my housemate annoys me and give this respond

[ke2000]

I left a written message at the ground of my housemate's door concerning the annoyance of his long time mid-night chit chat habbit on phone. I ask him to stop doing that or doing somewhere I can’t hear his voice which got me really mad. I got back home from studying. The message was still left where I left. I knew he had read it. Coz he is just gone out.

He is one of my best mate who has much common with me. But not so much common dealing with problems and how reslove it. He is not a personal can talking about problems and conflicts just like last time I talk to him about ther other annoyance he got to me and the conversation went really bad that we ended up no talking.

I care this housemateship and friendship, I had re-written the message 3 time being worry too emotional and not-friend like. So what is he telling me? what should I do?

[two days after]
So today i went to his room and talked to him [He and I have been busy lately], but at first, he seemed didn’t know what had been between he and me. I said the mid-night calling someone is not good. He wasn't looked happy but a bit pain in his face. He was like... I make phone calls a lots of times. [He didn’t know what am talking about]. I said something like 'No, you can call anyone you like'. Then he said i will not call many phone call next few days. I said it has been mid-night, it bothers me. Then he kept said sorry, [I didn’t go for his apology], then I said no one should tell you what to do, and it is your freedom..., he turned around he kept said sorry as watching his computer screen and let his back facing to me, it was kind of rude. Then I finished the conversation. I came out, i dont feel clear about whether it was solved and ok but got ton of his apology. Neither feel i am gonna talk about this stuff again. It wasn’t the first impression that he is kinda of closeness person.
One thing to clarify, I am from China and the same as he. We both study in UK. In the house we use our language to communicate.

 

[GoCubsGo]

I left a written message at the ground of my housemate's door concerning the annoyance of his long time mid-night chit chat habbit on phone. I ask him to stop doing that or doing somewhere I can’t hear his voice which got me really mad. I got back home from studying. The message was still left where I left. I knew he had read it. Coz he is just gone out.

He is one of my best mate who has much common with me. But not so much common dealing with problems and how reslove it. He is not a personal can talking about problems and conflicts just like last time I talk to him about ther other annoyance he got to me and the conversation went really bad that we ended up no talking.

I care this housemateship and friendship, I had re-written the message 3 time being worry too emotional and not-friend like. So what is he telling me? what should I do?

I think you need to calmly ask for a face to face conversation. Ask him if he would talk to you, if he says yes then he is opening himself to the dialog you wish to give. If he says no, then you need to close that chapter because unwanted dialog is a no-no in personal communication.
Living with people is tough, family or friends, or strangers. What you want to do is stop writing letters and let him see the emotion from you. Also, try and find a resolution before you talk to him. Find him a way to still have his late-night talks, but perhaps somewhere else and maybe even better. Try to set up your room differently so that maybe you're further away from where he sits and talks. There are ways around this without writing letters and feeling badly when he doesn't respond. Perhaps he doesn't respond to letters because he finds you more mature and figures he deserves face to face communication.

 

[floriflee]

I think you need to calmly ask for a face to face conversation. Ask him if he would talk to you, if he says yes then he is opening himself to the dialog you wish to give. If he says no, then you need to close that chapter because unwanted dialog is a no-no in personal communication.
Living with people is tough, family or friends, or strangers. What you want to do is stop writing letters and let him see the emotion from you. Also, try and find a resolution before you talk to him. Find him a way to still have his late-night talks, but perhaps somewhere else and maybe even better. Try to set up your room differently so that maybe you're further away from where he sits and talks. There are ways around this without writing letters and feeling badly when he doesn't respond. Perhaps he doesn't respond to letters because he finds you more mature and figures he deserves face to face communication.

Amen. Face to face contact is best. It's really hard to fully understand the full meaning of what a person is trying to say when you can't read their facial expressions, voice intonations, or just body language in general. You have to assume what the writer is trying to say. Some writers are very good about clarity in that sense, but at the same time, it's nice to be able to get some immediate response. If you talk about this problem with him you have the potential of getting some sort of resolution at that time, and you don't have to wonder what the other person thought of your message. Just stay calm and collected when you discuss. Don't be accusatory--that will make him more likely to be stand-offish. State how you feel and what you perceive and then offer suggestions and a resolution. Let him say what's on his mind as well, and really try to listen to his concerns.

 

[XNine]

If this guy is one of your best friends he should understand and try to help you out. It's one thing when someone talks on the phone all day, it's another when it's late at night and you need sleep.

If all else fails you can buy a "white noise" maker. That may help you drown out his voice.

Hope you can get it worked out.

 

[m-dogg]

Sometimes, best friends just don't make good room/house-mates. I've seen friendships get destroyed over this type of thing before.

Try to work it out (agree that face-to-face is best), but be aware that it may be best to stop living together in order to remain friends.

 

[macartistkel]

You seem like a nice person floriflee and it sounds like you have been going out of your way to be respectful with your housemate. If you guys are real friends I don't get why you cannot walk up to him and tell him to keep his voice down on the phone at night! However I haven't had roomates in a long time and letters always pissed me off (and I am a bit on the messy-cluttered side so I had a few of them ) but then again how tactful someone is matters a lot when talking face to face.

