Mild Depression?

[7254278]

Hey guys,
I have been under a lot of stress recently caused by many reasons. My girlfriend whom I truely love cheated on me, I broke up with her and she just wont leave me alone, she is using the whole guilt trip on me. I am also in my last year of high shcool and I am facing pressure to perform and get into a good college, a lot of personal problems at home. Now I am not having any thoughts of harming myself. I just feel sad all the time(for the past month or so), I feel self pitty(which I consider to be pathetic) and I have become really unproductive. I cant get my mind off things. I am not having any serious thoughts of harming myself or anything like that. I just wanna be upbeat again, I wanna feel normal again. I think I am becoming a different person. I dont know what to do. I am only 17 but I consider myself mature and responsible but I dont feel like it is an issue to talk about with my parents. It would be really uncomfortable, we arent really close and I feel they wouldnt understand.
Counselling is out of the question because I dont want my parents knowing. I was considering medication but I really know nothing about depression. I just dont know what to do.
Anyone that can help me out? Get my thoughts straight?
Sorry for ranting. I almost feel like Im whinning.
Thanks
Patmian212


EDIT: I have been talking to my best friendly a lot recently about my feelings but it isnt really helping. I do however like the attention(I feel guilty because I am not an attention whore and all the attention she is giving me about how I feel might just be fueling my depression). I truely feel pathetic.

 

[Grakkle]

Try getting into an activity you really like doing...even if it seems worthless. Meet some new people. Volunteer at something.

And about the girlfriend, just remember that it's better to end something early than get really messed up later if you allow it to continue. I mean, what if you kept seeing each other and you got married sometime? That would be far worse.

Don't worry, things will straighten out.

 

[7254278]

Try getting into an activity you really like doing...even if it seems worthless. Meet some new people. Volunteer at something.

And about the girlfriend, just remember that it's better to end something early than get really messed up later if you allow it to continue. I mean, what if you kept seeing each other and you got married sometime? That would be far worse.

Don't worry, things will straighten out.

Thanks for the advice. I started an activity. I play varsity basketball, and it is helping me get my mind off things. The girl well, it also sucks because she is in my home room at school so I see her everyday, it doesnt really help but I guess I just gotta learn to deal with it.

 

[thedude110]

I think I am becoming a different person.

Don't mean to boil off your post, because you're obviously going through a lot. Have you considered talking to your school counselor or social worker? You can talk to them without your parents ever knowing.

I quote the above because I see you not becoming a different person, but becoming yourself. Despite our seeming permanence, we're all liquidity -- we're all becoming ourselves repeatedly. At 29 I barely know where I am, and beyond some basic principles, I'm always surprising myself with myself (in good ways and bad).

I know you can work through whatever you need to work through (including the difficulty of facing your personal problems first thing every morning). But don't hesitate to seek help from those who are waiting to help you (like your school counselor), and don't be afraid of stretching the boundaries of who you previously considered yourself to be. You might be surprised by where your limits are, and by who you can become.

Glad to see your avatar again.

 

[adrianblaine]

I went through something similar my freshman year in college. My girlfriend and I broke up about 2 months after school started and my parents had split up a few years before. I became pretty depressed. I failed pre-calculus and freshman English and I left that school with less than a 2.0. Spirituality probably isn't a really huge topic around here and because of that I probably won't go into a lot of detail, but I basically discovered that things like what made me depressed don't really matter, so I went about finding stuff to do that mattered. A lot like what Grakkle talked about in his post.

Find a good goal and work toward it. Keep your priorities straight (which includes putting yourself first sometimes) and find things you enjoy doing and actually spend time doing them.

 

[Abstract]

Well I believe it generally takes around 3 months to recover 80-90% of yourself and your old life back when a serious relationship ends. You'll think about her once in a while, but that will stop after several months of not being together.

However, your problem is this....

....it also sucks because she is in my home room at school so I see her everyday, it doesnt really help but I guess I just gotta learn to deal with it.

...oh my. And remember, you don't want to waste another few years before you find out she's a cheating wh***, so this is better than the alternative.


