Sidebar Sidebar
Become a MacRumors Supporter for $50/year with no ads, ability to filter front page stories, and private forums.

NCMO when you're married?

floriflee

floriflee

macrumors 68030
Original poster
Dec 21, 2004
2,707
1
I was having lunch with a friend of mine last week, and she told me an interesting story of a married friend of hers. Apparently, he thought that it would be okay and fun if he had a NCMO (non-commital make out) session with some random girl (i.e., someone not his wife). Perhaps I am just more conventional/traditional/prudish than other people, but does anyone besides me find this to be one of those "who in their right mind??!" situations?

Personally, if my husband ever did that with someone else it would take a lot more than begging on the knees and a three carat ring to bring on my forgiveness....

Thoughts?
 
floriflee said:
Personally, if my husband ever did that with someone else it would take a lot more than begging on the knees and a three carat ring to bring on my forgiveness....

Thoughts?
Click to expand...
I'm sorry, what did you say? I was blinded by that rock on her finger... :p Guess it all depends on the cut and grade of the rock (and it better be a diamond). Okay, okay, all kidding aside, I agree with you. But the issue here is deeper than that one make out session...

The couple is married, correct? I would hope that prior to committing to marry, they would have worked out their boundaries and deemed what is and is not acceptable.

That said, any partner of mine knows it's best to not even think about that. :mad: Cheaters aren't welcomed back by me; it's true, once s/he cheats/lies s/he will do it again-- I learned that the hard way. :(
 
I must say I don't think you are "prudish" at all for thinking so. Marriage is an institution of two people. Two. If he is not getting "enough" out of marriage, then they need to have a talk and he needs to grow up.

Two pennies for what they are worth.
 
floriflee said:
I was having lunch with a friend of mine last week, and she told me an interesting story of a married friend of hers. Apparently, he thought that it would be okay and fun if he had a NCMO (non-commital make out) session with some random girl (i.e., someone not his wife). Perhaps I am just more conventional/traditional/prudish than other people, but does anyone besides me find this to be one of those "who in their right mind??!" situations?

Personally, if my husband ever did that with someone else it would take a lot more than begging on the knees and a three carat ring to bring on my forgiveness....

Thoughts?
Click to expand...

Thoughts....so you're a lady, allllllright ;)

j/k, well not really, but kidding in that perv-ish way I just stated it....and moving on :eek:

Some people are fine with things like this (I personally am not) and it seems to be more and more common in recent days. Many more couples are swinging than ever knew what it meant before. The bond or marriage is becoming more of a tax break and joke than anything else, and although I want to believe in it and hope I find it increasingly hard to do so :(

I would be quite upset if my girlfriend/wife made out with someone, even if she claimed it was 'meaningless'. People do stupid things for no reason (especially given enough alcohol :p) but that doesn't justify those reasons and that shouldn't make the repercussions any lighter. I would be very upset were I in that situation, unless that was something we had worked out/agreed upon at an earlier date (but I wouldn't do that).
 
adn rcd dly said:
I must say I don't think you are "prudish" at all for thinking so. Marriage is an institution of two people. Two. If he is not getting "enough" out of marriage, then they need to have a talk and he needs to grow up.
Click to expand...

Well, usually anyway ;)
 
depends how open the relationship is and what the rules are that you have set up with your significant other. to do this without a pre set of rules is definately bad. my wife and I have some rules and she has actually cashed in on this (kissing only). I knew it could happen and was fine with it. I now have a free ticket but have yet to cash in (its been 3 years).
 
Not to make a political thing of this, but we hear a lot from the more conservative side how this is a liberal thing, or at least liberals are okay with it.

Not. I hang out with a pretty liberal group of folks, and I don't know anybody who'd approve of this.

Marriage is a commitment. If you want to have multiple partners, why get married in the first place?
 
Dr. Kinsey said premartial and extramarital affairs were normal, and he took part in them. Really I suspect most people are against one or the other, or both. Certainly when doing more than just "NCMO". But it is what each person sets up as the limits, and if the married couple is fine with it, than so be it. Regardless if it is right or wrong for you.
 
To me, cheating is doing anything with anyone that you wouldn't do in front of your significant other.

That being said, trust is such a huge part of a relationship that if it's broken it's really hard to get back.
 
applegirl said:
To me, cheating is doing anything with anyone that you wouldn't do in front of your significant other.

That being said, trust is such a huge part of a relationship that if it's broken it's really hard to get back.
Click to expand...

That still comes back to what they may have agreed upon though. If they frequent bringing others into their bedroom then perhaps kissing isn't that big of a deal to do in front of the other person, whether they are around or not.

