You are consistently refusing to acknowledge value of design.
When I was in college (quite a while ago)... there was this guy who came to school every day wearing the same butt-ugly off-beat shirt. Even wearing that shirt once was enough to prove he had no taste... but wearing it every day made everyone wonder if he was a health hazard. Finally one day... someone said "Frank... do you ever wash that shirt?". His reply:
I was at the store and they had them on sale for $0.50... so I bought the whole rack... great deal!!!.
Frank certainly did not value design or style... nor did he have any. Unlike SJ (who also wore the same thing every day)... good ole Frank didn't set new styles either... he was just an odd-ball. Today he also probably makes $200K/year less than his peers.
My point is that style matters. The new design is fantastic. Style (in the general sense) gives Apple something to sell that resonates strongly with their target audience, differentiates their products... and is an integral part of Apple's wealth.
BTW... regarding functionality. Search MR and see how many times people have inadvertently put their SD into the ODD slot of pre-2012 iMacs. This is the type of thing that people "do". It is also part of overall usability of a machine. From that narrow perspective... removal of the ODD, and moving the SD card to the back is a design improvement.
/Jim