My suggestion is to switch homeroom classes for next term, if possible. Just tell someone that your ex-gf is in the class, and it's having a serious effect on both your education, and your personality, and you might be facing mild depression because of having to see her every day. I don't think a decent school can say no to a request to switch classes if a situation is causing depression.

 

[7254278]

Well I believe it generally takes around 3 months to recover 80-90% of yourself and your old life back when a serious relationship ends. You'll think about her once in a while, but that will stop after several months of not being together.

However, your problem is this....



...oh my. And remember, you don't want to waste another few years before you find out she's a cheating wh***, so this is better than the alternative.


My suggestion is to switch homeroom classes for next term, if possible. Just tell someone that your ex-gf is in the class, and it's having a serious effect on both your education, and your personality, and you might be facing mild depression because of having to see her every day. I don't think a decent school can say no to a request to switch classes if a situation is causing depression.

I mean she cheated on me and that isnt right, but I still love her, I cant change that, for now. Changing home rooms is doable but we still have a lot of classes together. I just dont want to give her the satisfaction of bringing me down. She is also very "depressed" and whats to remain friends(which we have been for over 4 years), I just feel I am incapable. Thanks everyone for your thoughts and input.

 

[Cromulent]

The best way to overcome feeling depressed is to go out and do things that you enjoy. Try and do some sort of physical exercise everyday and start going to the gym. It has been suggested in many studies that intensive exercise helps to relieve the effects of depression, so get down the gym .

Also spend time with your friends, go to the pub and have some drinks. Enjoy yourself, in fact do anything that takes your mind off it. After a while you will find that you don't need to try and forget and that actually you already have.

I hope this helps.

 

[Demon Hunter]

Patmian212, I can relate to your circumstances. My girlfriend cheated on me and left me a few weeks before graduation (2004). I was failing my classes and college was only a few months away. I felt worthless and dejected.

Mental health is extremely important to young adults such as yourself. In fact, persons aged 18-24 have the highest prevalence of diagnosable mental disorders at 27%. Fortunately, depression is very treatable.

Depression has many forms. It can be a seasonal disorder that comes and goes with the weather (Seasonal Affective Disorder). It can be a chronic illness that requires treatment and therapy. It can be a chemical imbalance in the brain. It can be the body's response to stress or grief felt after a tragic event.

Everyone experiences depression during their lifetime. It's a normal part of the emotional spectrum. When depression interferes with your daily life and ability to function it becomes an illness. It does not mean you are pathetic or weak.

Unfortunately, this stigma is propagated by our culture.

It is extremely important that you find someone to confide in about this. It doesn't have to be your parents. It could be a coach, a teacher, your doctor or a family friend. If your condition worsens, you will need the perspective of a healthy person.

I recommend you see your family doctor. They can discuss the benefits and possible risks of medication with you. It's a very personal decision. They can also provide psychotherapy during your visits.

Of course, that's not the only answer. Hardships must be endured, and they will develop character. Take it from someone who's been there. I hope things get better soon.

If you have any questions please feel free to ask.

 

[Xeem]

The best way to overcome feeling depressed is to go out and do things that you enjoy. Try and do some sort of physical exercise everyday and start going to the gym. It has been suggested in many studies that intensive exercise helps to relieve the effects of depression, so get down the gym .
I hope this helps.

I agree. Exercise can help out immensely, especially if you don't get a lot of it normally. I've found that when I stick to a steady workout routine I tend to get much more accomplished in almost every facet of life; I think the drive to be in better shape just spills over into other things. I suppose that could hold true for any number of other new activities you could start as well, and even if you aren't feeling better soon, at least you're getting something useful done in the meantime. Of course, getting into new activities can be really hard when you're depressed (it is for me, anyway), so just keep trying to do something. It can be too easy to get stuck in depression.

 

[mariahlullaby]

Find a free, local hotline to call. Most places have a free suicide hotline to call, and even if you are not suicidal, most of the poeople who call are not. They have trained counselors you can call and help you discuss your feelings. Your parents will not find out, it's free, and completely confidential.

