Not to depress anyone with my problems, but Im sitting here practically in tears, and I have to vent. My mother passed away in Oct., and I was forced to move from NJ, to VA to live with my aunt. I hate it here, I miss NJ (as crazy as that sounds). I still haven't found a job and am running out of money. Im just generally depressed. I don't know what to do🙁 Everything was perfect until 3 months ago. Well besides the fact that my mother was sick. I don't know what more to say just had to tell someone.
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My life sucks :(
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Glenn Wolsey
macrumors 65816
Hey, its okay to be sad about this. Go out and see some friends rather than been stuck up at home alone, go out and have some fun with them, afterall thats what friends are for 🙂
Just look to the future and remember all the great times you had with your mum, life can only get better. Keep your head up high and keep fighting! 🙂
Just look to the future and remember all the great times you had with your mum, life can only get better. Keep your head up high and keep fighting! 🙂
buryyourbrideau
macrumors 65816
hey bro.
im going through some hardships now as well. having to get over the love of my life which i moved from detroit to chicago for at the age of 18 which was stupid in its own right. we were together for a year and now its over.
on top of that, i might have to move back home because i might not be able to afford to go to Depaul since 3+ years will cost more than 120k
things will get better my friend, these are all learning blocks of life, what dosnt kill you will make you stronger and that you will be.
everyone needs to vent, dont be sorry, i as well as many others here are always willing to listen. 🙂
im going through some hardships now as well. having to get over the love of my life which i moved from detroit to chicago for at the age of 18 which was stupid in its own right. we were together for a year and now its over.
on top of that, i might have to move back home because i might not be able to afford to go to Depaul since 3+ years will cost more than 120k
things will get better my friend, these are all learning blocks of life, what dosnt kill you will make you stronger and that you will be.
everyone needs to vent, dont be sorry, i as well as many others here are always willing to listen. 🙂
OldCorpse
macrumors 68000
I'm sorry for your loss and your troubles.
One of the wisest sayings I've ever come across is: "This too shall pass". When you are down at the moment, it is hard to imagine it ever getting better. But time moves forward... always. And new opportunities, new challenges, new events overtake the present, and the present passes into the past, then into the distant past.
Be strong. Sometimes life is tough. Unfair. Sad. Yet, it is such a priviledge to be alive... never forget that... you are a unique life, and your life is not over... it has barely begun.
Good luck, and good cheer!
One of the wisest sayings I've ever come across is: "This too shall pass". When you are down at the moment, it is hard to imagine it ever getting better. But time moves forward... always. And new opportunities, new challenges, new events overtake the present, and the present passes into the past, then into the distant past.
Be strong. Sometimes life is tough. Unfair. Sad. Yet, it is such a priviledge to be alive... never forget that... you are a unique life, and your life is not over... it has barely begun.
Good luck, and good cheer!
Glenn Wolsey said:
I have no friends down here, their all in NJ, and even if I did theres nothing to do in this town.
buryyourbrideau
macrumors 65816
OldCorpse said:
very well put, that helped me out as well. i never like to think that things will get better but i know they will. its just hard to believe it at that exact moment when you are really really down.
Clix Pix
macrumors Core
It sounds as though you're having a really rough time right now. I can empathize with losing your mother. Mine passed away in September. It really sucks and it's a loss which is quite unlike any other.
I'm sorry that coupled with your recent loss of your mom that you also have had to deal with a whole new living situation in a strange area. That in itself would be a difficult adjustment. I can imagine that you're homesick right now. Have you been able to keep in touch with friends back home in NJ? Virginia is a nice state -- I live here, too! -- but of course right now it's not going to feel all that great to you. You've had a lot of upheaval in your life recently and it's understandable that you are having a rough time.
Has anyone suggested that it might be helpful for you to talk with someone in your new area, perhaps someone at your church if you're a churchgoer, or someone at your school, if you're still in school? A counselor or therapist can help you work through a lot of the issues you're struggling with right now, can be someone who is there to listen and to provide support. I think you would find that very helpful.
