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Need help with a girl problem, sendin me mental

J

jebsymcscrat

macrumors newbie
Original poster
Feb 25, 2008
7
0
Hi there, basically im goin bit mental because of a girl situation i really need help with. I can't really speak to my friends because the girl is within my main group of friends, and it will just cause alot of trouble/ alot of taking the mickey out of me.

Im at university now in my final year, and ive spent most of the time just being a tit and not settlin down with girls and just basically enjoying being young, if you get me. In my first year i had a fling with this girl, Mrs Y, which led to her really liking me but i just said i wasn't looking for a relationship. Belive it or not we became pretty much best friends.

During the second year of university her best friend, Mrs X, went to america for the year and i never really knew her very well. I just knew of her. Now shes back though and we hit it off really well, and i had this feeling ive never had before about a girl. Its really wierd, i stayed round at her flat a few times and i'd stay in her bed but nothin would happen because she didn't want to upset Mrs Y. This is understandable, but since she was in america me n Mrs Y became like best friends, she got a boyfriend and is practically married. For about 6 months now i have been trying to get with Mrs X, even though she always has the same excuse about why nothing can happen. Everytime i try and spk to her about it she always says that she really likes me but doesnt want to jeopardise her friendship with her best friend.

I don't know what to do because everytime she drinks and speaks to my friends she goes on about liking me, so i ask her out to cinema or dinner or something and she'll come with me. We have a great time, but then she just says this same excuse. I know Mrs Y really well and i think she really wouldn't mind because shes in love with her boyfriend. I can't stop thinking about Mrs X and i have come to the conclusion that there is one of 2 things going on:

a) she doesnt really like me and is just using this as an excuse, and is generally just messing with my head.

b) Mrs Y actually does mind if we do anything, once supposedly she told Mrs X that she very much appreciated her not doing anythin with me. I don't know whether to belive this though because she isn't really like that.

I don't know what to do, i've tried nearly everythin and jus when it seems to go well, the same excuse comes out. I ask her to tell me the truth and if there is another reason and she says that there definately isnt. I think it's getting to the point now though where i might be annoying Mrs X, so i need to act asap. What do i do without ending my friendship with Mrs Y and also get the truth? or what do i just do in general?

Anyone who has actually read all this, your a good person lol. I also apologise for using the Mrs X and Y thing because it does look more like a maths lesson.

Cheers
 
ok im confused why the hell does Mrs Y not want you fooling around with Mrs X when she is practically married?

Maybe she really likes you, have you ever asked her out?

I think Mrs X knows Mrs Y likes you and that is why shes reluctant to go out with you
 
thats y im confused aswell. Mrs Y has been one of my best mates for 2 years now. shes in a happy relationship. Im not really attracted to Mrs Y, and am really attracted to Mrs X. I would be suprised if Mrs Y still liked me like that since shes gettin a house with her boyfriend. It's wierd, and my head is a mess tryin 2 wrk out wot 2 do as everythin ive done so far hasnt worked
 
jebsymcscrat said:
I also apologise for using the Mrs X and Y thing because it does look more like a maths lesson.
Click to expand...
Suggestion. Use Ms. X and Ms. Y if they are single. The use of Mrs indicates married women.

I am confused by your post but if I understand you, one of the ladies is holding off getting involved with you because you were involved with her best friend before and she is worried about offending her best friend.

If so, it sounds like you need to discuss this with both and clear the air.

Note, something like this happened to me before. My friend approached me and asked if it was over between my ex and me, because he was interested in dating my ex. I thanked him for his approach and gave him my blessing. They ended up getting married. We all remained friends.

Good communication can solve many a problem.
 
Provided the assumption is you are Mr Z, then we have two of the following divergent sequences for the resolution to the equation:

A. Provided that Mr Z has a differential of viewpoint (vp) with Mrs X, and given Mrs X is of a higher derivative than first assumed, then forthwith Mr Z should achieve absolute convergence with the aforementioned Mrs Y.

Solution: X2 ^ Y(vp)

B. On the basis of explanation (be) that Mrs Y has a homogeneous system of equations with Mr Z, then the natural harmonic progression would be to limit the test for divergence and hold on the product of affinity with Mrs X, not Y.

Soltuion: X*be / (X - Y)

seriously...

I suggest finding the path of least differential convergence with Mrs Y - this will preserve the harmonious continuation of friendship that Mrs Y currently has with Mrs X. In other words, dude, she says she's not into you and she's got another guy - stick with your best friend and let it be.
 
well, you're just going to have to talk to Mrs X and figure out what the heck is going on, you know, tell her you like her, maybe mention that you heard shes into you, i dont know man, girls are like this sometimes you just cant understand their thinking

melrose said:
seriously...

