People who don't acknowledge important emails/messages . . .

[usagora]

Something that has irritated me greatly for years now is people who can't be bothered to take the time to acknowledge important emails or messages that I send (and I'm sure they do it to others as well). For instance, I teach and coordinate several classes at a non-profit. Throughout the year, I send emails to communicate with the other teachers about important changes that are coming, touch base about events, etc. I rarely get a response. To me, this is very inconsiderate towards someone who's taking the time to carefully communicate this information. I'm not asking for a treatise as a response. Even just a simple "Got it - thanks!" would suffice. But I rarely get that. I mean, no one is too busy to type at least a short one-sentence response. It's annoying to have to keep asking people, "Did you get my email?" because I'm not sure if they did or if they never read it.

Another recent example is I had someone express a concern to me in a Facebook message. I took at least an hour (between thinking, writing, and revising) to write a 300 word response on the sensitive topic, carefully responding to their concerns and giving them options for a resolution. It's been 2 weeks, and they never replied back or even acknowledged my response.

So, if you're reading this and you think not responding to important emails or messages is supposed to be acceptable and that others are supposed to somehow know for sure you read it and what your thoughts on it were, please know that it's inconsiderate to leave others hanging and require them to have to keep following up with you. Even if it's something that requires a longer response from you, and you don't have time at the moment to read the whole email or reply in full - just respond with, "Just wanted to let you know I got your message and will reply in full as soon as I'm able" etc. What did that take, 10 seconds?

EDIT: For the naysayers. Consider how feedback (whether audible, haptic, visual, textual, etc.) is fundamental at every level of good software design. For example, how would you like it if you uploaded a file to cloud storage and the site or app gave you absolutely no feedback, such as an upload progress bar, a "1 file uploaded successfully" message, etc.? If I said that were poor design, would you tell me, "Look, you've done your part by sending the file to the cloud. What the site/app does with it is out of your control. Stop worrying about it!"? Or what if you said, "Hey Siri, remind me at 8pm to call Dave" and Siri gave no response and no on-screen confirmation was shown. Hey, don't worry, right? You did your part - what Siri does is out of your control! What a ridiculous viewpoint that would be! I don't know why some of you can't see that same principle applies with human to human communication. I sent you important information. Please confirm receipt! This should go without saying. I shouldn't have to pick up the phone or physically hunt you down every single time I send you an important email in order to ask you, "Did you get it?" smh...

 

[yaxomoxay]

If the subject is so important to you, I recommend reading "A World Without Email" by the great Cal Newport asap. You can find a plethora of podcasts in which Cal is interviewed about email issues (or digital minimalism, or deep work).

As for your question, there could be many reasons. Some I can think of:

• Your emails might be too long, and the bottom line could be hidden mid message or, worse, at the end. I receive many emails from my kid's teachers and most of them are awfully long and/or not clear. I think that the reason is that don't really consider that a parent has to keep track of all the various requirements/requests from the plethora of teachers. [rant]Just the fact that each syllabus is different in format drives me crazy. One teacher sets due dates in a table. Another one hids the dates in the text. Another one in bullet points with variable dates. Another one narrates the class every week etc. [/rant]
• It might not be clear that an action is required. I often respond with a simple "thanks" to acknowledge the receipt, but if it's a mass email this could be problematic. When I send an email to 10-15 people, I don't want to receive 15+ emails back and I know that other people don't like that too. Keeping up my inbox is hard already.
• Some people are outright rude, not much you can do about it.
• Consider that emails are the worst at one of your requirements, "know for sure you read it". If you expect that from email, you're going to be disappointed.
• If the email "requires" (as you say) a longer response, then be sure to set a deadline. Often people think "ok I will reply when I got time" and then they forget. Something that is important for you might not be so important for them.
• Consider that most people SUCK at tracking tasks, especially smaller tasks such as replying to an email (not talking about acknowledging, but a serious reply). This is due often to lack of organization and the fact that we receive hundreds of emails. I receive so many emails it's impossible for me to keep up, and my wife (a teacher) often has to set time at home to read to parents emails, teachers emails, principal's emails, district emails, etc. let alone reply with decent, professional emails.
• Please do not ever consider Facebook the same, or even on the same league of emails. As McLuhan said, the medium is the message and this applies to writing/reading texts too.

