Is there a class on understanding women?

[Lau]

NB: Tip to passing Understanding Women: Don't let women think you are trying to make the big decisions without asking them. You might know what/where you want to do/go but either lay the groundwork so that if you ask her, she thinks the same thing and thinks it's her idea or discuss it first.

Absolutely. I couldn't agree with this more. And I would say that the could/should may not be a big deal if the above isn't an issue, but if my boyfriend said "We should do x" and he had a habit of making decisions without asking me, alarm bells would ring.

 

[Abstract]

.....I figure I should move up there. if things dont work out with my current gf, then ill be in CO with a good job and single. how bad could that be?!

Ahhh.....true love.

Why don't you just split up and end your little relationship now? It seems inevitable anyway, unless you make the mistake of getting married with such a view of your relationship.

 

[iBlue]

Here's a few things I've learned in my 43 years of attendance in the Understanding Women Class. In no particular order.

"Don't be ridiculous" is the only response when asked if something makes her look fat.
Put the damn seat down.
Never comment on shoe purchases.
Always ask, never tell. i.e. I was thinking that after college, we could move somewhere else. What do you think?
Don't argue with her girlfriends, just sit there silently with the satisfaction that you aren't with them.

That's all for now. I need my morning coffee for any further deep thinking.

avatar explained.

good advice there.

i don't understand most PEOPLE, reasons vary, but i've given up trying. that said, i don't have many women friends because they annoy me to no end most times. they can be fickle, petty, moody, conniving, etc etc ad nauseam; that stuff makes me want to rip my hair out. (exlained this once before) i don't have a lot in common with most women: i camp, i ride dirtbikes (and get hurt often over it and don't really care), i climb trees and skin my knees, i jump off of perfectly good bridges for fun, i don't wear make-up, i say what i think clearly and without hidden messages, i don't like flowers, etc the list goes on, so for reasons [simplified here] i tend to prefer men as my friends, BUT that is not to say that men don't have their idiosyncrasies too - i.e., men don't very often take the initiative with the 'right things' and neglect to notice some of the most obvious things imaginable - it's easy to solve though, just "nag" them (i love that, we bring up the obvious and we are nags for it) life with people in general has it's ups and downs, that's life.

give up trying to understand and learn to co-exist peacefully. it will make your life much easier.

 

[XNine]

Well, communicating with women is impossible. Men generally say more with less, because we are direct. Women generally say less with more because what they say are lies (or, as one of my female friends puts it: omissions). Just try watching a hockey game in piece. Always yap yap yapping your ear. I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE SALES AT THE MALL, I WANT MY BOYS TO WIN DAMN YOU!!!!

No, seriously, men and women cannot communicate effectively, on a generalized level. If you find a woman who loves hockey (or whatever sport you watch), can say what she actually means and not expect you to have a klingon translator around to decipher it, you've found yourself a keeper.

By the way, I live in Colorado, so I could tell you some of the better areas to relocate to around here. I used to do all sorts of sports stuff (Am. Paintball tourneys, snowboarding, etc.) until I had a work related accident that nearly cost me my leg. So, I oculd tell you some of the better spots for outdoor things as well.

 

[gekko513]

"Communicating with women is impossible" and "class on understanding women" are much to generalised to make much sense. Might as well say that communicating with people is impossible.

I think you should concentrate on understanding your woman.

Other than that I also think, as Applespider and some others have suggested, that this could have something to do with the should/could tone.

Planning for the future is very much a thing that you both need to feel that you're doing together. I can't think of anything more frustrating than having the feeling that someone else is making plans for my future without asking me to participate. Maybe she got annoyed if you were working yourself up and getting enthusiastic without pausing to get her views first.

 

[Chundles]

Has any one thought of going straight to the source and asking this man...?

 

[Blue Velvet]

No, seriously, men and women cannot communicate effectively, on a generalized level.

I disagree.

Certain men and certain women have problems communicating effectively with each other. The failings are theirs and theirs alone -- no need to wildy generalise about the genders, tempting though it may be.

Besides, if men and women couldn't communicate, it would be a very different world...

