New Chuck Norris jokes

Discussion in 'Community Discussion' started by moonman239, Apr 17, 2013.

  1. moonman239 macrumors 68000

    Joined:
    Mar 27, 2009
    #1
    Tim Cook lives in fear that Chuck Norris's iPhone will crash.
    Chuck Norris can win Angry Birds using no birds.
    Siri always gives Chuck Norris the correct response to his queries.
     
  2. Madmic23 macrumors 6502a

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    Apr 21, 2004
    #2
    Chuck Norris can roundhouse kick you in the face through Facetime.
     
  3. Squilly macrumors 68020

    Squilly

    Joined:
    Nov 17, 2012
    Location:
    PA
    #3
    Chuck Norris cracks glass without touching it.
     
  4. kylera macrumors 65816

    kylera

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    Seoul
    #4
    The boogyman looks for Chuck Norris under its bed.
     
  5. ravenvii macrumors 604

    ravenvii

    Joined:
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    Melenkurion Skyweir
    #5
    The iMac was called the internetMac, but Chuck Norris roundkicked it so hard only 'i' was left.
     
  6. APlotdevice macrumors 68040

    APlotdevice

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    Sep 3, 2011
    #6
    Eh, it's just not the same without the beard.
     
  7. iMikeT macrumors 68020

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    California
    #7
    Chuck Norris doesn't do push ups off the world, it's the world that gets pushed down with every rep.
     
  8. jdechko macrumors 68040

    Joined:
    Jul 1, 2004
    #8
    Apple Maps never gives Chuck Norris wrong directions because Chuck Norris doesn't have to ask for directions.
     
  9. Tinmania macrumors 68040

    Tinmania

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    Location:
    Aridzona
    #9
    When Chuck Norris asks Siri how old she is, she tells him.



    Michael
     
  10. cambookpro macrumors 603

    cambookpro

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2010
    Location:
    United Kingdom
    #10
    Chuck Norris has neither a control or command key on his keyboard. Chuck Norris is always in control and command.
     
  11. DesertEagle macrumors 6502a

    DesertEagle

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    /home @ 127.0.0.1
    #11
    Apple Maps will never screw up on Chuck Norris.
     
  12. needfx macrumors 68040

    needfx

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2010
    Location:
    macrumors apparently
    #12
    Why did Chuck bicycle-kick Siri in the face?

    Because she didn't laugh after telling him a Norris joke.


    -me
     
  13. Gonzo3333 macrumors 6502a

    Gonzo3333

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    Mar 30, 2009
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    Chicago, IL
  14. ijohn.8.80 macrumors 65816

    ijohn.8.80

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    Location:
    Adelaide, Oztwaylya.
    #14
    Chuck Norris' dartboard, which he has played daily with since childhood, is in mint condition with only a single hole in the exact centre.

    Chuck Norris can do donuts in a steam-train.

    Chuck Norris once knocked a woman out with his ejaculation.
     
  15. erickkoch macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jan 13, 2003
    Location:
    Kalifornia
    #15
    Chuck Norris doesn't own a calendar. He decides what day it is.
     
  16. Kattym macrumors member

    Joined:
    Mar 13, 2013
    #16
    The line is never busy when Chuck is calling.
     
  17. Drew017 macrumors 65816

    Drew017

    Joined:
    May 29, 2011
    Location:
    East coast, USA
    #17
    Chuck Norris doesn't climb trees. He just pulls them down and walks on top of them.

    Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King and got one.

    Chuck Norris had a yo-yo when he was a kid. One night he just got bored with it and threw it up into the sky. Perhaps you've seen it.

    :D
     
  18. needfx macrumors 68040

    needfx

    Joined:
    Aug 10, 2010
    Location:
    macrumors apparently
    #18
    Which oriental weapon was named after Norris?

    Nunchaku

    -Me
     

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