Is this normal? I'm really worried.

StephenCampbell

macrumors 65816
Original poster
Sep 21, 2009
1,037
52
So, my ex and me, who had been in an off-and-on relationship for the past three months, finally decided we need to completely cut each other out of each others lives if either of us are ever going to move on (she broke up with me).

Yesterday morning was the last time I saw her, and this has now been the longest duration of not speaking to her since July 2009.

Naturally I feel lonely and depressed, and I want to know what she's thinking, what she's feeling, whether she's contemplating getting back together with me, etc. She did clarify many, many times that she does not want to be in that kind of relationship with me though, so that does help me a bit in terms of clarity.

But anyways, I'm basically not very horny right now, and haven't been since she and I parted for the last time yesterday morning. Nothing makes me feel horny or excited about having sex in the future. Is this a normal side effect of having just broken up with someone that you love?

If I don't feel desperate to have sex, I don't feel alive. I know that sounds weird, but I am a virgin, and a core part of who I am that I actually enjoy, is that constant, intense desire to have sex. I enjoy that feeling because it makes me excited about the future, excited about what girls I might meet where, etc. But right now, all of that is gone. I just feel hollow. No excitement, no desire, no sex drive. :-/

What do I do? Will time fix this?
 

citizenzen

macrumors 65816
Mar 22, 2010
1,433
11,628
I'm basically not very horny right now, and haven't been since she and I parted for the last time yesterday morning. Nothing makes me feel horny or excited about having sex in the future.
This is a put-on right?

You haven't felt horny or excited about sex since YESTERDAY and you wonder if something is wrong?

What?! Are you 14 years old?!!!



Sooo... yeah... nothing's wrong... except you're 14.

But trust me, you'll grow out of it.
 

StephenCampbell

macrumors 65816
Original poster
Sep 21, 2009
1,037
52
We were together for over four months, and then in the on-and-off thing for another three months.

I am 19 years old. :-/
 

ethical

macrumors 68000
Dec 22, 2007
1,661
1
I think somebody must be advertising this website inside public toilets and magazines, as a relationship-help center!

"Your thing not doing it's usual thing? Visit macrumours.com for expert advice and free-counseling"

"14? Heart in the gutter? Worried your love life will never return because the girl of your dreams doesn't notice you? macrumours.com has the answers!"

OP: Watch some pr0n. Quality help right there.
 

renewed

macrumors 68040
Mar 24, 2009
3,064
5
Bemalte Blumen duften nicht.
I think somebody must be advertising this website inside public toilets and magazines, as a relationship-help center!

"Your thing not doing it's usual thing? Visit macrumours.com for expert advice and free-counseling"

"14? Heart in the gutter? Worried your love life will never return because the girl of your dreams doesn't notice you? macrumours.com has the answers!"
:D Classic!
 

CorvusCamenarum

macrumors 65816
Dec 16, 2004
1,231
1
Birmingham, AL
1) Stop pining for her.
2) Go out with a hotter looking girl. You get double points if the ex hears about it, and triple points if the ex sees it.
3) The next time she tries to talk to you, you're too busy. Be polite, but aloof.
4) All will be well.
 

StephenCampbell

macrumors 65816
Original poster
Sep 21, 2009
1,037
52
1) Stop pining for her.
2) Go out with a hotter looking girl. You get double points if the ex hears about it, and triple points if the ex sees it.
3) The next time she tries to talk to you, you're too busy. Be polite, but aloof.
4) All will be well.
We're not going to be talking again anytime soon.

I'm not interested in trying to make her jealous.

:-/

I just want to be excited about meeting new girls again.
 

Rodimus Prime

macrumors G4
Oct 9, 2006
10,132
4
It has only been a day give it some time.

You need to recover from the shock value of it first and that takes a few days and then in theory things should start looking up.

Something that was done after a girl I dated did some hard blows to me was hung out with friends to get my mind off of it it worked for a while the theory should be that you will not keep sinking down you will bottom out and start getting things back together.
 

R.Perez

macrumors 6502
Feb 16, 2010
386
2,181
Philadelphia, PA
Pretty normal, you're just a bit heart broken. It takes time, but you will be alright eventually.

One of my break ups took over a year to get over, we were together for 3.5 years
 

DeepIn2U

macrumors 603
May 30, 2002
6,044
1,623
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Patience, grasshopper.
Soon you'll be running above the grass and laughing like Leprechauns cause the grass will be tickling your ... jewels ;)

He's 19 and this is possibly the deepest relationship he's ever had and possibly his very FIRST lay.

Start going to library's, Bookstore's, Gymnastics at school and see the chickadees play.
 

niuniu

macrumors 68020
Break ups are hard at your age. A break up from a serious relationship at your age can really throw your whole life out of whack - seems to hit you harder then than any other age.

Things get better, best way to deal with it is to stay away from her, and if possible avoid any of her friends who might give you bad news like she's sleeping with some guy, because rest assured, bad news does have a habit of filtering back and it will screw you up.

The demotivation you're feeling is natural, you won't have strong overriding priorities to keep you on track, like work or career goals, they usually kick in later (for some people, never), so for now, you're probably wallowing around which is perfectly natural.

Unfortunately, only time will help you really recover, and the recovery process is pretty lengthy and has different stages. Worst thing you can do it delay that by continuing to engage with her. You sound like there's some denial going on - ie, you wonder if she's considering getting back together. Don't give in to that, see yourself and tell yourself that you will move on, in time.
 

iBlue

macrumors Core
Mar 17, 2005
19,174
15
London, England
I once had a break up and didn't want to have sex for like a day and I was so worried I posted about it on the internet! Oy vey!

OK, in all seriousness, just relax. You'll be fine and your horn™ will return.
 

iMJustAGuy

macrumors 68020
Sep 10, 2007
2,121
0
Beach, FL
This is a put-on right?

You haven't felt horny or excited about sex since YESTERDAY and you wonder if something is wrong?

What?! Are you 14 years old?!!!



Sooo... yeah... nothing's wrong... except you're 14.

But trust me, you'll grow out of it.
you need to chill out.


To the OP... No matter how bad things seem they ALWAYS get better. Give it a week or so.

Patience, grasshopper.
+1 :D
 

iOrlando

macrumors 68000
Jul 20, 2008
1,813
1
anyone else find these type of threads disturbing and sickening?


i sure do.


macrumors should invest the effort in opening up a dedicated psychology thread or something like that. I can see people really getting into this kind of stuff.