Inappropriate times/places for texting...

[Scepticalscribe]

A couple of days ago I was at dinner with my wife at a Babe's Chicken (oh my, fried chicken. Oh my!).
Since both my wife and I are researching phone addiction, we took note of how many people were on their phone. People watching is fun.

• Table on my right was a family of four. Little girl (about 6) had an iPhone with the volume turned to the max in front of her for the entirety of her dinner; she was playing a videogame. Older brother (10-ish) had an iPhone on before the food arrived, and right after it arrived. Mom kept texting, father checked his phone twice that I could see (he basically ate alone despite being with his family)
• Table on my left was a birthday table. 6 coed kids about 12yo and a few parents. Parents kept texting, especially a woman. Lots of pictures taken (obviously). The six kids were on their phone off and on. One of them had the volume on, we couldn't hear the others. I'd say that the kids spent about 50% of their time with their peers and 50% of their time on their phone. Major distraction for them was... me playing "soccer" on the table using sugar packets; it seems that they enjoyed the impromptu game my wife and I created which suddenly ended when I unintentionally hit with insane precision the purse of the lady sitting behind my wife. Kids on the left laughed, kids on the right didn't notice anything; the woman will find some mysterious package of sugar.
• According to my wife, the African-American couple behind me texted for the entire duration of the dinner. She said that they exchanged just a few words when the food arrived. They arrived after us, they left before us.
• Behind my wife there was a pretty large group (I counted 12 people + 1 baby). I'd say that they were 50/50 between the people that kept checking their phones and those that didn't. Interestingly, those that checked their phone the most had their phone on the table.
• We notice a disturbing trend of kids on their phone when with their families. Virtually all tables that had a single family had at least one kid on the phone while the food was on the table.

Totally un-scientific, but it was an interesting experience.

Ouch.

An unsettling, dismaying, and disturbing post.

Really sad that families can't even sit down to enjoy a meal anymore. I really fear for the next generation.

Well, @yaxomoxay and @retta283, when we were children, my mother had a cast iron (and utterly enforced) rule of no television in a room where dinner was prepared and subsequently eaten.

She felt that TV killed conversation, and that dinner was where families actually sat down together, exchanged news of the day, and chatted stuff over, where problems, or concerns might be aired, where politics and literature could be debated, and so on.

She was absolutely right, and I not only enforce that rule, but would also enforce a no-phone rule while eating. It is discourteous, and it also serves to further loosen family (and indeed, friendship) ties.

Indeed, even if I am simply having a beer, or a glass of wine with someone, I expect that phones will not be used, or answered, or displayed, (I do not use mine), unless there is some sort of family crisis, or emergency.

 

[keysofanxiety]

Saw this one the other day:
Sitting in his car at a busy gas station after filling up. I guess it was an urgent text message he was reading/sending!

The worst one I ever saw was when my housemate was sitting on the toilet and chatting away to Jen. Jen, for goodness' sake - they've been on-off for ages and I wish he'd just move on. She's no good for him.

Unfortunately my cough from behind the shower curtain gave away my position and he angrily chased me out of the bathroom with his underwear wrapped around his ankles.

So yeah, probably that one: at least get dressed before walking around and sending texts! Boy, what a weirdo that bloke is.

 

[SDColorado]

In the bathroom. If you are using the facilities it can wait.

I would be worried I would somehow automatically start a Facebook Live session if I tried to text in the bathroom

 

[Clix Pix]

Agreed.

And I can see no reason to bring a phone to bed (and there is such a thing as an alarm clock); to my mind, phones and bedrooms belong to different spheres.

Personally, I don't want texts, selfies, or being photographed with a phone while in a bedroom, or in my bed.

I charge my iPhones and iPads in the bedroom at night while I sleep and keep them in the room each night whether or not they need charging. One iPhone serves as the replacement for my landline, using that same number, the old cordless landline long gone now, and occasionally I do get important calls on that iPhone as I don't give out my other iPhone's mobile number to anyone but close friends and family. If I were to get an important call or text on either phone while still in bed I would want to know and be able to quickly answer the phone.

Also, if I were ill and needed help I would want to be able to make a call from the bedroom and even my bed if need be. I think most people who live alone do want a phone nearby for that reason, whether it be an extension phone as part of a landline system or a wholly mobile phone.

