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My First Resume -- Comments Welcome

bobber205

bobber205

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Nov 15, 2005
2,183
8
Oregon
Attached is my resumé.

I am just about to graduate high school and the new town where I'm moving to has a couple of "Apple exp required or helpful" jobs available.

I must take my shot at these jobs! I've been in Yearbook at my local high for two years, so I have some idea what goes into a publication.
We used Indesign like the job classified said was helpful to have knowledge of.

Please! Only constructive criticism. I'm only just starting out.

Positive comments are also welcome. Of course. ;)
 
First, you might want to remove all the personal ID info from it for our purpose. Protect yourself.

Second, there is nothing on it after Various.

Third, I like a traditional format similar to yours. I was a Dir of HR for a couple of years and found some formats made the info easy to get.

Use numbers as much as possible. "How many students did you instruct on InDesign?" Find a way to make as much as possible Quantitative.

MOST important, if you can't proof read your own resume, you will not get the job.
Example
• Created custom images for layouts and place them into spreads
Click to expand...
• Worked under a very demanding teacher as a aide for all of senior year
Click to expand...

The website won 3rd place, but in what competition? Local, Regional, National, Nieghborhood?
Change "Excellent with Adobe...." with Experienced or Skilled using.
OIT Freshman means nothing to me, other than you can not express to me your information, (Not wanting to be harsh, but want the point to get across that this has to be understood by someone that may know nothing of you, or your experience).

And another one
• Increased efficiency with new procedures by 50%
Click to expand...

Efficiency of what? Staff bathroom breaks? Don't let brevity kill you, get the info to us, it sounds like you have a lot of great stuff for a High School kid, so show it off. Also make sure that the format is one page, your not a CEO yet.
 
stubeeef said:
First, you might want to remove all the personal ID info from it for our purpose. Protect yourself.

Second, there is nothing on it after Various.

Third, I like a traditional format similar to yours. I was a Dir of HR for a couple of years and found some formats made the info easy to get.
Click to expand...

I second that. ;)
 
I was going to say the same thing. Take off your address, etc.

Also, don't open doors that you don't mean to open.

"Worked under a very demanding teacher as a aide for all of senior year" makes it sound like you have trouble with authority.

"Enjoys working ... learning on the job" makes it sound like you don't have experience.

Overall, you've done a very good job, but I just think through how things might sound to others a little more and also think about how you might try to make the resume more clear in terms of things you have done. Unless you really want people not to know, I'd try to clarify the positions that you have had: yearbook, FBLA, teacher's aide. How long did you have those positions and where did you have them?
 
I'll take off the address.
I'll replace it with something Bsey so it won't mess up the format.

I'm glad you guys like the format btw.

I haven't done "various" yet. I'm planning on adding my passion for computers
and programming there.

I'll take off the demanding part and I'll do all the others things you guys suggested.

Thanks so much for the comments. I'll post again when I update it.
 
bobber205 said:
Attached is my resumé.
Click to expand...
Looks good overall. A few nitpicky things:
  • The period after "Nortonville" should be a comma.
  • "Excellent with Adobe InDesign and Photoshop" isn't quite right. Perhaps "Experience with Abode InDesign and Photoshop"?
  • The word "Fall" in "OIT Freshman in Fall of 2006" should begin with a lowercase "f".
  • In the Technology Experience/Photoshop section, the second bulleted item should read "... and placed them into spreads."
  • In the Technology Experience/Photography section, something's wrong with the wording of the first bulleted item. I think you need to remove the word "in"?
  • In the Technology Proficiency/Website Building section, the second bulleted item doesn't scan well. Consider re-wording it as "Started the office of FBLA webmaster and served in that position for two years".
  • In the same section, the third bulleted item: Was the name of the class "Basics of Website Building"? If so, change that item to read that way.
  • In the Technology Proficiency/Technology Management section, the first bulleted item should read "... an aide ...". Actually, this item sounded kinda funny to me in the first place and I'm not sure it belongs. That is, I'd never have an item in a resume that said I worked for a "very demanding supervisor". It comes across as complaining. ;)
  • On the second bulleted item in that same section, I'd just add a few words to the ending, e.g. "... troubleshoot technical problems".
  • I guess you're going to add some stuff under "Various"? I don't see anything there yet.
 
I've updated it.

Any more comments? I would love to apply for the job tomorrow.
I am having two other people proofread it (besides my parents) today at school. (teachers of course)

Thanks.
 

Attachments

  • resume2web.doc
    23 KB · Views: 147
Nice.

One small point?

Photography:
• Took action shots of students in according to instructions
Click to expand...

should be
Took action shots of students according to instructions
No "in"!

Good luck! :)
 
A few small things your teachers can point out.

But, what is OIT? I have no idea, and the person screening resumes may not either.

Use "Enjoyed designing creative" instead of "creating creative".

The last line does not read well.