 

[jagolden]

While I mostly agree, that said:

How do they know it’s important (real question)?

Maybe they’re getting an overload of “important” messages from many sources, and many of those turn out to be “not important”. In that case they may be tired and jaded by these messages and emails (and don’t look at then right away, or at all).

A 300 word response should never be made by text (out of protocol and courtesy). It should have been an email.
Also, 300 words and an hour or more to compose and write? Maybe a 15 minute direct phone call could have saved you 45 minutes.
don’t burn yourself out over others not doing their part.

 

[decafjava]

This is my life. Between writing big institutions and lecturers, and even worse students hoping for timely responses while keeping track of my own follow-ups is a real bugbear.

 

[usagora]

A 300 word response should never be made by text (out of protocol and courtesy). It should have been an email.
Also, 300 words and an hour or more to compose and write? Maybe a 15 minute direct phone call could have saved you 45 minutes.
don’t burn yourself out over others not doing their part.

I will reply more to you and others later (getting ready to head out the door), but I want to clarify - as stated in my OP - that my 300 words were in response to a Facebook Message (not a text message) that somebody sent me. So they're the ones that initiated the discussion via FB Messenger. I'd have been more than happy to call them, but they never invited me to. I took a long time composing that because - like I also mentioned - it was a sensitive topic and their initial message actually angered me quite a bit, so I had to craft and revise my response quite a bit to be emotion-free and diplomatic. My point is I took the time to take their concerns seriously (as much as I disagreed with them) and respond kindly and offer a resolution (that I don't believe I was obligated to offer, as I believe it was a non-issue), yet they didn't even have the courtesy to acknowledge my response. No matter how you slice that, it's rude.

 

[KaliYoni]

Then there's the "email is triggering" meme among Gen Z'ers...

“Every time I get an email, it is like getting stabbed. Another thing for me to do,” a student wrote.

Could Gen Z Free the World From Email? (Published 2021)

“It’s actually crazy how outdated it is.” People born after AOL Mail was invented seem to prefer to communicate in almost any other way.

www.nytimes.com

 

[usagora]

If the subject is so important to you, I recommend reading "A World Without Email" by the great Cal Newport asap. You can find a plethora of podcasts in which Cal is interviewed about email issues (or digital minimalism, or deep work).

As for your question, there could be many reasons. Some I can think of:

• Your emails might be too long, and the bottom line could be hidden mid message or, worse, at the end. I receive many emails from my kid's teachers and most of them are awfully long and/or not clear. I think that the reason is that don't really consider that a parent has to keep track of all the various requirements/requests from the plethora of teachers. [rant]Just the fact that each syllabus is different in format drives me crazy. One teacher sets due dates in a table. Another one hids the dates in the text. Another one in bullet points with variable dates. Another one narrates the class every week etc. [/rant]
• It might not be clear that an action is required. I often respond with a simple "thanks" to acknowledge the receipt, but if it's a mass email this could be problematic. When I send an email to 10-15 people, I don't want to receive 15+ emails back and I know that other people don't like that too. Keeping up my inbox is hard already.
• Some people are outright rude, not much you can do about it.
• Consider that emails are the worst at one of your requirements, "know for sure you read it". If you expect that from email, you're going to be disappointed.
• If the email "requires" (as you say) a longer response, then be sure to set a deadline. Often people think "ok I will reply when I got time" and then they forget. Something that is important for you might not be so important for them.
• Consider that most people SUCK at tracking tasks, especially smaller tasks such as replying to an email (not talking about acknowledging, but a serious reply). This is due often to lack of organization and the fact that we receive hundreds of emails. I receive so many emails it's impossible for me to keep up, and my wife (a teacher) often has to set time at home to read to parents emails, teachers emails, principal's emails, district emails, etc. let alone reply with decent, professional emails.
• Please do not ever consider Facebook the same, or even on the same league of emails. As McLuhan said, the medium is the message and this applies to writing/reading texts too.

