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Need some advice!

ideal.dreams

ideal.dreams

macrumors 68020
Original poster
Jul 19, 2010
2,387
1,301
Yeah, I'm going to be that guy and ask for girl advice on an Apple tech forum. Sorry in advance :p. Anyways, I just want to get some advice on how I should proceed with this.

Let me give some background - my cousin goes to school with a girl who has a daughter (girl of interest) and she told my cousin that she was looking for a boyfriend. My cousin gave her my name and she told her daughter about me. I added the girl of interest on Facebook and we talked for a bit before she gave me her phone number and told me to text her instead. So I texted her. We talked until 1am that night, just about random stuff. The next day we talked a little more and I asked her if she'd want to get a coffee and meet up sometime. She said yeah........when her golf schedule isn't as "demanding." Now I took this as a blatant "no thank you" but after telling her that sounded good, she replied with "yep :)" So I continued talking to her for the next three or four days, each conversation starting in the afternoon and carrying on until after midnight. She actually did change the subject a few times to keep the conversation going, so I don't think it was annoying to her. However, note that I had to start every conversation on each day - she never texted me first.

I texted her last Wednesday and got no reply. Texted her Thursday and got no reply. I waited until yesterday before sending another text...she actually replied to this one and said she was stressed out and had a lot going on and that's why she didn't text me back. I told her if she needed someone to talk to that I was here and she said no, that she's just dealing with some stuff between her friends. I told her I hope she got it worked out, she said probably not, but thanks. I tried to change the subject and get her mind off of it but she didn't reply. That's where we left off.

I'm getting mixed signals here...I wanted to ask her to dinner last weekend but she didn't reply to either of my texts. So the weekend came and went with nothing happening.

I'd really like to get some advice on how I should proceed with this - should I keep texting her? Should I leave it alone? This has been on my mind for the past week and a half now and I just want to get some perspective from some others. Thanks!
 
I may not be the best person for this, but I will throw out my thoughts anyway. First off how old are both of you?

I too have moments of stress, and am the type of person who would rather deal with it than discuss it; she may be the same way.

Did you actually ask her to dinner yet? or did you try to just start the conversation that would lead you to ask it?

I personally, would first ask her to dinner up front in the first message. If I got no response, I would just outright be honest and tell her that I am getting mixed signals, and ask "are you interested in me or should we just be friends?"

Ive grown tired of missing relationships that couldve happened, or thinking a relationship was possible when it really wasnt. Now Im just upfront about it and I will just ask them. Friendships/dating shouldnt be a game. You shouldnt have to guess how they feel and act based on your guess; you find out how they feel and express what you feel and work from there. Its better to build relationships based on truth rather than assumptions.
 
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I'm no expert here, but I would give it a few days and see if she starts a conversation. Maybe she just isn't having a good week and needs some time to blow off some steam before committing to a relationship. Hope it works out :).
 
Wait for her to text you. If she doesn't she isn't interested. Simple. In the meantime don't wait around forever. If she is just looking for a friend (unless that's what you want) be upfront and honest and tell her your looking for something else.
 
mobilehaathi said:
How bizarre (to me)! I mean I've been in the market for a new jacket, a new pair of shoes...

Anyway, I'd take a deep breath and let it cool off for a while.
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Very good advice.

To the OP: Maybe people are different, and maybe this is just me, but if someone talked to me for several days in a row, 'starting in the afternoon and carrying on until after midnight', I'd, er, want a little bit of space for a while.

I'll rephrase that: In those circumstances, I would need a bit of space......
 
sonicrobby said:
I may not be the best person for this, but I will throw out my thoughts anyway. First off how old are both of you?

I too have moments of stress, and am the type of person who would rather deal with it than discuss it; she may be the same way.

Did you actually ask her to dinner yet? or did you try to just start the conversation that would lead you to ask it?

I personally, would first ask her to dinner up front in the first message. If I got no response, I would just outright be honest and tell her that I am getting mixed signals, and ask "are you interested in me or should we just be friends?"
Click to expand...

