New iPhone 6 Plus - related Inadequacies

Discussion in 'iPhone' started by Oh*216Zealot*iO, Sep 21, 2014.

  1. Oh*216Zealot*iO, Sep 21, 2014
    Last edited: Sep 21, 2014

    Oh*216Zealot*iO macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2014
    #1
    After the last four-plus years of 4" iPhones for the wife and I, size has OBVIOUSLY not been an issue in my household. The missus didn't know any better and just ASSUMED what we had with our dinky, puny little 'Pods was the bees' knees.

    In comes the iPhone 6 Plus.

    This thing is BIG.

    I mean GINORMOUS.

    After her first touch of Apple's newest (and BIGGEST) iDevice, my wife was in heaven. I had never seen her eyes light up with such excitement and emotion; her lips quivering with each and every stroke and touch of her new "love".

    Before I could even get my lips moving and attempt to push out a word, my wife stammered, "I have never -- in MY life -- EVER held something SO big...yet SO beautiful...in these hands."

    As I continued to try and push out something -- ANYTHING -- still in awe at how my wife was reacting to her journey into the world of 5.5 GLORIOUS inches of absolute eye candy and pleasure, she looked me up and down twice, proceeding to utter, "THIS is now the standard and I can NEVER go back."

    My better half then paused and looked away for a brief moment, proceeding to sharply turn back to me and shoot daggers directly into MY retinas (not to be confused with THOSE "retinas". You know, the iPad-type, located directly behind me?).

    "So what ELSE have you been keeping from me after all of these years, hmm? I thought you always told me that size DOESN'T matter and that 4" is the standard in regard to EVERYTHING pleasurable that matters to us in this world."

    I gulped -- nervous to give a retort -- only to cautiously and hesitantly ask aloud "Surpriiiiiiise??"

    Daggers again.

    "I want a divorce...AND this phone" she affirmed, waving the mammoth-sized unit she was still clutching back and forth in front of my face; no sign of life or remorse in HER eyes after what she had just conveyed to me.

    Suffice to say, I'm now in the process of a divorce; left with my "rump roast" of an iPhone 5s (4" of lameness, I tell ya), as I cannot afford to hang with the "BIG boy(s)" anymore.

    The soon-to-be-ex who broke my heart and shattered my once confident psych and ego? She gets the 5.5 inch "device" of her dreams AND the last laugh. Once the alimony finally kicks in, I'm sure that'll be the hardest blow AND kick to the 'ol "iPhone 3GS" for me, though.

    Until then, the personal inadequacies that I have developed due to the release of the new iPhone 6 Plus are now insurmountable.

    "Once you go Mac, you never go back", eh fellas?

    *Facetiously chuckles*

    WRONG—that aforementioned saying is officially false.

    Apple...you are now dead to me.
     
  2. Hal~9000 macrumors 68000

    Hal~9000

    Joined:
    Sep 13, 2014
    #2
    Can you produce a TLDR version? I tried reading your OP and have no clue what point you are trying to make :confused:
     
  3. Harvey Specter macrumors regular

    Harvey Specter

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2011
    Location:
    Portland, Oregon
    #3
    This.......this sounded very sexual
     
  4. cperchard macrumors 6502a

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2010
  5. Greenone macrumors 6502

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2005
    #5
    Hahaha I was wondering when someone was going to go down this road - it was just a matter of time! So terribly sorry your wife has become dissatisfied but I speak from experience when I tell you, ahem, size matters. ;)
     
  6. Hustler1337 macrumors 68000

    Hustler1337

    Joined:
    Dec 23, 2010
    Location:
    London, UK
    #6
    A+ for effort. D- for content. Too many innuendos.

    Just the man to handle OP's divorce settlement ;)
     
  7. Oh*216Zealot*iO thread starter macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2014
    #7
    New iPhone 6 PLUS-related Inadequacies


    That was KIND OF the point, friend. Lol.

    I went back, however, and made some revisions. Nothing in regard to "less" innuendos, per se, but more to spruce up the content and punctuation/wordings of a few sentences.

    Glad you (kinda) enjoyed my attempt at some iPhone 6 Plus-related cheesy "adult humor" (and impending divorce), though!
     
  8. libu macrumors member

    libu

    Joined:
    Sep 19, 2014
    #8
    You have serious issues bro. :apple:
     
  9. Oh*216Zealot*iO thread starter macrumors newbie

    Joined:
    Sep 20, 2014
    #9
    New iPhone 6 PLUS-related Inadequacies


    Nah, not true, bro.

    Unless, of course, you believed a single word I just hammered out to be true—which was ALL actually just typed out in jest and good fun, kind sir.
     

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