Is it right to break up with someone in these circumstances?

[samiwas]

One of my teachers in high school had a daughter our age (9th-10th grade at the time). He talked openly about how he chaperoned his daughter's dates. If she went to the movies, he went with them. If they went to dinner, he went with them. He would not let his daughter out of his control for any time. I don't remember anyone ever dating her, actually. I have no idea what ever happened to her.

One of my friend's brother-in-law is married to a completely controlling chick. I don't know them well at all, but what I do know is that every single special occasion (holiday, mother's day, birthdays, etc) is to be spent with her family and only her family, because she has such strong ties to them. The very mention of spending any special occasion with his family starts a huge fight. That's psychotic. That's not even a relationship.

 

[TruthBeTold]

When I was 20 my parents didn't really care what I did. I was allowed to date whoever, go where ever (as long as I checked in from time to time), and my boyfriend was allowed to stay the night. However, I sometimes wish my parents cared a little more about what was going on. Maybe I would have avoided some of the things I ran into.

As for your relationship with her, if you don't think things are going to change then why stay with her and ultimately waste your time? Are you in love with her and willing to fight through all the "parent" crap? If not, then end it.

I would be upset and hurt if my boyfriend broke up with me because of my parents, but she will eventually understand your doing it because of the circumstances.

She needs to be a big girl and stand up to her dad for a little bit of freedom if she's ever going to have a shot at a real relationship.

Good luck!

 

[furious]

Tell her that you don't want to be the second male in her life, you want to be the first one (meaning that you don't want to listen her dad in everything and play games with his rules).

If she is continuously growing then allow her to. Be patient with her and she will repay you ten fold. Eventually she will get tired of it and stand up for herself. She has to know you will never leave her before she stands up against the man who has been her life for so many years. It's a daughter-dad thing.

Thank you for this advice.

I had the most awkward evening on Sunday night. It Seems her father is also trying to control me. Well he is not going to do that, ever.

he is in for a fight for his daughter.

 

[scottness]

My girlfriend's dad told her if she continued to see me she would be disowned...

I never gave up because she's worth it... She's now my wife, and her parents still hate me. Their loss.

 

[bruinsrme]

This sounds more like a high school story than a 20 and 25 yo involved with dating.
I have to be very honest with my reply. If I was 25 and dating a 20yo and daddy said she couldn't go out with me, I would move on. There are far more underlying issues than I would care to deal with.
If the issue is on a cultural basis, one would need to sit down and talk to the father. 5 year separation between you two may not be in his best interest.
Perhaps she using her father as her excuse to invoke a break up.

 

[Queso]

I take it she is either the eldest child or an only child. Parents can get into all sorts of controlling habits, and it's always the first child that bears the brunt of trying to break them.

My advice would be to talk to the father, but instead of telling him to give his daughter some room you should take the tack of asking him if he has a problem with you, and trying to let him know that you can be trusted. Deal with him directly rather than behind his back and he will see that you are both an adult and someone who does not hide from speaking their mind. Use phrases such as "I understand that you may have reservations, but..." and I think you'll persuade him to give his daughter a bit more space without causing any dramas.

Which is in the end what everybody really wants.