I'm always panicking...

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Ivan P, Oct 7, 2009.

  1. Ivan P macrumors 68030

    Ivan P

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    #1
    So about 4 months ago I went through a rather stressful breakup which I think I may have documented here at one point or another. It hit me really hard, and what made matters worse was the guy I was with was rather abusive if he didn't get his own way - many times I got put down and told things like he hated me, I'm a bad person, I should die, etc; ignoring me was the alternative if he wasnt up for insulting (don't lecture me about not leaving him sooner - I'm sure most people have been in the position where they think they love someone enough to overlook their problems). It made me feel even worse when I found out he'd been cheating on me, and that neither him or the other guy saw any problem with it.

    After this, I started developing a breathing problem, couldn't eat, couldn't sleep. I went to the doctor and I was diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety disorder. The only meds I have is an inhaler for whenever my breathing plays up.

    About two months ago I met this really great guy and even though we're not officially together yet but we've hit it off pretty well. However, I find myself panicking, worrying and apologising over the stupidest and smallest things - for example, one night we were texting each other and he fell asleep, I didn't know this so I accidentally woke him up with my next message. I apologised quickly and he said it was alright, but I still felt bad. The next morning I sent him another message saying 'I'm sorry again about last night, have a good day'. There's been a few other instances of this sort of thing happening - or if he's busy and doesn't talk, I panic and assume the worst, I tell myself I'm not going to bother him but end up finding myself texting him at some point in the day, even if it's just a 'good night'; just getting a 'night' back makes me feel better because I know he's alright.

    Cue last night. I'd had a terrible day at work, and generally when I've had a bad day I like talking to people. So I thought I'd just message this guy and have a nice conversation with him. He was busy, so he didn't answer. Because of my stupid habit of worrying, I went to bed and just sent him a text saying "good night, hope you're ok xx". I get a reply about 15 minutes later saying "I'm fine :) why are you always panicking?!". I thought what the heck, we're fairly close, he's one of my best friends and I can trust him, so I may as well tell him about the crap my ex did. He knew a lot of it (the cheating and the depression and everything), and has been really supportive, so all I really explained was how from past experiences terrible things have happened when I hadn't heard from people I'm close to, etc. All he replied with was "wow", and I never heard back after that. Stupidly, I decided to send an apology before going to bed. Still no answer when I woke up. You'd have thought I'd quit there - but no, I had to send another one because I felt like I'd really screwed up by dropping all that stuff on him. This time I get "for **** sake! I was asleep!" back as a reply.

    Idiotically, I replied, but this time I did hold firm ground - I said "look, let's just forget about it. I overreacted and I know I shouldn't have. Have a good day"... I clearly didn't receive a response. This stupid complex is really getting to me... it has caused me to think that no reply means they're really angry; my ex has pretty much given me the impression that all guys are the same, even though this guy is easily one of the nicest and funniest people I've ever met. I have awful social skills, to be honest, and this is one friendship that I really don't want to screw up. I want to just give him time to cool down and relax, but I know my paranoia is going to step in again and that I'll either be down in the dumps for the next few days or will end up caving in and texting him :( Generally I used to do things like play video games, go out and exercise, draw, write, but none of that's worked for me since I've become depressed. Six months ago I was able to complete the entire story in GTA IV in a weekend, now I can't even play for half an hour before I switch off, and won't come back to it for a week... I just don't have the inspiration to do anything. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I need to find a way to pull myself out of this so that I can strengthen my friendship with this guy. Right now I'm considering trying to go a week without MSN, AIM, Facebook and the like, just so I'm not tempted to jump on him when he comes online... similarly, I'm trying to leave my iPhone in my bedroom so I don't constantly check it.

    I'm not sure what my problem is, the only thing I can think of is that my ex has caused me to develop some sort of complex where I panic over the stupidest things - "not hearing from him for one day means he MUST be screwing other people behind my back because that's what my ex did"; "he was short with me in one message so he MUST hate me, like my ex did". I know it's not fair on him to be compared to my ex because he is absolutely nothing like him, so I'm not sure where this anxiety is coming from. I'm over being paranoid because its ruining my friendships. I know it's probably a long shot, but is there any advice anyone can give, or anyone that can relate?
     
  2. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

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    #2
    Seek medical advice offline as it will serve you much better. Good luck with things.
     
  3. Ivan P thread starter macrumors 68030

    Ivan P

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    #3
    Ha! I knew one of the first replies would be something like that. Wow, jessica actually replying to me? Who'd have thought :p
     
  4. GoCubsGo macrumors Nehalem

    GoCubsGo

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    #4
    Hey now, don't be a wise guy. I'm actually being serious and sincere. It sounds like you could use some form of help but that help shouldn't come by way of this or any website. You really should talk to a qualified professional.
     
  5. iPhone 62S macrumors 6502a

    iPhone 62S

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    #5
    Yeah, +1 on that from me, that'll help more.

    I do think he was being irrational in his replies though, BTW.

    I can also relate a lot on the bad social skills (in fact, I have a form of autism) and my ex not replying, though, she would just plain forget to reply to my messages, drove me mad but I just had to get past it... Until we broke up, that is :D
     
  6. sushi Moderator emeritus

    sushi

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    #6
    Agree.

    OP, it sounds like you have some issues to work through.
     
  7. Ivan P thread starter macrumors 68030

    Ivan P

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    #7
    I forgot to mention I live in the middle of nowhere. As in, literally 350km from any major city. I live in a town with a population of about 50, so it's not as easy as walking around the corner and seeing a psych.