I suggest finding the path of least differential convergence with Mrs Y - this will preserve the harmonious continuation of friendship that Mrs Y currently has with Mrs X. In other words, dude, she says she's not into you and she's got another guy - stick with your best friend and let it be.
Click to expand...

apparently you didnt read the whole post, he dosent want the chick thats hooked up with the other guy, he wants the single girl. the best friend is the one with the boyfriend, i think the other is a best friend too, but i started to get lost there
 
she aint got a boyfriend, my best friend does. but i see wot u mean about just trying to forget it, but its hard when i see them both regularly :(
 
wot i need 2 know is how?? its just that wot ive tried so far is going in a huge cycle that always leaves me upset. im contemplating going out for a drink with mrs Y, telling her everythin and trying 2 get the truth from her, but that mite piss mrs X off
 
jebsymcscrat said:
wot i need 2 know is how?? its just that wot ive tried so far is going in a huge cycle that always leaves me upset. im contemplating going out for a drink with mrs Y, telling her everythin and trying 2 get the truth from her, but that mite piss mrs X off
Click to expand...

i was thinking about that but wasent going to suggest it since you said you dont want to involve any of your friends, but since you suggested its, then yes that is my recommendation
 
melrose said:
Provided the assumption is you are Mr Z, then we have two of the following divergent sequences for the resolution to the equation:

A. Provided that Mr Z has a differential of viewpoint (vp) with Mrs X, and given Mrs X is of a higher derivative than first assumed, then forthwith Mr Z should achieve absolute convergence with the aforementioned Mrs Y.

Solution: X2 ^ Y(vp)

B. On the basis of explanation (be) that Mrs Y has a homogeneous system of equations with Mr Z, then the natural harmonic progression would be to limit the test for divergence and hold on the product of affinity with Mrs X, not Y.

Soltuion: X*be / (X - Y)
Click to expand...


Gezz I didn't know I got myself into a math thread....I woulda stayed clear of it;)

Only if relationships was that easy.....well I still would of suck at it.



Bless
 
Just thinking about how little most relationships in HS and college mean when you are older. Most only stay in touch with a few close friends.

So who really cares what Ms. Y thinks, because 10 years down the road you may not even remember her.
 
Stampyhead said:
I think Ms. Y is just trying to get back at you for blowing her off in the beginning...
Click to expand...

I was thinking something similar. Just remember: girls never forget anything. Yes she's happy now, but perhaps she's making you pay for what happened with you two before?

It could also be a case of "I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to have him".
 
Sounds like Ms. X is looking for a gay male companion and you're the closest thing she can find? I dunno.. just grasping at straws. I once met a girl who had just divorced because she'd recently discovered/decided she was more into women then men. We had a very strong connection right off the bat, and being a young man I was attempting to seduce her at every possible turn. It was very confusing. I once was in love with another girl who'd invite me to her bed often- but in a platonic way. It was maddening. If I could go back in time things would be different, I just didnt understand women so well. I was a good shoulder/ companion but too passive.

Whatever the case here is, she's either too immature or just too self absorbed to consider your position. There is of course two sides to every story, but given what you've offered and I see no reason you'd omit anything significant, she's treating you like a "friend," read as doormat. Yep- you're in the predicament of moving on or being her lapdog.

The best way to cure this is to bring the services of one Ms. Z into the equation, make x jealous, y would then tell X "told ya so." You would then thank Z for her services and make off with x. Knowing that's easier said than done, my next advice is to go to Ms. Y for some inside info, since she's both your friends. Tell her openly you appreciate her friendship and would like some advice on whether she thinks x is toying with you or not and what she thinks you should do.

PS Don't pussyfoot or be passive aggressive if you want to stoke the fires in Ms X. She sees you as a non-entity, sexually, for whatever reason. Break that pattern asap. Like I said, bring Z into play and X will be like.. "whoa he's a tiger.. why didn't he try that on me??" Plant the seeds and then kick back, aloof. My 5c
 
letsgorangers said:
It could also be a case of "I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to have him".
Click to expand...

Ding. We have a winner.

Seriously, not complicated...pursue Ms. X, play it cool, take it slow and don't push the issue, but make it clear up front that you're interested in her and consider movies and dinner as going out on a date, not hanging out. You need to break the friend / hanging out pattern.

Nothing wrong with saying that you're happy to take things slower until she's comfortable, but make your intentions more clear - you really like her, you're looking at building a relationship, and you're willing to be patient - Ms. X may also be a bit hesitant because she knows you had a fling with Ms. Y, and she doesn't want to be another statistic ;)

At the same time, make a point of clearing it up with Ms. Y and get her official blessing. Tell her how much you value her friendship and advice, how you're thrilled that she's found someone she has a connection with, make it clear how serious you are about Ms. X, and ask her for advice on how to work things out with Ms. X. Even if she had another agenda, she would probably give up and help you out...
 
Maybe you're better off just forgetting about both Ms X and Ms Y. Most women are not worth the mental strain that they oh so often put on us. Stay friends with them both and find a Ms M. Sometimes it's better to just start fresh instead of getting all intertwined with some multilayered mess.
 
Sounds to me like you're a "placeholder". Someone to hang out with, go places with, until something better comes along.

In women speak "Let's just be friends" sometimes means "I want you to take me places and spend money on me, but I want to make it clear from the outset you're never going to see me naked".

If Ms. X was as into you as you are into her, she'd be wanting to work it out with Ms. Y.

Just my incredibly cynical 2c.
 
You know this is a website orientated around Apple computers, right?

It just seems odd that you join and your first thread is this one...
 
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