I'm so depressed right now...

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by niknar1370, Aug 24, 2008.

  1. niknar1370 macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2008
    #1
    This all started November of 2007. I met a girl at at a friend’s house; and that is all it was. I met her, did not really think twice of it.

    Then I saw her again in March. Again, just at my friend’s house - nothing to really marvel about.

    Then in June she added me as a friend on Facebook. Which, of course, means nothing. But then we started to talk on Facebook a lot, and then even more. Like, we’ll write each other every single day after work and talk about things. Finally, she said that she would like for there to be something between us. It really surprised me but I really like her like that, too.

    The only problem is that she lives and goes to school about two hours away. I’m writing this because, this weekend, she visited this weekend and it was actually the first time we did something just the two of us together. It was such a great time but then when she left I realized that I don’t know when I’ll even see her again. Talking online is good and all, but it really does not let you develop any sort of serious relationship.

    So I’m wondering, do you think this can work? Are long-distance relationships where you will only see the person every few months possible?

    I mean, I would really like for it to work, but I don’t want to get my hopes up if things are just not realistic. It makes me feel so depressed because I am not the type of person who meets lots of girls and has lots of relationships and to feel this way about someone is really a rarity in my life. So it’s like, I want to pursue it, but I do not want to get my hopes too high on something that is, in the end, not going to become anything.

    Should I just leave it as being friends who talk or should I try to make it a real “relationship?”
     
  2. gibbz macrumors 68030

    Joined:
    May 31, 2007
    #2
    Have you discussed these concerns with her? Maybe you could find out what she is envisioning. If you both are in search of the same thing, then you can make it work. It just takes effort.
     
  3. Keebler macrumors 68030

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2005
    Location:
    Canada
    #3
    sure it can work out. it's all up to you and her.

    i wouldn't stress about it though. might put too much pressure on yourself and eventually, her.

    just go with the flow and keep doing what you're doing (texting and plan for another time to see each other).

    Eventually, you'll see that 2 hour isn't that far.

    hang in there and good luck,
    keebler
     
  4. zachplaysguitar macrumors 6502

    zachplaysguitar

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2008
    Location:
    Richmond, VA
    #4
    From personal experience, I recommend against it. I dated a girl for a year when i lived in the same town as her, then moved twice. Once a few hours away and again about 10 hours away. We dated for about 5 years total and although we had good times and i did see her somewhat regularly, i missed out on a big part of my life, always being tied down and never being able to do what my friends were doing (getting involved in other relationships and what not)

    I really think the only time a long distance relationship can truly work is when there is a set date when the couple can actually be together in the future. The uncertainty of the relationship even lasting would make me very weary of getting too involved.

    However, i think that only you can make the right decision, because only you know all the details.
     
  5. Rodimus Prime macrumors G4

    Rodimus Prime

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2006
    #5
    2 hours is really not that fair away. It is very do able to do day trips. Cost quite a bit in full but possible. going there on weekends if you have a place to crash every weekend is possible. Up that to 5 hours and it gets away from doing that.

    It does starting wearing you out after a while not being able to see them.
     
  6. cleanup macrumors 68030

    cleanup

    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2005
    Location:
    Toronto
    #6
    When you talk about something like this with a bunch of Internet forum members, chances are you've already made your decision and you're just looking for someone to give you validation or give you the go-ahead. Trust your instincts.
     
  7. dukebound85 macrumors P6

    dukebound85

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2005
    Location:
    5045 feet above sea level
    #7
    i never understood why people join a mac forum and post this type of stuff right when they join

    maybe its the skeptic in me lol
     
  8. the vj macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2006
    #8
    I have my girlfriend who lives 2 hours away as well. She is very sweet but this relationship is falling apart, there is not heat. Probably if she was different instead of so conservative things would be different.

    Socially is a pain because I am not doing the day to day stuff and I feel very lonely during the week no mater what technology is there to give us teh sensation of closeness.

    I am 33 and I am not a party anymal any more but it sucks. The problem is that we see each othet on weekends, we see each other on Fridays and have to travel back to our places on Sundays, so we never get to do much during weekens because the traveling is in between.

    My advice... do what you think would work for you both but long distance relationships takes away a lot of things.

    Forguet about having a relationship over the internat, that is just fake, I wonder why there are not books about it.
     