Try it.

 

[Abstract]

Write her a note, and tell her you don't want to be friends, or that you can't be friends with her right now because you can't stand looking at her. I do NOT recommend that you try "being friends." I say you stop interacting with her. Like a bandaid, man......like a band-aid....right off, and do it fast. You had so much more; you just can't go back to being friends now. What would you do together......double date? Play chess? Scrabble? Too late for that. You had 4 years of being good friends and dating.......much more than what's in your future even if you tried to be friends.


Go to the gym, or at least do pushups, buy some weights, start jogging or swimming laps 3 times a week, etc. Don't go to your parents. Get your homeroom changed. If you do, she'll get the message and back off, and you can move on. Yes you share a few classes together, but at least you're doing the best you can to avoid her.

Tell her, in a note, that you don't want to be friends, change homerooms, and she'll get the message. Then do some physical activity like lift weights, and try to find someone else. Does she have a sister? I'd start there.

 

[pknz]

Hey Patmian, we all go through similar things. I am 17 too, have just finished High School and am really sad about it, mainly that I will probably lose some friends or atleast the closeness as well all move off to Universities next year. I have exams coming up and although not stressed about them (mainly cause at the moment I'm more missing school and my mates) they are at the back of my mind.

Sporting wise, my football isn't great as I have picked up an injury, the team that I support is doing pretty poorly too.

The girl I like (and briefly went out with earlier this year) confuses me with her flirtatious nature and I'm not sure if she wants what I want.

I don't have a job to keep my mind off things at the moment. Talking to friends seems to help.

My advice to you is to keep yourself busy.

 

[SamIchi]

Like others have said the best way to deal with girls is to exercise. They cause so much stress Give it some time, it will get better. It usually does. Hope everything works out for you bud.

 

[SC68Cal]

Senior year is a tough year. I remember being really stressed about a whole range of issues, so you're not alone. If anything I would be worried if you were not feeling stressed out about Senior Year.

It's a big year! You're on the verge of going to College, finally leaving the house for the first time and moving towards the real world.

My advice, is just to work through it! What your experiencing is NOT unusual, and it's okay to feel they way you are feeling. But don't forget, big things are on the horizon.

My Freshman year in College was absolutely amazing. I did a lot of things that I had never done before, and met so many new and interesting people, and had lots of awesome experiences. My senior year in High School was terrible in comparison!

My girlfriend is going through the exact same thing your going through right now with senior year and since she's put her applications in, taken the SATs, and done a lot of her projects and papers that are being assigned to her she's starting to feel a lot more relaxed and happy overall.

 

[Rodimus Prime]

Hey guys,
I have been under a lot of stress recently caused by many reasons. My girlfriend whom I truely love cheated on me, I broke up with her and she just wont leave me alone, she is using the whole guilt trip on me. I am also in my last year of high shcool and I am facing pressure to perform and get into a good college, a lot of personal problems at home. Now I am not having any thoughts of harming myself. I just feel sad all the time(for the past month or so), I feel self pitty(which I consider to be pathetic) and I have become really unproductive. I cant get my mind off things. I am not having any serious thoughts of harming myself or anything like that. I just wanna be upbeat again, I wanna feel normal again. I think I am becoming a different person. I dont know what to do. I am only 17 but I consider myself mature and responsible but I dont feel like it is an issue to talk about with my parents. It would be really uncomfortable, we arent really close and I feel they wouldnt understand.
Counselling is out of the question because I dont want my parents knowing. I was considering medication but I really know nothing about depression. I just dont know what to do.
Anyone that can help me out? Get my thoughts straight?
Sorry for ranting. I almost feel like Im whinning.
Thanks
Patmian212


EDIT: I have been talking to my best friendly a lot recently about my feelings but it isnt really helping. I do however like the attention(I feel guilty because I am not an attention whore and all the attention she is giving me about how I feel might just be fueling my depression). I truely feel pathetic.

First off I am 23 and I still in college.