BTW, do you sleep with any background noise? I am lucky if I hear ANYTHING at night---I have two fans going on HIGH the whole time! Its the only way I can sleep!! Plus it has to be like 60-65 degrees in my apartment and everything has to be pitch black.

 

[ke2000]

he has accpeted my offer to talk to me. I took that letter away. i am trying to work it out.

 

[floriflee]

You seem like a nice person floriflee and it sounds like you have been going out of your way to be respectful with your housemate. If you guys are real friends I don't get why you cannot walk up to him and tell him to keep his voice down on the phone at night! However I haven't had roomates in a long time and letters always pissed me off (and I am a bit on the messy-cluttered side so I had a few of them ) but then again how tactful someone is matters a lot when talking face to face.

BTW, do you sleep with any background noise? I am lucky if I hear ANYTHING at night---I have two fans going on HIGH the whole time! Its the only way I can sleep!! Plus it has to be like 60-65 degrees in my apartment and everything has to be pitch black.

You sound like my old co-worker who has to have complete silence when taking tests or doing anything that required real concentration (she invested heavily in ear plugs). You sure you live in Bristol and not McLean???

Maybe earplugs may come in handy for ke2000, here.

 

[faintember]

Sometimes, best friends just don't make good room/house-mates. I've seen friendships get destroyed over this type of thing before.

Try to work it out (agree that face-to-face is best), but be aware that it may be best to stop living together in order to remain friends.

I have had this experience before. I always though that i was a easy person to live with, but i guess we all have things that annoy others but we dont notice ourselves.

That said, talking about it is best. Just dont be like me and hold back emotion, then unleash it all at one time on the person. It makes for great drama, but in all other respects it typically dosent work well.

 

[ke2000]

BTW, do you sleep with any background noise? I am lucky if I hear ANYTHING at night---I have two fans going on HIGH the whole time! Its the only way I can sleep!! Plus it has to be like 60-65 degrees in my apartment and everything has to be pitch black.

My mac attached with a external harddisk. That plus heater are the most noisiest things in my room at night. I sleep best in quite environment or little noise that I wouldn't bother.

 

[macartistkel]

You sound like my old co-worker who has to have complete silence when taking tests or doing anything that required real concentration (she invested heavily in ear plugs). You sure you live in Bristol and not McLean???

Maybe earplugs may come in handy for ke2000, here.

I DON'T have to have silence...I need noise Floriflee!!

 

[floriflee]

Oops....er... sorry... MR must be starting to affect my vision....

 

[2nyRiggz]

Yup i know how you feel man....my last house mate was on the phone all the time late in the night laughing and talking really loud oh and smoking. We did put a stop to it.....i got up one night and pulled the phone out the socket and went back to bed....solved everything


Bless

 

[lem0n]

well, at least he's not in the same room with you... my boyfriend used to woke up and see his roomate and his bestfriend having sex he tried to make the half-asleep noises for a while [as in several times] but they wouldn't stop so one time he just woke up, grab his camera [photography major] and walk out of the room... then they did stop... the roomate tried to beg for the "film" several times [of course there was none ]

 

[ke2000]

continued

[i cuted this and pasted in my first post, in case people dont see it.]
thanks all of you.

 

[Chundles]

Poor bugger's probably just missing home and ringing at a time that would suit his family.

Ask him to either limit the calls or get a longer phone line and have him make the calls in his own room to keep the sound down. Maybe you could ask him to tell you when he is going to call that way you could be more prepared. Talk to him and see if he can limit it to a day or two during the week.

I'd relax a bit mate, there are far worse things than a few midnight phone calls, you could have a psycho roommate who's out till 3am every night and comes home pissed.

Time to bite the bullet and just go and say "Oi, stop making such loud bloody phone calls when I'm trying to sleep." A mate won't get offended, he'd just say "yeah, no worries, sorry" and get on with business. I don't know whether cultural differences would prevent you really being blunt (and let's face it, we Aussies are blunt, never to be mean, we just state the bleeding obvious) but you need to be more pro-active. Leaving a written message is not the right way to do this, it tells me you don't really want to talk to this guy. You need to say exactly what you want and not stand for anything less. But remember, this guy needs to know exactly how you feel for you to come to a deal.

 

[jadekitty24]

Yeah, you really need to just tell your roomie that it bothers you. Leaving a note is odd. Reminds me of when we were having problems with a downstairs neighbor who liked to party until 5am every day. One Saturday morning at 9am I was vacumming. The chic downstairs called my boyfriends mom (who happened to be her friend at the time) to tell her to call us to tell us to stop vacumming because she was trying to sleep. She couldn't just call me? Or better yet, walk up the one flight of stairs and knock on my door? I was pissed about that and lost a lot of respect for her, not that I had much. That just seems cowardly. Just talk to your roomie. If you cant talk to the roomie then you probably shouldn't be living together.