  9. niknar1370 thread starter macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2008
    #9
    Both good points; I just figured, after reading other posts on this forum, that topics like this aren't that uncommon on this forum and a lot of people seem to have good, thoughtful responses and experiences to share. I think an internet forum is actually a legit way to ask about it because I don't know anybody to ask about it in real life that would really be able to give a meaningful response. But... I do understand what you mean.
     
  10. bartelby macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2004
    #10
    I'm guessing you're fairly young, otherwise you'd realise "2 hours away" isn't long distance.
     
  11. niknar1370 thread starter macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2008
    #11
    Well, "long-distance" might not have been the proper term; but I mean, that is long enough that you cannot see the person (easily) on a daily basis. Four hours of driving in a day is not really possible considering work/school unless it is a weekend.
     
  12. bartelby macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2004
    #12
    And there's your answer.
     
  13. sushi Moderator emeritus

    sushi

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    #13
    Sounds like it to me as well.
     
  14. dukebound85 macrumors P6

    dukebound85

    Joined:
    Jul 17, 2005
    Location:
    5045 feet above sea level
    #14
    to the op's defense, i find it hard seeing someone who lives about the same amt of time from me

    cant hang out on a moments whim lol
     
  15. yrsonicdeath macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2007
    #15
    I went to school 4 hours away from my girlfriend for almost 3 years. It was hard sometimes, but we both really wanted to make it work and it did. Now I'm graduated and we're getting married in a month.
     
  16. Music_Producer macrumors 68000

    Joined:
    Sep 25, 2004
    #16
    My girlfriend and I lived continents apart (9,000 miles I think) We had a long distance relationship for 2 years, we are now married for 4 years.

    If we could do it, pretty much anyone else can. You (both) have to try hard enough. At least you are lucky now with skype, video calling, etc. Back then I had to use msn messenger on a bloody dial-up line which would disconnect every few minutes!
     
  17. niknar1370 thread starter macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Aug 24, 2008
    #17
    I guess my main concern is that we are not already in a really close relationship but rather are trying to initiate one while being a few hours apart. Since we both are interested I figured it's worth a try but I just don't know if it's realistic.

    Edit: but after reading what some other people have done (and made it work)... I guess anything really is possible.
     
  18. bartelby macrumors Core

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2004
    #18
    Back before then I did the same with a telephone and letters.
     
  19. yrsonicdeath macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Jul 2, 2007
    #19
    I found that talking on the phone/skype/letters/IM made us closer because we had to rely on that sort of communication so we got to know each other really well and now that we are not apart anymore we are able to meet each others needs that much better.
     
  20. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2005
    Location:
    Fighting to stay in the EU
    #20
    I think it might work. Long distance relationships can and do work.
    I'd say give it a whirl at least. If the distance thing doesn't work for you both then call it quits. It seems like you both like each other enough so it'll be daft to not pursue it.
     
  21. OscarTheGrouch macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Feb 28, 2007
    Location:
    G' Vegas South Carolina
    #21
    What do you really have to lose? You will know pretty quick if it is going to work or not. Go for it, if it is not worth it (a decision only you can make) then end it, just be open and upfront about everything and your concerns.. an idea might be to talk to HER about it.
     
  22. Melrose macrumors 604

    Melrose

    Joined:
    Dec 12, 2007
    Location:
    In a sidewalk.
    #22
    If you feel there's something between you, then two hours isn't much of a drive at all, I don't think. If I liked someone enough I'd drive that at the drop of hat to be with them (I'm not trying to compare myself to anyone else, it's just to me that doesn't seem that far).

    Bump the chatting on Facebook up to talking on the phone instead. You'll get to know them a bit better hearing their voice and making an actual connection. Try that for a while, then try the weekends thing, etc etc. But start using the telephone - you'll get to know each other quicker.
     
  23. DoFoT9 macrumors P6

    DoFoT9

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2007
    Location:
    Singapore
    #23
    if you guys are serious about this, and you are perfect for each other, you wont even consider the distances.

    you will learn to trust each other, and learn that the time that you get to spend with each other is so important for a strong relationship.

    you need to communicate with her about your feelings and where you stand, if you want in tell her!!

    a long distance relationship can work, just be understanding, positive and im sure things can work out.
     
  24. Schtumple macrumors 601

    Schtumple

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2007
    Location:
    benkadams.com
    #24
    I don't see how this can make you "depressed" but whatever...

    Distance is not an obstacle if you really want it to work, my girlfriend lives 200 miles away (6 hours) and we've been together for almost 3 years now...
     

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