International Marriages

[Foggydog]

Good Morning Members;
I have been thinking about starting a new topic on international marriages for a long time now, but I'm doing so today. My fiancee is from the Philippines and has two children. A 10 year old and an 8 year old. She and the rascals will be flying in two days and we will have a small family wedding at my parents house on the 31st.

So why start this thread? Over the last several years I have learned that there are literally thousands of international marriages from all across the world. So many uninformed people think that this is still just a "mail order bride" service, as well as most women (or men) are just catfish. It is true, that there is a lot of scammers out there, but there are also many many people looking for a person that will love them and care for them as well.

I would really enjoy reading about others that have gone through this process, either a K1 visa, or a K3 visa, where your new family is from, if there are children included, and what country you live in. Even some of the ups and downs that have happened along the way could help many understand the process.

With that said, I welcome any and all comments.

Pete

 

[ucfgrad93]

I wish you and your bride a lifetime of happiness.

 

[Meister]

A bold move.

Good luck with your family

(don't forget the prenup!!)

 

[JamesMike]

Enjoy the excellent Philippine food!

 

[throwthedice]

Congratulations!

Care to tell us a bit of the background? Where are you from, how you did you meet your fiancee etc etc etc

 

[Foggydog]

Hello;
First of all I'm a Vegas guy and grew up here much of my life. I had been interested in international relationships from as far back as 2007, but just did a lot of reading and just a wee bit of looking. It wasn't until 2010 that I signed up on a free filipino sight because I wasn't positive that I was ready to start a relationship. I looked around for a week and really didn't care for so many profiles that I decided to drop it. But the last couple of days, I had a woman send me an introduction and her knowledge of the english words was spot on. Also, she wrote a complete letter, not like most of the profiles that were very shallow and without any substance. So, I answered her and we started to chat online and over time we built a relationship.

 

[decafjava]

Good news! Fillipinos are wonderful people for the most part.

 

[throwthedice]

Hello;
First of all I'm a Vegas guy and grew up here much of my life. I had been interested in international relationships from as far back as 2007, but just did a lot of reading and just a wee bit of looking. It wasn't until 2010 that I signed up on a free filipino sight because I wasn't positive that I was ready to start a relationship. I looked around for a week and really didn't care for so many profiles that I decided to drop it. But the last couple of days, I had a woman send me an introduction and her knowledge of the english words was spot on. Also, she wrote a complete letter, not like most of the profiles that were very shallow and without any substance. So, I answered her and we started to chat online and over time we built a relationship.

I think there is a typo there somewhere but did you actually decide to get married after speak with her for a couple of days?

 

[puma1552]

Hello;
First of all I'm a Vegas guy and grew up here much of my life. I had been interested in international relationships from as far back as 2007, but just did a lot of reading and just a wee bit of looking. It wasn't until 2010 that I signed up on a free filipino sight because I wasn't positive that I was ready to start a relationship. I looked around for a week and really didn't care for so many profiles that I decided to drop it. But the last couple of days, I had a woman send me an introduction and her knowledge of the english words was spot on. Also, she wrote a complete letter, not like most of the profiles that were very shallow and without any substance. So, I answered her and we started to chat online and over time we built a relationship.

I'm married to a Japanese woman (lived there for a few years), but something about this post just seems a little off, from having an interest in international relationships to signing up on an ethnically-centered dating website? We all have our preferences in partners, but this seems like you were more interested in an ethnicity than a person. Not saying you are, but it kind of sounds like that. It also sounds like the woman you met may have been looking specifically for a foreigner, which may not be a good thing.