I do occasionally use my iPad in bed, if I start thinking about something and and want to run a quick Google search to look up information. Sometimes if I've been out for the evening and am tired, I'll get into bed and then just quickly catch up on forums and such on the iPad, without bothering to turn on the computer.

When out with anyone, whether it is one friend or a group, I never pull out my iPhone, never text or check emails, etc. Occasionally if I'm at a friend's home and she has stepped into another room for a few minutes I might pull out the iPhone or iPad for a quick check, especially if from my bag I had heard the familiar "ding" on the device, alerting me to a new email. I feel it is very rude and inconsiderate to use one's mobile devices while with other people unless there is some specific emergency or particular reason to do so.

I, too, have seen people in restaurants seated at a table, each person engaged not with his or her tablemate(s) but instead with their mobile device. Bad, bad precedent.....

 

[Scepticalscribe]

I charge my iPhones and iPads in the bedroom at night while I sleep and keep them in the room each night whether or not they need charging. One iPhone serves as the replacement for my landline, using that same number, the old cordless landline long gone now, and occasionally I do get important calls on that iPhone as I don't give out my other iPhone's mobile number to anyone but close friends and family. If I were to get an important call or text on either phone while still in bed I would want to know and be able to quickly answer the phone.

Also, if I were ill and needed help I would want to be able to make a call from the bedroom and even my bed if need be. I think most people who live alone do want a phone nearby for that reason, whether it be an extension phone as part of a landline system or a wholly mobile phone.

I do occasionally use my iPad in bed, if I start thinking about something and and want to run a quick Google search to look up information. Sometimes if I've been out for the evening and am tired, I'll get into bed and then just quickly catch up on forums and such on the iPad, without bothering to turn on the computer.

When out with anyone, whether it is one friend or a group, I never pull out my iPhone, never text or check emails, etc. Occasionally if I'm at a friend's home and she has stepped into another room for a few minutes I might pull out the iPhone or iPad for a quick check, especially if from my bag I had heard the familiar "ding" on the device, alerting me to a new email. I feel it is very rude and inconsiderate to use one's mobile devices while with other people unless there is some specific emergency or particular reason to do so.

I, too, have seen people in restaurants seated at a table, each person engaged not with his or her tablemate(s) but instead with their mobile device. Bad, bad precedent.....

To be candid, when I am working abroad, I am required to have my phone within easy physical reach (including within reach when I am in bed), which means it is to hand.

I take the point fully about the usefulness of having a phone to hand when ill, and think it completely valid.

However, I suppose I am registering an unease with the idea of tech invading our private and most intimate places and spaces, and am of the opinion that one should be allowed to relax away from the prying or invasive gaze or reach of such devices.

I suppose it comes down to control and who the tech - ultimately - is answerable to; it is hardly likely to be open to abuse if it is your own, answerable to you, and the use and placement of which is dictated by you.

But, stuff such as "revenge porn" fills me with a visceral horror, and I do think that people need a private space that they can call their own under circumstances and with boundaries - both physical and tech - set by themselves.

 

[skottichan]

I'm not bothered where people text, as long as it doesn't effect general safety (ie Behind the wheel)

When I was a kid in the 80's, I took books and comics everywhere, read everywhere.

 

[MattG]

Concerts, though I wouldn't limit it to just texting...smart phone use all around at concerts. Smart phones have RUINED the concert experience for me. People don't listen to/watch the performance anymore; it's just a sea of cell phone screens now. They're more interested in getting crappy photos/videos that aren't going to look good when they look at them later anyway. I wish more artists/venues would adopt "no cell phone" policies.

 

[Mac'nCheese]

The worst one I ever saw was when my housemate was sitting on the toilet and chatting away to Jen. Jen, for goodness' sake - they've been on-off for ages and I wish he'd just move on. She's no good for him.

Unfortunately my cough from behind the shower curtain gave away my position and he angrily chased me out of the bathroom with his underwear wrapped around his ankles.

So yeah, probably that one: at least get dressed before walking around and sending texts! Boy, what a weirdo that bloke is.

So you just hide in the shower and wait for your housemate to come in and take a dump? And he's the weirdo?

 

[Gregg2]

I'm not bothered where people text, as long as it doesn't effect general safety (ie Behind the wheel)

When I was a kid in the 80's, I took books and comics everywhere, read everywhere.

