Open Letter From Steve Jobs regarding iPhone Antenna Problem

Discussion in 'iPhone' started by WriterSJ, Jul 2, 2010.

  1. WriterSJ macrumors newbie

    Jul 2, 2010
    Dear Apple iPhone Customers,

    There’s been a lot of dialog about our recent iPhone 4 release and its ability to maintain connectivity while use by left handed customers who refuse to protect their precious works of art with a rubber jacket. I’d like to take a moment out of my busy day to provide some valuable perspective on the subject and hopefully ease your minds a bit.

    Let me first say that there is no problem with the iPhone 4. It is performing exactly as designed, and any defect or errors with the unit are simply the product of a deranged imagination that we have linked to a disorder that is created by a mind that cannot conceive of a flawless product record stretching back to 1976. We have been studying this neural paradox for some years. In the 1990s it led to many Windows users being institutionalized in that their minds could not come to grasps that despite Microsoft’s infinite revenue stream, their inferior operating system was always 10 years behind ours...even during our bad years before my return.

    In regards to the claims that the iPhone 4 has reception issues. Clasping the phone in the predominately left hand and thus short circuiting the antenna’s signal and therefore any calls or connection in progress is a direct violation with the Terms of Service agreement required to activate the phone. It is a well known fact that left handed people are products of demonic spirits that have managed to sneak through the fabric of space and time. Apple has long had a policy to deny these freaks of nature the ability to telephone and or communicate with other left handed hell spawns. Their predominately evil prowess forbids them from thinking clearly, and therefore solving even elementary problems like outfitting their iPhone 4 with a rubber protective jacket. Rubber is also known to dampen their sensitivity for finding near by rips in the fabric of time in which they use to traverse the universe.

    So in closing, the iPhone 4 is performing exactly as designed and was preordained by 5 out of 5 Christian sects globally. I would like to take this moment to formerly call on all our loyal Apple Fan Boys to take up arms against anyone you hear lodging complaints about the iPhone 4 and drive a wooden stake through their hearts. God did not create left handed people, Satan did.


    Steve Jobs

    PS: Any rumors that I am left handed are completely false.
  2. br0adband macrumors 6502a


    Aug 29, 2006
  3. rdowns macrumors Penryn


    Jul 11, 2003
  4. Apple-NoEscape macrumors 6502

    Mar 25, 2010
    United Kingdom
    I've always loved how smug that paperclip looks.
  5. insidmal macrumors 6502


    Jun 24, 2010
    LOVE LOVE LOVE! +1 For the Paperclip!!!
  6. iPhoneHome macrumors 6502

    Jul 8, 2007
    I seriously hope you didn't spend anytime writing this. I'm hoping that you woke up and found a spoof email where some other loser wasted there time doing this. I hope you read over that email rather quickly and thought "Ha! This would give the MacRumors guys a quick chuckle!".

    However if you are in fact the composer please press alt+F4 and leave the Internet.

    Btw, most left handed people use their right hands to hold their phones. Humans have this natural tendency to hold peripherals with their less dominant hand.

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