I actually never asked a question. I'm simply venting about people who can't be bothered to reply even with a couple words to acknowledge they've received an important message or email. Also, the emails are between two other teachers and me, not between teachers and parents, and definitely not a mass email. The teachers obviously have a responsibility to be on top of these things.

And I'm not talking about wanting a response within 24 hours or anything. I'd say even a week to reply would be fine. But they NEVER reply. For instance, I sent them an email in early June about changes to the curriculum starting later this month and have yet to receive a reply. It's not something that requires a response in the sense of I need information from them; I'm just saying it's common courtesy to acknowledge receipt of important information like that. You know, a simple "Thanks for the heads-up! We'll let you know if we have any questions."

I guess I can start including a specific request for them to acknowledge receipt, but I just haven't in the past because it feels sort of like something I'd have to request of kids, not adults.

Lastly, I never said anything about Facebook being the same as email. The example I gave was someone messaging ME on Facebook and I responded to them. My point was they never bothered to reply back, despite the fact that I was addressing THEIR concerns and offering THEM a resolution. That's just rude/inconsiderate.

 

[usagora]

Then there's the "email is triggering" meme among Gen Z'ers...

“Every time I get an email, it is like getting stabbed. Another thing for me to do,” a student wrote.

Could Gen Z Free the World From Email? (Published 2021)

“It’s actually crazy how outdated it is.” People born after AOL Mail was invented seem to prefer to communicate in almost any other way.

www.nytimes.com

Article is behind a paywall. But I'm 37 and the people in question that aren't replying to my emails/messages are older than me.

 

[jbachandouris]

My biggest pet peeve is when I ask several questions in an email and the response answers only the first and ignores the rest. Or the person that sends you and email and then promptly logs off and goes home so there's no way they can reply to your response even if you reply immediately.

 

[usagora]

How do they know it’s important (real question)?

Maybe they’re getting an overload of “important” messages from many sources, and many of those turn out to be “not important”. In that case they may be tired and jaded by these messages and emails (and don’t look at then right away, or at all).

Because they've known me for 10+ years and I don't send out non-important emails. And in the instance of the FB message I mentioned in my OP, that person who messaged me definitely was very animated about the topic, yet he still couldn't be bothered to acknowledge my reply to him.

 

[usagora]

My biggest pet peeve is when I ask several questions in an email and the response answers only the first and ignores the rest.

YES!!! One of my previous managers was notorious for that. I'd even purposely bullet point the questions, and some would still be ignored. Then you feel like you're being a pest writing back to get them answered.

I think some people simply don't READ the emails. Just like you'll see threads on this forum with replies that indicate the person replying didn't read beyond the subject line

 

[furious]

The problem is fatigue. I get upwards of 50 emails a day. If I need to reply to all of them I would spend half my day reading and replying.

I have a job to do and a family to get home to. I don’t want to reply to emails.

If it’s important I call you otherwise it’s not important.

 

[usagora]

The problem is fatigue. I get upwards of 50 emails a day. If I need to reply to all of them I would spend half my day reading and replying.

I have a job to do and a family to get home to. I don’t want to reply to emails.

If it’s important I call you otherwise it’s not important.

So instead of me simply emailing you important info and you taking 10 seconds to acknowledge it, you'd rather me call you and have you take notes? I'm sorry, but if someone takes the time to send you important info relevant to your job or something you volunteered to do, and you can't reply within at least a week (and that's pushing it), the "I have a job and family" excuse doesn't hold water. It's simply laziness or disorganization at that point.

 

[Expos of 1969]

I actually never asked a question. I'm simply venting about people who can't be bothered to reply even with a couple words to acknowledge they've received an important message or email. Also, the emails are between two other teachers and me, not between teachers and parents, and definitely not a mass email. The teachers obviously have a responsibility to be on top of these things.

And I'm not talking about wanting a response within 24 hours or anything. I'd say even a week to reply would be fine. But they NEVER reply. For instance, I sent them an email in early June about changes to the curriculum starting later this month and have yet to receive a reply. It's not something that requires a response in the sense of I need information from them; I'm just saying it's common courtesy to acknowledge receipt of important information like that. You know, a simple "Thanks for the heads-up! We'll let you know if we have any questions."

