Parent's can't dicipline their children in the UK?

[fingers]

A very interesting debate.

Their is a fair amount of tv given over to parenting skills at the moment on uk tv. This is a good thing. I certainly have had no parenting training - I have read a couple of books but they never can really prepare you for a 2 or 3 year old who is in a disruptive mood. I have smacked my child a couple of times - because my child put herself in danger by running into the road. This was probably due to the anger arising from my fear of losing her. (and anger at myself for letting her get in that position.)

Unless you have kids you really can't understand the pressures that parents are put under. You really have to centre your universe around their wants and needs - which takes some getting used to but is the only way to get any harmony in your house.

A good tool for discipline - when all else has failed - is the "chill out" room - lock them in a safe room in the house for 1 minute for every year old they are. Sounds barbaric but really does work. Sure you feel guilty about doing it - but sure beats (no pun intended) smacking.

I think in the UK we have come along way from the Dickens like corporal punishment imposed at schools but sometimes when I look around where I live I wonder if we have got the balance right. Kid's are put under tremendous pressure from tv - there is some serious atittude about. I see kids running around doing what ever they want - knowing that no one - not even the Police can really do anything about it. They are untouchable - they can mug, graffiti, fight, smoke - whatever they want - and who's gonna stop them? The Police? The Courts? Their parents? The days of the local "bobbie" clipping a little brats ears are over - is this a good thing?

 

[Awimoway]

A very interesting debate.

...


I think in the UK we have come along way from the Dickens like corporal punishment imposed at schools but sometimes when I look around where I live I wonder if we have got the balance right. Kid's are put under tremendous pressure from tv - there is some serious atittude about. I see kids running around doing what ever they want - knowing that no one - not even the Police can really do anything about it. They are untouchable - they can mug, graffiti, fight, smoke - whatever they want - and who's gonna stop them? The Police? The Courts? Their parents? The days of the local "bobbie" clipping a little brats ears are over - is this a good thing?

And you make some interesting additions to the debate. The eternal struggle between freedom and propriety. Freedom is on the upswing for the first time perhaps in history (at least in the Western world freedom is on the upswing), but that doesn't mean that propriety—order, discipline, responsibility, self control—is bad. But we're going through a period of backlash against propriety that could last for centuries, and child rearing is bound to be more difficult in these times. It's a great age to be a kid, and that's why the pop culture of our time is totally directed at them.

I'm kind of grateful that no one off the street can whack my kid for acting off, but on the other hand I do think kids get away with things too easily these days, and a lot of that starts at home. My parents are both school teachers. Most of the parents of their students are always of the belief that their little Johnny does no wrong, and if there is a problem it must be the teacher's problem. My parents, thankfully, were not like that when I was a kid. They trusted the adult's perspective more and didn't take it personally if one of my teachers told them I was acting off. They believed the teacher and supported their disciplinary measures.

 

[gekko513]

I was never spanked, nor were my two brothers ... still we turned out ok ...

I just don't get it ... I think people defend spanking just because it is "easier". It is a seemingly much faster way of getting your child to behave. But how about when you're not around. The children who seem to go the most wild in kindergarten (where they're not allowed to spank) are the ones who are disciplined the easy way at home.

 

[Stelliform]

....

 

[LethalWolfe]

I was never spanked, nor were my two brothers ... still we turned out ok ...

I just don't get it ... I think people defend spanking just because it is "easier". It is a seemingly much faster way of getting your child to behave. But how about when you're not around. The children who seem to go the most wild in kindergarten (where they're not allowed to spank) are the ones who are disciplined the easy way at home.

I think you need to re-read the posts here. No one, as far as I can tell, has supported spanking (not beating, spanking) as anything but a last resort. And no one has said all kids who aren't spanked turn out to be social menaces.


Lethal

 

[Mac-Xpert]

Also, the school my kids go to still employs the paddle for the most serious offenses.

I'm surprised about that. In the Netherlands the use of physical force by teachers has been prohibited since approximately the 1970's. Is this still allowed in the USA? Parents over here are still allowed to (within reason of course) spank their kids if they belief it to be necessary. Anyhow I agree with the people here that say that under certain circumstances the only way to regain control over your kids is by use of appropriate physical force.

 

[fingers]

Most of the parents of their students are always of the belief that their little Johnny does no wrong, and if there is a problem it must be the teacher's problem. My parents, thankfully, were not like that when I was a kid. They trusted the adult's perspective more and didn't take it personally if one of my teachers told them I was acting off. They believed the teacher and supported their disciplinary measures.

Yes - I agree totally - this is where some of the problems are coming from - as a parent you have to back the teachers (even if you don't agree with them 100%) If you don't show the teachers some respect - what are your kids gonna show them?

 

[jayscheuerle]

What a bucket of head juice...

You want to know what works best to raise a baby? Don't look to a couple of hundred years of what we call "civilization", filled with its conflicting cultural ideas as well as ones that flip every generation or so...

Go back further. Look to millions of years of evolution. Look to our closest relatives on the primate tree. Look to man's best friend. No overly digested psycho-babble there, just stuff that has worked a long time.

Get physical baby. Not bad enough to hurt them, just enough to let them know that your word is the last word, a "because I said so", a "don't ever do that again". Don't lose control. Control exactly how far you go and how often you go there. Eventually, you hope just giving "the look" works...

If you don't, you've got the kids raising you...

 

[QCassidy352]

both sides in the debate can point to endless examples of themselves or others being raised one way or the other and still turning out fine. It's silly to say that you'll grow up wild and badly behaved without corporal punishment, and it's silly to say that physical punishment always has a negative effect on a child. There are literally countless examples of spanked kids growing up to be menaces - and not. There are as many examples of non-spanked kids growing up to be menaces - and not.

More examples than anyone can list prove that both ways can be effective. With that in mind, I will never hit my children. I intend to teach my children, right from the beginning, that violence is not an acceptable method of conflict resolution. Besides that, I'd just feel like a total bastard for doing it.

I'm not going to pass judgment on those who spank, because it does seem to work for some people. But I've got ample evidence that spanking isn't necessary to raise behaved, well adjusted children, and if it's not necessary, I'm not going to do it, even if it's "easier."

 

[BakedBeans]

i have done alot of research on parenting and smacking, its not as clear cut as it seems... smacking for dont something wrong ( although i dont or dont find the need to) in my opinion is acceptable... however, its how smacking is defined..its a short sharp slightly stinging slap... what however is not acceptable is hiting hard, smacking more than oneand anything more serious than that.....

i have over then years come to the conclusion that smacking is not vitual to raise a good child... that knows the right from wrong.. we need to let our children be wrong sometimes in order for them to know what right,

parenting starts from day one... you need to be a mentor and a friend...not "the BOSS" as so many people think is what they need to be.. guidence is the key not punishment....i think as long as we try to be the best parents we can...were half way there already