I agree that the video function that Nikon's and Canon's new dslrs feature is way overrated. Even if my dslr had it, I wouldn't use it. I'd much rather use a cheap P&S (with obvious limitations).
I second the others that you should invest into good glass. Getting a D80 instead of a D90 or a 400D instead of a 450D would be a good way to save money that you can invest towards nice lenses. From your description, it seems that you're not very experience yet. Hence, I would start with a decent bread and butter zoom (e. g. Tamron's 2.8/17-50 mm if you're strapped for cash or Tokina's 16-50 mm lens if you have some money to spare). Then I would add a flash, even a small one such as Nikon's SB-400 or Canon's Speedlite 270 EX. Put everything in a decent bag and then take some pictures. After one or two thousand pictures, you should have an idea what you're lacking.
Whether you pick Nikon or Canon will make preciously little difference at this stage. As a matter of fact, you should have a look at other manufacturers as well and not just those two.
I second the others that you should invest into good glass. Getting a D80 instead of a D90 or a 400D instead of a 450D would be a good way to save money that you can invest towards nice lenses. From your description, it seems that you're not very experience yet. Hence, I would start with a decent bread and butter zoom (e. g. Tamron's 2.8/17-50 mm if you're strapped for cash or Tokina's 16-50 mm lens if you have some money to spare). Then I would add a flash, even a small one such as Nikon's SB-400 or Canon's Speedlite 270 EX. Put everything in a decent bag and then take some pictures. After one or two thousand pictures, you should have an idea what you're lacking.
Whether you pick Nikon or Canon will make preciously little difference at this stage. As a matter of fact, you should have a look at other manufacturers as well and not just those two.