I guess I can start including a specific request for them to acknowledge receipt, but I just haven't in the past because it feels sort of like something I'd have to request of kids, not adults.

Lastly, I never said anything about Facebook being the same as email. The example I gave was someone messaging ME on Facebook and I responded to them. My point was they never bothered to reply back, despite the fact that I was addressing THEIR concerns and offering THEM a resolution. That's just rude/inconsiderate.

You say you do not require information back from them. So stop letting their problem become your problem. You provided whatever information you feel they should have. You have done your job. Whatever, if anything, they choose to do with this information is up to them. They are adults and are responsible for their decisions. Relax and only focus on things you have control over.

 

[usagora]

You say you do not require information back from them. So stop letting their problem become your problem. You provided whatever information you feel they should have. You have done your job. Whatever, if anything, they choose to do with this information is up to them. They are adults and are responsible for their decisions. Relax and only focus on things you have control over.

Well it sort of IS potentially my problem, because what if they actually DIDN'T receive and/or read the email for whatever reason (technical glitch, accidental deletion/archival, etc.)? By them simply acknowledging receipt, I don't have to wonder and have to call or text them to follow up every time.

Also, this is a rant/venting thread, so of course it's going to sound like I'm not relaxed, but I don't go around all day hyperventilating about this. That's why it's nice to air one's grievances every once and a while online

 

[eyoungren]

Importance of email to you ≠ importance of email to receiver.

Maybe it IS important, and not just to you. But you can't make anyone else THINK it's important to them if they don't already see it that way.

 

[TiggrToo]

Something that has irritated me greatly for years now is people who can't be bothered to take the time to acknowledge important emails or messages that I send (and I'm sure they do it to others as well). For instance, I teach and coordinate several classes at a non-profit. Throughout the year, I send emails to communicate with the other teachers about important changes that are coming, touch base about events, etc. I rarely get a response. To me, this is very inconsiderate towards someone who's taking the time to carefully communicate this information. I'm not asking for a treatise as a response. Even just a simple "Got it - thanks!" would suffice. But I rarely get that. I mean, no one is too busy to type at least a short one-sentence response. It's annoying to have to keep asking people, "Did you get my email?" because I'm not sure if they did or if they never read it.

Another recent example is I had someone express a concern to me in a Facebook message. I took at least an hour (between thinking, writing, and revising) to write a 300 word response on the sensitive topic, carefully responding to their concerns and giving them options for a resolution. It's been 2 weeks, and they never replied back or even acknowledged my response.

So, if you're reading this and you think not responding to important emails or messages is supposed to be acceptable and that others are supposed to somehow know for sure you read it and what your thoughts on it were, please know that it's inconsiderate to leave others hanging and require them to have to keep following up with you. Even if it's something that requires a longer response from you, and you don't have time at the moment to read the whole email or reply in full - just respond with, "Just wanted to let you know I got your message and will reply in full as soon as I'm able" etc. What did that take, 10 seconds?

What's important to you can be pointless to others.

You do not get to dictate other people's priorities.

If your emails come across as needy as your posts on the topic here, then I'd be happy to ignore said emails and carry on with my day.

Brutal fact of life lesson.

 

[usagora]

Importance of email to you ≠ importance of email to receiver.

Maybe it IS important, and not just to you. But you can't make anyone else THINK it's important to them if they don't already see it that way.

The main issue here is not so much that as the lack of the simple courtesy of acknowledging the information was received. I mean, this is what they'll be teaching, so I assume the information is important to them. It's just for some reason it never enters their mind to acknowledge the info with a simple "Thanks!" or anything.

As indicated in my OP, I also have this happen with people who email/message ME with an issue they're upset about (thus obviously something important to them), yet when I take the time to reply back to address their concerns, they never reply back to acknowledge it.

 

[eyoungren]

The main issue here is not so much that as the lack of the simple courtesy of acknowledging the information was received. I mean, this is what they'll be teaching, so I assume the information is important to them. It's just for some reason it never enters their mind to acknowledge the info with a simple "Thanks!" or anything.