 

[wPod]

avatar explained.

good advice there.

men don't very often take the initiative with the 'right things' and neglect to notice some of the most obvious things imaginable

you sounded so hot until then! that statement there goes into the misunderstanding of women. . . what is the "right thing" and trust me, things women think are intuitively obvious are clearly not obvious at all!!! every time my gf gives me the silent treatment (not very often, im not THAT bad of a guy) then i have to sit there for a few hours figuring out what i did or said that is 'completely obvious' to her! ha.

see, its little stuff like the should/could argument that make the difference b/w the right and the wrong thing. in retrospect if i would had said could i think there would have been much less trouble.

but what still always confuses me is that she never makes decisions. so im kinda used to making the decisions. yes, i always ask first "where would you like to go to dinner tonight?" "it doesnt matter" then i list off 10 places and each one gets the same "whatever is fine" . . . but then again i guess living somewhere after college is a bit bigger of a decision than a place to eat dinner :-/

maybe i just need to get a big tattoo on my forehead that reads "WARNING: MALE" "harmful side effects may include misunderstanding, missing the obvious" "NOTE: always intends the best, even if that message is not understood by recipient"

 

[gekko513]

but what still always confuses me is that she never makes decisions. so im kinda used to making the decisions. yes, i always ask first "where would you like to go to dinner tonight?" "it doesnt matter" then i list off 10 places and each one gets the same "whatever is fine" . . . but then again i guess living somewhere after college is a bit bigger of a decision than a place to eat dinner :-/

Ah Here's lesson one. She loves you for asking her. Because you ask her, she's fine with whatever. If you didn't ask her, expect trouble.

 

[freeny]

Although they say they do, Woman don't really want to be understood or at least they dont want you to think that you understand them. It keeps you guessing and off kilter, makes them feel a bit more in control, smarter and adds plenty of drama. This approach will also cause you to talk to them for hours in circles while you attempt to get some logic out of it (Shocking, 'cause women like to talk ). kinda like this thread.

 

[jalagl]

So, is there a class on understanding women?

If you ever find one, please post it here. I know I'll enroll in it.

 

[Applespider]

W If you find a woman who loves hockey (or whatever sport you watch), can say what she actually means and not expect you to have a klingon translator around to decipher it, you've found yourself a keeper.

Hah...nonsense! Most guys like typical women you can't understand far more than those that are less girly. Saying this after watching several male friends (some who were more and some not) who were sports daft, good curry daft and so 'can't talk about feelings' it's untrue disappear off with bimbos who manipulated them, couldn't tell a football from a pingpong ball and now can't watch the games because she doesn't want to, can't eat hot food since she doesn't like spiciness on the breath but are living like pigs in ****...
Men... where's the class on understanding them?

 

[Deepdale]

Men... where's the class on understanding them?

Be careful what you ask for.

 

[freeny]

Hah...nonsense! Most guys like typical women you can't understand far more than those that are less girly. Saying this after watching several male friends (some who were more and some not) who were sports daft, good curry daft and so 'can't talk about feelings' it's untrue disappear off with bimbos who manipulated them, couldn't tell a football from a pingpong ball and now can't watch the games because she doesn't want to, can't eat hot food since she doesn't like spiciness on the breath but are living like pigs in ****...
Men... where's the class on understanding them?

Saddly most men, especially young men.. well no, all men are really only interested in getting laid. If they find a girl they like to sleep with they will tollerate just about anything she delivers. these guys were probably not that interested in her likes dislikes or whatever. Its only after a guy finds a girl he likes to schtoop and then realizes he likes other things about her that a true match is made. and of course the trouble really begins....

And yes, I am one of those men

 

[gekko513]

Saddly most men, especially young men.. well no, all men are really only interested in getting laid.

"all men ... only". That's not true. It's a simplification, and I'm not saying that just because I'm gay. I know many straight men who talk about maybe they should settle down or see themselves getting kids.

"Most men are mostly interested in getting laid" is perhaps closer to the truth, but few are as shallow as your last statement.

 

[freeny]

Well of course homosexuals are an exception to my stated opinion seeing that they tend to possess traits from both male and female. It would be difficult for you to understand a heterosexual point of view as well as it would be dificult for me to understand a homosexual point of view. Men want sex! It's part of thier genetics, they cant escape it. It is thier destiny to reproduce.

 

[CorvusCamenarum]

Lesson #1: Ignore what women say, watch what they do. Most of the time, these items are not in concert.

Lesson #2: Men argue based on reason, women argue based on emotion (generally speaking).

Lesson #3: Women at times enjoy picking fights just to see how far they can push you. Don't put up with it.

And before anyone goes to town on me, these tips were given to me by a woman.

 

[aloofman]

Saddly most men, especially young men.. well no, all men are really only interested in getting laid. If they find a girl they like to sleep with they will tollerate just about anything she delivers. these guys were probably not that interested in her likes dislikes or whatever. Its only after a guy finds a girl he likes to schtoop and then realizes he likes other things about her that a true match is made. and of course the trouble really begins....

