So, just an update - my wife and I are officially preapproved, letter in hand. We just gave them a high number that we would spend and they approved that no problem; we weren't interested in just seeing what the max approval would be since we knew we'd never spend more than X.
The interest rate is based on my wife's credit since hers is lower than mine since she's from Japan and only has three years of credit history here in the US, but we were still able to get the second lowest rate they offer which is pretty good, and only a quarter point off from the lowest rate, which I qualified for (I wouldn't have qualified for the amount we wanted on my own income, I was just short on DTI but I'd rather have her on the mortgage anyway of course). But in actuality she's only 20 points short of the top tier cutoff, so she may be able to get it there before we actually take the loan and still get the lowest possible rate. All in all, can't complain at all.
Now, my wife has a realtor recommendation from a client of hers - are there any specific questions we should be asking of him in terms of fees, etc.? I know he gets his commission from the seller, but curious what other fees he might be throwing in at closing (though we are still going to make an offer based on the seller paying closing costs) or anything we should be aware of with the real estate agent?
The realtor will have you sign a buyer agency agreement prior to representing you. Go through that as well as ask them questions about it. Some realtors charge a contract/brokerage fee of a few hundred dollars, you can ask them to remove this if you don't feel the need to pay that. Occasionally a realtor will stipulate in the agreement that he needs to get a certain commission (3%, for example), and if the selling agent of the home you purchase pays the buying agent 2%, then you're on the hook for the remaining 1%. There may also be a retainer fee that may or may not be returned to you after the purchase.
All in all, if there are any additional fees charged by the realtor, negotiate them down or ask for them to be waived. Ideally, you don't want to be paying your realtor anything as the buyer. If the realtor doesn't agree to this, there are plenty of other realtors that will represent you for only the commission they receive from the selling agent.