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Move Please?

E

ErikCLDR

macrumors 68000
Original poster
Jan 14, 2007
1,795
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Not to be ghall :)D no offense lol) here but I just need to get this out of my system.

Basically I've lived in the same town since kindergarden, and I am absolutely miserable here. I am a Junior in high school. I know I only have roughly a year and a half left of high school but I honestly can't take it. I am completely unmotivated. I still get good grades but I don't think I am working to my potential. My best friend has decided to go to private school in the winter to focus on his jr. olympic skiing career. My other friend has decided that he is switching to a private school and will be attending a new school next week. I have other friends but they are not close as the two that are leaving.

Everyday I just feel like everything blurs by me and I am not satisfied with my life at all when I know I should be.

I know this probably won't even help my problem but I just feel like I need to get away from this town. I don't know why I live in CT when my parents work in MA Here are some of my logical justifications:
- I hate it here
- I never feel happy (Depression I guess)
- I am tired of my friends (as bad as that sounds)
- I am not feeling motivated and am not enjoying school
- My mom works 45 min away in massachusetts
- My dad works 1.5hrs away in massachusetts (1.5hrs in good traffic)
- Property taxes will be significantly lower outside of this town
- Real estate in general will cost less in Mass in the area where we would move
- Sales tax is lower in Mass
- My sister attends a university in Mass
- There is a quaint town similar to my current one between the two cities where my parents work- 30 min commute to each city, with a great school system
- My mom doesn't like our house because its "too big" and "too much to clean", which is true. We don't need a 4,000sq ft house for 4 people, 3 once my sister graduates this spring.
- My dads company would cover moving costs
- I am looking at many schools in Massachusetts
- My dad spends like $5000 between gas and oil commuting to work

I know I am probably just sounding selfish and sorry for myself, but I just feel like I can't stand it here. I cannot even describe it. And really my parents should consider moving not just because its economically logical, but my dad works himself to death and then has to make a huge commute. Over the past 5 years he's worked there I have noticed a huge difference in his personality, he is just always tired now and doesn't have time to do things that he once liked to do.

I feel even if I talk to my parents they will just ignore me as they always do. They never seem very understanding.
 
Your arguments seem reasonable, and certainly compelling enough to make a good case for relocation. Have you discussed it--particularly the points you made here--with the parental units? Keep in mind, there may be considerations for them you're not aware of, but you won't know unless you guys talk about it.

Try to keep it at a practical level, less emotional (I'm sure they're already aware of your dislike for CT) as much as possible. You may be surprised at the traction you get with this.
 
By the time you talked your parents into moving, they found an acceptable house to buy, sold the old one, and finally moved it would be midsummer at best. This will net you one year away from your "horrid" connecticut town, and you'll probably have to take a bunch of freshman level courses at the new school you go to because of different graduation requirements. Suck it up.
 
You and I both. I'm in West Tennessee, in a town of ~8000. It is very boring here, and the only thing people do is go to walmart, get knocked up, drunk, high, and nothing good. And everyone's just a bunch of rednecks. All the normal people left.
 
I try to convince myself that its not that bad but it doesn't work. I know that if we were to move that I would still probably have to finish this year, but even 1 year away from this place would feel great. I suppose I could go to a private school like I was originally going to do but I don't really want to do that because many people that go to private school in my town seem to come back especially if they go after their freshman year just because all the friend groups have already been created and they just don't fit in.

wakka092 said:
You and I both. I'm in West Tennessee, in a town of ~8000. It is very boring here, and the only thing people do is go to walmart, get knocked up, drunk, high, and nothing good. And everyone's just a bunch of rednecks. All the normal people left.
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There are like 10,000 people here. For fun people here smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, get drunk, and do shrooms. I suppose its like that in a lot of places, but I'm not into that stuff. Aside from that there is a cumberland farms where sketchy people hang, and a starbucks, and thats about it. A couple grocery stores, some restaurants, and a TJ Maxx on the far side of town. There isn't much around us here either. It sucks.
 