You took a big step in reaching out here to people at MR....I hope that you will be able to do the same in your real-life environment.
I'm sorry that coupled with your recent loss of your mom that you also have had to deal with a whole new living situation in a strange area. That in itself would be a difficult adjustment. I can imagine that you're homesick right now. Have you been able to keep in touch with friends back home in NJ? Virginia is a nice state -- I live here, too! -- but of course right now it's not going to feel all that great to you. You've had a lot of upheaval in your life recently and it's understandable that you are having a rough time.
Has anyone suggested that it might be helpful for you to talk with someone in your new area, perhaps someone at your church if you're a churchgoer, or someone at your school, if you're still in school? A counselor or therapist can help you work through a lot of the issues you're struggling with right now, can be someone who is there to listen and to provide support. I think you would find that very helpful.
You took a big step in reaching out here to people at MR....I hope that you will be able to do the same in your real-life environment.
superbovine
macrumors 68030
todd2000 said:
There are five stages of grief. Learning about this helped me out a lot with dealing some my problems.
If you have medical insurance, that covers mental help I'd see a therapist for a while.
http://mt.essortment.com/stagesofgri_rvkg.htm
Thanks everyone, yes I have been keeping in touch with a few friends, truth is I only had a few. I was never the popular kid 🙂. I've calmed down a bit, I feel a little better. I'll go for a while and be fine, then it kinda hits me and im depressed for a while. Time should help. My friend from NJ is visiting next week, so that will be fun, even though it's only for the weekend.
buryyourbrideau
macrumors 65816
todd2000 said:
Believe me, those days will always come when you will be ok and then BAM you are super down. I get those days all the time, then I just try to look at the good things of life, youre a young guy as am I and we both have time to have amazing lives, you just need to put into it what you want to get out. Dont worry, you will only get better and less upset. There is no other way to think about it.
todd2000 said:
I am so sorry for your loss and your sadness.
If it helps any may I suggest to you that I believe your Mum is near to you. Whenever you want to talk to her do so. I know it's not really very comforting right now and kind of hard to accept, but a loved one is never lost just some place else.
I'd like to offer you these words:- It's harder and more true to be a nobody in this day than to be a somebody. Anyone can be somebody, but it takes a conscious effort by a genuine person to be a nobody
Deepdale
macrumors 68000
todd2000 said:
The mere act of posting here is a positive thing. Over time you will notice measurable improvement since four months is not a very long period for such feelings to last, but it is important to keep depression at a safe distance. Aside from missing NJ and hating VA, has your aunt noticed the effect this loss has had on you and what has been her response to getting additional help?
pseudobrit
macrumors 68040
todd2000 said:
Aside from the loss of your mother, which you can't (actively) do anything about anyway, this is your biggest problem and you should focus on this.
My parents always taught me that in order to be successful at it, you need to make job hunting a full-time job. I say take at least 6 hours out of every weekday to dressing up nicely and hitting at least three or four places with resumés and applications. Don't get hung up looking for the perfect job or reject one that doesn't seem to be "in your field".
Get yourself out there, mate.
njmac
macrumors 68000
I'm so sorry for your loss.
How old are you? Are you in school? I'm just wondering because if your college age, you could try and take maybe one community college class or something just to meet some new friends. Get a part time job if you can't find a full time job. It will get you out and meeting new people.
I would miss NJ too if I had to leave.
How old are you? Are you in school? I'm just wondering because if your college age, you could try and take maybe one community college class or something just to meet some new friends. Get a part time job if you can't find a full time job. It will get you out and meeting new people.
I would miss NJ too if I had to leave.
iSaint
macrumors 603
There's nothing more to add that hasn't been already said. I agree about your need to process what's been going on in your life, so I hope you find someone to talk to in person to help you along.
