From the article comments:
"Hello. Good morning. We've got a great program for you today. We've got a lot to talk about. But first I want to address something. Something that happened a couple of months ago.
So- Boom! One day I wake up, and one of my favorite tech news sites has just purchased the lost iPhone that Gray here left on a barstool. Wow. Just incredible. I was pissed. This was generating a *****torm of epic proportions, not to mention blowing up my email account. There was my aluminum and ceramic baby, up for everyone to see.
Well, today we are going to unveil the new iPhone. But it's not going to be what Gizmodo showed. We are not going to take **** from the chess, anime and WOW club. You see, when Gizmodo broke their story, they unwittingly pushed back the redesign. They also ****ed with Gray over here, who happens to be my long lost nephew-in-law who I thought was dead. Those little ***** down at Giz don't understand how ******* crazy I really am. Today, I am going to let them know.
See, Apple has a ******** of cash. We could actually shut down all computer operations and sell PEZ candy- without the ****ing dispensers- for the whole ****ing year. That's right- PEZ. And at the end of the year, our stockholders might be pissed, but so what? **** 'em. We would start back up again, everyone would return to their desks after their year-long paid yoga-world traveling vacations and not skip a beat. In fact, everyone would probably be so ****ing relaxed and happy, we would knock out the itimetravel this year, without needing an ugly Delorean. But I digress.
So, here is what we are going to do today. Here is the new iPhone: boom. Whimper. thud."
(An image of the new iphone shows up on the screen. Gray has picked out Jason Chen in the audience and is saying, without a mic "What's up now bitch?!? You made this- and everyone knows it!" The iPhone looks like a pink Blackberry clamshell, designed by the guys who made the first generation XBOX.)
Steve Jobs continues, "There you go. There it is. the 'IPhone Gizmodo.' Like that Chen? You made me do this. See, I gotta hide the new one for a whole year. Heck, maybe two. But this is what we are putting out this year. That's right- that pink ugly piece of **** you see there. That's online journalism folks. ****ing up the world for everyone. And in particular, Gizmodo, ****ing up the new iPhone for everyone."
(People start to boo- someone throws a container of those crappy theater nachos at Chen.)
"Oh- and one more thing-" (Verizon, T-Mobile and sprint logos pop up.) "The iPhone that Giz broke to the world was going to all these carriers in the US next week. Now it's just the pink one- the new 'IPhone Gizmodo' that's going to everyone. For at least a year. And everyone- you have Gizmodo to thank for this."
(He then looks at Jason Chen in the audience.)
"Screw with me Chen? I've just become more powerful and eccentric than you can possibly comprehend. And you now have a giant target on your back, painted there by everyone who loves the iPhone. Welcome to hell bud."
(Steve is beaming at the audience.)
"So for anyone who cares, you can find the offices of Gizmodo on the web. Google it. Or Bing it. I don't really give a ****. Just go tell them hello. Tell them hello from 'El Jobso.' Security- escort Chen out of the building. Out the FRONT door. In about five minutes. When the rioting crowd has really picked up steam. That's it, see you in 12 months. Maybe."
Epic.
