Losing a Best Friend

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Ryan1524, May 10, 2008.

  1. Ryan1524 macrumors 68000

    Ryan1524

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2003
    Location:
    Canada GTA
    #1
    Sorry for starting a relationship thread. If there is one thing I swore not to do on a forum is to post an angsty relationship thread. But I just don't know who else to talk to. So here goes.

    Have you ever had a best friend that's more or less your constant partner in life? not quite a partner, but not quite just a friend either - if you know what I'm saying. Let's say that person is now finding someone else, a real relationship. Do you fight for it, or let them be Just a friend and support their newfound joy. (and potentially lose a best friend)?? Or am I seeing this all wrong, and it doesn't have to be an Either OR situation?

    I feel like House letting Wilson date Amber. (to those who follow one of the greatest show on telly.)

    Feel free to call me an idiot. ;):p
     
  2. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Location:
    On tenterhooks
    #2
    You're not an idiot, you just put all your eggs in one basket.

    Time now to spread your wings, and invite others into your life.
     
  3. Dagless macrumors Core

    Dagless

    Joined:
    Jan 18, 2005
    Location:
    Fighting to stay in the EU
    #3
    My eggs are all in one basket too, hopefully I don't lose her since it probably wouldn't be a nice experience.
     
  4. iJohnHenry macrumors P6

    iJohnHenry

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2008
    Location:
    On tenterhooks
    #4
    I suspect you have a partner, not a very very best friend.

    It is, after all, about commitment.

    And it isn't. I've done it twice in my life.
     
  5. Gray-Wolf macrumors 68030

    Gray-Wolf

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2008
    Location:
    Pandora, Home Tree
    #5
    Very true. And "Best Friends" take a long time to develop.
     
  6. todd2000 macrumors 68000

    Joined:
    Nov 14, 2005
    Location:
    Danville, VA
    #6
    You're an idiot! :) J/K

    But seriously, if this person is really your best friend, what does it matter that their in a relationship. I doubt their going to stop talking to you just because they found someone. I think your probably feeling jealous because your friend is spending time with someone else. I say just be happy for them.
     
  7. Ryan1524 thread starter macrumors 68000

    Ryan1524

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2003
    Location:
    Canada GTA
    #7
    Haha. Yea, that's where I stand right now. The alternative seems selfish. Time to get more friends, or a special someone for myself, I guess.
     
  8. GSMiller macrumors 68000

    GSMiller

    Joined:
    Dec 2, 2006
    Location:
    Kentucky
    #8
    Yeah I was in the same situation too and she found someone else and before I could be put on the back burner again I just cut off nearly all communication with her. We have the weirdest relationship ever, as she calls me her "best friend" but she'll go out and not ask me and do all this stuff and not tell me about it until long after it's over. And the guy she has now is 3 years younger than her, doesn't drive, and he lives farther away from her than I do and she picks him up from school every day and takes him home. Then whenever I would ask her to come to my house, it was always "oh, it's too far." Like what the heck kinda friend is that?! Just face it, you've been entered into her "friend" category so move on.
     
  9. glocke12 macrumors 6502a

    glocke12

    Joined:
    Jan 7, 2008
    #9
    I had that happen to me. Had a good buddy and we would hang out a couple times a week and drink beer, shoot pool, etc.....

    He ended up with a girlfriend, and ended up blowing me off entirely for the better part of a year because of her. Even though they arent officaly dating, he still rents a room out from her..We still dont really talk....the whole thing was kinda weird...
     
  10. Gray-Wolf macrumors 68030

    Gray-Wolf

    Joined:
    Apr 19, 2008
    Location:
    Pandora, Home Tree
    #10
    Best friends do get replaced sometimes. If I had a best friend, known for years, but got married, my wife would become my new best friend, and the old best friend would become a very dear friend, a friendship to be valued greatly.
     
  11. AEP macrumors member

    Joined:
    Jul 19, 2007
    #11
    Well, this could be looked at in more than one way.

