible to users. And, yes, as I've already stated multiple times, I KNOW I could make a spreadsheet on my own, but that's ridiculous to make users do that when they could easily just maintain a consistent log instead of removing data from the user's view and causing confusion. Poor design. As I said to maflynn above, there are multiple ways of doing this even without specifying a request was rejected, so I see no logical reason for objection.

I've already submitted feedback to FB, but I was simply wondering if other FB users had similar awkward situations due to this lack functionality.

It's not poor design, it's done on purpose and it's probably the only thing I actually like about FB. On the requestor's side, if you want to keep track of requests, you do the work and you'll never ever know what exactly happened.

If you send me a letter, and never hear back you'll never know if I never received it, if I trashed it before opening it, if I opened it and then trashed it, if I keep it pending for a response - unless I (the receiver) actually take positive action, write on the letter "Return to Sender", and mail it back (which is equivalent of communicating with you).

 

[maflynn]

I've already submitted feedback to FB

As I stated the functionality as it stands is what I would prefer, clearly we're on opposite sides of the fence and like you being unable to convince me that your suggestion is good, likewise, I'll not be able to convince you.

I'm not on FB due to the fact that I am the product that is being sold, people post a false image of who they are, i.e., everything is rainbows and sunshine which studies have reported can be harmful and generally its just not healthy imo.

 

[usagora]

It's not poor design, it's done on purpose and it's probably the only thing I actually like about FB. On the requestor's side, if you want to keep track of requests, you do the work and you'll never ever know what exactly happened.

If you send me a letter, and never hear back you'll never know if I never received it, if I trashed it before opening it, if I opened it and then trashed it, if I keep it pending for a response - unless I (the receiver) actually take positive action, write on the letter "Return to Sender", and mail it back (which is equivalent of communicating with you).

I feel like you guys are skimming my posts:

What I said in my last reply to you:

As I said to maflynn above, there are multiple ways of doing this even without specifying a request was rejected, so I see no logical reason for objection.

and this is what I was referring to:

Or if the word "rejected" is what's bothering you here, then at least they could keep rejected requests showing as "pending" on the requestor's end and then once the request has been pending for 30 days or more, it can be filed under a separate section, so you're never sure if it was just unseen, ignored, or rejected, but at least you KNOW that you sent the request.

 

[usagora]

As I stated the functionality as it stands is what I would prefer, clearly we're on opposite sides of the fence and like you being unable to convince me that your suggestion is good, likewise, I'll not be able to convince you.

See my reply to yaxomoxay above. Not sure how anyone could have a problem if requests simply remain "pending" and it would also solve my issue.

 

[adrianlondon]

Meh - just send the friend request again. They can reject it again.

If it says "pending" that means they've ignored it or not seen it. At some point they'll probably tidy this up and reject (or accept!) you.

There's also an option to automatically block future friend requests from you if they wanted (they click "don't know this person" when thet decline it, and the option for you to send them another friend request is removed).

 

[Boyd01]

My facebook use is pretty minimal these days. I also like the policy... just leave me alone. Sorry, I'm not interested in helping people manage their friend requests. IMO, the whole "people you may know" thing is pretty annoying, if not downright creepy. However, I just ignore requests I don't want to accept and it sounds like that would address your issue since they would still show as pending. But it's actually good to know that rejected requests are not shown, maybe I'll start doing that in the future.

 

[usagora]

Meh - just send the friend request again. They can reject it again.

If it says "pending" that means they've ignored it or not seen it. At some point they'll probably tidy this up and reject (or accept!) you.

There's also an option to automatically block future friend requests from you if they wanted (they click "don't know this person" when thet decline it, and the option for you to send them another friend request is removed).

Yeah, they can reject it again and in the meantime think you're creepy . . . that's the whole problem I'm trying to avoid. The feature to block future requests is nice, but still doesn't solve the issue because I bet many people don't do that after just one request.

 

[usagora]

My facebook use is pretty minimal these days. I also like the policy... just leave me alone. Sorry, I'm not interested in helping people manage their friend requests. IMO, the whole "people you may know" thing is pretty annoying, if not downright creepy. However, I just ignore requests I don't want to accept and it sounds like that would address your issue since they would still show as pending. But it's actually good to know that rejected requests are not shown, maybe I'll start doing that in the future.

sigh...I'm not asking FB users to manage my friend requests, I'm asking FACEBOOK to. And obviously not everyone simply ignores requests, but actually "reject" (or I think FB says "cancel" because it sounds better, LOL) them - and then they don't show as pending anymore, which leads to the issue I'm having now. Like I said, even if they simply keep them as pending forever, that would at least let me know for sure that I had sent them a request at one point without me knowing for sure whether they rejected it.

 

[velocityg4]

I've done some digging. While this won't help for all time.

If someone deletes or declines a friend request. You can't send another request for a year. If they really don't want to hear from you. They can block requests permanently.

So, while you can't see a list of closed requests. If you have the option of sending a request. You at least know that person hasn't declined within the last year.

I don't think that it's unreasonable to send a request once a year. If they really don't want to hear from you they can ignore it once a year or block you permanently.

How do I delete a friend request on Facebook? | Facebook Help Center

Learn how to delete a friend request on Facebook.

www.facebook.com

 

[yaxomoxay]

sigh...I'm not asking FB users to manage my friend requests, I'm asking FACEBOOK to.

And Facebook does it. Just in a way that you don't like.
And the overwhelming response on this very thread should clue you in on why Facebook manages friend requests that way.