Would you be bothered if you were in line at a store and someone just stepped in front of you and parked there, without saying a word? That was the point of my original post (#1) - it's just rude, inconsiderate, self-centered, etc.

 

[AngerDanger]

So you just hide in the shower and wait for your housemate to come in and take a dump? And he's the weirdo?

Uhhh, yeah! Reread his post. His roommate was talking to Jen! Jen!

Maybe "oddball" is a better word than "weirdo," but Keys hails from Great Britain, and sometimes the nuance of the English language doesn't make it all the way across the pond.

 

[keysofanxiety]

So you just hide in the shower and wait for your housemate to come in and take a dump? And he's the weirdo?

Mac, Mac, Mac. Where else would I hide?

It’d be weird if I contorted myself into the boiler cupboard. There’s not much space there and last time I tried, a hot pipe burned my arm. It was at that point I woke up and said to myself: “what are you doing?!”

Luckily I came to my senses and picked the shower instead. There’s way more room there. I can perch for hours on end without any trouble.
[doublepost=1552932509][/doublepost]

Uhhh, yeah! Reread his post. His roommate was talking to Jen! Jen!

Maybe "oddball" is a better word than "weirdo," but Keys hails from Great Britain, and sometimes the nuance of the English language doesn't make it all the way across the pond.

Boy I know! Jen of all people. The more I think about it, the more I’m convinced Dave has quite a few problems he needs to deal with.

 

[yaxomoxay]

Concerts, though I wouldn't limit it to just texting...smart phone use all around at concerts. Smart phones have RUINED the concert experience for me. People don't listen to/watch the performance anymore; it's just a sea of cell phone screens now. They're more interested in getting crappy photos/videos that aren't going to look good when they look at them later anyway. I wish more artists/venues would adopt "no cell phone" policies.

Totally true. I think that artists should allow phones in an allotted time (let's say, first two songs) so that people can keep their memories, and that's it.

For the record, it ruined even school recitals. Last recital I went I don't think that more than 5 parents actually looked at the recital, as everyone else was filming it with the phone right in front of their eyes. I think that Luis CK has a piece on this topic.

 

[Clix Pix]

To be candid, when I am working abroad, I am required to have my phone within easy physical reach (including within reach when I am in bed), which means it is to hand.

I take the point fully about the usefulness of having a phone to hand when ill, and think it completely valid.

However, I suppose I am registering an unease with the idea of tech invading our private and most intimate places and spaces, and am of the opinion that one should be allowed to relax away from the prying or invasive gaze or reach of such devices.

I suppose it comes down to control and who the tech - ultimately - is answerable to; it is hardly likely to be open to abuse if it is your own, answerable to you, and the use and placement of which is dictated by you.

But, stuff such as "revenge porn" fills me with a visceral horror, and I do think that people need a private space that they can call their own under circumstances and with boundaries - both physical and tech - set by themselves.

Tech can only invade our private space(s) if we allow it to do so. When my phone rings or when an email or text comes in and I am busy with something, I just ignore it until I am ready to deal with it. At home I glance at the iPhone if it's out where I can see it rather than in a pocket or purse, and straightaway I know if it's someone I need to talk with immediately or text back immediately. If the iPhone is out of my sight, such as in my pocket or my purse I don't worry about seeing who the call, text or email is from until I have come to a good stopping-point in whatever I am doing and can take the time to check the iPhone.

When at concerts I always shut off my iPhone and (if I've got it with me, my iPad as well) so that there will not be any noisy interruptions or lighted-up screens, and both are kept in my bag, not in my hand, throughout the concert. I don't even bother with them during intermission/the interval. It is indeed very annoying when people start trying to take photos and videos during a performance; very rude and disruptive to the performer(s) and to other people in the audience. I also shut off my iPhone and iPad at movies, too. It's only common courtesy and common sense.....

 

[Mefisto]

Concerts, though I wouldn't limit it to just texting...smart phone use all around at concerts. Smart phones have RUINED the concert experience for me. People don't listen to/watch the performance anymore; it's just a sea of cell phone screens now. They're more interested in getting crappy photos/videos that aren't going to look good when they look at them later anyway. I wish more artists/venues would adopt "no cell phone" policies.

I believe Glenn Danzig had a rule on the recent (2018, and even before that) Misfits reunion shows that banned all cell phone usage during the show by having the owners, upon entry, place the phone in a special pouch that could only be unlocked at dedicated stations at the venue.