    If when you say “best friends” what exactly is your stance on this friendship? Do you have romantic feelings towards her or do you HONESTLY just see her as a friend?

    If it’s the secret unrequited love thing going on here then I guess you just have to try and let go, because she obviously only sees you as a friend. If she doesn’t feel the same way about you, as you feel for her, then you will be the only one getting hurt. Sorry to say so bluntly but, let it go.

    Now then, on the other hand…… If your relationship is friends, good pals, best of mates, whatever, then I think your looking at this in the wrong light. You should be happy for her! Lets say one of your male pals got a new girlfriend, would you be all cut up because you didn’t see as much of him as you once did? My guess would be not. That’s the thing with life people meet people and people move on, but the true value of friendship is found in the times when you need your friends. What I mean by this is. If things go bad with the new boyfriend after six months or so, and even though you have only seen each other half a dozen times in those months. You will be the person she comes to, why, because you’re her best friend and you will always be there for her, because friends are always there for each other when things go bad. Likewise if thing’s went bad between you and a girlfriend your pals would be people you turn to.

    Take it from someone who’s been through both of these scenarios. Unrequited love is an accident waiting to happen and friends will be friends forever.

    Sorry if I sound a little harsh, but I do hope you find the solution that works for you, but if you suspect it is the old unrequited love going on. You may want to consider asking her out, at least that way you will know either way! There is nothing worse in life than regrets! Ask her out if she says yes your sorted, happy days. If not, well at least you tried, hold your head high and walk tall, and you got yourself the answer now rather than two years down the line when you will be so cut up about all the wasted time!

    Basically friends will always be friends whatever happens.

    Hope this helps in a little way.
     
  12. Ryan1524 thread starter macrumors 68000

    Ryan1524

    Joined:
    Apr 9, 2003
    Location:
    Canada GTA
    #12
    ^Thanks all for the advice.

    I think what I fear most is ruining even the friendship aspect of it if I went for it and it doesn't work. I suppose I'll just have to live with the decision. We'll stay friends, and if they're happy, I'm happy.
     
  13. mgacam2 macrumors regular

    mgacam2

    Joined:
    Jul 27, 2007
    #13
    I'm going to give you some solid hard advice. Move on. You can keep contact with this "friend" but move on. I learned the hardest way possible. Met a girl and we were best friends for 5 years. She meets a boy etc etc and all hell breaks loose. You'll be kicking yourself in the teeth for holding on. Talk to her, hang out with her occasionally but keep your distance. Go out and find a new girl and new people to hang out with. I have never felt like something ruined my life so much as being friends with the girl I was best friends with. I still want to be her friend but I'v lost all sexual interest in her now. I can't look at her and be attracted at all and I'v never been happier in my entire life.
     
  14. prostuff1 macrumors 65816

    prostuff1

    Joined:
    Jul 29, 2005
    Location:
    Don't step into the kawoosh...
    #14
    Your not an idiot, your just holding on. Which is understandable if your use to having this person all to yourself so to speak. I know exactly how this feels and am going through a similar situation right now.

    I met this girl after she moved in next door and we had an apartment warming party. Got to know her pretty well and we hung out a lot (hell she lives next door). Turned out she liked me and I liked her, but she was hesitant to get into a relationship after having broke up with her boyfriend of 4 years. The long story short is that she is seeing someone else (not me) and kinda left me hanging by not telling me (which pissed me off more then finding out about the other guy). We still hang out quite a bit (racquetball twice a week, drops into the apartment a couple times a week, etc.) and to her credit she really has not changed the way she acts around me.


    This is very sound advice. I am in the process of doing this myself. I am still very good friends with this girl but I can not peruse the type of relationship i was hoping for. Such is life and I will get over it.



    Also, as far as venting goes, i would suggest venting to friends/family. I guess it depends on your relationship with your siblings but i know that i usually vent to my sister.
     

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