Newbie Posting Regulations! (concept)

[mcdj]

Newbies should be required to choose 2, and only 2, of the following Certified Newbie Post Traits when posting...if they employ any more than 2, the post moves to the Wasteland.

1. Title in all caps with 53 question marks and/or exclamation points.
2. Title is worded like facts/news/statements, but the post turns out to be a question.
3. Identical question/thread already exists, within 10 posts below, or has been discussed in more than 5 threads in the past 7 days.
4. Post contains incoherent pseudo l33t sp34k, otherwise SMS-esque language, or any derivation of "I can haz?".
5. Poster lacks basic comprehension/writing skills. (i.e. keeps asking the same thing over and over despite having been answered)
6. Twitter type posts. "I went to the Apple iPhone Store today just to look! WOOT!"
7. Bumping Twitter type posts.

There are endless other Certified Newbie Traits...this is just a start.

 

[r.j.s]

You forgot:

8. Post must contradict itself at least twice.

 

[TheVendor]

People who do this should be banned from the Internet. Well, for a short period time, anyway

 

[iToaster]

But we can't forget rule #9:
-Post must ask a question with an obvious answer, preferably with many grammatical and spelling errors. For example: "i took out my MACbooks ram adn now it wont start. y?"

Regardless, I like the idea, perhaps instead of making this a newbie requirement we could turn it into an AMNS (automatic moderator notification system).

 

[GoCubsGo]

It could be the hour, but I found this incredibly funny.
Though I have to admit I have been prone to engage in such newbie-isms to the extent that I've gotten into a fair amount of trouble. It has always been trouble worth getting into.

 

[GGJstudios]

How about questions that are really tough to answer, like:

• How do I find www.google.com?
• Should I get a MacBook Pro, or a microwave oven?
• Does my new Mac require electricity to run?
• How do you post a question in a thread?
• What program can I get to surf the Internet (other than a web browser)?
• When I turn my MacBook on, the screen lights up. Is this normal?
• Can anyone recommend a forum, where Mac users can get help from other Mac users?
• I ran my MacBook on battery, without being plugged in, for 27 hours. Now it won't start when I push the power button. Do I have a virus?
• Can I sync my iPod with my car's radio?
• I ran over my 4 year old MacBook with my car.... 3 times... can I get it replaced free.... with a new MacBook Pro... and get a free iPod?

 

[edesignuk]

Of course, most important is how existing members reply to such threads.

http://upc.*************/uploads/macros/condescending.jpg

 

[Scarlet Fever]

How about questions that are really tough to answer, like:
<snip>

you forgot the critical one;

"MBP: Matte or Glossy?"

 

[dukebound85]

"my iphone has a broken speaker, will apple replace it?"

 

[Schtumple]

"my iphone has a broken speaker, will apple replace it?"

Haha, I just read one of those, "can't decide whether I should get a macbook pro now" threads, the first reply was a link to a google search of "buy now or wait", the amount of results was insane

I would love a tougher stance on those kinds of threads, maybe just a simple link to the buyers guide saying that enough information is on there for the OP to make a decision themselves...

I do sometimes find it very worrying that so many people need a bunch of strangers to help them decide whether to spend a vast amount of money or not...

 

[Killyp]

How about posting to ask a question, and then arguing against people who have the correct answer?

 

[cube]

No ebay links or blacklisted shady online store references.