FWIW I married my wife in Japan and am part of her legal family registry, and since we were married in Japan we were able to do Direct Consular Filing, or DCF, in which the entire visa process from application to issuance was done in house at the embassy in Tokyo, had all the paperwork in order throughout the process and it took a few months. They no longer offer this, however. Despite the fact Japan isn't really a country where you have a high rate of false marriages or locals clinging to foreigners just to get green cards (being that Japan is a rich country with a high standard of living and very low emigration rates), I remember that the immigration process was somewhat invasive. We had to prove our relationship was real with photos, cards given to each other, essays detailing how we met, etc. and then we were independently interviewed (interrogated) and quizzed on each others' stories and they would try to trick us with the questions they would ask, e.g. they would ask false questions that made no sense and had nothing to do with what we wrote and see if we would make up answers or be like "Wtf are you talking about?" to try and sniff out if our relationship was real.

 

[Gypsy36]

Gawd I hate when people get conspiratorial around here and now I'm doing it. Why was it important that "her knowledge of the English words" be "spot on"? That's an odd turn of phrase.

I think international relationships can be difficult to navigate. I don't know how much time you have spent in each other's company or, more importantly how much time she has spent in Vegas or how well you know the kids. Having watched a couple disasters unfold, if the answer is "not much" to any of that I would urge you strongly not to get married the minute she gets off the plane and give the relationship some time to flourish now that you are in the same place. Saturday is really soon!

 

[Foggydog]

I think there is a typo there somewhere but did you actually decide to get married after speak with her for a couple of days?

Good evening;
I wasn't clear up above. I visited her several months after meeting her online, then again a year later. Both times in her country. I proposed during our second visit. I also visited her a third time in 2012. After that, her city was decimated by typhoon Yolanda, and I haven't been back since 2012.

 

[Foggydog]

I'm married to a Japanese woman (lived there for a few years), but something about this post just seems a little off, from having an interest in international relationships to signing up on an ethnically-centered dating website? We all have our preferences in partners, but this seems like you were more interested in an ethnicity than a person. Not saying you are, but it kind of sounds like that. It also sounds like the woman you met may have been looking specifically for a foreigner, which may not be a good thing.

FWIW I married my wife in Japan and am part of her legal family registry, and since we were married in Japan we were able to do Direct Consular Filing, or DCF, in which the entire visa process from application to issuance was done in house at the embassy in Tokyo, had all the paperwork in order throughout the process and it took a few months. They no longer offer this, however. Despite the fact Japan isn't really a country where you have a high rate of false marriages or locals clinging to foreigners just to get green cards (being that Japan is a rich country with a high standard of living and very low emigration rates), I remember that the immigration process was somewhat invasive. We had to prove our relationship was real with photos, cards given to each other, essays detailing how we met, etc. and then we were independently interviewed (interrogated) and quizzed on each others' stories and they would try to trick us with the questions they would ask, e.g. they would ask false questions that made no sense and had nothing to do with what we wrote and see if we would make up answers or be like "Wtf are you talking about?" to try and sniff out if our relationship was real.

Thanks Puma1522;
I do find the women from the asian countries to be quite beautiful. But also, I wouldn't just marry anyone from another country if there wasn't a feeling from both sides to pursue a relationship. Regarding weather or not she was just looking for a foreigner I can attest after several years and visits that she was looking for a person to love, and to be loved.
You are correct though, there are many women from countries all over that are just looking to marry a foreigner. That was something that I was trying to avoid from the beginning and rightfully so that it isn't easy to find those that are serious. Regarding our paperwork, we to had to show that we had a true relationship and the many visits, letters, pictures, and such, gave the immigration officials proof of our feeling for each other. our process went very smooth and easy once we started the K1 process.

 

[ProjectManager101]

Well... international marriages in the U.S. is normal since this is a country where everybody wants to move specially for stability. This country my be the most diverse culturally.

Regarding marriages... love is in the air! probably too many options and it is complicated because cultures are too different. You may like a girl from Colombia and they are awesome but you may not feel related with some of her things because you have your won. For example, you may get crazy about the baseball or basketball team of your state while your partner does not give a damn BUT she may melt regarding Cristiano Ronaldo...

 

[Foggydog]

Gawd I hate when people get conspiratorial around here and now I'm doing it. Why was it important that "her knowledge of the English words" be "spot on"? That's an odd turn of phrase.