I still don't agree with actions like that when married (woo hoo before ;) ) but many more couples are adopting 'trials' and being more open-minded about this stuff these days.
 
I think it all depends on what boundaries the couple has set for each other. The idea of having a mistress is nothing new. And many marriages used to be little more than arranged transactions for social, economic, or political benefit (and in some cultures this is still the norm). Swinging is nothing new either. If both husband and wife like the idea of an "open" marriage I don't think it's anyone's place to judge them. Just because it doesn't conform your specific idea of how things should be doesn't mean it's wrong.


Lethal
 
efoto said:
That still comes back to what they may have agreed upon though. If they frequent bringing others into their bedroom then perhaps kissing isn't that big of a deal to do in front of the other person, whether they are around or not.

I still don't agree with actions like that when married (woo hoo before ;) ) but many more couples are adopting 'trials' and being more open-minded about this stuff these days.
Click to expand...

It just makes me curious as to how many marriages are open like that. I will be the first to admit that I'm a pretty jealous person when I'm in a relationship, I'm not sure how well I'd be able to handle it :rolleyes:

Open-mindedness is way overrated. :p
 
MongoTheGeek said:
I know of what used to be a marriage that was open like that :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

Yeah for some reason I see marriage as being not only a legal thing but also a moral thing. I guess you can get married in front of a judge or clergy but if it's "open" then technically you're only married on paper but are otherwise just dating.
 
applegirl said:
It just makes me curious as to how many marriages are open like that. I will be the first to admit that I'm a pretty jealous person when I'm in a relationship, I'm not sure how well I'd be able to handle it :rolleyes:

Open-mindedness is way overrated. :p
Click to expand...
It totally depends on your mates options. if its an upgrade...JEALOUSY.
If not ...HAVE A BLAST!
 
So people actually use the term "NCMO?" Around where I'm from, we always just said, "getting a lil' sumpin' sumpin'." :D

Seriously... two people who get married should agree on the type of commitment they're making to each other... There are marriages that are "open" in the sense that they're polyamorous...sometimes... meaning that some people consider themselves able to have sexual relationships on the side that don't endanger any of what is supposed to be permanent in the marital institution. To them, the sex isn't the permanent thing in the relationship. Not me... but I mean there are people who think like that. The problem is if the two pieces of this couple don't see eye to eye. :(
 
I think that perhaps people's openmindedness for such actions in a relationship is just another sign of noncommitance to your mate. People call it NCMO or "lil' somethin' somethin'", but it always seems like you have a bit more of a tie to someone after you kissed them--especially if it was a pleasant experience. Besides, how can you be committed if you are getting aroused in some way by someone else? Kissing is intimate. It raises feelings in you that are sometimes more powerful than the "bedroom" feelings. It seems like that would be the case even if it were just for fun. Besides, I feel like if we've made that commitment to each other then he should be able to get as much fun out of it (if not more) than if she/he were to do it with anyone else.

The only situation I could come up with where I would be partly okay would be if he were an actor. I guess I would be okay with it if it were like his job or something, but it would certainly take a while for me to talk myself into being comfortable with it. Makes me glad the hubby isn't theatrically-inclined. Now, if I can just keep him from sleeping with his secretary....:p
 
floriflee said:
I think that perhaps people's openmindedness for such actions in a relationship is just another sign of noncommitance to your mate. People call it NCMO or "lil' somethin' somethin'", but it always seems like you have a bit more of a tie to someone after you kissed them--especially if it was a pleasant experience. Besides, how can you be committed if you are getting aroused in some way by someone else? Kissing is intimate. It raises feelings in you that are sometimes more powerful than the "bedroom" feelings. It seems like that would be the case even if it were just for fun. Besides, I feel like if we've made that commitment to each other then he should be able to get as much fun out of it (if not more) than if she/he were to do it with anyone else.
Click to expand...

What about cultures where woman have multiple husbands? Or husbands have multiple wives? What about strip clubs or porn? If merely getting aroused by someone that isn't your mate qualifies as a flaw in a relationship then every relationship is flawed.

Kissing doesn't mean the same thing to every person. Even sex doesn't mean the same thing to every person. If both people in the relationship agree to the rules no harm no foul, IMO.


2nyRiggz said:
not right to cheat.....all levels of cheating is bad. get all that out of your system before ya get married.
Click to expand...

Not everyone defines "cheating" the same way.


Lethal
 
All depends on the target of the make out section.

Seeing a tape of him making out with the hairy/ugly/fat chick, and you'd be threatening to take that tape out at parties for revenge.

If your husband ever did that with another guy, I'm quite sure you'd be thinking something completely different. :eek:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Register on MacRumors! This sidebar will go away, and you'll see fewer ads.
Top Bottom
Back