Can't say I disagree with his, and your aversion to seeing lit up screens at places like f. ex. concert venues.

 

[skottichan]

Would you be bothered if you were in line at a store and someone just stepped in front of you and parked there, without saying a word? That was the point of my original post (#1) - it's just rude, inconsiderate, self-centered, etc.

Not really. I'd either go around or ask them to move to the back of the line. Even if I didn't, it's not really worth getting upset over. As long as my personal and/or public safety isn't threatened, I'm not going to get angry at other people's texting/messaging habits.

Mostly because I've experienced the same thing, and there were no cell phones involved. Holy ****, older people (50-60+ year olds) do this a lot.

 

[mollyc]

Would you be bothered if you were in line at a store and someone just stepped in front of you and parked there, without saying a word? That was the point of my original post (#1) - it's just rude, inconsiderate, self-centered, etc.

But he was there first, right? He didn’t cut in front of you.

 

[Gregg2]

But he was there first, right? He didn’t cut in front of you.

Wrong. Strange reading of what I wrote. It was just an analogy, by the way.

 

[AngerDanger]

Not really. I'd either go around or ask them to move to the back of the line. Even if I didn't, it's not really worth getting upset over. As long as my personal and/or public safety isn't threatened, I'm not going to get angry at other people's texting/messaging habits.

Mostly because I've experienced the same thing, and there were no cell phones involved. Holy ****, older people (50-60+ year olds) do this a lot.

Yeah, I think this thread might lend itself to conflating inconsiderate people and texting. The former have always been around, but now that the latter has become ubiquitous, there's been an increase in chance that the next inconsiderate person you meet will happen to be texting.

Most of the instances people have mentioned here have nothing to do with texting; you could swap out "texting" with "idly chatting with a friend" and they remain just as annoying. If somebody cuts you off, takes your place, sits in a movie theater, or attends funeral while idly chatting to their friend, it'd be just as annoying.

Same goes for replacing "texting" with "shining a flashlight around," "playing badminton," or "counting ceiling tiles out loud."

 

[Gregg2]

Well, yes, but, as with most "new" things, the situations for such behavior expand into areas not previously utilized by such people.

 

[A.Goldberg]

I have a colleague at my hospital, a physician, psychiatrist no less, who apparently is notorious for texting while in session with patients.

I completely understand having to take an important call or message or page during a meeting with a patient, it happens with me relatively frequently, but I’ll wait until the person finishes their thought and ask them for permission to be polite as possible. If it’s not important I’ll ignore the interruption. If I get a page or high priority IM then I’ll have to stop.

Conversely, I can’t stand when patients whip out their phone to text when I’m trying to have a conversation with them. Especially when it’s something like informing them of extremely important side effects to monitor for like Johnson Syndrome/Toxic Epidermal Necrolysis (a rare but potentially fatal condition where basically your skin falls off). If there’s some crisis by all means excuse yourself, but don’t say nothing and pretend you’re listening to me.

 

[decafjava]

You know,, this is why there's an off switch or "Do not disturb" function in iOS (or the Android equivalent).

 

[Gutwrench]

I have a colleague at my hospital, a physician, psychiatrist no less, who apparently is notorious for texting while in session with patients.

Do you know if a patient ever asked him/her to put it away during their session because it made them uncomfortable?

For Christ’s sake a talking session is designed to make a patient comfortable...not to mention psychiatrists are trained to recognize signs of discomfort and help explore the reasons why.

 

[Mac'nCheese]

Text messages are treated like they are always emergencies by some people. I hate when I'm talking to this one coworker because she always checks her phone when we are talking. And I don't mean after finishing her thought or letting me finish mine first. Mid sentence, she'll interrupt me or herself to check a text.

 

[lowendlinux]

I'm not bothered where people text, as long as it doesn't effect general safety (ie Behind the wheel)

When I was a kid in the 80's, I took books and comics everywhere, read everywhere.

I did too, and I still take them to dinner with me if I'm eating out, but I use it as a barrier to prevent people from interacting with me. Texting though is a conduit to interacting even if it's non-personal.

Peaceable silence is something that no one likes anymore, whether your a texter or a talker.

 

[MacNut]

My dearly beloved, we are gathered here tod........hold on I need to get this text out.