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We just want to know which one is prettier. We'll take that one.
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Need help with a girl problem, sendin me mental
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We just want to know which one is prettier. We'll take that one.
One of the reasons women drive us crazy is that when we feel yanked around we assume that their intention is to yank us around. It usually isn't, and our behavior in response tends to make them feel just as yanked around, usually over issues that could be resolved in five minutes of just talking about them. They're stumbling around in the dark just like we are.
This sounds like it might be really important to you. If you can't talk to Y about this, then maybe reconsider how good a friend she really is. It sounds like what you're trying to say here is that, first, you've matured a lot since you were with Y, and, second, you have unexpectedly special feelings for X. If you can get that across to Y, make her to understand that you're not just looking for a fling with her friend (and if you're sure that's really true), then she might change her attitude.
The worst that can happen is you'll come away with good reason to believe you never had a chance to begin with, which is exactly what you're sitting around afraid will be the case now, and certainly won't change by your not knowing it. If you do your part and you still can't make any headway, don't waste any time trying to puzzle it out further. It won't change anything and can only make you less happy. Just file it under "somebody else's issues" and get on with your life.
The answer is, stop trying to read women's minds and talk to them. This is almost always the answer.
This sounds like it might be really important to you. If you can't talk to Y about this, then maybe reconsider how good a friend she really is. It sounds like what you're trying to say here is that, first, you've matured a lot since you were with Y, and, second, you have unexpectedly special feelings for X. If you can get that across to Y, make her to understand that you're not just looking for a fling with her friend (and if you're sure that's really true), then she might change her attitude.
The worst that can happen is you'll come away with good reason to believe you never had a chance to begin with, which is exactly what you're sitting around afraid will be the case now, and certainly won't change by your not knowing it. If you do your part and you still can't make any headway, don't waste any time trying to puzzle it out further. It won't change anything and can only make you less happy. Just file it under "somebody else's issues" and get on with your life.
The answer is, stop trying to read women's minds and talk to them. This is almost always the answer.
Gelfin has a point, I thought of this after my last, cynical post.
Most people don't actively make decisions like this, they let decisions happen. I doubt Ms.X saw your infatuation and cynically decided to use it for her gain. She probably genuinely likes you, and enjoys spending time with you, but doesn't have that "special" feeling for you. She doesn't want to come right out and say that because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. So she puts you off with the Ms.Y excuse, and hopes it will sort itself out while retaining the friendship you already have. Much nicer, but the net effect is the same.
The heart wants what the heart wants. But the heart is often guilty of seeing what it wants to, and not what is. As hard as it may sound, you need to pull back and look at this objectively.
I still believe that if she felt about you the way you feel about her, the Ms.Y thing would not be insurmountable. Is she even willing to try?
Most people don't actively make decisions like this, they let decisions happen. I doubt Ms.X saw your infatuation and cynically decided to use it for her gain. She probably genuinely likes you, and enjoys spending time with you, but doesn't have that "special" feeling for you. She doesn't want to come right out and say that because she doesn't want to hurt your feelings. So she puts you off with the Ms.Y excuse, and hopes it will sort itself out while retaining the friendship you already have. Much nicer, but the net effect is the same.
The heart wants what the heart wants. But the heart is often guilty of seeing what it wants to, and not what is. As hard as it may sound, you need to pull back and look at this objectively.
I still believe that if she felt about you the way you feel about her, the Ms.Y thing would not be insurmountable. Is she even willing to try?
you need to sit both of them down and explain that you like mrs.x and it sounds crazy, but ask mrs. y if it's ok you guys date.
that would clear the air either way for you. ie. mrs y will say, no probs, go ahed m8t and mrs x will be ok with not offending her friend and being into you or mrs x won't be interested or mrs y might realize she's still into you.
either way you look at it, the ending result will be in the clear instead of all this unsaid stuff.
if mrs y is getting a house with her bf, it's a matter of putting out in the open that you like mrs. x.
no offense, but you're making it out to be way more complicated than it is.
ring them up, call them over and discuss.
cheers,
keebler
ps. pls keep us posted for the heck of it.
that would clear the air either way for you. ie. mrs y will say, no probs, go ahed m8t and mrs x will be ok with not offending her friend and being into you or mrs x won't be interested or mrs y might realize she's still into you.
either way you look at it, the ending result will be in the clear instead of all this unsaid stuff.
if mrs y is getting a house with her bf, it's a matter of putting out in the open that you like mrs. x.
no offense, but you're making it out to be way more complicated than it is.
ring them up, call them over and discuss.
cheers,
keebler
ps. pls keep us posted for the heck of it.
But but... the problem with this is some women loves to play mind games with you. Not telling you the answer, and yet wants to you to know what's wrong.
Lesson #1 - Stop chasing tail. If you stop looking for it, it'll come right to you.
Lesson #2 - Who pays when you two go out? If it's you and she keeps saying nothing is going to happen, why do you keep trying? You've already demonstrated to Ms. X that you're willing to be her lapdog. If you want her to take any genuine interest in you (beyond drunken semi-confessions), you need to remedy that. Otherwise, you're quite likely to end up as her teddy bear.
