If Bill Gates Ran The Auto Industry -- A Joke

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by bobber205, Jun 4, 2006.

  1. bobber205 macrumors 68020


    Nov 15, 2005
    I was cleaning out my desk today (we move in seven days) and I found this four year old joke. I thought I would share with my MR friends.


    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX) Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated, "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry as, we would all be driving 25.00 dollars cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating: If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

    1. For no reason whatsoever, your cash would crash twice a day.
    2. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you would have to buy a new car.
    3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue.4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to restart the engine.
    5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the syun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive, but would run on only five percent of the roads.
    6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "This car has performed An Illegal Operation."
    7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure" before deploying.
    8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key and grabbed ahold of the radio attenna.
    9. Every time a new car was introduced, car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.
    10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn on the engine.

    I loved this. ;)
  2. climhazzard85 macrumors member


    Dec 28, 2005
    The S2000 must secretly be made by Microsoft!!
  3. Jay42 macrumors 65816


    Jul 14, 2005
    11. The radio annoys you in some way every time it connects to a new station.
  4. ReanimationLP macrumors 68030


    Jan 8, 2005
    On the moon.
    Thats probably one of the funniest things I've ever read in my entire life. :D
  5. Pittsax macrumors 6502


    Dec 8, 2004
    Toronto, Ontario
    Good stuff! Kinda reminds me of these oldies but goodies:

    Computer Beer

    Computer Airlines:

    DOS Airline
    Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then they jump on and
    let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then push again,
    jump on again, and so on. For relaxation Bill's autobiographies are
    tucked in the back of every seat.

    Mac Airways
    All the flight attendants, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket
    agents look the same, act the same. Every time you ask questions
    about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to
    know, and everything will be done for you without you having to
    know, so just shut up and watch the movie. Cute little signs are everywhere and outside every window there are flying toasters.

    Windows Airline
    The airport terminal is nice and colorful with friendly flight
    attendants, easy access to the plane, an uneventful takeoff...then
    the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever. In mid-air you
    are informed that the rest of your flight will be continued on
    DOS airline. (See DOS Airline)

    Fly NT
    Everyone marches out on the runway, says the password in unison,
    and forms the outline of an airplane. Then they all sit down and
    make a whooshing sound like they're flying. The flight attendant
    then announces that soon all flying will be just like this.

    UNIX Airline
    Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come to
    the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane
    together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of
    plane they're building. When another plane lands nearby the
    passengers begin breaking up into meetings and trading pieces of
    the plane.

    Newton Airline (just for fun)
    After buying your ticket 18 months in advance, you finally get to
    board the plane. Upon boarding the plane you are asked your name.
    After 46 times, the flight attendant recognizes your name and then
    you are allowed to take your seat. As you are getting ready to
    take your seat, the flight attendant announces that you have to
    repeat the boarding process because they are out of room and need to
    re-count to make sure they can take more passengers.
  6. bobber205 thread starter macrumors 68020


    Nov 15, 2005
    I've never seen the airplace one. Also a classic. :D
  7. someguy macrumors 68020


    Dec 4, 2005
    Still here.
    I'm not sure, but I think there's a typo in #1. :rolleyes:
  8. Benjamin macrumors 6502a


    Oct 27, 2003
    Portland, OR
    Oh man those are classics.. the car one and the airplane one.. :D
  9. SC68Cal macrumors 68000

    Feb 23, 2006
    That car one is so old. I mean like, when I was in 7th grade one of my teachers had it on his door old. It's sad because today it still applies.

    EDIT: I love the one about the UNIX Airline.
  10. Mitthrawnuruodo Moderator emeritus


    Mar 10, 2004
    Bergen, Norway
    10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn off the engine.
  11. XNine macrumors 68040


    Apr 7, 2005
    Why are you wearing that stupid man suit?
    Then there's the old:

    "If Microsoft ever made a vaccuum, it'd be the only product of theirs that didn't suck."
  12. Lollypop macrumors 6502a


    Sep 13, 2004
    Johannesburg, South Africa
    The airplane one is very old, but odly enough, still true. Amazing how little the world has changed!

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