Me too in Las Vegas,NV there is no more places to have fun (execpt for adults)wet`n wild(a waterpark)was closed to make way for condos Scandia(mini golf place was fun)was also closed to make condos and the last place that there is is closing just to make kids and teens misarble and have no place to have fun thats really what they said its sucks
 
A little bit tangental -- it always bugged me that North American society puts emphasis on high school and college being the "best years of your life". The best years of my life started into my twenties, and have been ongoing since.

I'm not saying that you should give up, you've got some well reasoned points here, and I can understand your desire. But I wish when I was your age people weren't trying to imprint on me that those were the halcyon days. I would have fared much better if my teenage years had been referenced as the training wheels they were.
 
Where in CT do you live exactly, I would assume near the eastern corner.
 
ErikCLDR said:
Not to be ghall :)D no offense lol)
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None taken. :)

The best thing to do is sit down and talk with your parents. Tell them it's really important to you, and be honest with the. I hope that's helpful, because that's the best advice I can give you.
 
ErikCLDR said:
I try to convince myself that its not that bad but it doesn't work. I know that if we were to move that I would still probably have to finish this year, but even 1 year away from this place would feel great. I suppose I could go to a private school like I was originally going to do but I don't really want to do that because many people that go to private school in my town seem to come back especially if they go after their freshman year just because all the friend groups have already been created and they just don't fit in.
Click to expand...

I might like to point out that if you move you will have those exact same problems in the new school where you would not fit in because it is so late. Just like if you went to a private school. Everyone already has their groups of friends by the point in time you would be entering the picture.

You could ask your parents if they thought about moving and what their thoughts are on it. They could have reasons you do not know about for not wanting to move (example value on the house dropped out and they can not afford to take that big of a loss on the house)


Another reason could be they do not want to move you this close to ending high school. Plus like others have said the best you could hope for is mid summer but you would be starting your last year in school with ZERO friends and not knowing anyone in your new school. That could easily be worse than things are now.
 
Moving around the last year of highschool is tough. I moved after my sophomore year so it was fine. I made tons of friends and loved my new school, but I was only able to do that because I was myself, I acted as though I was still at my old school; not shy. It's not about fitting in, I'm sure at any school there's a place to fit in, but it'll be made hard by the fact that you and your classmates will be seniors. They'll be revved up about graduating, making plans for prom, grad, calling up old friends from other schools; the environment is set for the kids who have been there for four years, it's their domain. That'll make it tougher.

Believe me, university is a whole other experience. If you really think you can handle a new year at a new school, go for it, but if you can wait it out, then I suggest you do. At university you meet tons of cool and interesting people, a lot of people who are just like yourself, to the point where you become extremely immature. The things you used to keep to yourself are suddenly uproariously (not even sure if thats a word) funny, and you'll have no more self-restraint in the things you do and say around these people because you're so alike and you'll become so comfortable with each other. Believe me.

Even if you stay, more often than not, it's your outlook on things. The town can really bring you down but you have to make the most of it. Try to meet some new people, talk to people you didn't used to talk to, try new things, etc. Anything to squeeze some novelty out of your last year there. Remember that: last year there, so concentrate on getting things done and making things better. It's your last chance to make amends with broken friendships, last chance to squeeze in some extracurriculars or extra courses for your college apps. If you stay positive and stay focused, it won't be so bad because you'll have a general purpose in your day: achieve and improve.

So if you really can't take it, you have enough reasons to move. But if you can wait it out, I think you should.
 
Don't worry, you'll likely look back on the whole ordeal fondly. Things always seem better in retrospect. So make the best of it and try to find people with whom you can connect (even if it's only about how much your school/town/life sucks)--it'll likely be easier in your old school than in a new one.
 
ErikCLDR said:
Basically I've lived in the same town since kindergarden, and I am absolutely miserable here.
Click to expand...
Many folks grow up in the same place.

Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side.