Also many people here can relate I know I can relate on the depression side and having a girl throwing me in to it (well more it was big thing that cause everything else to fall apart and finish me off). The past year I can honestly say I wish never happened and it could be ereased and I would not regret it. Yeah it had it good points and things I like about it but the low and the crap from it is by far worse and I would freely give up the good parts to not have to deal with the crap. Needless to say I still struggling with it. And yeah that Pathetic feeling sucks. And what worse is it so easy to fall down and you really need you friends. I push away a lot of my friends and I lost some in the past year and great damage some other friendships. But at the same time it was my friends who pulled me though. I telling you this just to give you an idea where I am. I still in pretty shaky shape. During the low point I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep, I was getting 2 hours a night and was only falling asleep because of exhausted and just getting enough to go though the next day. I would cry my self to sleep, I would cry because I couldn’t fall asleep and all I wanted was sleep, I was a and still am a mess. It was a living hell. Yeah today I am in better shape and still have my struggles. Also it believe that I am at Chronically depressed after talking my mom and look at my past. I will intermix how I pulled out with advice. I know the back ground part is important and to give weight to what I going to tell you.

Now on to the replay. . It going to hurt for a while I am not going to lie. If you been feeling like crap for more than 2 weeks it is classified as depression. I going to strongly recommend you get some profession counseling. One place you can go is your High school counselor. Most of them have training and schooling in this area and it does keep your parents from knowing. Personally I really think you need to tell your parents because they love and care very deeply about you even if you are not close. And you will be surpised, they may have something from their past that can related and if they don’t and cant related they do love and care about you and they more than likely will be willing to help you and get you counseling if you ask for it. One thing that help me get on the road to getting better was counseling. Also like you I didn’t want to tell my parents and I didn’t for a while and looking back I wish I told them sooner and I wish I did start consoling a lot sooner than I did

Also I am against medication being your first choice. It should be one of the last things you should go to because it does come at a heavy price physically and well a financially. I will say do keep an open mind about but don’t got there first. I tried other avenues before I considered going to medication. Hell it was because I started considering and ultimately did choose to go on antidepressants that I had to tell my parents because I needed the insurance information. But I am still against it being one of the first options. I started the on Wilburton XL about 3 weeks ago and yeah it did make a change for me at the 150mg dose and it was just up to 300mg (was getting step up) and there was about 1.5 months delay after I chose to try meds due to paper work problems and Psychiatrist not having an opening. And if you want to go with medication you are going to have to tell your parents because you will need the prescription insurance because the stuff is not cheap. My 60 tablet is $325 with out insurances so yeah you will need to tell them. Also they will know something is up if you start taking them because the side effects the first few days are noticeable. I had server debilitating headaches the first few days to the point where I couldn’t stand and I end up falling asleep on the couch and didn’t make it to my bed that night. Oh and I couldn’t take anything that would remove the headache. I tried and nothing worked I just have to live with it for a few days. Pretty much it just kind of sucked. After wards I did noticed my mood swings where reduced and the edge was taken off.
To add to the medication I am strongly against a General doctor prescribing it. I believe you should talk to a Psychiatrist and have them decide if you need medication and what type of medication would be best for you. They have study in this area and they know what type of medication is best. Your GP does not have this training nor does he understand all of it as well and GP don’t know what type would be best for you. I do find it annoying that GP are the ones who are writing the prescription for Antidepressants with out a Psychiatrist being seen first.

Lastly you are not pathetic. You are still you. You are still a human being. All you need is a little help and everyone needs help. I pulled out of my depression because I did get help (I was more or less forced by my friends to get consoling and from there the option of medication was put on the table and it took me a few months to decide to try that option. Please do get some professional help and try to have you friends help you and your parents will figure out (if they haven’t already) something is wrong with you and you seem off. They just don’t know how to approach you on it or if they should ask.

 

[MACDRIVE]

Rodimus Prime, the drift I'm getting from your post is that you're ashamed of taking medication; don't be.

I had a girl throw me into a tail spin too, although, it was way back in 1994. I'm talking major depression, or actually worse yet, obsessive depression. I couldn't get this girl out of my mind, crying constantly etc for weeks on end. Finally while being at my witts end, I got myself to the emergency room at the hospital, and was able to see an on call psychiatrist.

