Personal advice on an Internet forum, I have reached a new low

[richard.mac]

some guys hate getting into a girl's friends circle as they fear they cannot escape and become something other than friends.

you are in the friend circle so keep it that way and use it to your advantage. keep your mind on being friends and doing stuff that friends enjoy. interact and think how she would (ignoring gender and personality differences) when you hang out.

 

[upsguy27]

This might be a bit off-topic, but I don't know whether it's because of this issue or something else, but it's literally impossible for me to talk to her anymore. Having a one-on-one conversation is so damn hard now. I have no idea what to say, ever, and she expects me to come up with the conversations. When I don't it's just an awkward silence 99% of the time. I bring it up to her and she either says she doesn't notice, or that I'm boring her, or that she can't say something to nothing. Hanging out with her alone is literally the worst thing in the world now. I'm actually nervous and afraid to be with her alone now. We used to be able to have random nonsense and also serious conversations for hours and hours on end, what happened?

 

[Krafty]

How about re-reading some of these replies? There were plenty of wise words.

She doesn't want you, and rightly so. You're lucky she puts up with you at all from the sounds of things. If it's too much to bear being around her when you can't control her or who she talks to then you're going to have to distance yourself from her. That sounds like the better plan under the circumstances. Same classes or not, it is possible to be in someone's presence without needing to interact with them much.

Time WILL heal this. Until then, find a hobby and something else to focus on and possibly seek the help of a therapist.

This.

I'm in a similar situation except I've never dated her (or anyone) in that matter. She's my best friend, and we almost got into a relationship but I backed off because I was too nervous as I only knew her for two weeks and didn't know what I was getting into.

I question that move, because I took a lot of heat for it since shes asian and I have an asian obsession, but no one really listened to why I did it.

Now, we're great friends. We eat out a lot, I drive her places because I enjoy her company, but she's over me and it's gotten to the point where its not going to change.

I feel as if we did date, it would have ended as a horrible train wreck and we wouldn't be as close as we were today, so I cherish that on top of jumping into a relationship.

 

[upsguy27]

If I'm allowed to rant for a second....

I worry every damn day because it seems like we're getting farther and farther apart. It's selfish, but I want to be the most important person in her life no matter what. There's this other guy who's getting closer to her, and just making his way in her life, and they're doing all the ***** we used to do that we considered special, stupid things, but still. He's literally like me but... perfect. It's not even so much a worrying about her dating someone else, just a worry about protecting our best friendship status.

It's absolutely killing me, seeing the way they are around each other. I know they're just friends but I hate seeing them get closer and do and act the same way me and her used to be not two months ago. Of course, she's not like that around me anymore. She just kind of blows me off sometimes and gets pissed at me. Sometimes, sometimes I see the old us come back, but that's rare.

I've even taken it so far that I try to act just like him, and of course fail miserably. I know I can't be anyone else, but it's gotten so bad I have no idea who I am anymore. Kind of ridiculous, heh. I just cannot stand to be around him with her. This sounds really childish, I know. But at the same time I can't be alone with her because of the previously stated not having anything to say anymore. I hate thisfhsiufheifhsinfis

Sorry, hahaha, can you tell I'm under 18? Not much under, mind you.

 

[iBlue]

If I'm allowed to rant for a second....

I worry every damn day because it seems like we're getting farther and farther apart. It's selfish, but I want to be the most important person in her life no matter what. There's this other guy who's getting closer to her, and just making his way in her life, and they're doing all the ***** we used to do that we considered special, stupid things, but still. He's literally like me but... perfect. It's not even so much a worrying about her dating someone else, just a worry about protecting our best friendship status.

It's absolutely killing me, seeing the way they are around each other. I know they're just friends but I hate seeing them get closer and do and act the same way me and her used to be not two months ago. Of course, she's not like that around me anymore. She just kind of blows me off sometimes and gets pissed at me. Sometimes, sometimes I see the old us come back, but that's rare.

I've even taken it so far that I try to act just like him, and of course fail miserably. I know I can't be anyone else, but it's gotten so bad I have no idea who I am anymore. Kind of ridiculous, heh. I just cannot stand to be around him with her. This sounds really childish, I know. But at the same time I can't be alone with her because of the previously stated not having anything to say anymore. I hate thisfhsiufheifhsinfis

Sorry, hahaha, can you tell I'm under 18? Not much under, mind you.

Do you read the replies in this thread at all?

You cannot force your way into someone's admirations and "importance" priorities. The problem is you and your inability to control yourself so you try to control everyone and everything else. Life is going to be increasingly difficult for you until you truly grasp the concept that you simply cannot control everything. I don't even understand the appeal. Wouldn't you rather have someone who wants to be around you rather than someone who you've essentially manipulated into the spot?

Please, seek the help of a psychologist. I think it would do you a world of good to learn how to better focus yourself and retrain these unacceptable behaviours and thoughts. If you could direct all that intense energy onto something productive you'd probably do great at that chosen thing.

 

[iJohnHenry]

Please, seek the help of a psychologist.

In this permissive society, perhaps this is the first time that someone has said "No!" to him, and made it stick.

As a result, he is ill equipped to deal with it himself.

 

[Karnivore]

Don't worry about "getting over" her; what you need to worry is about your behavior in a relationship, period. Unless you'll get some help or find ways to modify your perception of a partner on your own, your next relationship will be just as doomed.