Try using an objective line at the top of the resume after your address, like "Seeking position X." Screeners often are trying to fill multiple positions and have a need to pigeon hole you for the open positions otherwise you may get lost cause it takes 30secs more to place you. AND yes it is true that it happens!

Good luck, much better, could probably find more things to be quantitative but you now have some which is better.

Once again (this is for all reading) if you brag about your proof reading and have a single mistake.....your out!
 
Lyle said:
Too bad no one proofread your post for you. :D
Click to expand...

Oh I s**k at proof reading! Never would be able to do it. I have a cousin who is an author, and proofs astrophysics manuals, lord I think being a guinea pig for needles would be a better job.

The thing is, if I can find a mistake then everyone else saw it too!
 
stubeeef said:
A few small things your teachers can point out.

But, what is OIT? I have no idea, and the person screening resumes may not either.
Click to expand...

that's one of the first things with resumes...people don't like acronyms unless it's a really obvious one like CPA or MBA

but ones that may seem obvious like DoD, EPA, JROTC, BSA, MCSE, PT, SCSI, or GAAP may not be appropriate even though in their fields, they are well known
 
stubeeef said:
what is OIT? I have no idea, and the person screening resumes may not either.
Click to expand...

Should be Office of Internet Technology (the field is known as IT). It's a fairly common acronym, but it never hurts to spell things out if there's any question about it.
 
Here you go - I didn't finish all of it, but I think you get the idea.

Alex Wait

A dynamic and energetic designer and developer with focused knowledge in the production of effective print communication pieces and dynamic Web sites.

Summary of Qualifications:

• Practical and in-depth experience with the Adobe Creative Suite.
• Able to apply technological strengths to real-world projects and tasks.
• Well-versed in the Macintosh OS X operating system platform and related software- and hardware-based topics.

Relevant Experience:

Year Book Supervisor “Insert School Name Here”

• Design spreads for a national award-winning yearbook.
• Proofread all layouts for grammar and punctuation errors to ensure accuracy.
• Manage a staff of thirty students with use of InDesign.
• Develop workflow enhancements for Adobe InDesign to streamline production schedule and cater program to publication’s unique requirements.
• Utilize Adobe Photoshop to crop pictures, create custom images and retouch images for post-production.
• Brainstorm ideas with clients for effective and eye-catching advertising pieces.

I have it in Word if you want it...
 
Never use acronyms in writing unless the acronym is the generally accepted and preferred name of something (IBM, AMD, TV, NATO) or unless it's a common acronym and you use it several places in the text. In the latter case, it should be explained fully the first time you use it.

That's according to what I've learned, anyhow. Practices may vary.
 
gekko513 said:
Never use acronyms in writing unless the acronym is the generally accepted and preferred name of something (IBM, AMD, TV, NATO) or unless it's a common acronym and you use it several places in the text. In the latter case, it should be explained fully the first time you use it.

That's according to what I've learned, anyhow. Practices may vary.
Click to expand...

I agree with that advice. It makes your resume more readable/understandable when glancing over it.
 
iGary said:
Here you go - I didn't finish all of it, but I think you get the idea.

Alex Wait

A dynamic and energetic designer and developer with focused knowledge in the production of effective print communication pieces and dynamic Web sites.

Summary of Qualifications:

• Practical and in-depth experience with the Adobe Creative Suite.
• Able to apply technological strengths to real-world projects and tasks.
• Well-versed in the Macintosh OS X operating system platform and related software- and hardware-based topics.

Relevant Experience:

Year Book Supervisor “Insert School Name Here”

• Design spreads for a national award-winning yearbook.
• Proofread all layouts for grammar and punctuation errors to ensure accuracy.
• Manage a staff of thirty students with use of InDesign.
• Develop workflow enhancements for Adobe InDesign to streamline production schedule and cater program to publication’s unique requirements.
• Utilize Adobe Photoshop to crop pictures, create custom images and retouch images for post-production.
• Brainstorm ideas with clients for effective and eye-catching advertising pieces.

I have it in Word if you want it...
Click to expand...


:eek: :eek: :eek:

Wow. That's really good. And it kicks the pants off of mine!

How much of that can I use?
 
bobber205 said:
:eek: :eek: :eek:

Wow. That's really good. And it kicks the pants off of mine!

How much of that can I use?
Click to expand...

Use it all - good luck on the job.

I'd put whatever that next job was next under relevant experience and give it a job title.

Good luck on the job. ;)
 
I would like the Word version of it so I can compare what you did to what I have done.:cool:
 
What about this?

A dynamic and energetic designer and developer with focused knowledge in the production of effective print communication pieces and dynamic Web sites.
Click to expand...

My dad thought it was kind of a mouthful. So I changed it to this: An energetic designer and developer with a focused knowledge in the productions of effect print communication pieces.

Is that good? :D

Should my references go onto another page?
I include them right?

Oh. And what are good Dimensions for my margins on my cover letter?
One last thing for this post. ;)
The technology director I worked under is one of my references. How should I point that out?
 

Attachments

  • resume3.doc
    24 KB · Views: 107
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