I'm 19, she's 17. I was thinking the same thing about the stress - if I had a lot going on, the last thing I would do is talk to someone I haven't even met face to face about it. I haven't actually asked her to dinner yet, only for coffee which she said no to. I'm going to give it some time and then I might ask her straight up as you suggest.

Thanks to everyone for replying...it seems the general idea is to give it time and wait for her to text me so I'll do just that. Here's hoping she actually does :eek:.
 
If you continue to text her you will just come off as needy. Girls don't like that. I would stop texting her unless she texts you first.
 
Do you guys know who each other look like?

If yes, I'd say probably find a new girl. If she rejected ya for coffee, then what's to say she'll accept a dinner? (Unless she's a gold digger lol)
 
ideal.dreams said:
I'm 19, she's 17.
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I know that two years doesn't seem like much of an age difference, but it may be to her if, for example, she's still in high school and you're not. That same difference would be inconsequential just a year or so later. So I would wait to see if she gets back to you.
 
MusicEnthusiast said:
Do you guys know who each other look like?

If yes, I'd say probably find a new girl. If she rejected ya for coffee, then what's to say she'll accept a dinner? (Unless she's a gold digger lol)
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We haven't met in person so all we have are pictures from Facebook/Twitter.

I feel I may have asked her for coffee too early in to talking to her...but then again, you might be right, she might not be interested. There's no way to tell, though; I don't think she would have kept talking to me for so long if she didn't want anything out of it.
 
Don't keep texting her, it can come off as nagging and be a turn-off for her. Let her text you first, and if she doesn't then just move on.

Also, if she does text you, I'd try for coffee or ice cream for the first time you guys hang out vs going to dinner
 
I'd love to know how this is turning out, but in case you are still looking for more feedback ...

Do not text her anymore. Like someone else already said, you will just look needy and that will be a turnoff. Better to let it sit a while and call in a month to ask her to dinner. You'll get all the answer you need there. If she's interested, she will accept. If not, move on.

Is this girl hot? It is integral to the discussion.
 
Sounds like you're dealing with a 17 year old. While the late night talks may have felt good in the moment they have stacked the odds against you. You have come off as needy and if not that then she doesn't have to chase you which works against you in that age group. I'd lose her number and if you ever get a text again play dumb and ask if it's {insert another girl's name}.
 
ideal.dreams said:
...I asked her if she'd want to get a coffee and meet up sometime. She said yeah........when her golf schedule isn't as "demanding." Now I took this as a blatant "no thank you"

She actually did change the subject a few times

I had to start every conversation on each day - she never texted me first.

I texted her last Wednesday and got no reply.

Texted her Thursday and got no reply.

I waited until yesterday before sending another text...she actually replied to this one and said she was stressed out and had a lot going on

I told her if she needed someone to talk to that I was here and she said no

I told her I hope she got it worked out, she said probably not

I tried to change the subject and get her mind off of it but she didn't reply.
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I see.

I'm getting mixed signals here
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I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but no, you really aren't.
 
thekb said:
I'd love to know how this is turning out, but in case you are still looking for more feedback ...

Do not text her anymore. Like someone else already said, you will just look needy and that will be a turnoff. Better to let it sit a while and call in a month to ask her to dinner. You'll get all the answer you need there. If she's interested, she will accept. If not, move on.

Is this girl hot? It is integral to the discussion.
Click to expand...

I haven't texted her since the original post two weeks ago. I haven't heard anything from her and have accepted the fact that she's clearly not interested and I've let it go. I'm not going to waste my time on someone who can't even return a text.

She's pretty good looking, to answer your last question.

@Tomorrow: I'm sitting here grinning to myself from your reply. Where were you two weeks ago? :D
 
Good call, smart to move on. Like someone else said, if she was interested she would message YOU, simple as that. The more you initiate the conversation and message her, especially when she hasn't responded, the more you are turning her off and talking your way out of the situation. It's sad and kind of pathetic that it has to be a game like that, but that's how it is. :/
 
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