Need your opinion on my piece about 'Melbourne Weather'

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by Project7, Apr 16, 2010.

  1. Project7 macrumors member

    Project7

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2008
    #1
    I wrote this as an answer to an English question.
    It is ridiculously far from the point, and I probably won't get full marks.
    But I did enjoy writing it, and from some friends' comments am quite proud.

    They are probably just being nice, but I am just going to continue thinking that I am a literary genius. ;)


    Melbourne weather, as we all know, is very erratic, and conditions are often unexpected.
    Along with my friends, I have developed the ability to hate something about any kind of weather. Be it a rainy morning or a sunny afternoon, there is always something wrong. This isn’t to say there is no such thing as enjoyable weather, some days it is easy to sit back in the sun and enjoy a cool breeze. We are able to ignore the imperfections because; as with everything, close enough is good enough. This is what makes the weather a favoured topic of conversation, easily referred to in any situation and it is difficult to sound incompetent.
    There is always something we can point out and 50% of the time, people will agree. The other 50% is where conversations are really built. Where there is disagreement, there is opinion. Where there is opinion, there is often ego. I say often in that there is a lot of people who would gladly listen and learn, but in the teenage world I currently live in, I am right and you are wrong.
    Returning to the point at hand, I feel that Australians are able to use the weather to relate to one another. No matter where you are, there are always methods used to create a happier, more comfortable place for people to spend their time. Hundreds of individuals flock to public pools during Summer. Hundreds again race up the mountains in Winter to frolic in the snow (a rarity in our Australian climate). This ritual of public engagement repeatedly brings us all together, regardless of the weather.

    Of course, if you are not from Melbourne, Australia then you wouldn't know about it's random change.

    Let me know what you think. :)
    Too many commas?
    Do I ramble?
    Or was it perfect? :D Haha

    Thanks,

    P7.

    EDIT: Link to blog post - http://wecouldgobowling.com/?p=122
     
  2. miles01110 macrumors Core

    miles01110

    Joined:
    Jul 24, 2006
    Location:
    The Ivory Tower (I'm not coming down)
    #2
    Way too many commas. Compound sentences lose their novelty if that's the only type of sentence you use.
     
  3. Project7 thread starter macrumors member

    Project7

    Joined:
    Oct 15, 2008
    #3
    ^ Thanks! I had that feeling too. I didn't know they were called 'compound sentences' though. Learning already.
     

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