That's what I'm meaning though. It's just not important enough to them to reply - even to acknowledge receipt.

I have long gotten over this. I sent it, I know I sent it and if you (whomever I sent it to) do not act upon it or do not receive it, well it's not my fault - I sent it. And if you didn't get it and it's important you should be asking ME about resending the email.

I'm not telling you to get over it, not at all. Just for me, I've got enough frustration in my life. Worrying about what ever other people are going to do…I don't need that.

As indicated in my OP, I also have this happen with people who email/message ME with an issue they're upset about (thus obviously something important to them), yet when I take the time to reply back to address their concerns, they never reply back to acknowledge it.

I think that's more of a…I sent it, they responded with what I needed so the whole thing is complete. If a followup is needed they'd contact you back.

You want acknowledgement. I get that. I worked in a place for 14.5 years that was primarily staffed by women who replied to EVERY single damn email I sent!

Now I'm working with a predominantly male group who communicates with grunts and nods. Email replies or being texted back is rare and if I get something back it's terse. Just the way it is. I've had to adapt.

 

[usagora]

What's important to you can be pointless to others.

You do not get to dictate other people's priorities.

If your emails come across as needy as your posts on the topic here, then I'd be happy to ignore said emails and carry on with my day.

Brutal fact of life lesson.

See my reply to eyoungren above. And I don't appreciate your personal remark in bold above. Totally uncalled for, and if you had read my OP and replies more carefully, it would be quite clear precisely what the emails are about.

 

[AngerDanger]

History repeats itself.

 

[TiggrToo]

See my reply to eyoungren above. And I don't appreciate your personal remark in bold above. Totally uncalled for, and if you had read my OP and replies more carefully, it would be quite clear precisely what the emails are about.

Sorry - but the tone and tenor convey messages just as much as words. No one has yet come close to agreeing with you but you continue to beat the horse to death.

It was not a personal remark, it was a remark about the thread. I do not know you and I'm sure you're probably a wonderful person, but you expecting others to fall into your line of expectation is never going to work and will result in not only your personal annoyance, but also folk on the other side who feel badgered by you.

When I became a manager I found out fast how everyone was different. A managerial style that worked for Bob failed totally for Alice.

Appreciate our differences and find another way to converse because apparently email isn't working for you.

 

[usagora]

That's what I'm meaning though. It's just not important enough to them to reply - even to acknowledge receipt.

I have long gotten over this. I sent it, I know I sent it and if you (whomever I sent it to) do not act upon it or do not receive it, well it's not my fault - I sent it. And if you didn't get it and it's important you should be asking ME about resending the email.

Well, how would they know they didn't get something unless I

I'm not telling you to get over it, not at all. Just for me, I've got enough frustration in my life. Worrying about what ever other people are going to do…I don't need that.

I understand, and I'm not going around huffing and puffing about this all day. But I'm telling you right now there's no way I'm never going to be unconcerned about whether someone has received important info. Unfortunately I have to manually keep tabs on many people because they simply don't have the courtesy to acknowledge receipt of this info. I'm not losing sleep over it, but I'm never going to view it as acceptable or appropriate either.

You want acknowledgement. I get that.

Just to be clear, this isn't about a warm fuzzy feeling of me being "acknowledged." It's an administrative-minded "need" for acknowledgement. Think "10-4"

 

[usagora]

History repeats itself.

Are you kidding me? How is sending mass emails to strangers even remotely relevant to what I'm talking about (emails between colleagues or personal acquaintances)?

 

[TiggrToo]

I understand, and I'm not going around huffing and puffing about this all day. But I'm telling you right now there's no way I'm never going to be unconcerned about whether someone has received important info. Unfortunately I have to manually keep tabs on many people because they simply don't have the courtesy to acknowledge receipt of this info. I'm not losing sleep over it, but I'm never going to view it as acceptable or appropriate either.



Just to be clear, this isn't about a warm fuzzy feeling of me being "acknowledged." It's an administrative-minded "need" for acknowledgement. Think "10-4"

It's still a need to be acknowledged.

I've lost track how many messages I've sent that need answers via Slack where it's even easier to acknowledge them.

If it's important then I'll reach out another way.