I think international relationships can be difficult to navigate. I don't know how much time you have spent in each other's company or, more importantly how much time she has spent in Vegas or how well you know the kids. Having watched a couple disasters unfold, if the answer is "not much" to any of that I would urge you strongly not to get married the minute she gets off the plane and give the relationship some time to flourish now that you are in the same place. Saturday is really soon!

Good evening Gypsy36,
It wasn't important that her english was spot on, but it gave me some thought that she had an education and was able to express herself instead of the simple one line sentences that so many other wrote. Those were the ones that I was avoiding hoping to not get a scammer or a gold digger. Of course, even in an opening letter, it isn't always to express our thoughts or feelings but a woman that spent some time trying was of interest to me.
We have spent a total of five years getting to this point. Three years for her annulment, one year to get the final papers signed off, her name changed to her maiden name, and getting passports for all three. Then almost one year for the K1 paperwork. I asked her if she wanted to wait a while to get married but she says that she is very ready. Both her children are also excited to be together as well. Also, we do have up to ninety days to get married, but for the whole family to be together, we both agreed that we are ready. If we were to wait, the whole family will be in three different states and difficult to get back together.

 

[Foggydog]

Well... international marriages in the U.S. is normal since this is a country where everybody wants to move specially for stability. This country my be the most diverse culturally.

Regarding marriages... love is in the air! probably too many options and it is complicated because cultures are too different. You may like a girl from Colombia and they are awesome but you may not feel related with some of her things because you have your won. For example, you may get crazy about the baseball or basketball team of your state while your partner does not give a damn BUT she may melt regarding Cristiano Ronaldo...

Good evening Projectmanager101,

Internation mariages have become quite the norm here, but after reading through an online support group on FB, I was quite astounded at how many people are going through K1 visa marriages or their equivalent . This is why I started this thread, because I thought that others could share their stories somewhat for others.

 

[ProjectManager101]

Is actually very normal to marry to get the citizenship, specially the girls from Russia, they marry anyone. I know a girl who is the cutest and she married a promoter of a club who is a black dude who sells the drugs at the place. Many girls falls into their worst experiences just to get "the papers". But usually marriages are just the real thing.

 

[Huntn]

Is actually very normal to marry to get the citizenship, specially the girls from Russia, they marry anyone. I know a girl who is the cutest and she married a promoter of a club who is a black dude who sells the drugs at the place. Many girls falls into their worst experiences just to get "the papers". But usually marriages are just the real thing.

Using the spouse as a means of "escape" and of securing a better financial situation for the bride is a concern in my mind. I've witnessed this first hand with co-workers in the Navy and afterwards working for an international airline, but I don't know enough to say how often it happens. It's up to the individual to evaluate in this situation while acknowledging the difficulty of ascertaining true motivations when someone is "wildly in love" with you. Anyone know a link to the statistics on the long term success rate of international marriages where there is a distinct imbalance in relative financial means?

However, I do wish the best outcome for the OP.

 

[Scepticalscribe]

Using the spouse as a means of "escape" and of securing a better financial situation for the bride is a concern in my mind. I've witnessed this first hand with co-workers in the Navy and afterwards working for an international airline, but I don't know enough to say how often it happens. It's up to the individual to evaluate in this situation while acknowledging the difficulty of ascertaining true motivations when someone is "wildly in love" with you. Anyone know a link to the statistics on the long term success rate of international marriages where there is a distinct imbalance in relative financial means?

However, I do wish the best outcome for the OP.

Sometimes, @Huntn, such relationships are seen as a sort of 'trade' on both sides. Crudely put, her beauty, youth, and attractiveness, for the security and stability offered by access to his world. Both sides get to achieve - or 'win' - something which they each place a value on.

Writing from the female perspective, - and as someone who has worked in a lot of 'international' environments, mostly in troubled spots, with colleagues who were, broadly speaking, western, well-heeled (and mostly male) in the expat community - I have been struck by the numbers of such marriages that I have observed taking place.

There is usually an income imbalance, but also, very often, an age imbalance too.