ErikCLDR said:
I know this probably won't even help my problem but I just feel like I need to get away from this town. I don't know why I live in CT when my parents work in MA Here are some of my logical justifications:
- I hate it here
- I never feel happy (Depression I guess)
- I am tired of my friends (as bad as that sounds)
- I am not feeling motivated and am not enjoying school
- My mom works 45 min away in massachusetts
- My dad works 1.5hrs away in massachusetts (1.5hrs in good traffic)
- Property taxes will be significantly lower outside of this town
- Real estate in general will cost less in Mass in the area where we would move
- Sales tax is lower in Mass
- My sister attends a university in Mass
- There is a quaint town similar to my current one between the two cities where my parents work- 30 min commute to each city, with a great school system
- My mom doesn't like our house because its "too big" and "too much to clean", which is true. We don't need a 4,000sq ft house for 4 people, 3 once my sister graduates this spring.
- My dads company would cover moving costs
- I am looking at many schools in Massachusetts
- My dad spends like $5000 between gas and oil commuting to work
Click to expand...
These arguments point to the fact that you want to move, and try to justify this.

Approach it from the perspective of what is good for the family as a whole. Your argument will go a lot farther that way.

Some questions that might help you focus:
- Why did your parents choose the house that you currently live in?
- Why did they choose your particular house?
- Does your mom really dislike your current home? Or is she just complaining to get something off her chest?
- Are you parents interested in moving to another community? If so, why?
- Does your Dad really mind the commute? Some folks prefer a longer commute because it gives them time to unwind after work, for example.
- Is $5,000 significant to your family? If they make 100,000 combined income, maybe so. If they make 200,000 combined income, maybe not.
- Why does your mother work? Family needs the second income? She has her own career? She wants to?
- Do either of your parents need to continue to work at their current places for retirement reasons?


Notice none of the questions are about you. Think in terms of family and not you. Explore as much as you can why your family lives where it does. The more you know, the better you can focus your position for moving.

ErikCLDR said:
I feel even if I talk to my parents they will just ignore me as they always do. They never seem very understanding.
Click to expand...
This might be a clue as to how you come across to them.

adk said:
By the time you talked your parents into moving, they found an acceptable house to buy, sold the old one, and finally moved it would be midsummer at best. This will net you one year away from your "horrid" connecticut town, and you'll probably have to take a bunch of freshman level courses at the new school you go to because of different graduation requirements.
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Very good point.

adk said:
Suck it up.
Click to expand...
Good advise to the OP. It's character building time. :)

wakka092 said:
You and I both. I'm in West Tennessee, in a town of ~8000. It is very boring here, and the only thing people do is go to walmart, get knocked up, drunk, high, and nothing good. And everyone's just a bunch of rednecks. All the normal people left.
Click to expand...
Boring?

It's only boring because you let it be boring.

Be creative. Create your own excitement and fun things to do.

You could always work.

ErikCLDR said:
There are like 10,000 people here. For fun people here smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, get drunk, and do shrooms. I suppose its like that in a lot of places, but I'm not into that stuff. Aside from that there is a cumberland farms where sketchy people hang, and a starbucks, and thats about it. A couple grocery stores, some restaurants, and a TJ Maxx on the far side of town. There isn't much around us here either. It sucks.
Click to expand...
Compared to where I grew up, this is heaven.

Create your own fun. Do things with a buddy. Don't hang with the crowd.

cleanup said:
Moving around the last year of highschool is tough.
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Yep. Don't know why the OP would want to do this if there is an option.

themadchemist said:
So make the best of it and try to find people with whom you can connect (even if it's only about how much your school/town/life sucks)--it'll likely be easier in your old school than in a new one.
Click to expand...
Agree.
 
sushi said:
Many folks grow up in the same place.

Remember, the grass is always greener on the other side.


These arguments point to the fact that you want to move, and try to justify this.

Approach it from the perspective of what is good for the family as a whole. Your argument will go a lot farther that way.