Lesson #3 - If Ms. Y knows you want Ms. X but is discouraging Ms. X in some way, you need to discover why this is so. She's either being petty, or she's looking out for you. Either way, she probably knows something you don't.
Lesson #2 - Who pays when you two go out? If it's you and she keeps saying nothing is going to happen, why do you keep trying? You've already demonstrated to Ms. X that you're willing to be her lapdog. If you want her to take any genuine interest in you (beyond drunken semi-confessions), you need to remedy that. Otherwise, you're quite likely to end up as her teddy bear.
Lesson #3 - If Ms. Y knows you want Ms. X but is discouraging Ms. X in some way, you need to discover why this is so. She's either being petty, or she's looking out for you. Either way, she probably knows something you don't.
To me, that's STEP 2. I'd tell Ms. Y how you feel about Ms. X, and if Ms. Y acts like she doesn't want to help you, then I'm sorry, but you're going to have to make Ms. Y feel guilty. She shouldn't act jealous. What would her boyfriend think?
STEP #1 (option 1): You have 2 choices, and they're both similar. Stop talking to Ms X, but don't tell her the reason. Stop asking her out to dinner, to movies, and don't go over to her house. Don't phone her. Ms. X will start to worry and ask you why you're not calling her anymore, or asking her out. If she asks, just tell her that you want more. Take that away from her and stop being crazy about her.
(option 2): The other option is to tell Ms. X that you don't want to see her anymore because you like her a lot, and it's driving you crazy. Tell her first.
You're going to TELL her that you need to stop seeing her. She'll say, "OK, I understand", but at the end, she will miss you a lot, and may think about the situation a bit more.If Step #1 doesn't work, then try step 2. Talk to Ms Y (best friend) and see what she thinks. If she acts jealous and doesn't want to help you, then she's not a good friend.
Sorry. She's in a good relationship and shouldn't hold on to you like that. You're just friends.gota say i never thort this many ppl wud hav all this advice. which is all gud by the way. cheers.
goin 4 a drink with mrs Y later and just gona ask her wots goin on, and wot she knows. hopefully i will be able to get some peace of mind from that. if this doesnt work am just gona tell mrs X she can naff off coz theres nothin else i can do really, just try and avoid seein her because when i do spend time with her that wot brings these feelings on more.
ps i dont pay 4 her to go cinema etc, im skint lol
goin 4 a drink with mrs Y later and just gona ask her wots goin on, and wot she knows. hopefully i will be able to get some peace of mind from that. if this doesnt work am just gona tell mrs X she can naff off coz theres nothin else i can do really, just try and avoid seein her because when i do spend time with her that wot brings these feelings on more.
ps i dont pay 4 her to go cinema etc, im skint lol
jus so ya knw mrs Y now wants 2 punch mrs x for sayin this excuse. not only coz its harsh on me but because mrs y's boyfriend wud be royally pissed off if he found out, and rightly so. mrs X has told me now she needs till next week to think the hole situation over, but im feelin less and less for her now, since i knw she mite not be the person i thort she was all this time. at least its clear with my friend now and that one advantage. look out mrs Z
Hey,
You are facing a very difficult situation. I don't know if you are in Europe or in Asia. But in many countries, women won't jeopardize their friendship.
I recommend you the following:
Be a good friend to both Ms. X and Ms. Y
Keep dating or going out with Ms. X, even if it is not leading right away to a relationship.
You have to be a bit patient because perhaps Ms. X doesn't want to betray or hurt somehow her friend Ms. Y by having you now as a boyfriend.
You mention you had a fling with Ms. Y, perhaps Ms. X wants to know you a bit more as a friend and as a person. No one may just want to date "Mr. Fling" and also lose her best friend.
Your situation is a difficult one as I said, but if you like the girl, keep trying.
(Just as friends, try get to know a bit more Ms. Y. Perhaps down the road she may be the better one for you and you don't realize it now. I mean, don't rule her out).
Talk to other people or friends, (specially girls), and ask them for some advice. There may be many things that we in this forum may miss to tell you. People in your country may help out with those very fine things that we may miss to see.
Last but not least, look into your heart and follow it. Good Luck : ) !!!
You are facing a very difficult situation. I don't know if you are in Europe or in Asia. But in many countries, women won't jeopardize their friendship.
I recommend you the following:
Be a good friend to both Ms. X and Ms. Y
Keep dating or going out with Ms. X, even if it is not leading right away to a relationship.
You have to be a bit patient because perhaps Ms. X doesn't want to betray or hurt somehow her friend Ms. Y by having you now as a boyfriend.
You mention you had a fling with Ms. Y, perhaps Ms. X wants to know you a bit more as a friend and as a person. No one may just want to date "Mr. Fling" and also lose her best friend.
Your situation is a difficult one as I said, but if you like the girl, keep trying.
(Just as friends, try get to know a bit more Ms. Y. Perhaps down the road she may be the better one for you and you don't realize it now. I mean, don't rule her out).
Talk to other people or friends, (specially girls), and ask them for some advice. There may be many things that we in this forum may miss to tell you. People in your country may help out with those very fine things that we may miss to see.
Last but not least, look into your heart and follow it. Good Luck : ) !!!