If Bill Gates Ran The Auto Industry -- A Joke

bobber205

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Nov 15, 2005
2,182
0
Oregon
I was cleaning out my desk today (we move in seven days) and I found this four year old joke. I thought I would share with my MR friends.

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At a recent computer expo (COMDEX) Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry as, we would all be driving 25.00 dollars cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your cash would crash twice a day.
2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to restart the engine.
5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the syun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.
6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This car has performed An Illegal Operation."
7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure" before deploying.
8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed ahold of the radio attenna.
9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn on the engine.


I loved this. ;)
 

Jay42

macrumors 65816
Jul 14, 2005
1,346
433
11. The radio annoys you in some way every time it connects to a new station.
 

Pittsax

macrumors 6502
Dec 8, 2004
445
0
Toronto, Ontario
Good stuff! Kinda reminds me of these oldies but goodies:

Computer Beer

Computer Airlines:

DOS Airline
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Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and
let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then push again,
jump on again, and so on. For relaxation Bill's autobiographies are
tucked in the back of every seat.

Mac Airways
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All the flight attendants, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket
agents look the same, act the same. Every time you ask questions
about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to
know, and everything will be done for you without you having to
know, so just shut up and watch the movie. Cute little signs are everywhere and outside every window there are flying toasters.

Windows Airline
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The airport terminal is nice and colorful with friendly flight
attendants, easy access to the plane, an uneventful takeoff...then
the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever. In mid-air you
are informed that the rest of your flight will be continued on
DOS airline. (See DOS Airline)

Fly NT
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Everyone marches out on the runway, says the password in unison,
and forms the outline of an airplane. Then they all sit down and
make a whooshing sound like they're flying. The flight attendant
then announces that soon all flying will be just like this.

UNIX Airline
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Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come to
the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane
together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of
plane they're building. When another plane lands nearby the
passengers begin breaking up into meetings and trading pieces of
the plane.

Newton Airline (just for fun)
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After buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you finally get to
board the plane. Upon boarding the plane you are asked your name.
After 46 times, the flight attendant recognizes your name and then
you are allowed to take your seat. As you are getting ready to
take your seat, the flight attendant announces that you have to
repeat the boarding process because they are out of room and need to
re-count to make sure they can take more passengers.
 

SC68Cal

macrumors 68000
Feb 23, 2006
1,642
0
That car one is so old. I mean like, when I was in 7th grade one of my teachers had it on his door old. It's sad because today it still applies.

EDIT: I love the one about the UNIX Airline.