Fast forward three months later:

By that time I've been on Prozac for 3 months since my breakdown. A life saving drug. I can't say enough about the stuff. I started out at 20mg, and went on up to a high dose of 60mg, which is where I'm at now.

It won't stop me from filling bad when a good friend or relative dies; but for frivolous things like girls... lets just say that they are no match for this powerful drug.

To the OP:

If you can shake off your ill hearted feelings by going to the gym for a work out, then you'll probably do fine. But if you find yourself getting more and more depressed and can't seem to pull yourself out of it; then I say look into some medication. It's possible that you only need a low dose. But beware though, depression is very sneaky and dangerous; something that is not always readily cured by a trip to the gym.

One other thing: Having a low thyroid level can be a major contributing factor to having depression even without social influences.

 

[iSaint]

Another aspect of depression is stress. You have a lot going on right now, and the girlfriend thing just adds to it. Exercise is a strong deterrent towards depression. But, please find someone you can talk to as well. I suggest school counselors or priest.

 

[Rodimus Prime]

Rodimus Prime, the drift I'm getting from your post is that you're ashamed of taking medication; don't be.

I had a girl throw me into a tail spin too, although, it was way back in 1994. I'm talking major depression, or actually worse yet, obsessive depression. I couldn't get this girl out of my mind, crying constantly etc for weeks on end. Finally while being at my witts end, I got myself to the emergency room at the hospital, and was able to see an on call psychiatrist.

Fast forward three months later:

By that time I've been on Prozac for 3 months since my breakdown. A life saving drug. I can't say enough about the stuff. I started out at 20mg, and went on up to a high dose of 60mg, which is where I'm at now.

It won't stop me from filling bad when a good friend or relative dies; but for frivolous things like girls... lets just say that they are no match for this powerful drug.

To tell you the truth I am not ashamed of it. I really do like the effects of the medication I am on and I not going to hide the fact I am on an antidepressant. I just believe it strongly that it should not be the first thing some turns to and it should not be a decision that is made lightly because the body really does not like having it chemistry messed with and there are long term side effects to being on these drugs. We live in a pill happy world and everyone seem to think that there problems will be solved by taking a little pill. I just believe that other option like profession consoling should be tired first because that will teach you some ways of dealing with it and it might all that some needs to pull them out of it.
Also I believe the choice of going on medication is something that only a psychiatrist should do. And if some one decided they want to try medication they need to talk to a psychiatrist and let them decide what best for them and which medication to give them. A general family doctor not going to be able to do that.
Lastly I believe some one should always keep an open mind to medication just it should never be the first option to try to get out of it.

 

[7254278]

The idea of self-medicating myself has crossed my mind but I dont like the idea at all. I am sure it might do wonders for me but I am scared. I dont like my mind being altered. I hate feeling like I am not all there. The closest thing I've done is smoked a couple of joints, but that makes me even more depressed. I am just very hesitant to seek professional help. I appreciate all the advice guys. It truely is helping me out.

 

[Rodimus Prime]

believe me when I tell you getting help is hard to do. I was more or less forced by my friends to go to the counseling center at my college and I fought hard about avoiding it. Looking back I wish I went sooner. You are still pretty young age wise so chances of any of your peers on medication is very slim since antidepressants are not given to children.

As for the effects the medication will have it really not going to change who you are. The pills are not happy pills and are not going to make your problems go away. Also ONLY take antidepressants under doctor supervision because one thing that is a known side effect is some people they backfire on and make things worse and quite often during the first part of the treatment things may get worse until you body adjust to the meds. Also they take time to kick in.

I been on meds for about 3 weeks now and it not even up to full strength yet and I noticed changes after about a week. The side effects the first 4 days for me where hell for me and I had ones that where worse than normal. After the side effects I slowly started noticing some changes over the next week. They didn't make me happy or really feel different than my self. They didn't change who I was. My mood still goes up and down. The difference now is the sudden swings are reduced. The edge on my mood is gone. It used to be when something hit me that was depressing to me or trip something that cause it I would bottom out and really have to struggle to hold everything together. Now it a much smoother and slower drop. It gives me me time to regain control before it gets out of hand and just keeps everything a bit more level. I honestly love the effects on me it had and it helping me out. Hell I felt more human and more there after being on them for a little while that I had in a very long time.

