If you've ever lost a loved one...

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by mgargan1, Sep 13, 2006.

  1. mgargan1 macrumors 65816


    Feb 22, 2003
    Reston, VA
    Back in May, my dad died at the age of 48 from a failed stent/stint, which he had to have because of a massive heart attack he had about a week prior. He and I were really close, and well, the past couple of weeks have been particularly difficult for me.

    The weird thing is, certain things have new meanings for me. For instance, the song "Stand" by the Rascal Flatts, used to make me think of a couple fighting. Well now the song makes me think that this is a song he would want me to listen to whenever I feel sad.

    If you've ever lost a loved one, download this song... it's a great song, and it's not twangy for people who don't like country... (they don't talk about losing their dog's and trucks)

    What do you guys do to help you?

    Here are the lyrics by the way:
    You feel like a candle in a hurricane.
    Just like a picture with a broken frame.
    Alone and helpless, Like you've lost your fight
    But you'll be alright

    Cause when push comes to shove
    You taste what you're made of
    You might bend, till you break
    Cause its all you can take
    On your knees you look up
    Decide you've had enough
    You get mad you get strong
    Wipe your hands shake it off
    Then you Stand, Then you stand
    Life's like a novel
    With the end ripped out
    The edge of a canyon
    With only one way down
    Take what you're given before its gone
    Start holding on, keep holding on

    [Repeat Chorus]
    Everytime you get up
    And get back in the race
    One more small piece of you
    Starts to fall into place
    [Repeat Chorus]
  2. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

    Jul 4, 2004
    I've lost a loved one recently. No tunes are going to make things feel better. Just time...
  3. mgargan1 thread starter macrumors 65816


    Feb 22, 2003
    Reston, VA
    I'm sorry to hear that. Songs don't make you feel better, they help you for those 4 minutes, and they help you relate.

    Time isn't going to make things feel better either... you're still going to miss your loved one, and that's a good thing. But with time, you'll learn to cope with your loss.

    Again, I am sorry to hear about your loss.
  4. Blue Velvet Moderator emeritus

    Jul 4, 2004
    Sorry, didn't mean to sound dismissive... just occasionally, when I think I'm on top of things, something will happen or someone will say something that scrapes through the veneer — reviving a cherished memory — leaving that numb rawness exposed again.

    Also very sorry to hear about your Dad.
  5. sushi Moderator emeritus


    Jul 19, 2002
    Sorry to hear of your loss.

    I don't think that you ever get over the loss of a loved one.

    I lost my mom at 10 and my uncle (that I went to live with) at 14. When I think of them it seems like yesterday even though it was over 30 years ago.

    When I get down, I try to think of the good times that we shared and the hurt is replaced by those memories. It probably helps that I believe that I will be reunited with them in heaven. So it is just a matter of time until I see them again.
  6. Kingsly macrumors 68040


    Ditto. Its never easy.. and yes, the memories can (and do) hit you at the least expected moments.

    I would have to agree with your philosophy, sushi. There're never gone for ever. :)
  7. Mord macrumors G4


    Aug 24, 2003
    Just don't cut people out, and try not to blame others, for about two months after I lost both my best friend when I was in*primary school, and my mother when I was 10, the latter more so, everything someone said to me I over analyzed and took as them trying to one up me somehow, I cut myself off, dident speak to anyone because I felt them closing in saying "i'm sorry" again and again and again.

    it's not a nice period, and their may be distractions, you just have to try to get through it and try not to cut people off.
  8. xsedrinam macrumors 601


    Oct 21, 2004
    It's pretty straight up that you're finding ways to grieve properly and do the necessary work toward acceptance, mgargan1, and I commend you for that. I also resonate with BV's thoughts. Often no words, no lyrics nor melody can remedy the genuine hurt that is part of the grieving process. There are no scripts.

    I lost my mom two years ago, and will soon say another "farewell" to an ailing father who is just hanging on. Say what you need to say to whomever in the living years, and cherish the fond memories you shared with those who've passed on. Hope you're doing okay.
  9. Roger1 macrumors 65816


    Jun 3, 2002
    I nearly lost my dad recently. Just from the extreme fear/other emotions I had at the time, I can only imagine how you feel. My deepest sympathies.
  10. Synapple macrumors regular

    Mar 29, 2004
    Rome, Italy
    I lost my mom when I was 15 and my instinct was to just avoid even thinking about what had happened.
    I would go out day and night and refrain from talking about it to anyone.

    It was probably not the appropriate way to deal with it - and the occasional burst in tears would happen once in a while - but it helped me go through it.

    Now that I'm nearly thirty and slightly wiser I am able to look back and smile when I think of how beautiful she was.

    It's not easy but you'll get there. Just take all the time you need.
  11. tobefirst macrumors 68040


    Jan 24, 2005
    St. Louis, MO
    I don't know that this is something I've actively done to help myself cope, but rather something I've noticed...

    My mom passed away 3 1/2 years ago from an brain aneurysm. Her death was very sudden and unexpected. Since that time, I've noticed that a lot of the characteristics she had are ones I now find myself having, or one of my two sisters having, or my dad. I believe that our not so physical properties, our human characteristics, are sort of, in some way, bound by the Law of Conservation of Matter.

    I'm gonna get all science class on you: according to this law, matter cannot be created or destroyed..it can only change forms or turn into energy. My mother's strength, her faith, her nuturing instinct, her compassion, her love...is the same way. It did not die with her body. Rather it transformed or moved into those she loved. I would not be nearly as strong of a person today, my faith would not be as deep, my sister would not be as nurturing and compassionate, if things were different.

    My mom's characteristics live in on in the people who's lives she touched.

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