And many of the men who marry such women are not actually looking for an equal partnership - they are looking for someone gorgeous looking, much younger, who has come from a culture where deference towards older people - especially men, and above all, deference towards older, more mature, and more powerful men - is a lot more pronounced than in our world.

Above all, for all of the talk and writing about 'gold-diggers' and 'wallet-hunters' none of these men that I have seen marry in such circumstances actually wanted to marry someone who was their financial - or social - equal; indeed, some may have had such marriages earlier, - in their own countries - and found that it - they - hadn't worked out for a variety of reasons.

My sense is that sometimes, they may have preferred to marry someone who was not financially all that independent, which led to its own curious dynamic and strange power relationship.

So, I suppose I am saying that when looking at how such relationships come to be formed, I tend to examine the motivations of both partners to the relationship, not just the female.

In my experience, the international marriages which have worked best, were ones where the age difference between the parties was marginal, or minimal - where they were roughly of an age - where their educational levels were pretty similar - and where the female had her own life and profession, which was respected by the guy, who, in turn, was respected by her. Those sort of international marriages lasted well.

Such marriages tended to be marriages of equals, where both partners were educated to broadly similar levels, where mutual affection and respect were clearly evident, where the children had clear and effortless access to several cultures, - and had been brought up to respect both, if worship neither - and the clear affection, love, fun, and respect in these relationships served to silence the detractors on both sides of the respective nationality or ethnic or religious divide.

 

[lowendlinux]

I've been married to a German for 10 years. It's like any other marriage but requires more paperwork.


No she's not younger then me, no I don't have any money, and no she doesn't want to live in the states.

 

[Huntn]

Sometimes, @Huntn, such relationships are seen as a sort of 'trade' on both sides. Crudely put, her beauty, youth, and attractiveness, for the security and stability offered by access to his world. Both sides get to achieve - or 'win' - something which they each place a value on.

Writing from the female perspective, - and as someone who has worked in a lot of 'international' environments, mostly in troubled spots, with colleagues who were, broadly speaking, western, well-heeled (and mostly male) in the expat community - I have been struck by the numbers of such marriages that i have observed taking place.

There is usually an income imbalance, but also, very often, an age imbalance too. And many of the men who marry such women are not actually looking for an equal partnership - they are looking for someone gorgeous looking, much younger, who has come form a culture where deference towards older people - especially men, and above all, more powerful older men - is more pronounced than in our world.

Above all, for all of the talk and writing about 'gold-diggers' and 'wallet-hunters' none of these men that I have seen marry in such circumstances actually wanted to marry someone who was their financial equal; indeed, some may have had such marriages earlier, and found that it hadn't worked out for a variety of reasons.

So, I suppose I am saying that - not always obviously - but when looking at how such relationships come to be formed, I tend to examine the motivations of both partners to the relationship, not just the female.

In my experience, the international marriages which have worked best, were ones where the age difference between the parties was marginal, or minimal - where they were roughly of an age - and where the female had her own life and profession, which was respected by the guy, who in turn was respected by her. Such marriages tended to be marriages of equals, where both partners wet educated to broadly similar levels, where mutual affection and respect were clearly evident, where the children had clear and effortless access to several cultures, and the clear affection, love, fun, and respect in these relationships served to silence the detractors on both sides of the respective nationality divide.

I agree with your post and admit I was speaking from my male perspective. Thanks for your perspective!

 

[Scepticalscribe]

I agree with your post and admit I was speaking from my male perspective. Thanks for your perspective!

As a slight addendum, I will add that the international marriages that I have observed tended - for the most part, to be older, comfortably off western men marrying younger, good-looking, women from a much poorer country. That does bring a complex cocktail of dynamics to a relationship.

For what it is worth, as a further aside on this topic, in over twenty years of working in a wide variety of troubled spots, with widely differing cultures - I have seen fewer than the proverbial handful of comfortably off older western women marrying attractive young men from the host countries. (And many, if not most of the women who choose to work in such environments are single, unlike a good number of the men).