Make a list of places you think you would like to work, then go walk in their doors! I did that when I was young and it never failed to land me a job. Waiting tables is fun, and you develop good friendships among the waitstaff.
Make a list of places you think you would like to work, then go walk in their doors! I did that when I was young and it never failed to land me a job. Waiting tables is fun, and you develop good friendships among the waitstaff.
thedude110
macrumors 68020
todd2000 said:
You should know that this is a normal part of mourning. It's not a straight shot toward regaining your emotional balance, it's a day to day, up and down thing.
Maybe The Mourner's Bill of Rights could help. Maybe you've already read it.
All best to you -- let us know how you're doing.
Mr. Anderson
Moderator emeritus
cslewis
macrumors 6502a
I'm a bit of a latecomer to this thread, but I'd still like to express my sadness for your loss. I hope you can overcome the grief that comes with the passing of a loved one, especially one as close as a mother. I'm sure your aunt is mourning, too.
Moving new place without loved ones can be difficult. Just remember that there are plenty of opportunities for advancement, and that your life is bound to improve. I hope that you'll keep us all updated as your condition changes.
Hang in there!
Moving new place without loved ones can be difficult. Just remember that there are plenty of opportunities for advancement, and that your life is bound to improve. I hope that you'll keep us all updated as your condition changes.
Hang in there!
Mord
macrumors G4
how old are you? i lost my mother at 10, i generally moped about for about a month.
anyway, any advice i or anyone elce can offer depends on how old you are and where your at.
one universal piece of advice is that whatever people say or do relating to this will just infuriate/sadden you further it's a nasty situation thats made worse by most things and even worse by doing nothing, a note on making friends, dont tell them or make an issue of it until your good friends, it tends to freak them out and they distance themselves
anyway, any advice i or anyone elce can offer depends on how old you are and where your at.
one universal piece of advice is that whatever people say or do relating to this will just infuriate/sadden you further it's a nasty situation thats made worse by most things and even worse by doing nothing, a note on making friends, dont tell them or make an issue of it until your good friends, it tends to freak them out and they distance themselves
Clix Pix
macrumors Core
AppleTalk Aust said:
I'm glad that you mentioned this. Actually, it's one thing I do....sometimes I'll be going along, something will happen and I'll think, "oh, I want to tell Mama this!" and then I will just proceed to do so (in my head).... It helps a little, it really does.
Definitely I have those ups-and-downs. I'll be going along just fine and then all of a sudden something will remind me of my mother, I'll remember some incident, something she said or did, whatever....and the grief washes over me afresh. It's not easy, this whole grieving thing, and there's no set time frame for it, either. You grieve for as long as you need to in your own way, and yes, there are the various "stages" that you'll pass through.
As Gary says, it's important to let the pain come out, express it in whatever way you need to, because in the end, that is the way through all of this.
Thursday, February 23rd, is the seventh anniversary of my father's death. I know it won't be an easy day -- certainly wasn't in the last six years but now this will present a double emotional whammy -- so I am intending to just take it easy and be gentle with myself, trying to remember and cherish the good times the three of us had together, keeping both my parents close to me in my heart....
Havent been on much yesterday, thank you all for the replies, Im sorry about everyones losses as well. Im doing better today. Im going to go see my Uncles friend tommorrow about a Job, and if that doesn't work out Im gonna go to a Temp agency. Wish me luck.....
floriflee
macrumors 68030
todd2000 said:
Good luck to you!! I hope the job works out. Something will come through, though, either way. They always do--even if it's not on your designated timeline. I think the temp agency is definitely a step in the right direction if the other job doesn't come through. Keep your chin and your hopes up.
On a less serious note.... At the very least, being that your in VA, you could always find solace in the Tyson's Apple store (assuming you're in northern VA). 🙂 The hubby always did when he'd come to visit me at work at my old company, which was on the mall property.
Anyway, good luck, again! We're all pulling for you!