Some questions that might help you focus:
- Why did your parents choose the house that you currently live in?
- Why did they choose your particular house?
- Does your mom really dislike your current home? Or is she just complaining to get something off her chest?
- Are you parents interested in moving to another community? If so, why?
- Does your Dad really mind the commute? Some folks prefer a longer commute because it gives them time to unwind after work, for example.
- Is $5,000 significant to your family? If they make 100,000 combined income, maybe so. If they make 200,000 combined income, maybe not.
- Why does your mother work? Family needs the second income? She has her own career? She wants to?
- Do either of your parents need to continue to work at their current places for retirement reasons?


Notice none of the questions are about you. Think in terms of family and not you. Explore as much as you can why your family lives where it does. The more you know, the better you can focus your position for moving.


This might be a clue as to how you come across to them.


Very good point.


Good advise to the OP. It's character building time. :)


Boring?

It's only boring because you let it be boring.

Be creative. Create your own excitement and fun things to do.

You could always work.


Compared to where I grew up, this is heaven.

Create your own fun. Do things with a buddy. Don't hang with the crowd.


Yep. Don't know why the OP would want to do this if there is an option.


Agree.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advise guys, but I can honestly say its not helping. I sat through school today just totally blah.

To answer some questions
- We built the house we live in
- I'm not really sure why they chose the town, its not very large and not very commercialized
- She doesn't dislike the home, its a nice house but its a lot to clean and she doesn't like the kitchen which is one of the most important parts of the house. Its also further out of town then she wants it to be- it takes like 15 min to get from my house to the center.
- Although the housing market it going down the value of the house has gone up
- I'm not sure if they are interested in a new community, but I think they feel attached to this one, even though pretty much all of their friends live at least a half hour away
- $5,000 isn't really a huge amount of money, my both my parents make 6 figures and my dad is a vice president and a private stock holder of a corporation. That said, my parents handle their money very carefully, and there is a lot you can do with say an extra $2500 extra a year.
- My mom basically works to get out of the house- she stopped working to take care of my sister and I when we were little, but she's gone to work for something to do now that my sister and I are grown
- They don't work out of state for retirement issues, but I know a ton of teachers that do that lol
- I don't plan on going to a CT state school

I am the kind of person that hates having stuff be the same all the time. I rearrange my room a few times a year just to change it up. I just feel so miserable here. I mean I totally understand that moving elsewhere could just leave me in the same boat as I am now, but I cannot convince myself of that.

Maybe I am depressed though, not suicidal. I've never really felt this way before. I don't care about my school work, I do it but I just put little effort into it. A lot of the time I'll do stuff that I used to love and feel bored with it. For example I went skiing in vermont and all I could think about was leaving the mountain and going back home. I am always tired. For some reason when people repeat themselves it just makes me want to yell at them for being redundant. I just feel hopeless and that everything is flying by me before I can deal with it. I dunno if that means I am depressed, I'm not a psychologist/psychiatrist but it sounds like it. I don't know how I even confront this problem though.
 
Sounds like you need a hobby.

You have depression dude, you need to see someone about it.
 
every kid (ha at 21 i'm still a kid) goes through this. i lived on long island, got along with all of my friends, AND STILL wanted to go to california! now that i've grown and gone off to school, i realized those "want to be somewhere else" moments have happened to everyone i know.

now that i look back on what i've done, i wouldn't have wanted to be anywhere else than where i was. the worst moments i've ever had have made me a much better person. take in the low times as much as you take in the good times.
 
lol i hate moving. partly because i went to 14 different schools in 4 states by the time i was in 9th grade

i wish my family could have stood still while i was growing up

moving means starting over with EVERYTHING. not a whole lot of fun if you ask me
 
ErikCLDR said:
...Maybe I am depressed though, not suicidal. I've never really felt this way before. I don't care about my school work, I do it but I just put little effort into it. A lot of the time I'll do stuff that I used to love and feel bored with it. For example I went skiing in vermont and all I could think about was leaving the mountain and going back home. I am always tired. For some reason when people repeat themselves it just makes me want to yell at them for being redundant. I just feel hopeless and that everything is flying by me before I can deal with it. I dunno if that means I am depressed, I'm not a psychologist/psychiatrist but it sounds like it. I don't know how I even confront this problem though.
Click to expand...

