I see many threads around the forum on relationships, love, and what not, and while I usually don't participate in any of those, I thought it would be refreshing to add something that is a little bit different. Its a story of my own, one that is close to my heart. While I'm sure there are plenty of errors thrown throughout it, I'm not really looking for critical comments (although they wouldn't offend me), I'm just looking to share this. I was trying to find a larger audience and a friend recommended posting it here. I assumed there should be at least a few who would enjoy it. It is quite long. While being the story of one of the most important relationships of my life, it is also my reflections on love and relationships in general. There are scattered bits of humor, emotion, etc., but I will leave that to those of you who would like to read it. In no way is this suppose to be me trying to gush my feelings on to anyone else, though. I suppose there is little else to say for an introduction, but, I hope you enjoy. It is five parts, and because of its length I must break it up into a few posts. Part I Her name is Sausha. I met her through an old girlfriend, named Sara. I had known Sara from the age of, I dont know, 12? It was a distance thing, and stupid for such young kids to go out. It was on and off, and we talked that way (on and off) for years. By the time March rolled around in 2004, I was up to my old tricks and thoughts again. Hey, things are the same old same old, I need to talk to Sara. I just feel it. I need to. I said that to myself for about a week, and ironically, she popped online and sent me a message only a few days later. She was rarely online, so this was unusual. Sara was staying at a friends house. I didnt care about that too much, I was just excited to be talking to Sara again. I called her at her friends house. Her friends name was Sausha. I talked to Sara, and had a very good, long conversation. We enjoyed each others company. There was a moment I talked to Sausha for that night. She seemed like a nice person, but at this point, I was enthralled with the thought of Sara and I again. Sausha got my email address that time, and we would occasionally talk online. Usually, when I was talking about Sara, or asking where Sara was or what was going on with her. Thats a completely different story. Sara and I talked for the month of April and most of May. Like always, things fell apart, but Sausha and I kept in good contact. I would talk to her for a bit every few days. She was dating this boy named Logan. Some crazy drug-addict, drop out. Stupid for her to date him, I know. Sara and I spent hours trying to give her the courage to leave him. He did treat her badly, she was unloved and uncared for, but you know those silly teenagers feelings. There was a time, again, with no feelings towards her on my part, that I sent her the lyrics to Betterman by Pearl Jam. It was my song to her, because of this boy named Logan. June (2004) rolled around and she was very excited to tell me she had finally gotten the courage to get over and leave him. We didnt talk much at first. We were busy. But since school was out, and I was feeling better about life, I opened myself up to a little flirtation. So this bit of flirtation lasted for a few days, on and off. It wasnt really anything, but I had the striking suspicion that she liked me. Still, at this point, I really wasnt looking for a relationship and had no feelings. The continuation of me pressuring her about her feelings towards me started to lead somewhere though. It wasnt flirtation leading me to ask her these questions, but sheer belief that I was right. I could just tell. She finally began to admit it somewhat. I have logs, oh do I have logs. I will not go and look at them at this point though, it would upset me too much. She was reading an essay or two I wrote one night. I believe they were Repetition & Life and So You Want a Miracle. She was at her sisters, who was about 23. She showed them to her sister, and her sister had the compulsion to come and tell me I was not the age that I was. I was 15, and her sister, named Kinyata, was assuring herself that I was actually her age. Jokingly, she wanted me to call to prove it. Not in a joking manner, though, she told me Sausha really did want me to call. So, I called. She had a beautiful voice. But that did not tempt me. I stayed convicted to the belief that I wanted nothing. People say that love finds you when you arent looking. I enjoyed that nights conversation, but all I really cared about was getting off the phone in time to see the Tonight Show or Conan OBrian. She wanted me to call again. I believe I called the next night, and the next, and so on, until I stopped caring as much about seeing The Tonight Show. She was so intelligent, so wise for her age. This attracted me. She spoke of things that interest me, and she spoke with interest! This caught my attention. I finally began to grow some feelings, to the point of love. She was the first person I was ever afraid to say I love you too, because she was important enough to me that I meant it, and I didnt want to lose her for saying it. Some believe in fate. That is a topic for an essay. I havent put enough thought into the subject to decide how I feel about fate yet, but I have put much thought into fate itself. Would a girl like Sara be entered into my life for years just so I could meet this girl named Sausha? Would something like that be so perfectly planned, just for one meeting, one purpose, one love?