And yes, I am one of those men

I disagree. Getting laid is so much easier than finding someone you really care about. Look for someone you connect with and the sex will practically come to you.

 

[aloofman]

Be careful what you ask for.

Yeah, if women fully understood what guys were about, they'd be really disappointed.

 

[freeny]

I disagree. Getting laid is so much easier than finding someone you really care about. Look for someone you connect with and the sex will practically come to you.

Oh believe me! I have definately been in love and had REALLY BAD SEX! It doesnt work.

 

[freeny]

Lesson #1: Ignore what women say, watch what they do. Most of the time, these items are not in concert.

Lesson #2: Men argue based on reason, women argue based on emotion (generally speaking).

Lesson #3: Women at times enjoy picking fights just to see how far they can push you. Don't put up with it.

And before anyone goes to town on me, these tips were given to me by a woman.

And she got that info from John Gray. (all of it true by the way).

 

[gekko513]

Oh believe me! I have definately been in love and had REALLY BAD SEX! It doesnt work.

Well maybe not for you, but we've already dispelled the all straight men only want sex if aloofman is straight or if at least one of my straight friends are truthful. Men are individuals. We're all different! The same goes for women.

 

[aloofman]

"Communicating with women is impossible" and "class on understanding women" are much to generalised to make much sense. Might as well say that communicating with people is impossible.

I think you should concentrate on understanding your woman.

Other than that I also think, as Applespider and some others have suggested, that this could have something to do with the should/could tone.

Planning for the future is very much a thing that you both need to feel that you're doing together. I can't think of anything more frustrating than having the feeling that someone else is making plans for my future without asking me to participate. Maybe she got annoyed if you were working yourself up and getting enthusiastic without pausing to get her views first.

I agree with this completely. The whole Mars and Venus thing is way overblown because those differences are actually much smaller than those in your personalities. What makes one person happy one day won't work the next. In a lot of ways it's about management and adaptation, sometimes going with the flow, sometimes taking the initiative.

Honestly, it kind of sounds like she was having a bad day too. For incidents like this, it's always a convergence of factors and usually not because one person just screwed up. You really have to pick you battles too. Some things are just not worth getting really angry over, especially over a suggestion about a decision that is far into the future.

Someone previously mentioned something like it was easier to just date around than to manage a relationship with one person. That's only true if you don't care much about who you're dating. If you want to stay with someone for more than a few nights, it's ten times easier to get to know one person than to bounce around.

 

[XNine]

I disagree.

Certain men and certain women have problems communicating effectively with each other. The failings are theirs and theirs alone -- no need to wildy generalise about the genders, tempting though it may be.

Besides, if men and women couldn't communicate, it would be a very different world...

Yeah, okay, just because your smarter and more classy than the AVERAGE woman, Blue, doesn't mean that most of both gender are hard to communicate with. I understand you perfectly, just because you aren't afraid to speak your mind and say it with purpose, instead of beating around the bush.

Of course, I agree a lot of men are just stupid, cowardly, pompous fools. There's a lot of flaws on both sides but of course it all comes down to the individual, but instead of taking every individual into account I would just rather make a generalized statement hoping others know after I point out that it's only a generalization, and not necessarily a blanket statement making me look ignorant.

On a GENERAL level, you ask a girl "what's wrong" when she's in a mood and she'll say one of two things: "I'm fine." or "Nothing." Both mean "I'M OFFENDED THAT YOU SAID OR DID THAT."

You ask a man the same thing: "I'M OFFENDED BECAUSE _______"

But anyway. Of course, I have never had a girlfriend who is as straight forward as you, Blue, although I have had female friends who are. It's hard to find a woman who's both smart and attractive. If a girl I date could outspeak and outthink me on an intellectual level, oh man, I'd beg to hump her leg!

 

[Blue Velvet]

Lesson #1: Ignore what women say, watch what they do. Most of the time, these items are not in concert.

Lesson #2: Men argue based on reason, women argue based on emotion (generally speaking).

Lesson #3: Women at times enjoy picking fights just to see how far they can push you. Don't put up with it.

And before anyone goes to town on me, these tips were given to me by a woman.

What a load of nonsense. Women are often their own worst enemies and will say things about each other that are far viler than they'd say about other men...

I take particular objection to no.2 -- a cursory examination of the behaviour of my male colleagues and some of our senior women directors in our organisation shows that up to be a complete fallacy.

I would say that type of behaviour is perhaps typical of a certain kind of woman. Any crass generalisations of this nature ignore the diversity inherent in both genders.