    Otherwise I wouldnt be posting this on a computer-centric message board ;)
     
  8. bartelby macrumors Core

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    #8
    Why not find a depression forum?
    There a quite a few of them...
     
  9. Ivan P thread starter macrumors 68030

    Ivan P

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    #9
    Because that's not the thing I'm trying to get advice about. I'm trying to get advice on how to deal with this stuff concerning my friend.
     
  10. arkitect macrumors 601

    arkitect

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    #10
    Ouch. Maybe not quite what you meant but… that's the kiss of death right there. :( :eek:

    Please do seek professional help… As Bartelby said a depression forum can help.

    You ask how to deal with your friend?
    Well the short answer woud be: "Chill!"
    Seriously, nothing is as much a turn off as someone that seems desperate and clingy.

    AND WHTS WTH TH TXTNG AL TH TM DO PPL NT HV PRPR CNVRSTNS ANYMR?

    ;)

    Good luck
     
  11. bartelby macrumors Core

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    #11
    I thought you were asking for help about depression and panic attacks/ anxiety???
     
  12. iBlue macrumors Core

    iBlue

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    #12
    First off, try to stop focusing on the panicking. That only makes it worse. If you're going to focus on anything, focus on the things you have in your life that are positive and need less mental maintenance. (if that makes sense.)
    You may do well to start a new hobby, something else to put your energy and time into.

    I think you need time. I've been in an abusive relationship before and I thought I was going to be damaged forever from it. It took me a long time to stop worrying, stop regretting, stop blaming myself, stop being a dysfunctional person in general. (one could still argue I am not entirely functional, but no one is perfect :p)

    I am not a big believer in counselling personally but I know it can be useful for a lot of people. I know you said you live in a very small town and that may not be an option for you. Do you like where you live? Maybe moving would be a refreshing change, and not just because of access to counsellors. Maybe a change could be just what the doctor ordered. Just a thought. (of course I could just be shocked anyone would want to live in a town that small :p)
     
  13. Grolubao macrumors 65816

    Grolubao

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    #13
    I think before meeting this new guy you should have stayed alone for some time. It's good to be with ourselves, to discover yourself again.

    First thing you really need is to love yourself again, then you can meet peole and start a new thing again. Take advantage of the state of being alone, it's so good! You can do whatever you like!
     
  14. toolbox macrumors 68020

    toolbox

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    #14
    Definitely seek help offline, but you sound like me but only there is a girl involved. I too have anxiety and depression and i am always stressing if she doesn't reply or incase i have said something wrong.

    I finally met her for the first time last friday night, we hung out. I said thanks for coming around and i will send u a sms tomorrow see what you upto may be we can go for lunch.

    It is now thursday i haven't heard from her since. So i have been stressing - did i do something wrong? All attempts to sms / ring have failed
     
  15. arkitect macrumors 601

    arkitect

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    #15
    Nearly a week? Hmmm.
    Perhaps start weaning yourself off of her…
     
  16. toolbox macrumors 68020

    toolbox

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    #16
    Trying dude let me tell u i haven't attempted contacted her in a couple of days. I figure if she wants to talk she will contact me.
     
  17. eawmp1 macrumors 601

    eawmp1

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    #17
    We're entering Glenn Close territory. Counselling is a great way to get in touch with your feelings/motivations/actions. Posting on MacRumors...not so much.
     
  18. Ivan P thread starter macrumors 68030

    Ivan P

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    #18
    Wow, you're in WA too? Small world! :p

    I spoke to him tonight but he was a little short, he's clearly pissed off about what's happened but I think it's a matter of waiting a few days for him to cool off. That's why I don't like girls, they're always so rude, standing you up like that ;) (joking obviously...)

    I HATE where I live, that's the nicest way to put it. My job is a traineeship with the government though - they have an annual program where they train a high school grad and get them introduced to a business environment... If I pull out (I only have two months to go), then the organisation risks not getting any more funding, plus my parents are pretty much forcing me into staying (even though I'm 18, but I understand their point about sticking it out). On the bright side, I am in the process of organising a holiday on the other side of the country.
     
  19. iBlue macrumors Core

    iBlue

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    #19
    Stick it out. Make goals and future plans. It's good for the mind. :)
     
  20. maflynn Moderator

    maflynn

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    #20
    I recommend this over trying to self-diagnose yourself on the internet. Clearly you need to get things resolved, be they medical of otherwise and the best way to achieve that is through medical help.
     
  21. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

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    #21
    I glanced over the forum and read this as "I'm always picnicing".
    After reading your post I think that's what you need to do. Picnic more.
     
  22. toolbox macrumors 68020

    toolbox

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    #22
    Yeah i don't no lol, where about's in WA are ya? Yeah like i said i don't know if i upset her etc. When she is ready she will contact me. if not well there are plenty of fish in the sea.
     
  23. Ivan P thread starter macrumors 68030

    Ivan P

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    #23
    Try saying that when you're young and gay - most people are are closeted and flatly deny their homosexuality, making it a lot harder. :p
     
  24. Chappers macrumors 68020

    Chappers

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    #24
    I don't want to get on the "seek help train" but actually - I think you should. People are often ashamed of feeling like you do and that only serves to make you feel worse.

    In the long term I think you should look at who you are and why you are attracted to people who seemingly don't share your emotional responses.

    Obviously you see there is a problem and that's why you need help.

    Is there a doctor you can see?
     
  25. Ivan P thread starter macrumors 68030

    Ivan P

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    #25
    There is a doctor about an hour away who is the one that diagnosed me with depression/anxiety disorder, but apart from that he honestly wasn't much help - he couldn't give me a psych or counsellor referral or anything because there simply aren't any around here.
     

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