To me, your depressed alright. The symptoms you describe above are classic depression. You need to deal with the depression first, before you deal with anything else. You need counselling (that's what we call it here in the UK).

Your mood needs to be uplifted through counselling, medication or both in the first instance. Then you will have the motivation, and the energy to 'deal with things'.

With your current state of mind, everything is too much hard work, dull, boring, unexciting, and so on.

Please get some help, otherwise you may fall into a deeper depression.

Might be an idea to discuss with your mom, ask her for a quite word, and make it sound serious - which it is.

Good luck.
 
let's see.....you're going to go off to college somewhere else after a year and a half, but in the meantime you want your parents to completely disrupt and rearrange their lives......even though you're going to be out of there that soon?

I'd say that if they're inclined to move, they're most apt to wait the short time until you're gone and then make a new "empty nester" life for themselves in some place that they think suits their best interests.

but talk to them anyway
 
As a teacher, I see students your age that are bored because they aren't challenged. You might look into taking some college courses this semester and this summer. How many credits do you need to graduate? Take the minimum required at high school, and take more college level courses. There are two girls at our school that come for first and second period, then go home. They are taking one afternoon course and one night course at the local university. I don't think they believe they are missing anything.

This is just one aspect you might consider.
 
A quick glance at your list - it sounds like a bit of depression.

Honestly - with your mindset - you will NOT get locked into anything you don't like for long. The fact you're aware of your situation, and how you feel about it - is evidence it won't be forever. (you're smart enough to realize - therefore, act upon it)

You're young (not that I'm father time myself) but at your age - give yourself some slack. Seriously. Unless you father a lot of spawn with some girl, you're NEVER bolted / stuck anywhere. Ever. And even if you had kids, house, and what not, that wont' stop some people from taking off. :)rolleyes: to them)

This time of year sucks especially (-4F as I'm writing this). And 8 hours of daylight sure takes its toll on me, that's for sure. (zero M-F sun is not up when I go to work, and is gone once I'm out) I hate that, FTR.

That said, if you're up to moving to New Zealand - I'll be your roomie, just give me a 3 day heads up so I can pack my things.
 
If I were you... first and foremost I would talk to your parents about your feelings, maybe not so much about the moving, but how you've been feeling depressed and the things you've listed here. Ask them if there is a history of depression in your family at all and such, that could help to clear some things up.

Afterwards I would SERIOUSLY ask your parents to help you find a psychiatrist to talk to. You may not need counseling by itself you MAY need medication. That is why I suggest you talk to your parents about your family history because chemical depression IS genetic. I know that it usually starts showing itself in your late teens/early 20s. Now, I'm not trying to hock medication on people, but as I have chemical depression and it runs in my family, and a lot of the things you described sound exactly how I was feeling and I was diagnosed after I went in and prescribed a very very low dose of prozac (my dad was put on the same thing when he was younger, my mom needs something else) and it really helped a lot.

Then again this is completely on a case by case basis, and family history probably plays a bit into it to, although there is always the odd one out. Either way, definitely talk to your parents in detail and seriousness about this, as I think seeing a counselor/psychiatrist is probably the first thing you should think about doing. It may really help how you are feeling.

You could point out these things to your parents about cost etc and see where they stand and try to understand their side of things and why they live so far away from their job etc, it may make them see things in a different light, but chances are it will just make them think more about moving and getting ready for empty nesting after you leave for school.

Anyway, that's just my two cents. Work on yourself first. Really you should be able to find a way to be happy anywhere. Work on yourself first, don't try to fix yourself by changing your surroundings. I've found that the happiest people can make the best out of anything if they try. In your case you may be so depressed you really are not sure how to try or what to do.

Goodluck.
 
I never realized how much I loved (and missed) my hometown until I went away to college (1000+ miles away). All I wanted to do was get away and when I did I didn't regret it, I just learned to appreciate the Gyro place down the street and how much fun I truly had with my high school friends. Just wait, you just might end up missing your hometown in a year or two.
 
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