But all that being side I do not think it should ever be the first choice to turn to and if you choose to do it ONLY do it under doctor supervision because the side effects from it can be very damaging. I know it really hard to seek professional help believe me I know. It the last time you want to do but it really is the thing you need to do. poetically if you are still struggling with it after 2 weeks or more. Also you do need to talk to your parents so they can get you the financial and emotional backing you need.
Lastly seeking help DOES NOT mean you are weak. Tell you the truth it means you want to get better and are willing to do what it takes. It means that you know you need help to pull out of it and are strong enough to admit it and seek it. It is a good sign if you are willing to take those steps. Hardest part is crossing that line but once you do things do get easier and start looking better. Just take everything one step at a time. For example setting up an appoint me to see a consular or just saying "mom/Dad I need to talk to you" and from there things get easier to do and things just start flowing out.

 

[IJ Reilly]

If you can visit a family doctor to discuss your situation, this is a good place to start. Don't assume that you are depressed -- this is a judgement for someone trained in medicine to make, as it is a clinical condition that could require medical treatment. Everybody goes through down periods in their lives, and some of them can be quite severe and feel like depression, but in reality are temporary conditions and so should not be treated like clinical depression. Drugs are a last resort. Most physicians will be reluctant to prescribe mood-altering drugs unless they are certain you are clinically depressed and need them in order to function. They are to be avoided if only because they can become psychologically addictive.

You're young. Everything seems bigger and more important and life-changing than it really is. You'll develop some emotional resistance to these wounds as you get older. Believe it or not, we've all been through it and the vast majority of us survive! Unless you've got some sort of history of emotional problems, I'd predict that you're just going to need some time to get your head straight again.

 

[Dont Hurt Me]

The best cure is to find another girl would be my pro advice. Finding out this would depress anyone but on the bright side its happened to most people and the smart ones move one. I had it happen to me and it was terrific that it did because Im better off now and have a great wife to show. Skip the meds,move forward,Millions of Fish in the ocean really is and if she did once she will do it again. Move on, now if you been screwing around and didnt tell us....thats another story. Lots of poontang in this world.

 

[BengalDuck]

Couple of things:

1. For one, you should never fall for a guilt trip. Your gf cheated on you. End of story. Don't let her **** with your mind. In fact, stop talking to her. If you want, expose her cheating ass in school. I get that you loved her and you probably still do, but you're still in HS so relationships really don't matter too much and you'll be a better person when you get over it.

2. Stop worrying about colleges. They care about all years, not just the last one. Trust me... I slacked off my first two years but got 4.0's my Jr and Sr years. Well, all that got me was a cumulative ~3.6, and that didn't really impress the top colleges. Staying in on a Friday to write a paper for Senior English so you get an A+ instead of an A- really isn't going to do anything. This is your senior year. This year and your freshman year of college are probably the best years of your life. Make sure you enjoy them.

3. I'll echo the same thoughts of others where you should go seek counseling. Just once a week or once every other week where you just talk. I've never done it but some of my friends and close family have. Those who seek help are not weak. Those who seek help are actually strong; strong enough to get help for their problems.


I just want to reiterate that you should take these years to really enjoy your life right now. Obviously you feel ****** because of your ex and you feel stressed becuase of college, but... you're going to go to college. everyone goes to college. you'll be fine. and you'll find another girl. you're 17/18. It's not like you were going to marry that broad anyways. Besides, you want to be single for next year.

You've got a lot to look forward to. Once you get over this little bump in the road, you'll see it.

 

[Blue Velvet]

The idea of self-medicating myself has crossed my mind but I dont like the idea at all.

Maybe a little St. Johns Wort might help... natural, clinically well-reviewed, available from your health food shop.